Domestic violence (merged)

[Brian1967## 119]

Instead of wondering if you have a DV case. There must be something deeper going on in the marriage, think about what is REALLY wrong and try to work it out , save the conversation and any other evidence you might have, if this person is violent or has kept you isolated then that is different. Did this person admit this while trying to reconcile? Please remember your marriage vows seek counseling. But if you feel as though your life or personal safety is at risk leave ASAP!

[amberlynnloves 125]

VAWA is used for people who are abused on a rather regular basis. A slap or two, won't do it. For a female to slap a male is looked on as less of a deal then if it were the male to slap the female. Sorry to say, but its true.

What happened to cause her to want to slap you?

Did you do something to provoke her?

Was she just doing it because she was mad you didn't wash the dishes?

You have to give us more than "She slapped me and said she did in a Yahoo conversation."

It seems there are more larger issues if you are talking to your wife through Yahoo when you should be living together and talking about this verbally. If you are just trying to use it against her for VAWA, then you need to re-evaluate things. Sounds like you are just trying to find an excuse to divorce her but stay in the USA. Not looking good for you there. Sorry.

[Caryh 5,206]

Yes they will take yahoo conversation! I sent mine were my ex was threatning me thru yahoo messaging, and it worked fine i got approved on my case.

Threats of harm are a different issue than admitting to slapping someone in a yahoo message. I also doubt that was your only evidence of abuse. What they have might help to support a case, but its probably unlikely it will make a case. Which is why people are asking is his complete story.

[sds 0]

Thanks for the help.

I tried to work it out but she thinks she owns me, she is so jealous and i can't do nothing or go nowhere unless she approves and she comes with me which is fine, but she can go and do whatever and i'm not allowed to go with her and i have to stay at home and it's none of my business whatever she wants to do, that's how she looks at it. and if we are at Walmart for example and i had an eye contact with a girl that is passing by then she will raise hell and open an argument whenever we get home.

But now the reason i'm asking is that things are getting ugly and she verbally threatened me that she will do whatever to make my life hell ( i don't have proofs of this), now i realize that i can't continue my life with a person like that, she is not acting like a wife at all.

I love her but i don't feel safe to be with her. she was acting sweet and nice when she was back home in Athens but now she is just different, i don't know if if only jealousy is doing all that, but i remember her telling me many times that girls here are sluts and she doesn't want me to be friends with any of them which is fine with me but like i said she is making everything really hard. Also we agreed from the beginning that we live two years here then we go visit my family in Greece, now she changed her mind and she said we won't visit your family before a long time.i want a feminine woman in my life not somebody who wants to act like a man.

Somebody asked about the reason of the slap, well whenever we are arguing she will raise her voice and cursed me out and whenever that happens i know they will be a slap coming to my face. i know it takes two people to argue but i don't understand why she has to express her rage into a slap!

To be honest i started liking the idea of having a Greek restaurant here in the near future but what is stopping me is i'm not sure if i will be here for long, if i were to become a permanent resident then i would asked my family for some money and go forward with the plan. but now after reading many posts i think my chances of getting becoming a PR don't exist since she wanted to file tax as married but not jointly ( she thought she will get more money back this way) and everything is in her name (house, bills etc...) so basically i don't have evidence of anything after marriage, just a few pictures. i already have a 2 years green card. we both entered the marriage in a good faith, we also lived together for a while before getting married.

I heard they will consider Facebook and Yahoo conversations

A new question just crossed my mind, maybe i can apply for a business permit or something like that since i'm already here on conditional green card or do i have to go back home and start a new process?

[The Mean Lady 604]

Ok, so honestly NOW you look a little less vindictive and pathetic.

Always better to get the full story lol.

You can divorce her and remove conditions on your own.

You do not need any VAWA claim.

You do not have to be married to do you ROC.

As soon as you're divorced, you'll remove conditions.

PS- I'm sorry your wife is a B*tch

There are lots of crazy wiminz out there but verbal and physical abuse is still unnecessary regardless if you have a ####### or not.

She's abusive, and there's no reason you should put up with it.

[Sandra G. 5,023]

sds mental abuse is one of form of the abuse as well, but you have to prove bonafide marriage and it seems you don't have enough proof.

Someone said "What happened to cause her to want to slap you? Did you do something to provoke her?", as an advocate for victim of domestic violence i ask you please to seek some information about domestic violence, there is no excuse for domestic violence EVER! This bs did you do something to provoke her is outrageous to say the least, nobody deserves to be abused, ever! yes slap is considered abuse.

Edited July 18, 2013 by sandranj

[Caryh 5,206]

Thanks for the help.

I tried to work it out but she thinks she owns me, she is so jealous and i can't do nothing or go nowhere unless she approves and she comes with me which is fine, but she can go and do whatever and i'm not allowed to go with her and i have to stay at home and it's none of my business whatever she wants to do, that's how she looks at it. and if we are at Walmart for example and i had an eye contact with a girl that is passing by then she will raise hell and open an argument whenever we get home.

But now the reason i'm asking is that things are getting ugly and she verbally threatened me that she will do whatever to make my life hell ( i don't have proofs of this), now i realize that i can't continue my life with a person like that, she is not acting like a wife at all.

I love her but i don't feel safe to be with her. she was acting sweet and nice when she was back home in Athens but now she is just different, i don't know if if only jealousy is doing all that, but i remember her telling me many times that girls here are sluts and she doesn't want me to be friends with any of them which is fine with me but like i said she is making everything really hard. Also we agreed from the beginning that we live two years here then we go visit my family in Greece, now she changed her mind and she said we won't visit your family before a long time.i want a feminine woman in my life not somebody who wants to act like a man.

Somebody asked about the reason of the slap, well whenever we are arguing she will raise her voice and cursed me out and whenever that happens i know they will be a slap coming to my face. i know it takes two people to argue but i don't understand why she has to express her rage into a slap!

To be honest i started liking the idea of having a Greek restaurant here in the near future but what is stopping me is i'm not sure if i will be here for long, if i were to become a permanent resident then i would asked my family for some money and go forward with the plan. but now after reading many posts i think my chances of getting becoming a PR don't exist since she wanted to file tax as married but not jointly ( she thought she will get more money back this way) and everything is in her name (house, bills etc...) so basically i don't have evidence of anything after marriage, just a few pictures. i already have a 2 years green card. we both entered the marriage in a good faith, we also lived together for a while before getting married.

I heard they will consider Facebook and Yahoo conversations

A new question just crossed my mind, maybe i can apply for a business permit or something like that since i'm already here on conditional green card or do i have to go back home and start a new process?

Nothing stops a Green Card holder from opening a business, you do not need to change anything. Even if your marriage was to fall apart, you wouldn't want to try to remove conditions based on violence, as you still have the standard of proving marrying in good faith plus proving the violence. You can remove conditions alone without the extra proof required, if you should divorce.

Mailings in your name to the shared home are also evidence. Better yet if the envelope is addressed to both of you, such as Christmas cards. Do you work? Do you have insurance, health, car, life, or home? All good evidence.

Yes it sounds like she has trust issues, leading to control issues. Those type of things can be worked on with the two of you, but both need to be willing. My wife is also very jealous, goes back to an old boyfriend who broke her heart. Slowly she is getting over those but it takes time, and acceptance on my part to realize where some of her reactions come from. Its up to you if you're willing to struggle it out with her to help her get over it. Of course you need to convince her she needs to work on it to, as its not easy for jealous people to admit what they're doing or the harm they cause with it.

Good luck to you, for whatever direction you go.

[The Mean Lady 604]

sds mental abuse is one of form of the abuse as well, but you have to prove bonafide marriage and it seems you don't have enough proof.

Someone said "What happened to cause her to want to slap you? Did you do something to provoke her?", as an advocate for victim of domestic violence i ask you please to seek some information about domestic violence, there is no excuse for domestic violence EVER! This bs did you do something to provoke her is outrageous to say the least, nobody deserves to be battered, ever!

I disagree.

Not that I think women should walk around slapping men, but men can say some pretty insensitive and crude things that sometimes result in slaps.

Not that I have ever slapped someone.

But I wouldn't fault many women who have.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

i already have a 2 years green card. we both entered the marriage in a good faith, we also lived together for a while before getting married.

So you can file I-751 on your own based on good faith marriage. No need for all this "slap" nonsense. You're grasping for straws and you don't need to.

[Caryh 5,206]

I disagree.

Not that I think women should walk around slapping men, but men can say some pretty insensitive and crude things that sometimes result in slaps.

Not that I have ever slapped someone.

But I wouldn't fault many women who have.

Personally I think women have a much sharper verbal knife than men. I don't excuse slapping by either sex. True the average man can deliver more force in a slap, but it doesn't mean they have less pain receptors in their skin to feel a delivered slap. Its wrong no matter who does it.

[The Mean Lady 604]

Personally I think women have a much sharper verbal knife than men. I don't excuse slapping by either sex. True the average man can deliver more force in a slap, but it doesn't mean they have less pain receptors in their skin to feel a delivered slap. Its wrong no matter who does it.

Depends how you take the words that are coming.

If a man comes up to me and tells me he wants to see me with my pants off, he'll get slapped.

If a woman walks up to a man and says she wants to see him with his pants off, he obliges. -__-

[Caryh 5,206]

Depends how you take the words that are coming.

If a man comes up to me and tells me he wants to see me with my pants off, he'll get slapped.

If a woman walks up to a man and says she wants to see him with his pants off, he obliges. -__-

I'd hate to be your doctor

[sds 0]

Thanks guys, well we have X-mas cards but she keeps everything in her closet and it's always locked, even the mails i received from USCIS when i first applied she kept them, i don't know if in her closet or even somewhere else, also she had my passport and she was like i'm going to keep it with me because it's safer but i lied to get it back, and she will never give me the key claiming that there are private stuff inside for her family.

We discussed divorce but honestly i didn't tell her that i want to divorce because i don't know what she will do, if that's what i'm going to do then i don't want to be around her because she can get crazy in such situations, i was kicked out of her house many times till the point i decided to rent a room at an old lady's house, so whenever i'm kicked out there's a place i can go to down the street. my car is in my name, i thought that would be safer for me. i have a part time job for now.

@Sandra .. like i said whenever we argue she gets loud and lots of the times she will end up slapping me or throwing something on me( throwing stuff usually happens when i block her or keep her hands from touching me) she once threw a glass on me but i was lucky she missed. no one is perfect, i'm not an angel, i argue specially if she is wrong but i end up listening to her yelling because her voice outweigh mine and my spoken English is not as good. she even make fun of my English when she is mad. later on she apologizes about that, but she doesn't apologize for slapping me.

Whenever she cools down, she will justify her action by saying she is a female and her slap doesn't hurt, to me it's not really about the physical pain, i'm not a pu**y but it hurts my feelings to be slapped, specially from someone i love, i'm not used to that.

The thing is although i entered the marriage in a good faith, if we divorce i will be with no evidence, the only things i'm going to have is my passport, my 2 years green card, my tax return which was filed separately, plus the old yahoo and Facebook conversation that i have mentioned. is that enough to prove a good faith? and of course i'm going to use a different address if we divorce and i file for ROC, so i will be sending the package with no evidence!!!! is there something i can do to waive the evidence. maybe i can go speak to an immigration officer and explain the situation, will it help? if not what are my options, is there any other way to ROC since i have 2 years GC or it has to be through her? have anyone ever got approved for ROC in a situation like mine, without evidence at all?

@Caryh.... i agree with you, not that i'm stupid and don't know what to say but sometimes it's really hard to say it in English specially when i'm stressed. and like she would say stuff like cursing my family which i would never say that to her.

@The mean lady..... i don't think anyone should slap anyone really i think is wrong, and don't forget not all men are the same, some men wouldn't deal with that and they would hit her back which can cause damage to a woman. i spoke to one of my best friends and he told me he would not let a woman slap him, and he made me feel like a pu**y.

@Harpa timsah..... would that still possible given the little things i would have?

Edited July 18, 2013 by sds

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thanks guys, well we have X-mas cards but she keeps everything in her closet and it's always locked, even the mails i received from USCIS when i first applied she kept them, i don't know if in her closet or even somewhere else, also she had my passport and she was like i'm going to keep it with me because it's safer but i lied to get it back, and she will never give me the key claiming that there are private stuff inside for her family.

i rent a room at an old lady's house, ... there's a place i can go to down the street. my car is in my name, i thought that would be safer for me. i have a part time job for now.

The thing is although i entered the marriage in a good faith, if we divorce i will be with no evidence, the only things i'm going to have is

- my passport,

- my 2 years green card,

- my tax return which was filed separately,

- old yahoo and Facebook conversation that i have mentioned.

is that enough to prove a good faith? and of course i'm going to use a different address if we divorce and i file for ROC, so i will be sending the package with no evidence!!!! is there something i can do to waive the evidence. maybe i can go speak to an immigration officer and explain the situation, will it help? if not what are my options, is there any other way to ROC since i have 2 years GC or it has to be through her? have anyone ever got approved for ROC in a situation like mine, without evidence at all?

Alrighty first, it is your house too. Either break the closet door, remove the hinges or whatever you have to to get your belongings (take a photo of the condition of the house/possessions before you leave). Realising that once you do this you should have all your stuff either out of the house, or the divorce and OP filed on her so that she can't come in. If you're not comfortable with that, then call the sheriffs office to accuse her of holding your possessions hostage (which they probably won't believe given you live there too) and to supervise the removal...

Also, you said you have your own car. What about the insurance on that? Just in your your name or both names? What about the lease from where you live? Could you get an Affidavit from the apartment manager stating he is aware that you live there with your wife?

What about health insurance? What about bank accounts? Do you have any cards addressed to both of your? Photos? Affidavits from friends? Do you have any memberships together that you could have proof of?

You might have more than you realise when you really think about it.

[sds 0]

My car and insurance are in my name only, it's her parents' house so basically there is no lease, i might be able to get affidavit from 3 people not sure though they might not agree because they are her friends, we had a joint bank account at first then she started using all the money my family had sent me so i stopped putting money in it and i think she closed it after that, we don't have health insurance nor memberships together.

I was thinking about the closet, that probably will generate a huge fight and eventually all what's in there that can help me are a few X-mas cards and also she will probably be vindictive and refuse to let me have them since her name is on there too.

I also understand that that evidence i had from before marriage won't be that helpful for ROC since i already submitted it when i applied for AOS.