How genuine are the cases and claims?

[Comic 66]

Somebody said that love is not a perquisite for marriage, and that's why we have bad ppl. Love should be the only motivating factor to want to marry someone. That's why the divorce rate is so high, cause ppl think that marriage is just a commodity till they find out that they really can't live with the person and stand their ways

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Somebody said that love is not a perquisite for marriage, and that's why we have bad ppl. Love should be the only motivating factor to want to marry someone. That's why the divorce rate is so high, cause ppl think that marriage is just a commodity till they find out that they really can't live with the person and stand their ways

.....hot mad pure American love and then divorce in over half of marriages.....however arranged marriages have staying power.

So how do you explain that ? It is absurd to believe that divorce only happens to couples who weren't in love. People who marry

and have arranged marriages are not BAD people as you assume.

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

Somebody said that love is not a perquisite for marriage, and that's why we have bad ppl. Love should be the only motivating factor to want to marry someone. That's why the divorce rate is so high, cause ppl think that marriage is just a commodity till they find out that they really can't live with the person and stand their ways

Once upon a time, I loved someone. That someone loved me. We were madly in love. We wanted to get married. But we fought constantly. There was so much love. But so much fighting. We loved each other. That was our only motivation for wanting to get married. So much love.

But we were terrible for each other, couldn't live with each other or stand each other's ways. So I left.

Marriage is about so much more than love and it's naive to think otherwise.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Once upon a time, I loved someone. That someone loved me. We were madly in love. We wanted to get married. But we fought constantly. There was so much love. But so much fighting. We loved each other. That was our only motivation for wanting to get married. So much love.

But we were terrible for each other, couldn't live with each other or stand each other's ways. So I left.

Marriage is about so much more than love and it's naive to think otherwise.

Exactly. Perhaps only the experienced in life who have been there and done that also understand it.

Ah but bless the naive who are so full of ideals in their unbridled young passions and may they be able to keep it alive

for a life time

[Comic 66]

@ Not a tailor. Have you ever wondered about the fact that maybe you all wasn't in love? Love is a powerful thing. Ppl in love does change ad want to change.

[Comic 66]

@ Ebunoluwa. Naive? I think you have this messed up. Experience? I have experience. When you have seem as much as I have seem then you will understand way I'm talking bout. I don't think you all know what love is.

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

@ Not a tailor. Have you ever wondered about the fact that maybe you all wasn't in love? Love is a powerful thing. Ppl in love does change ad want to change.

My ex and I both made changes, but it was never going to be enough. We wanted different things in life and being together wasn't good. I'm pretty sure that I know what being in love is.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

@ Ebunoluwa. Naive? I think you have this messed up. Experience? I have experience. When you have seem as much as I have seem then you will understand way I'm talking bout. I don't think you all know what love is.

You are entitled to your opinion and I don't feel compelled to defend nor explain myself to you in regards to knowing love.

If you think you are the authority on what love is then by all means knock yourself out.

Rigidity and tunnel vision never served anyone though.

Word of advice, just when you think you know it all life throws you a curve ball and then a light bulb comes on and all of a sudden

those who you previously thought of as beneath your ideal, now become your mentors.

[loladolly 51]

comic: just like me, you don't understand how that is possible in a western civilization... But i guess some people still believe that in 2014 in the US this is ok and defend this practice just calling us disrespectful. I guess we should just be glad to be born in a place where we have the choice of who to marry...

That is also scary to know that not even that long ago same sex couple couldn't even get a legal immigration path and arranged marriages made it just fine...

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

comic: just like me, you don't understand how that is possible in a western civilization... But i guess some people still believe that in 2014 in the US this is ok and defend this practice just calling us disrespectful. I guess we should just be glad to be born in a place where we have the choice of who to marry...

That is also scary to know that not even that long ago same sex couple couldn't even get a legal immigration path and arranged marriages made it just fine...

I don't find that scary at all. Less than a year ago, I had no possibility whatsoever of living with my wife. She couldn't leave the US because of her career. The reality was that we were never, we thought, going to be together.

I have no resentment whatsoever towards arranged marriages. They deserve the same rights as any other marriage. The same respect. The whole point of a marriage is founding a family unit, a household, and that's what people in arranged marriages are doing. Same as me and my wife. Same as you and your spouse.

I sort of resent the implication that I should find immigration of arranged marriage spouses scary or something to be resented.

[loladolly 51]

humhum then maybe you don't understand the fact that the spouses have NO choice in their partner and don't have the right to say no to whatever third party decided for them, which to me equals a forced marriage, but then if the parties are ok about it then sure... maybe it makes them feel like royalties or something like that... but that's ok because it is not a scam and USCIS and embassies are ok with that as well...

Edited May 27, 2014 by loladolly

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

comic: just like me, you don't understand how that is possible in a western civilization... But i guess some people still believe that in 2014 in the US this is ok and defend this practice just calling us disrespectful. I guess we should just be glad to be born in a place where we have the choice of who to marry...

That is also scary to know that not even that long ago same sex couple couldn't even get a legal immigration path and arranged marriages made it just fine...

Lola, not everyone who immigrates here is from a Western civilization though. It is most common in India, and some people keep their traditions.

humhum then maybe you don't understand the fact that the spouses have NO choice in their partner and don't have the right to say no to whatever third party decided for them, which to me equals a forced marriage, but then if the parties are ok about it then sure... maybe it makes them feel like royalties or something like that... but that's ok because it is not a scam and USCIS and embassies are ok with that as well...

An arranged marriage is not a forced marriage. The people involved do have the right to say yes or no. They may not love eachother when they get married, but they are committed to living as husband and wife and being a family for the rest of their lives. Usually love comes later.

I read that even some modern Indians are choosing this because they are too tired of the dating scene and they get a lot of family help and support in the marriage.

It's not for me, either, but it's not like buying and selling people.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Perhaps you don't understand that an arranged marriage is often not a forced one (which I do not agree with) but an introductory
arrangement where though coerced, both parties have the freedom to make the ultimate decision if they want to spend the rest of

their lives together. Though there is no love presently and they decide to marry, love will often evolve over time for one another.

The commitment and respect though is already there as a good foundation.

Love is not always necessary initially to make a marriage successful. Love to different people means different things as well.
Being " madly in love" kissy face like the western world has not always been the way to go for couples even here.

Many cultural unions are based on tradition and survival.

Who are you to dictate what is 'love' to someone else and how can you define the perimeter of what is acceptable and what is not ?

This is not a black and white issue but it has shades of grey, pardon the pun.

Out of respect for the VJ community that include arranged marriages I think you should be less rigid and stop calling them a scam.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Lola, not everyone who immigrates here is from a Western civilization though. It is most common in India, and some people keep their traditions.

An arranged marriage is not a forced marriage. The people involved do have the right to say yes or no. They may not love eachother when they get married, but they are committed to living as husband and wife and being a family for the rest of their lives. Usually love comes later.

I read that even some modern Indians are choosing this because they are too tired of the dating scene and they get a lot of family help and support in the marriage.

It's not for me, either, but it's not like buying and selling people.

Ha, we were having the same thought. I agree. Just saw this after I posted.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Young couples also trust their parents to chose an adequate mate for them based on how well they know them and a member

from another family. Family dynamics are greatly valued for this cultural arrangement and a harmonious outcome is wanted by all.

One can focus on the bad parts or the good parts, but it is not all one flat line and there are many layers to arranged marriages.

What I am against is a brutal forced marriage of course and that is not even in the picture here nor is it what I am talking about.