Feeling sick and overwhelmed - LPR husband walked out yesterday

[what2donow 0]

I have been on VJ since '08 when I applied for my husband's CR-1 visa. He came in '09 and I thought we had a good but not perfect marriage. I did have some suspicions that he only married me for the GC but was hoping that was not true. Unfortunately we live in an area with a large population of people from his country and as soon as he came he found a job working with them, networking with them, sometimes getting together with them outside of work and even after he found another job keeping in contact with them. I wonder if he had no community in the area if we might have had a chance to work things out. He got his 10yr GC in July '11. This past year his mom died from lung cancer, 5 months from diagnosis. She never smoked so it was a huge shock. This last month(Dec. '12) he seemed to really change and I wonder if he met someone else. He stayed out late several times('with friends') and wouldn't answer his phone. I got very angry that he didn't answer and I wonder if this might have set him off. The last couple of weeks he has been more distant, rarely wanting to have sex, reluctant to kiss me, etc. We booked a trip to Thailand back in late Sept. and he seemed excited about it then but lately did not want to do any planning and showed no enthusiasm. We are supposed to leave tomorrow but I guess it will just be me going away - I am feeling very depressed. I came home yesterday from work and he had taken all his possessions, clothing, laptop, etc. He left a note saying he had no feelings for me, no idea of a future. I called him and he said we were finished. I am simply numb. I think he must have met someone else otherwise why didn't he try to milk me through the citizenship process - might as well go all the way, no? I am just feeling numb, have no idea what to do next, could not sleep last night and haven't eaten since I came home yesterday. I am 45, not very attractive and feel like he might have been my only chance at love - feeling so much despair right now. :crying:

[Tony&Diana 8]

You should feel lucky you got rid of him

If that person had no feelings for u then it is better he left

You deserve to be happy and you need to learn to love urself first .

You are beautiful no matter what and every person is diferent in their own ways .

Be strong change the door locks and go file for divorce .He wont get anything from you cause you only been married for like 3 years so you should be fine there .

The other concern is to see what did u filled in his affidavit of support for the AOS as if he becomes a problem and ask for government help you are responsable of that .

B positive and remember you are not the only person to whom this happen , you will b fine (L)

[rohandlulu 22]

My god Im so sorry you are goin through this.. but let me make one thing clear...u are beautiful, u know how to love and that brings out the beauty in us all. Please take care of yourself ...u may not have control over what will happen with your relationship, but you must take care of yourself

[what2donow 0]

You should feel lucky you got rid of him

If that person had no feelings for u then it is better he left

You deserve to be happy and you need to learn to love urself first .

You are beautiful no matter what and every person is diferent in their own ways .

Be strong change the door locks and go file for divorce .He wont get anything from you cause you only been married for like 3 years so you should be fine there .

The other concern is to see what did u filled in his affidavit of support for the AOS as if he becomes a problem and ask for government help you are responsable of that .

B positive and remember you are not the only person to whom this happen , you will b fine (L)

He said he started a new job yesterday - I have no idea where or how much he is making or even if it is legit - his last job was cash only working at a grocery store. I make more than he does and am worried he might try to get money from me - also have a small retirement account but we do not own a home or any other major assets. I think as a single man all he can really get in terms of benefits(if he is still in a cash job) is EBT - $125/month?

I just cant believe he is putting me through this - he seemed so sweet and his family was so kind to me.

I wish I could meet another man from his country because I love it - painful to think about going back there and the memories of the places we went etc. but I love the culture there - feel like he is taking all of that away from me too.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

My husband is from one of the top fraud countries. You didn't mention where yours was from. But I know many of "his own" assume that everyone that enters the US based on marriage did so only for the green card. He has been offered a hook up to others "when he is ready" so he can help relatives come in ( He laughs at them and eventually the offers stop ) I have heard many stories of marriages for immigration then divorces and new marriages and so on to bring several people over. So maybe he was lured away by his friends. I also know that he has been approached by USC's. Marriage is something that takes work, especially when you come from very different cultures. Maybe once the newness of being married wore off the relationship died off also. Pick yourself up and remember that not every culture has the same ideal of "beauty" in a wive.

[Villanelle 4,121]

He said he started a new job yesterday - I have no idea where or how much he is making or even if it is legit - his last job was cash only working at a grocery store. I make more than he does and am worried he might try to get money from me - also have a small retirement account but we do not own a home or any other major assets. I think as a single man all he can really get in terms of benefits(if he is still in a cash job) is EBT - $125/month?

I just cant believe he is putting me through this - he seemed so sweet and his family was so kind to me.

I wish I could meet another man from his country because I love it - painful to think about going back there and the memories of the places we went etc. but I love the culture there - feel like he is taking all of that away from me too.

In most if not all states LPRs are barred from receiving public assistance for the first 5 years they are residents. -So the time period you would need to be concerned about would be after he hits the 5 year mark until he reaches 40 credits of work with the SS admin (which if he works cash jobs may never happen)

(there was a post a while ago where the USC had a clause in the divorce relating to the 864- I might have misunderstood the OPs post about what her specific clause what about but perhaps you could try something similar?(since hes not working on the books and will never outlive his affidavit of support) a clause in your divorce where he agrees not to collect welfare benefits that you will be sued for and forced to repay and if he does you have the right to sue him to get the money back?)

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

In most if not all states LPRs are barred from receiving public assistance for the first 5 years they are residents. -So the time period you would need to be concerned about would be after he hits the 5 year mark until he reaches 40 credits of work with the SS admin (which if he works cash jobs may never happen)

(there was a post a while ago where the USC had a clause in the divorce relating to the 864- I might have misunderstood the OPs post about what her specific clause what about but perhaps you could try something similar?(since hes not working on the books and will never outlive his affidavit of support) a clause in your divorce where he agrees not to collect welfare benefits that you will be sued for and forced to repay and if he does you have the right to sue him to get the money back?)

You can't get out of your I 864 by a divorce clause. The I864 it a contract with the government and the government isn't going to let you off the hook.

[Villanelle 4,121]

No the 864 would remain valid and unchanged in full effect.

The clause would be in the divorce. Something that he would sign agreeing not to file for welfare/government benefits while the 864 is active and if he does and she receives a bill for it, she could sue him for what ever amount the government billed her and recoup the money back.

It doesnt un-validate or get her out of the 864, but it would give her legal grounds to go after him to recoup whatever debt he potentially could rack up in welfare benefits. If he doesnt agree to the clause then shes out of luck, any welfare/government benefits debt he accumulates she will be responsible to repay.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

No the 864 would remain valid and unchanged in full effect.

The clause would be in the divorce. Something that he would sign agreeing not to file for welfare/government benefits while the 864 is active and if he does and she receives a bill for it, she could sue him for what ever amount the government billed her and recoup the money back.

It doesnt un-validate or get her out of the 864, but it would give her legal grounds to go after him to recoup whatever debt he potentially could rack up in welfare benefits. If he doesnt agree to the clause then shes out of luck, any welfare/government benefits debt he accumulates she will be responsible to repay.

And if the person refuses to sign it ? I doubt the clause would really be legally binding because you can't legally make someone forgo lifesaving benefits and all the recipient would need to do would be to file bankruptcy and you are still stuck with the bills

[Ismael&Blair 66]

He said he started a new job yesterday - I have no idea where or how much he is making or even if it is legit - his last job was cash only working at a grocery store. I make more than he does and am worried he might try to get money from me - also have a small retirement account but we do not own a home or any other major assets. I think as a single man all he can really get in terms of benefits(if he is still in a cash job) is EBT - $125/month?

I just cant believe he is putting me through this - he seemed so sweet and his family was so kind to me.

I wish I could meet another man from his country because I love it - painful to think about going back there and the memories of the places we went etc. but I love the culture there - feel like he is taking all of that away from me too.

I hope I am not prying but what country is he from?

Just remember that you are beautiful. Everyone has something wonderful in them. Surround yourself with friends and family. Please take care of yourself! Always remember...you come first and have pride in your own self.

[velrich 50]

Really sorry for how you are feeling right now. This too shall pass. If it was not meant to be please dont beat yourself up over it. Hold your head up high because we are all made beautiful. He did not deserve you. There are lots of meaningful things you can do with your life.

[Cathi 5,610]

He said he started a new job yesterday - I have no idea where or how much he is making or even if it is legit - his last job was cash only working at a grocery store. I make more than he does and am worried he might try to get money from me - also have a small retirement account but we do not own a home or any other major assets. I think as a single man all he can really get in terms of benefits(if he is still in a cash job) is EBT - $125/month?

I just cant believe he is putting me through this - he seemed so sweet and his family was so kind to me.

I wish I could meet another man from his country because I love it - painful to think about going back there and the memories of the places we went etc. but I love the culture there - feel like he is taking all of that away from me too.

what country is he from?

[innah 1]

A heartbreak is a blessing from God. It’s just his way of letting you realized he saved you from the wrong person. Get over him.He is not worth your time or your tears..

xoxo

[queenofthenile 2]

You can't get out of your I 864 by a divorce clause. The I864 it a contract with the government and the government isn't going to let you off the hook.

correct... but.. the clause grants her the right to sue him for anything the goverment asks her to pay for as a result of his use of government assistance.. the same as any other "credit" issue that a divorce decree gants... the creditor doesn't recognize.. but this is the right for reimbursment!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

correct... but.. the clause grants her the right to sue him for anything the goverment asks her to pay for as a result of his use of government assistance.. the same as any other "credit" issue that a divorce decree gants... the creditor doesn't recognize.. but this is the right for reimbursment!

And as soon as she sues , if she gets a judgement , all it takes going bankrupt to get rid of the judgement so she still ends up with the bills and no reimbursement.