So close, yet so far. Looking for people on a spousal visa for advice

[impel37 0]

Hi all,

I am looking to speak with US citizens that have married their spouse in order for them to live in the US. Preferably those that didn't have any other options and at a push in the 20-35 age range.

As of Monday myself and my girlfriend of almost three years have been forced in to a long distance relationship with at least a year (possibly two) before we can “break the distance”

We met during our final year of university at a Halloween party, I am a Brit and she is an American. She had been in the UK for three years prior as she did her entire degree here. From that party we have been in a committed relationship and inseparable ever since. However in order for us to be together it feels like we have to jump through hurdles all due to the passports we have.

Originally after graduating she wanted to stay in the UK on what was our graduate visa and get some work experience. Unfortunately that same year, three months before we graduated the UK government cancelled that visa route and made all non-EU students return to their home countries once their study visa expired. So after some long discussions we decided that a month after she left I’d come over to the States (NY) to join her and try find a job. At this point I’d done a little research on the visa but nothing to the extent of what I’d learn over the coming months. I was there for five months on a tourist visa (stayed for two, left, came back for three) to try find work whilst still supported by my parents.

It was extremely difficult and it put a huge strain on us both, at one point almost breaking us. It came clear that no one was going to sponsor a recent grad with barely any experience. It was at this point I learnt that I could do an internship (J1 visa) for a year and managed to find a small firm willing to sign for it.

So I came back to the UK to get my paperwork in order and that meant for this last year I have been living in the US with her. The company I originally started with turned out to be not what I expected and I managed to transfer to my dream company, who I originally wanted to work for in the first place. Everything was starting to fall in to place and it came to April when the proper work visa became available again (H1B), everything went according to plan, I got a job offer and all I had to do was wait…

Then it came to April 7th and I found out that 175k people had applied for only 65k visas. My application was put in to a lottery but my number was never drawn. After almost two years of hard work and finally getting so close to our goal the rug got pulled from under our feet and I had to pack up all of my belongings, have an emotional goodbye and get on a plane.

My job won't remain open for me as the company is ver fast paced so this means I will need to find another H1B sponsor and more than likely be subject to the cap, unless immigration reform is put through. I also just found out that I can't do another J1 (trainee) for two years as I just completed my J1 intern.

This leaves us with not many options and I'm trying to weigh up everything. Since we tried to do this the "proper" way (getting a job) and it hasn't worked then I'd like to consider marriage as an option. However she’s completely against and a big factor is her parents would not be pleased and she fears they would cut her off (they are financing her business).

I understand its not the best option but on paper it makes perfect sense. I'd like to hear from those of you that have gotten married in order to be together. More a long the lines of if it weren't for the visa would you have gotten married when you did? Did it put a strain on your relationship? What were the pro's and con's etc.

I'm not looking for advice on the spousal visa, I'm pretty clued up and have met with immigration attorneys I'm just interested in reading the dynamics of a couple to see if I can apply it to my own situation.

Thanks.

[mstee81 28]

Marriage for us was the first choice... We decided to be together becasue we loved each other and wanted to be together. Getting married soley for the a visa will not be a good move it is actualy fraud. If you two are not sure you want to be together for the long run I would say continue to look for other options.

[kimi3000 1]

We have a very similar story, though didn't go through the H1B process. I am a US citizen, and I was working in the UK last year when we started dating. When I came back to the US in September, I had hopes of going back to the UK but then I decided that I wanted to be close to my family in the US. So we decided that he would come here on a fiance visa and we would get married. Don't get me wrong, we are very much in love and I think we would have gotten married anyway down the road, but probably not as quickly as we are planning to now. We applied for the K-1 visa back in February and are still waiting...it's a long, depressing and drawn out process but I know it will be worth it in the end. My parents are very supportive and have met my fiance several times, so I am not facing the risk of my family disowning me--which I can imagine is very stressful for your GF. If your girlfriend is completely against it, then I wouldn't pressure her otherwise. After all, it is still marriage in the end and you should be ultimately doing it for the right reasons.

Anyway, not sure if that helps. That's just my two cents.

[kehills 217]

Would we have gotten married as quickly as we did? Probably - a health scare is what prompted the conversation, and we're both in medicine, so we knew what needed to happen in order for us to have right of say over each other's health.

Was it really, really hard? Yes. If you guys don't handle stress well and it's already threatened to break you up once, it's not really the answer, especially if she doesn't want to get married. It's a long, drawn out, extremely stressful process, where everything under your life is subject to scrutiny if someone decides so for reasons that are often opaque and never explained.

And frankly, if she's perfectly against it, then it doesn't make sense. The UK is only a short plane ride from the East Coast of America, where it sounds like she lives. Learn to love frequent flier miles until another job happens, she gets back to the UK, or she changes her opinion on marriage. (Or one or both of you get tired of long distance and decide to go your separate ways.)

[NikLR 13,220]

~~general immigration from IR1/CR1 process and procedures as OP isn't sure they want a spousal or K1 visa, and is looking for alternatives to a family visa~~

We married sooner than we would have if immigration (either to Canada or to the USA) wasn't an issue, but I wanted to marry my husband as it was. I knew before he asked me to marry him that he was the one I wanted forever in my life. That's why I said yes. I wanted him to be in my life, however necessary. I would have liked to go the route of living together and then getting married, but I wasn't about to let him get away, and he wasn't about to let me get away either. Being together was more important than either where we lived, how much money we made, or who else felt it was important. My brother stopped talking to me the day we filed for me to move to the USA because he didn't agree with our decision. Other family members have yelled and gotten angry. I've explained where we were coming from and then told them that the decision was ours, no one else's, and we did not need to explain ourselves to anyone. No one needs to know our private conversations on how we reach OUR decisions. As long as other people control your lives, and you let them, there is no future for you as a couple. My husband is my rock and I am his. He is my best friend and I am his. We go through this world together, side by side.

If your girlfriend doesn't want to marry you, then a long distance relationship, or finding a work visa, is the best you're going to get. IMHO, I'd find someone new, knowing someone didn't want to marry me. Especially if it was because their family had decided they didn't like it. My family didn't tell me what to do, this is my life. I wouldn't want a spouse who couldn't stand on their own two feet or stand up for me. But that's me.

[impel37 0]

Thanks for the replies so far everyone, it's great to read all of your stories and sorry for initially posting this in the wrong section. Just to clarify it's not that she doesn't want to get married down the line in the future, we often discuss it like couples do. However she just doesn't want to get married right now and not for the reason of obtaining a green card.

I don't know that her family would be against it or what the aftermath may be. Currently her dad is investing in her business so she fears she may lose his investment but I doubt they would completely disown her. The trouble is that I'm not a sure catch for them right now being that I was an intern and to them seems like I couldn't get a job, I don't know if they are aware of the cap or how difficult navigating the US immigration system is.

I understand that it is classed as fraud to marry for immigration benefits but I feel as though a marriage right now is more of a way to keep us together. I mean we have been together for three years, lived in each others countries, have been on numerous vacations and have thousands of pictures of us together (including with both our families). I do know if legitimate couples that have been forced in to this route and it worked out for them. It isn't fraudulent in the sense that we aren't a legitimate couple.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

If you're not ready to get married then don't get married. There is no pretend marriage just to be together, it is all very real and will be very real. You really will be married.

If you are ready, then go ahead.

If you are not sure, then wait a while and you will soon have your answer.

Look into getting a job in the UK at a multinational that could transfer you to the US. Those visas (L1) are not capped and you can get them fast.

I think if you got a H1B job and then they just didn't file it in time then you are doing pretty well.

[Nich-Nick 3,353]

Thanks for the replies so far everyone, it's great to read all of your stories and sorry for initially posting this in the wrong section. Just to clarify it's not that she doesn't want to get married down the line in the future, we often discuss it like couples do. However she just doesn't want to get married right now and not for the reason of obtaining a green card.

I don't know that her family would be against it or what the aftermath may be. Currently her dad is investing in her business so she fears she may lose his investment but I doubt they would completely disown her. The trouble is that I'm not a sure catch for them right now being that I was an intern and to them seems like I couldn't get a job, I don't know if they are aware of the cap or how difficult navigating the US immigration system is.

I understand that it is classed as fraud to marry for immigration benefits but I feel as though a marriage right now is more of a way to keep us together. I mean we have been together for three years, lived in each others countries, have been on numerous vacations and have thousands of pictures of us together (including with both our families). I do know if legitimate couples that have been forced in to this route and it worked out for them. It isn't fraudulent in the sense that we aren't a legitimate couple.

If she needs time to ease her parents into the idea, you can apply for the fiancé visa right now. When it is granted, you have around 5 months before you have to enter the US. (Six months from the date of your medical exam). Then you have to marry within 90 days of your entry. You can drag that out quite a bit (over a year) until she feels confident in the marriage. At least that way, you are in the process line while she works on Mum and Dad.

[christeen 966]

Well there is a huge life difference between 20 and 35... At 20 or so, parental approval would play a more major part... At 35 who gives a hoot? Time to step it up..

Sometimes immigration speeds up the inevitable... That is... If you two feel that getti g married is a forgone conclusion and the only sticking point if when... Then go for it... But if ur not at that point and have doubt not about whe. To marry but IF to marry... Then slow ur roll at bit... Imho

[SusieQQQ 11,585]

Hi all,

I am looking to speak with US citizens that have married their spouse in order for them to live in the US. Preferably those that didn't have any other options and at a push in the 20-35 age range.

As of Monday myself and my girlfriend of almost three years have been forced in to a long distance relationship with at least a year (possibly two) before we can break the distance

We met during our final year of university at a Halloween party, I am a Brit and she is an American. She had been in the UK for three years prior as she did her entire degree here. From that party we have been in a committed relationship and inseparable ever since. However in order for us to be together it feels like we have to jump through hurdles all due to the passports we have.

Originally after graduating she wanted to stay in the UK on what was our graduate visa and get some work experience. Unfortunately that same year, three months before we graduated the UK government cancelled that visa route and made all non-EU students return to their home countries once their study visa expired. So after some long discussions we decided that a month after she left Id come over to the States (NY) to join her and try find a job. At this point Id done a little research on the visa but nothing to the extent of what Id learn over the coming months. I was there for five months on a tourist visa (stayed for two, left, came back for three) to try find work whilst still supported by my parents.

It was extremely difficult and it put a huge strain on us both, at one point almost breaking us. It came clear that no one was going to sponsor a recent grad with barely any experience. It was at this point I learnt that I could do an internship (J1 visa) for a year and managed to find a small firm willing to sign for it.

So I came back to the UK to get my paperwork in order and that meant for this last year I have been living in the US with her. The company I originally started with turned out to be not what I expected and I managed to transfer to my dream company, who I originally wanted to work for in the first place. Everything was starting to fall in to place and it came to April when the proper work visa became available again (H1B), everything went according to plan, I got a job offer and all I had to do was wait

Then it came to April 7th and I found out that 175k people had applied for only 65k visas. My application was put in to a lottery but my number was never drawn. After almost two years of hard work and finally getting so close to our goal the rug got pulled from under our feet and I had to pack up all of my belongings, have an emotional goodbye and get on a plane.

My job won't remain open for me as the company is ver fast paced so this means I will need to find another H1B sponsor and more than likely be subject to the cap, unless immigration reform is put through. I also just found out that I can't do another J1 (trainee) for two years as I just completed my J1 intern.

This leaves us with not many options and I'm trying to weigh up everything. Since we tried to do this the "proper" way (getting a job) and it hasn't worked then I'd like to consider marriage as an option. However shes completely against and a big factor is her parents would not be pleased and she fears they would cut her off (they are financing her business).

I understand its not the best option but on paper it makes perfect sense. I'd like to hear from those of you that have gotten married in order to be together. More a long the lines of if it weren't for the visa would you have gotten married when you did? Did it put a strain on your relationship? What were the pro's and con's etc.

I'm not looking for advice on the spousal visa, I'm pretty clued up and have met with immigration attorneys I'm just interested in reading the dynamics of a couple to see if I can apply it to my own situation.

Thanks.

I don't have experience in a spousal visa. I'd just like to observe that from your story it looks like you are giving it your all, jumping through all the hoops and doing all you can think of, while your girlfriend...doesn't want to upset mommy and daddy but doesn't appear to be doing much else?

Edit: having now read further to post 6 I am even less enchanted. You're not a "sure catch" because you've just been an intern? It's not like you've been out of uni all that long. Apparently getting daddy to bankroll you is better than working your way up, or what? Sheesh...

Edited July 3, 2014 by SusieQQQ

[impel37 0]

I don't have experience in a spousal visa. I'd just like to observe that from your story it looks like you are giving it your all, jumping through all the hoops and doing all you can think of, while your girlfriend...doesn't want to upset mommy and daddy but doesn't appear to be doing much else?

Edit: having now read further to post 6 I am even less enchanted. You're not a "sure catch" because you've just been an intern? It's not like you've been out of uni all that long. Apparently getting daddy to bankroll you is better than working your way up, or what? Sheesh...

To your first point, yes I have questioned what I have put in to our relationship in terms of moving and putting myself through the stress of obtaining a work visa to what sacrifices she has made. All I know is I love her and am happy with her, she does do a lot for me and is there to support me - however I do feel she could be more open minded about marriage.

To the second point I'm not totally sure as to what her exact reasons behind not getting married in order for me to stay are, I just know that as of right now its a no. In all honesty there hasn't been a discussion with her parents about it so I don't know what their say on the matter is. I just gage it won't be that positive.

I think its going to have to come from her though for us to start entertaining the idea of getting me a green card. We'll how the absence makes her feel and what seeing each other will be like in the next few months.

Right now I need to focus on getting some sort of life/normality here.

[yuna628 9,547]

I have known my future Brit husband for around ten years, and have been engaged to him since 2009. We're both approaching 30 now. That is a pretty long time for a long distance relationship, and there was never any doubt in my mind that this is the man I will marry. My family is accepting of him and treat him like a son. We had to make some tough choices, such as which country should we apply in? There were never really any other options when it comes to being in love and wanting to be together... caring for my elderly mother, and the new rules in the UK have pretty much decided for us where we are applying. But I can tell you, even if my family didn't approve of him, wouldn't matter to me in the slightest. It's our life, and our choice. In reading what you have said about your relationship case, I have to make the following observations, and I say this in kindness. If the only way you feel you can keep the relationship together is by marrying (that is you don't feel it is strong enough without it) there may be a problem. Yes, there have been sometimes ourselves when we've felt frustrated at being apart, if not a little hopeless at the hoops to jump through -- but if being together is what the *both* of you want (and it has to be *both* of you) then marriage is typically what it leads to. International couples don't have the luxury of staying together in the same country without marriage in most cases. And yes, marriage is serious. If she is not ready or wanting marriage at this time, you have many questions to ask yourself. Is, at your age, her father's approval and financial support more meaningful than what has to be done to be together? If the reason to marry is not actually for love at this time and is a great importance placed on the father's feelings, then neither party is ready. And this would really be the same case, even if you were the guy next door. When will you be the right ''catch'' you know? I would encourage reflection and waiting at this time. The job market is difficult in the UK in some parts, I'd suggest focusing on maintaining one at the moment, saving as much as you can -- perhaps you can find somewhere able to offer a transfer... and even if not you're making yourself just a bit more secure. You can only do so much, and it sounds as if you've done a lot.

[JoBri 545]

My wife came over on a spousal visa. At first we tried to get her a visitor visa. That got denied real quick. So we decided we wanted to be together, and wanted to make sure no one could ever keep us apart again, and we decided right then and there to do whatever we had to do to marry, and move forward, step by step, to be together, forever, so that no one could ever keep us apart again.

[raven52 233]

As I have said many times, unless extreme circumstances, why an I-130 over a K-1? K-1 is less than 1/2 the time, and AOS is a breeze, and you are both together going thru the process. I-130 can be up to 12-16 months, sometimes quicker, but more like the first number.

Do a K-1, have your documentation ready..,,..and AOS is a "walk in the park".,.,.,yeh, I know you cannot work.,.,my wife had her EAD/AP in 81 days, .,.,.,if you have to work sooner than that, then maybe, the immigration should not have occured in the first place.,.,.,,

[rhein 451]

Sounds like a bunch of drama. If you want to be together, you get married so you can. Obviously she doesn't rate that as a priority, so end this relationship and find someone who rates you as a top priority. Simples.

Hi all,

I am looking to speak with US citizens that have married their spouse in order for them to live in the US. Preferably those that didn't have any other options and at a push in the 20-35 age range.

As of Monday myself and my girlfriend of almost three years have been forced in to a long distance relationship with at least a year (possibly two) before we can “break the distance”

We met during our final year of university at a Halloween party, I am a Brit and she is an American. She had been in the UK for three years prior as she did her entire degree here. From that party we have been in a committed relationship and inseparable ever since. However in order for us to be together it feels like we have to jump through hurdles all due to the passports we have.

Originally after graduating she wanted to stay in the UK on what was our graduate visa and get some work experience. Unfortunately that same year, three months before we graduated the UK government cancelled that visa route and made all non-EU students return to their home countries once their study visa expired. So after some long discussions we decided that a month after she left I’d come over to the States (NY) to join her and try find a job. At this point I’d done a little research on the visa but nothing to the extent of what I’d learn over the coming months. I was there for five months on a tourist visa (stayed for two, left, came back for three) to try find work whilst still supported by my parents.

It was extremely difficult and it put a huge strain on us both, at one point almost breaking us. It came clear that no one was going to sponsor a recent grad with barely any experience. It was at this point I learnt that I could do an internship (J1 visa) for a year and managed to find a small firm willing to sign for it.

So I came back to the UK to get my paperwork in order and that meant for this last year I have been living in the US with her. The company I originally started with turned out to be not what I expected and I managed to transfer to my dream company, who I originally wanted to work for in the first place. Everything was starting to fall in to place and it came to April when the proper work visa became available again (H1B), everything went according to plan, I got a job offer and all I had to do was wait…

Then it came to April 7th and I found out that 175k people had applied for only 65k visas. My application was put in to a lottery but my number was never drawn. After almost two years of hard work and finally getting so close to our goal the rug got pulled from under our feet and I had to pack up all of my belongings, have an emotional goodbye and get on a plane.

My job won't remain open for me as the company is ver fast paced so this means I will need to find another H1B sponsor and more than likely be subject to the cap, unless immigration reform is put through. I also just found out that I can't do another J1 (trainee) for two years as I just completed my J1 intern.

This leaves us with not many options and I'm trying to weigh up everything. Since we tried to do this the "proper" way (getting a job) and it hasn't worked then I'd like to consider marriage as an option. However she’s completely against and a big factor is her parents would not be pleased and she fears they would cut her off (they are financing her business).

I understand its not the best option but on paper it makes perfect sense. I'd like to hear from those of you that have gotten married in order to be together. More a long the lines of if it weren't for the visa would you have gotten married when you did? Did it put a strain on your relationship? What were the pro's and con's etc.

I'm not looking for advice on the spousal visa, I'm pretty clued up and have met with immigration attorneys I'm just interested in reading the dynamics of a couple to see if I can apply it to my own situation.

Thanks.