Husband doesn't want to file papers

[Miss M 54]

And....... cue silence from OP even though she is still online. SMH

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

n00bs!

[AstaMarisa 84]

I thought your hubby was in public affairs (relations)? Or is he a photographer? Or is it both? I hope you get the help you need to move ahead with your life. No-one deserves abuse.

Yes, it's both. He takes pictures, writes stories, this is his job.

So about me writing my things to the police. Noone asked me to write anything, they said they got the story and took me. If everybody was so kind to give me chance to explain myself in different ways I would take this opportunity, but that's what it is. You ask me questions and I answer but then nobody asked me much. And I already told you I said all I felt like I should say. Because if I started from the beginning it would be too long story. I didn't really know what and how I should say. I'm not really good at speaking and making things out so I said few words. They also might consider protecting the computer from him braking it is a violence. I still don't know. All I know they were nice to me in jail and helped as much as possible. He went to jail also, but before me. Neighbors called when they heard me crying and him pushing me out of the door.

And yes, I have a computer, he takes us to Disneyland, he pays for my friends in restaurant, he likes to look cool to people. But also he likes to go out and date other women and he didn't help me with the papers so that's only two things I'm concern about. And I don't have any other story. It was all same story, same people I'm talking about. Maybe it's just my thing, I can't explain things right. I told the same story just added some details as question came to this.

Spelling.. what can I say about spelling. I'm actually proud that you are so impressed with my English, I was worst student at school in that class but now I can speak and talk.

[Kazulie 132]

I really love how everyone here has tried and convicted this guy with only hearing one side, and to be quite frank, her story sounds ridiculous and unbelievable. This guy is putting his life on the line for your freedom such as being able to post on boards etc etc etc , he at least deserves his say. He doesn't deserve to be labeled a woman abuser until all the facts come out. Horrible !!!!

Just because someone is in the military does NOT mean, in any way, that they are an upstanding person. I have known some really aweful people that have been in the military. It really bugs me that people always jump to "he's putting his life on the line... Or....it's because of him that we have all the rights that we do.". Some military are complete asses, lazy, don't give a ####### about their country OR you and me, and have mental problems just like regular citizens.

As with every story we read here on vj, no one will ever know the whole truth.

PS. I'm not bashing all military. One of my best friends is also military. But don't put someone on a pedestal just because they wear the uniform. They are not all godsends.

[AstaMarisa 84]

I'm just very surprised how people like to laugh at somebody if they think they can do that. You don't know me, I never said anything bad to you. Don't understand. I would buy my husband a computer if I had money, why is that so weird to you guys? It's normal thing to do. And he didn't say he won't file my papers, he promised. Just never did. He feels comfortable with me here as long as I don't say that I don't trust him or if I find something about him and asking him. I'm never against normal conversation, I ask questions, I try to fix things. But some people not as calm as I am. He isn't. He yells if he doesn't like me saying truth to his face. Again he feels comfortable with me because the house is taken care of, the baby is taken care of, and I can't really go anywhere without him knowing where I am. So he likes it that way. But I don't. Is that why I am a bad guy again?

And why would I take another name? I have just one story and one name, don't need to waist time on other profile. I am who I am, I was dealing with this for too long, just was waiting for him to get serious on that and when it didn't happen decided to do it myself as much as it possible.

[AF-Wife 181]

I thought your hubby was in public affairs (relations)? Or is he a photographer? Or is it both? I hope you get the help you need to move ahead with your life. No-one deserves abuse.

a photographer is a position at public affairs in the military.

[AF-Wife 181]

and I am wondering. aren't we suppose to help people & not judge them? I feel like, that's what you are all doing right now ...

OP, you have 3 options:

1) talk with your husband about everything and maybe he's willing to change so you can make it work

2) go to his squadron commander. they will help you for sure!!! this will have serious consequences for him.

3) leave him, go back to Russia & start a new life

good luck on whatever you decide!

Edited May 2, 2012 by AF-Wife

[AstaMarisa 84]

and I am wondering. aren't we suppose to help people & not judge them? I feel like, that's what you are all doing right now ...

OP, you have 3 options:

1) talk with your husband about everything and maybe he's willing to change so you can make it work

2) go to his squadron commander. they will help you for sure!!! this will have serious consequences for him.

3) leave him, go back to Russia & start a new life

good luck on whatever you decide!

Thank you.

1/ He is not refusing to do my papers, he promised me to do that.. 2 years ago.

2/ Just afraid to do something wrong, put him in a bad position and stuff.. I don't want anybody to go down, just wanna fix my stuff but this option contains a huge risk of him being mad at me for doing that

3/ I would use the last one but we have a baby together. It's complicated to separate like this, none of us would like this situation when our child has to be with one parent. Nor him or me.

I just hope I can fill all the papers and then have one of his friends around to show it to my husband and ask him to sign what he needs to sign. He will not say no to this in front of his friend. This is my secret plan.

[Cathi 5,621]

After one year you can write English this well? My husband(he is Arabic)had English in school from kindergarten up to and including college, so we are talking over 20 years. He speaks very good English, but he writes no where near at the level you do. His spelling is very good for the most part, but as far as punctuation and syntax no way is it even close to yours, and you say you learned by watching TV in 1 year?? When I first read you post I was feeling very sorry for you. But now I just don't believe you.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Don't know much about Russian women, but they must be a lot smarter than Vietnamese women. My step-daughter studied English for four years in Vietnam every day in High School. She's been taking ESL for at least six hours a week for more than two years since arriving in the US. I was really impressed with her progress... until now. My step-daughter's English writing isn't even close to the OP's. I'm guessing the OP must be Mensa material.

[Cathi 5,621]

Don't know much about Russian women, but they must be a lot smarter than Vietnamese women. My step-daughter studied English for four years in Vietnam every day in High School. She's been taking ESL for at least six hours a week for more than two years since arriving in the US. I was really impressed with her progress... until now. My step-daughter's English writing isn't even close to the OP's. I'm guessing the OP must be Mensa material.

[AstaMarisa 84]

Try to watch movies with the subtitles, it helps. That's what I did also. I liked one actor so much so I wanted to hear his voice so put English subs and watch it in English. In Russia it didn't really work that much, I could read but still when I came I didn't understand the conversation. And spoke very slowly. It comes later. I'm here for 2 years (2 and 3 months actually). I never said I live here for just a year. What this came from even

[Mike X Man 37]

The poster's story has a lot of indications of spousal abuse. For instance, denying someone the ability to have a bank account or have their own money is a way of maintaining absolute control over someone. So is refusing to help file basic adjustment of status paperwork so that the spouse can work, travel outside the U.S., and live without the fear of removal. I am curious to know if the poster has been physically abused or subject to other forms of extreme cruelty. If so, the case could be much more complicated and she could potentially qualify to adjust status under the Violence Against Women Act.

I totally agree.

[Tinchen_ 21]

i dont know if ur story is true or not.i honestly have some doubt. cuz u asked for help and many ppl here gave u some advice and links and ideas what to do. and somehow u come up with an excuse in every reply.

emotional and physical abuse is something serious and nothing to joke about. i was in an abusive relationship b4. so i know it is when someone takes ur freedom away from u.

but there is always help.

so if its true then go take ur child and leave go to a woman shelter there are sooo many in cali. they can help u with laws, translation, everything.

so i dont quite understand why u dont leave him???

and with ur english , that's a tricky one i came to the states when i was 18. with a really bad school english and took some esl classes at a college.

and now im writing in slang and shorts. so it takes a really long time to learn proper english, even with professional help.

so if its all true i don't doubt anyone wouldn't want u to help here.. everyone in this forum is very helpful. if its not true really shame on u for wasting our time and making up a story with something this serious.

[Klaxi 9]

Switch your keyboard to Cyrillic and type this again in Russian.

Maybe when you learn English so fast, you forget your native language. Don't blame him... I mean, her...