Moved out but now what?

[Cathi 5,614]

Thanks, this has been driving me nuts as I keep seeing both.

I think I finally found something mentioning that it's OTHER PRs that have to wait 5 years, but married PRs only wait 3.

yeah it does get confusing...

[SingleDad2usc 71]

AYOsGirl and at least one other, have you given a thought to the fact that anyone who's trying to read and understand the topic matter IS POUNDED BY YOUR PHOTO GALLERY instead? I for one am still trying to figure out any possible lesson here. Can anyone help?

[Peter_Pan 661]

Were there any red flags? Are you (much) older than him? Is he much more attractive than you?

I concur, though, no one's worth comes from being married or not, being a parent or not. You have to find peace, equilibrium and happiness while being single, and only then try and have a successful relationship.

[Aish12 2]

Dear Debbie I know how you feel right now but don't forget that everything happens for a purpose. You never conceive during your stay with him because, he wouldn't have been a good father to yr kids and he would have eventually made U a single mum. Put all the pain behind and move on with your life you move like nothing ever happened.

Be careful and don't rash into another relation just to fill that vacuum. Some our men here are worse than that, with apology to all those who have good intentions in relationship. They will spend all your money, use you and damn you. All they do IS please use your credit to buy "this n that". I have an emergency and need yr help to visit home, I lost my mum can you lent me some dollar to home for the funeral. what is killing me about this attitude is that THEY will turn around and mock at YOU after they have gotten what they want from you. My sister has been a victim of this fraud.She thought it was LOV.

MY POLICY NUMBER ONE IN RELATION IS " I MAKE A CLEAR DISTINCTION BETWEEN MY MONEY AND fiance,married,love or what ever".

Cheer up and forget him.

[Dot and Nat 0]

I am so sorry this happened to you .. but it is unfair for people blaming you for what happened... and that bcos nor know what realy true love is .. if you really love someone you will reason and understand everything.. in marriage there is up and downs and i mean in every marriage but yours was way too much ... he is a fool to lose a woman like you but time will tell and teach him a lesson.. I give you the credit for everything you done for him .. he may not be your real husband ..maybe God want you to have an impact in his life.. Everyone has this opportunity to have the good thing but it left for you to have the inside vision to see that valuable things before you realized it after you lost it... like mine.. I have a wife i love so much she is my life and i owe her alots that i cant even pay before bcos she transform my life.. and yet she didnt do close to what you did to your husband... but i am still proud and cherish her life my God... her tears is like mine .. i do everything to make her happy..

All i will say is that there are few people out there that cherish and value what they have .. they are not many but i know they will find you and cherish you and those are the man that you give a hard time and yet they still want to have your heart... God always rewards the Good... hang in there... I am sure your life will turn to be sweetest and joyful one..

[brian@alejandra 20]

**** Several posts attacking others or quoting such posts removed and one member thread banned. The OP was looking for advice, not personal attacks. If you cannot be civil, do not post. ****

thank you for catching that!!! she is in a hard place and ppl should understand even if they done agree.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

Hello Everyone,

I have been a visa journey member for years but I have to create another user name in order to share my story maybe it will help someone out there who is either going through the same thing or is about to go through same.

I met my husband online at a christian website, we are from the same country but I am the USC while he is from Nigeria. We dated long distance for about a year plus 2007 - 2009, chatting on yahoo, phone chats everyday. He did everything to convince me of how much he loves me and how much he wants us to get married and have children together. He even told me how he will get me pregnant anytime I visit Nigeria, a few months after we started chatting online, he went to see my older brother to ask for my hand in marriage. My brother informed him that he can't grant such request because I still need to come home and see him and if I like what I see then we can proceed from there.

I eventually visited Nigeria early 2009 and we met, my mind was a little disturbed when at our first meeting, he just merely walked away when he saw me come out of the Arrival Lounge, but I shrugged it away to shyness and that he wanted to give me some privacy with my sister who came to welcome me at the airport. We eventually reconnected in the car while on the way to his place where I will be spending two weeks as previously arranged. While staying with him, I noticed he didn't want to go out with me, always telling me he is going to work after telling me on the phone before I arrived that he will be taking some time off from work to spend with me when I visited. To cut a long story short, I ended up getting a few pictures of both us and I came back to the States and started his K1 visa processing and to the glory of God, he joined me 6 months later. I funded all these from my little savings with the notion that when things start working out for him, he will remember and appreciate all I did for him. We got married exactly a week after he arrived, this was done because I didn't want him languishing at home for months while waiting for his EA or GC and I started the AOS immediately so he was able to get his EA and conditional GC three months after our wedding.

I also assisted with him getting a job [where he still is]. I made a few calls to my contacts and he was told to apply for the position but he was unable to answer the assessment questions correctly so I took a day off work and sat on the computer and filled out another application after which I called my contact in the company who called him for an interview, training and he started working. My nightmare started on my wedding night, we never made love before our wedding because we wanted to start on a right foundation, so I was looking forward to my wedding night and subsequent honeymoon nights but to my shock, he spent all week sleeping and nothing I did could arouse him. I shrugged it away that he might be tired since he is still trying to adjust to the weather [winter] but as months passed, it was the same story, it was either I am too tired, or sick, my back hurts [when he started working] and when he eventually came around to it, it was either once a month or once in two months until it became once in 2 years.

I got married in order to have children in a two parent household and not be a single parent [apologies to single parents] but I found out he knew when my safe periods were and that was when we will make love and that will be it for the next couple of months if I am lucky. As a good christian woman, I did everything to please him, once in a while my frustrations showed up in anger outbursts but never physical and I said a few things to him in anger. I am not going to play a victim here because I had my own issues with anger but I did try to reason with him, asked him if there was a medical problem, took him for massages, shopping, dinners, bought him clothes, cooked his favorite foods etc. Anything to get him to find me attractive but all to no avail. I even walked naked from the bathroom to the bedroom thinking that will get him aroused but he closes his eyes until I am fully dressed, wore victoria secret lingeries but nothing. I got my pastors involved and a couple of his friends but nothing changed. In the midst of all these, I assisted him in filing for his ten year GC which he received without an interview. I brought all the paperwork needed because he never put my name on any document related to him. We were merely living together as room mates at this point, I did this because I thought he will come around and things will change between us [i guess i was living on fantasy island].

Early this year, I found out he was sexting and chatting with other women online and on telephone calls and I accosted him with my findings, he decided to give me the silent treatment ever since. I also found out he started filing for Citizenship without my knowledge and due to the frustrations and anger I wrote a letter to the Immigration and Naturalization services and they denied his petition. By this time I had already moved out of the apartment for my peace of mind and to prevent myself from harming him due to frustration and a wounded heart.

Now I am out of the apartment, he also moved out to God knows where and the only way we have been corresponding via text messages because he refused to talk to me.

My Question: What should I do now? I am back to square one, no husband, no child and I feel so alone despite people around me. Someone please learn from my story, when you see red flags, don't think he will change, run, run run for your dear life because a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

I commend you for your courage and for posting your story. Regardless of what anyone says, your experience is unique to you and whether you saw the signs or not, or ignored them or not that is too late to be addressed here. You are venting your heartache which is normal. It is a lesson you learned from and with time your wounds will heal and you will move on. Many are too ashamed to share their stories or lie about them and pretend everything is wonderful in their "lala" land. You at least accept your weaknesses and now admit what you overlooked.

It is not just Nigerians who experience this, although often we hear the bad stories which comes out of the US/Nigerian relationships instead of the happy ending ones. Ultimately, your soon to be ex will have to face our maker and pay back is a B%$#.

Take heart that at least you found out about his true intentions and saw his true colors before you were left behind with a child to raise alone. Now, dust off the dirt and pick up yourself off the ground and get back on your feet and look forward to a better future. Life is too short to waste on a loser like him. Maybe now the real prince will come along.

There are no mistakes in life, they are experiences to better ourselves with and become stronger. Be happy and find peace. You will heal with time. Good luck!

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

thank you for catching that!!! she is in a hard place and ppl should understand even if they done agree.

[livindadream 156]

AYOsGirl and at least one other, have you given a thought to the fact that anyone who's trying to read and understand the topic matter IS POUNDED BY YOUR PHOTO GALLERY instead? I for one am still trying to figure out any possible lesson here. Can anyone help?

Sorry SingleDad2usc, for irritating you so much with my signature photo that you took time out of your day to call me out. I never knew ONE photo constitutes an entire gallery of photos, but since it disturbs YOU so much, I will remove it from my signature. I think I'd also like you to ADD a picture to your profile, signature, avatar..somewhere, because you NOT having one disturbs me as well. Shall I put my timeline or a quote, perhaps a video as my signature? I've seen those all over this site and I don't thing you bothered to police those people. Please tell me how you'd like my profile set up, thank you.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

I'm all for efficiency (of the forum content space). I'd encourage everyone to make sure that their posts take only the screen space equal to the written content. Your posts look fine now, since you removed the huge photo - thanks!

[livindadream 156]

I'm all for efficiency (of the forum content space). I'd encourage everyone to make sure that their posts take only the screen space equal to the written content. Your posts look fine now, since you removed the huge photo - thanks!

your welcome

[dwheels76 5,463]

Sorry SingleDad2usc, for irritating you so much with my signature photo that you took time out of your day to call me out. I never knew ONE photo constitutes an entire gallery of photos, but since it disturbs YOU so much, I will remove it from my signature. I think I'd also like you to ADD a picture to your profile, signature, avatar..somewhere, because you NOT having one disturbs me as well. Shall I put my timeline or a quote, perhaps a video as my signature? I've seen those all over this site and I don't thing you bothered to police those people. Please tell me how you'd like my profile set up, thank you.

I guess I was the other offender. I better delete before the photo gallery police come. Good God. I thought it refreshing to see actually pics of those we talk with. But SingleDad2usc your complaint is my command. Peace out. SMDH.

[SAT 9,609]

But I like your photo dwheels...

[hikergirl 277]

Me too wheels. Someone can shut his viewing of signatures off if he doesn’t like them.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

good to know about shutting them (although wouldn't that shut timelines?). As to wheels, she could still put it inside her Avatar: large facial images come out great

Me too wheels. Someone can shut his viewing of signatures off if he doesn’t like them.

Edited June 9, 2013 by SingleDad2usc