Husband doesn't want to file papers

[Bigbear 1]

I read all the post and Now I was about to cry in the beginning when I read her posts. I hate to know that there is a woman out there being abused and not being helped. here is what I think !!

1) If she is really abused as she is explaining, I understand why she would not leave him and go to a shelter. Being new to US is scary! especially when you don't know how to drive and you have no one to help. I have been here 6 years and when I get mad at my husband and I wanna go to a friend I have a hard time thinking of a true friend!! add to that having a baby! She does not wanna lose her son! it's very hard to raise a child alone being a single parent.

2) my other guess is that she was indirectly asking or finding away to get out of the marriage without losing the benefit of staying at US. She simply might wanna get out of the marriage and is wondering if she can files alone or not!!! the tricky thing here is your English! I never went to English School and I speak very well but I have a harder time writing sometimes. My writing is not perfect!! and I have been self learning since I was 10 years old!! lived in the US for 6 years speak English non stop with my husband and my 5 years old and in top of that I am a doctor!! so I am not dumb! so How can you please explain to me that you are Russian who can speak ( speaking is easier than writing) English that perfect!!! Your Writing is better than my US born husband!!

[Bigbear 1]

I meant by getting out of the marriage that you might never been sincere about your intention to be in this relationship. You just simply wanna leave the poor guy after he brought you here to US!

[StarGirl 13]

I feel that I need to back up those who feel that OP's story is well... fishy.

I am Russian. I have been learning English since I was 7. I have US college degree and US Master's degree. I lived in US for a good while. But by no means my English is so flawless as OP's. I read through all her posts and I couldn't detect EVEN ONE Русицизм. If your English is so perfect after only two years in US, thumbs up girl, you must be genius. If that's the case, I suggest you putting your brains to digging yourself out of the situation you are claiming you are in.

[AstaMarisa 84]

Если хочешь проверить русская я или нет, попроси свою жену позвонить мне. Только на скайп, потому что на мобиле денег нету, муж не заплатил. Достало если честно, 2 года терпела одного, пошла спросить как сделать документы, теперь опять виновата.

If so smart call me on skype (ask for name in message).

Honestly just ridiculous how people like to be mean. If you don't believe it why are you reading and answering?

[AmyWrites 593]

Maybe you're embellishing your story a bit, but denying things like bank accounts and filing papers for your partner is still abuse and I can't see why you'd stay with him.

[AmyWrites 593]

Maybe you're embellishing your story a bit, but denying things like bank accounts and filing papers for your partner is still abuse and I can't see why you'd stay with him.

[AstaMarisa 84]

Maybe you're embellishing your story a bit, but denying things like bank accounts and filing papers for your partner is still abuse and I can't see why you'd stay with him.

Because I don't like anybody else anyway and why wouldn't I be with him if I have my papers done? If I have it done he will be more respectful to me, he will be afraid to lose me, he will love me more, if I'm independent. What is wrong if I wanna stay with my husband? I came here for him, I came to marry him, and not divorce him. I know he was always afraid that I might run away, that's why he didn't give me much money, just a little and checked me spending them right away so I couldn't save any. And if you are russian go keanu.ru. I been seating on that site since 2008, I have same name there and you can see how my English grew month by month.

[AstaMarisa 84]

P.S. I'm not embellishing my story, I'm actually not saying a lot that don't seem nice of my husband. I just don't see any reason bringing more things that wouldn't help anybody. I honestly answered questions and just wanted some support on that. Right now when you already know what happened I could ask what should I put on a paper (i-485) when it says "Were you ever arrested?". The thing is I never saw the judge and my chargers were dropped, I also can't see any record online. Still not sure if it's necessary to put "yes" and explain on another piece of paper or I shouldn't say that at all since I don't have a record and charges were dropped without a judge? And if mark "yes" then how to explain? Should I put the information about me being on immigration hold too?

If you ever been in that kind of situation please give some advice. Really tired of talking to people who didn't have any problems with their spouses and legal stuff but pretending that they know everything.

And thanks to everybody who was supportive and nice.

[AYMAN_RINA 92]

well People on here gave very good advice but you didn't seem to like any of it.I honestly don't know what more to say

[AstaMarisa 84]

well People on here gave very good advice but you didn't seem to like any of it.I honestly don't know what more to say

I like every advice that was given to me, I'm already using them while filing my papers. But my situation is not letting me to go ahead and use every advice, because some of these ideas I already tried and shared the experience with you guys.

Also, thank you for your advice, I looked and it would help. But only in very last moment. I can't leave without the baby. And if I take him with me it's going to be easy for my husband to pull some case on me saying that I'm putting child in danger or something like that.. Also he can't kick me out of this house because it's military housing now, not the old place, so no need to leave, he doesn't want any trouble around this neighborhood .

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

I read your responses and questions and it does not sound fun to have to live with that guy. I have left to a shelter before and took my 2 year old daughter with me. They have resources there to make you independent, but you have to want it. It sounds like you want to try to stay with him. I hope he doesn't hit you? If he does, you are only going to learn the hard way and there's nothing we can tell you that would change your mind, but you did come here for advice. I know you can file the AOS alone, but if he let you go out of status, I don't know how you could explain that you have a "bonafide marriage" if he is dating other people and not even looking after you anymore and not even wanting to help you do AOS? That is going to be so hard...how would you get the money? And who will be your sponsor if your husband doesn't want to be? These are going to be tough....I don't knwo how you would become more independent without any status.....you could do the VAWA route like the others have said, but that involves pretty much leaving your husband. You don't have to leave without your baby....military is extremely strict and if they knew what he was doing...it would not be good for him at all....I think you are jsut afraid, but I don't knwo how to make you not be afraid enough to leave him. He isn't as powerful as you think. Domestic violence laws are such that they MUST take someone when there is a call out.....they aren't going to really care who started it unless someone is obviously abused...I don't know...I wish I could give you advice you would take. I would do research on what you should do, but trying to be independent in this marriage will only lead to him becoming even meaner and more aggressive and not make him treasure you more (at least not in the right way) sorry I can't help you more.

Edit: I left my 1st husband, not the one I came to VJ for

[Peter_Pan 661]

I learned English from TV, then I took some classes for 4 months ( 2 hours per week) to make sure grammar is in place - all that in a non-native environment. Some people are just naturally gifted at leasrnign foreign languages. Oh, and I know idioms, and slang from several English speaking countries as well, without ever setting foot in one.

[AstaMarisa 84]

I hope he doesn't hit you?

No he doesn't hit me, only pushes , but he didn't do it for a year I guess. Yea, the police takes somebody, you are right. They were kind enough to us to wait till 8th call from him. And one time I called first saying that he is trying to call on me again but I 'm in my bed, just woke up. So after that he stopped calling on me. I don't know, I think it is that, I'm afraid a bit and lazy also, I just don't like fighting, but he likes by the way, he likes fighting not with me only, with other people, that's his personality. it's easier for me to do some papers and get his friend helping me like being some sort of witness of this. And I did love him, I hope this feeling would come back if we had different life, more opportunities to be who we are, not who we have to be. And he is a father of my child, who am I to brake this? I don't want anybody to get hurt. In any way.

[AstaMarisa 84]

I learned English from TV, then I took some classes for 4 months ( 2 hours per week) to make sure grammar is in place - all that in a non-native environment. Some people are just naturally gifted at leasrnign foreign languages. Oh, and I know idioms, and slang from several English speaking countries as well, without ever setting foot in one.

Thank God you came! I knew there are people out there!

[PaulnUsa 19]

What is your husbands reasons for not wanting to file?

Isn't there any legal issues with him not filing?