Think carefully before you marry a Nigerian, I regret doing so!

[RANNK1 8]

Hi everyone. I have not posted or even logged on here for years. I met my Nigerian husband in 2008 and brought him here on a K-1 visa in 2009. I thought he loved me by all the sweet words he said, the hundreds of hours on the phone and webcam, messenger..... Well he was only here three days and took my bank card and purchased dating website subscriptions. He was on several sites. I was not aware of this until three months later. Meanwhile, we got married and I got pregnant . I was devestated when I found out and confronted him. he said it didn't matter because he was just bored and wanted to talk to them for fun and wasn't planning to meet anyone. He promised to stop, but he fell into a habit of doing it every few months, me catching him and then he would do it again. We got into a lot of heated arguements and I turned into a detective in my own house. He claimed to be addicted to it and it wasn't personal. We went to counseling , we prayed and fasted, he even fly to Nigeria to seek deliverance from his Pastor. He still kept having emotional affairs, often getting a woman's phone number and then talking to her secretly. Twice he had physical affairs. By August of this year I caught him again and kicked him out. I told him to get help and if he could control himself, he could return. He decided to get a second job, buy himself a new car, a new tv, anything but get help. On Christmas ev he announced that he want to have all the young pretty woman he wants now and wants to be single. He said he cant stop going on dating websites and will cheat on me if he returns. He is also emotionally and verbally abusive. He never even gave our kids Christmas presents.

He has ruined my life and my kids' lives. He sucked $15,000 from me overall, he took my youth and beauty, he damaged my relationship with my family, I lost my best friend, he took away all my hope and happiness in life. I regret ever meeting him!!!! Everyone told me he is going to scam you or treat you badly, don't talk to him, but I did it anyways.

In addition, I many many other people on here who married a nigerian a few years ago and we all regret. One lady married the guy and he turned around and married a Nigerian woman right after his interview (meanwhile taking thousands from her over the years). Another lady brought her husband here on a K-1 and he cheated on her allll the time, was rude, unloving. He was even doing romance scamming here in the states in front of her and the kids. When he wasn't doing that he was in stip clubs and bars picking up new girls. another lady just found out her Nigerian husband of two years, has been having an affair for the past year with a co-worker much older than him.

Many of these men have no shame and no integrety. Please use extreme caution. Run away!!

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Sorry that this happened to you, it reads like you really wanted this to work out.

Now, do you want to talk about it so we can really truly help others or you just want me to just say sorry this happened and shove off?

If you really want to help others we should talk more about it and I'll ask some probing questions.

A quick note for fellow VJers, mostly women, with the impeding closure of DV in Nigeria, please be cognizance that some desperate folks will take romance scams to a new unprecedented level.

[Steffilein 9]

I know that there is a bad reputation of Nigerians in general and i was also very careful in the beginning of our relationship but i don't think that it is rite to say all of them are a certain way. my Fiance is originally from Nigeria and in our case he is the petitioner however he has always treated me with respect and always made me feel very special and proved his love so many times for me i am very thankful that i met him . But what i actually want to say is that i find it somehow ignorant to put all Nigerians in the same pot.

[dwheels76 5,462]

Hi everyone. I have not posted or even logged on here for years. I met my Nigerian husband in 2008 and brought him here on a K-1 visa in 2009. I thought he loved me by all the sweet words he said, the hundreds of hours on the phone and webcam, messenger..... Well he was only here three days and took my bank card and purchased dating website subscriptions. He was on several sites. I was not aware of this until three months later. Meanwhile, we got married and I got pregnant . I was devestated when I found out and confronted him. he said it didn't matter because he was just bored and wanted to talk to them for fun and wasn't planning to meet anyone. He promised to stop, but he fell into a habit of doing it every few months, me catching him and then he would do it again. We got into a lot of heated arguements and I turned into a detective in my own house. He claimed to be addicted to it and it wasn't personal. We went to counseling , we prayed and fasted, he even fly to Nigeria to seek deliverance from his Pastor. He still kept having emotional affairs, often getting a woman's phone number and then talking to her secretly. Twice he had physical affairs. By August of this year I caught him again and kicked him out. I told him to get help and if he could control himself, he could return. He decided to get a second job, buy himself a new car, a new tv, anything but get help. On Christmas ev he announced that he want to have all the young pretty woman he wants now and wants to be single. He said he cant stop going on dating websites and will cheat on me if he returns. He is also emotionally and verbally abusive. He never even gave our kids Christmas presents.

He has ruined my life and my kids' lives. He sucked $15,000 from me overall, he took my youth and beauty, he damaged my relationship with my family, I lost my best friend, he took away all my hope and happiness in life. I regret ever meeting him!!!! Everyone told me he is going to scam you or treat you badly, don't talk to him, but I did it anyways.

In addition, I many many other people on here who married a nigerian a few years ago and we all regret. One lady married the guy and he turned around and married a Nigerian woman right after his interview (meanwhile taking thousands from her over the years). Another lady brought her husband here on a K-1 and he cheated on her allll the time, was rude, unloving. He was even doing romance scamming here in the states in front of her and the kids. When he wasn't doing that he was in stip clubs and bars picking up new girls. another lady just found out her Nigerian husband of two years, has been having an affair for the past year with a co-worker much older than him.

Many of these men have no shame and no integrety. Please use extreme caution. Run away!!

Sorrry this has all happened. I pray all broken relationships can be mended.

But what I would like to know is what have you done since all this has happened? Has he went through Removal of conditions? Have you divorced. Does he already have citizenship? I want to know what have you done to stop him so others know "you can use us but you won't get far". As long as they know they can do whatever they want and we do nothing it will continue.

I mean this isn't fraud (things not working oput isn't fraud no matter how bad it looks), but you sure don't have to be a party to him getting his 10 year GC or citizenship.

Sorrry this has all happened. I pray all broken relationships can be mended.

[RANNK1 8]

I am not saying that they are all bad.. Many are very good. His family members are all very good. I thought that was a good sign, but aparently he was a bad apple in the bunch. They are all very angry that he is behaving like this. Of coarse his father also says that if I want the marriage to last, I should close my eyes to anything he is doing as if I am not seeing it. (basically to pretend I don't see him cheating.) Please ask all the questions you want. I don't want anyone else to get hurt like I did. I know its hard because these men are so sexy and wonderful to talk to . I really believed him . Now I wish I didn't.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I know that there is a bad reputation of Nigerians in general and i was also very careful in the beginning of our relationship but i don't think that it is rite to say all of them are a certain way. my Fiance is originally from Nigeria and in our case he is the petitioner however he has always treated me with respect and always made me feel very special and proved his love so many times for me i am very thankful that i met him . But what i actually want to say is that i find it somehow ignorant to put all Nigerians in the same pot.

I didn't read that she put all of us in the same pot though.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Anyone thinking of interupting their normal life because of someone from a high fraud country that they are not from or have been part of the culture for years should beware. Even those that start off with a long distance relationship will struggle with the difference in real life and many will never have a real relationship. Nigerians could write books on how to woe people off their feet and on how to empty their wallets. For those that think 419 is ok they see no difference in pulling one over on the vender at the market or the fool the find on facebook/chatrooms/datingsites and the foreign fool tends to have bigger bank accounts and take longer to know they have been had. Having seen how my husband plans for things with no gains for years and years I know they think nothing of putting 3-7 years into a fake relationship if it gets them where they want to be at the end.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I am not saying that they are all bad.. Many are very good. His family members are all very good. I thought that was a good sign, but aparently he was a bad apple in the bunch. They are all very angry that he is behaving like this. Of coarse his father also says that if I want the marriage to last, I should close my eyes to anything he is doing as if I am not seeing it. (basically to pretend I don't see him cheating.) Please ask all the questions you want. I don't want anyone else to get hurt like I did. I know its hard because these men are so sexy and wonderful to talk to . I really believed him . Now I wish I didn't.

So in my opinion and from reading your timeline, it appears to me that what you had was a bad marriage and not necessarily a scam per see. If it was a scam he would have left as soon as possible, some don't even make it home from the airport together (there's a post on the front page right now).

How did you meet?

Did you visit him in Nigeria?

In his stomping grounds such as work, home, friends, relatives?

How many visits and how long were they?

How long from when you first met him did you file for him?

What were the initial red flags? For sure there were, think back on it.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Anyone thinking of interupting their normal life because of someone from a high fraud country that they are not from or have been part of the culture for years should beware. Even those that start off with a long distance relationship will struggle with the difference in real life and many will never have a real relationship. Nigerians could write books on how to woe people off their feet and on how to empty their wallets. For those that think 419 is ok they see no difference in pulling one over on the vender at the market or the fool the find on facebook/chatrooms/datingsites and the foreign fool tends to have bigger bank accounts and take longer to know they have been had. Having seen how my husband plans for things with no gains for years and years I know they think nothing of putting 3-7 years into a fake relationship if it gets them where they want to be at the end.

This post from NigerWife? is a very good example of what in my opinion it takes to solidify a foreign relationship.

You can get married at the National Marriage Registry in Abuja. That is where my husband and I got married and it is recognized. Any Government Marriage Registry should suffice.

Abuja is a long and rough drive from Kano--not sure I would advise it if he has the option to fly. There are too many local boys and road blocks between Kano and Abuja. Once you get south of Kaduna, it is better but still not smooth. You should look into local air carriers that go between Kano and Abuja--although, to be honest, I don't know if that would be cheaper than just flying from Kano to Lagos. Domestic airfare in Nigeria is different.

We lived in Jos from 2008-2010; it was not without it's scary/dangerous points. My husband was last in Jos in March and his mother and oldest daughter are still there. We drove between Abuja and Jos many, many times. Kano is another three hours North of Jos though--and I can't speak specifically to that route. I will say that even if you both can get to Jos, that may be another less expensive option for you. I have a tainted view, because I love that city and her people. I have many friends and family still there--both Nigerian and foreign. It is relatively safe if you take precautions. Some friends of ours (French/Nigerian couple) have a lovely B&B if you want to consider it. With all that being said--anything can flair up at any time--and that is a very real risk.

If you want to look at Abuja, I know some decent guest houses that will cost you half of what the big international hotels are charging. Abuja is a refreshing change of pace from Lagos. It is cleaner, more organized, less crowded, etc. when compared to Lagos. The airport is smaller and easier to get in and out of. PM me if you want any hotel details for Jos or Abuja.

Hope that helps! Good luck on your journey!

In fact I think Mr. Kerry himself should have taken the stamp machine onsite to the beneficiary and stamp the passport.

[Steffilein 9]

I am not saying that they are all bad.. Many are very good. His family members are all very good. I thought that was a good sign, but aparently he was a bad apple in the bunch. They are all very angry that he is behaving like this. Of coarse his father also says that if I want the marriage to last, I should close my eyes to anything he is doing as if I am not seeing it. (basically to pretend I don't see him cheating.) Please ask all the questions you want. I don't want anyone else to get hurt like I did. I know its hard because these men are so sexy and wonderful to talk to . I really believed him . Now I wish I didn't.

I am sorry to hear that you had to make that experience. And i can understand that the cheating is nothing any woman want's to just take like that i wouldn't do so either. But to me it just sounded that you were saying all Nigerians are the same i apologize if i misunderstood you.

And it is very nice of you wanting to save others of making mistakes but i think that everybody is different. In my case people warned me not only once and it almost broke us because i almost started to believe them. But there are definitely good once out there and i feel very lucky to have met one of them.

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

RANNK1 I appreciate your post very much. I'm sure it wasn't easy to share all that. Back in September I wrote a post about marrying a Jamaican, where I talked about all the negative stereotypes that come along with it as well as my own doubts about the validity of my relationship, even though I've been married to my husband for two years and together for three. Luckily things have worked out for us and we are better than ever now that he is here in the US. But I know of other women that weren't as lucky as I was, who were basically used.

So thank you for your post and warning and I am sorry for your hardship. Time to pick yourself up and move on to greener pastures. You'll find someone who truly appreciates you, I promise.

[RANNK1 8]

I met him on Afroromance dating website in 2008. I only went to Nigeria once to visit him and it was for two weeks. We talked on the phone or did webcame 1-3 hours per day. I met all his family, his aunties and uncles, cousins, immediate family and many friends, even went to his village. I thought everything was going to be very cool. He made it here in dec 2009. He got his 10 year green card in February last years. By mid March he diving into dating websites again and became more ill tempered and rude. It almost seems that he waited until he got his 10year green card, the just gave up on our marriage. things went down him from there. There is nothing I can do to get him deported. Only is he hits me then I can call the cops. He has been arrested for domestic violence here once before and only needs one more DV and he will be deported. Its all very sad. There were a few red flags that I ignored (due to just coming out of a recent divorce- I was emotionally out of whack). He once yelled at me on the phone very loudly for asking him too many questions. I also noticed he was sending emails to women on a XXXblack book website while I was actually in Nigeria. I confronted him and he cried and got on his knees and begged me to forgive me and promised never to do it again.. I almost packed my bags, but couldn't bare the shame of returned home and telling all my wise friends and family members that he wasn't right for me.

[His Glory 25]

I see with some men....they want their cake and eat it too. They want the marriage for the perks and for how it looks to theirs family back home but they also want the freedom of being single and seeing other women...and as a wife they want you to be ok with it. I don't think in all cases its a scam for immigration...I think they are just bad husbands. Any one can make promises while in the honeymoon stage but when the reality of day to day life sets in...that's when real character shows...in both spouses.

[livindadream 156]

So sorry about what happened to you. I can very much relate because I have been in the same position. Met a Nigerian man online, got the K-1 Visa, he came, we married...within a month I caught him calling some dating line. When I confronted him about it he said he did it to know if I was checking his phone records. lol. The following month I found a profile of him on a dating site, it stated he was single and it had all the pics of him in NY that I HAD TAKEN OF HIM!!! But no mention of me! Again, when I confronted him about it, he got mad at ME and left. Stayed gone for about a month, then out of the blue called me to come back (probably due to advice from his family in order to continue the process since we had not filed AOS at that point)...continued his madness for another month then left again. By that time he had developed friendships with other Nigerians in the area and Im sure they helped him in finding a way out and still being able to Adjust Status. What a mess it all was. A good friend of mine (a Nigerian living in the States) said not to put my heart or finances into this man...and I didn't listen and did both and lost both.

I know there are a lot of cases of Nigerian men doing the USC wrong, but in your case, it just seems like he's a jerk. Take it from me, it's not worth thinking about how much money or time you put into it..you'll drive yourself insane. Just find the strength to let it go and move on with your life. It's people like my ex, that make it so hard for genuine relationships to be approved. And sadly, there are ways for foreigners to stay by just telling more lies. The system is so unjust.

Edited January 15, 2014 by AYOsGirl

[justojai 53]

Hi everyone. I have not posted or even logged on here for years. I met my Nigerian husband in 2008 and brought him here on a K-1 visa in 2009. I thought he loved me by all the sweet words he said, the hundreds of hours on the phone and webcam, messenger..... Well he was only here three days and took my bank card and purchased dating website subscriptions. He was on several sites. I was not aware of this until three months later. Meanwhile, we got married and I got pregnant . I was3 devestated when I found out and confronted him. he said it didn't matter because he was just bored and wanted to talk to them for fun and wasn't planning to meet anyone. He promised to stop, but he fell into a habit of doing it every few months, me catching him and then he would do it again. We got into a lot of heated arguements and I turned into a detective in my own house. He claimed to be addicted to it and it wasn't personal. We went to counseling , we prayed and fasted, he even fly to Nigeria to seek deliverance from his Pastor. He still kept having emotional affairs, often getting a woman's phone number and then talking to her secretly. Twice he had physical affairs. By August of this year I caught him again and kicked him out. I told him to get help and if he could control himself, he could return. He decided to get a second job, buy himself a new car, a new tv, anything but get help. On Christmas ev he announced that he want to have all the young pretty woman he wants now and wants to be single. He said he cant stop going on dating websites and will cheat on me if he returns. He is also emotionally and verbally abusive. He never even gave our kids Christmas presents.

He has ruined my life and my kids' lives. He sucked $15,000 from me overall, he took my youth and beauty, he damaged my relationship with my family, I lost my best friend, he took away all my hope and happiness in life. I regret ever meeting him!!!! Everyone told me he is going to scam you or treat you badly, don't talk to him, but I did it anyways.

In addition, I many many other people on here who married a nigerian a few years ago and we all regret. One lady married the guy and he turned around and married a Nigerian woman right after his interview (meanwhile taking thousands from her over the years). Another lady brought her husband here on a K-1 and he cheated on her allll the time, was rude, unloving. He was even doing romance scamming here in the states in front of her and the kids. When he wasn't doing that he was in stip clubs and bars picking up new girls. another lady just found out her Nigerian husband of two years, has been having an affair for the past year with a co-worker much older than him.

Many of these men have no shame and no integrety. Please use extreme caution. Run

I cant believe you took out the time investigating marriages involving Nigerians and asking people to be careful about 160 Million Nigerians is not a good way to present your problems. I do not know about others but its affecting me psychological.