am i overreacting about this porn thing?

[Matt1968 13]

I haven't seen much else said about this but you mentioned some stuff about "incest"? That's sick! That tells you about his taste. I don't sweat him watching porn, but "incest"? Nah, that ain't right.

Matt

[Laveau 67]

You are not overrreacting. I have nothing against anyone watching porn as long as it's not MY SO. My ex failed to tell me about his love of pornography before we married. He actually went as far as hiding it from me and told a mutual friend to not mention to me (he has borrowed some videos from this friend or something like that...so long ago I forget). I never thought to ask. Anyway, it came out that he liked pron quite a bit. I tried to keep an open mind but it was a fail. That (among other things) had a huge influence on me not reconciling with him after we separated. He tried but

I truly hope you and your husband can work out this issue. (F)

[GnBnL 50]

maybe I should go to that "pleasure emporium" store where he went and find a little treat for myself Nah, it's been difficult for me because I've always been like, naive and I don't know how to deal with certain situations because I'm just not used to this kind of stuff and it frustrates me so much that I came to this country to be with him, to have a family and just try to be happy together but now, after 5 yrs, I still have no friends, I have no one to go to if I have a problem, so, I have always tried to make this relationship work. He's always had his good and bad days, he went to counseling with me a couple of times and he tried to be on Lexapro for 1 month and I guess it worked because it had been since then that he had been great all the time with me but i just don't know what the hell happened to him this time. I had great hopes for us. I had never been this cold with him, but I gotta confess it feels good to stand up for myself.

yes please learn from me, and DO stand up for yourself! He is acting sheepish because you busted him and he does not like it! lol! I hope things either get better, or you can move on and find someone better for you.

[GnBnL 50]

I haven't seen much else said about this but you mentioned some stuff about "incest"? That's sick! That tells you about his taste. I don't sweat him watching porn, but "incest"? Nah, that ain't right.

Matt

you have to keep in mind that it is porn we're talking about...its is entirely based on fantasy, and it is not real...hence why men think in real life they can spend 3 mintues with a girl and she'll be breaking glass with her vocal performance... Incest is wrong and in no way would I enjoy hearing about it, but a lot of porn out there is incest based and is a popular fantasy...step dad and daughter, or step son and step mom, that is all considered the incest category. Doesn't mean a person is sick, as fantasies are most often not to be taken literally. Just a reflection of a psychological desire. I do not know what the particular material is we're talking about, and there is def some more hard core versions out there, but all in all, its porn, its not real.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

There's a difference between HAS looked at porn and IS looking at porn.

I know for 10000% sure that Tony doesn't look at porn. He doesn't go to strip clubs (and wouldn't). I know he DID while he was single. I know he DID while he was in the military. If I found out that even after our discussion on it and our views on the subject that he was watching porn it would rightly p*ss me off.

I don't consider porn healthy for our relationship, neither does my husband. Whether other people do or not is their business. The OP has voiced to her husband her opinion of it and he's dismissing it. Some people are okay with open relationships but if BOTH people aren't it's cheating.

Lookin' at porn is not an "open relationship".

[GnBnL 50]

Lookin' at porn is not an "open relationship".

I believe that was just an example.

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

I'm going to go ahead and be the pig here: Your husband likes porn and he married a prude. I am assuming prude because you actually considered putting restrictions on cinemax to control the actions of another adult. You can't "break" him from the habit, it will just make him better at hiding it. He lied to you, you can punish him for that, but it will not fix the core problem. You have three basic choices: you can choose to leave him, you can look the other way, or you can involve yourself and share it with him.

[TiklingGuy 211]

You should buy the movie Fireproof and have him watch it, you as well. Porn is not healthy in any relationship. You should pray for your husband. "People's actions often reflect the atitude of their hearts." pornagraphy is a lustfull addiction. This problem he has can be fixed, but he has to be willing to agree that lust is the opposite of love, and to love you with his full potential means that he has to get rid of all the parasites in his life that is distracting him from you.

John

[jen1217 5]

i think watching porn is not a big deal at all but paying for those cam sex sites or whatever they call it is not good at all, if my husband would do that oh goshhh.. no i cannot take it coz for me its cheating and i will feel like i am not enough for him that's why he still consider doing those thing over the net.

[moonunit 2]

Basically what DiZZyLoX said above however I'm actually fine with porn as long as it involves consenting adults. I've watched it. My partner's watched it. Doesn't bother me one bit.

Renting it or getting it free from the net, isn't really a big deal - it doesn't speak to his character (though the incest stuff... I dunno that's a bit ewe) HOWEVER in your case the fact of the matter is that he lied. That's the biggest thing. And the other is the fact that he's a part of a sex group and lastly is doing interactive live cam stuff though to some that's subjective. Thinking about restricting his access to the movie channels doesn't seem very healthy either, kind of controlling. But anyways you should perhaps see if he'd be willing to go to a couples therapist so they could help you one way or the other. It can't keep going on like this you guys won't last if it does.

Also... this is a off note but not being able to make any friends in 5 years seems more like a personal problem. I know living in a foreign country is hard, I've done it, I'm actually doing it right now, but you have to start planting some roots by finding some friends or you'll continue to be miserable. Have you tried to take a class at the local college or a arts hub? The gym (usually if you go to the exercise classes the women are friendly and connections can be made)? A book club? Whatever you think you might be into? If you dont actually get out there... it's not going to happen.

[AmyWrites 593]

I strictly do not allow porn to enter our relationship, as it's wanting, and usually acting based on that desire, to "be with"someone else. If my SO has any problems in that area, or something he wants to try, I will do so, and he is the same with me, but I consider spanking it in front of an image to be cheating. I know he used to watch porn, but now he doesn't, because he's not okay with me watching it either. If we watch it, we watch it together, because the truth is, once you start getting physical satisfaction in secret, hiding it, alone from your partner, IMO things are only going to get worse.

But to most people, it's okay, or at least something people put up with. So initially I'd tell you... discuss it with your SO. Maybe he assumes you're okay with it too. However when you wrote the incest thing... is that a man you want to have kids with?

And last but not least, buy a great, wonderful sex toy for yourself only. Use that instead. Taste of his own medicine....

Edited January 4, 2012 by AmyWrites

[OgaMum 4]

Addiction isn't a fun nor easy thing for about the addict and the persons involved. I strongly suggest that you talk to him with a professional counselor who specializes in addiction.

Someone said porn or little of it is okay but NOT everyone engages or enjoys porn. We have to be mindful that everyone is different and if it isn't comfortable to you then you have the right to voice that concern.

That's like me saying I have an addiction with inflicting harm to people but it is okay because it is natural human behavior. That's atrocious and any behavior that pose as an issue is NOT HEALTHY.

Protect yourself and your children if you are planning on staying with him. I wish you the best and get help if you can.

[AMP 54]

I think you two should make your own movie, then you will not feel so ashamed when he watches it. Also try sprucing up the action in the bedroom. Like maybe do some roll playing,by trying to make him forget the porn, by replacing it with some other fun activity.

Also, it looks like this guy loves you, why else would he have two jobs. That's pretty commendable.

[mike411 15]

Sorry to hear your problem! You are making too big of a deal on this porn business with your husband.

Every man I know watch and own porn. I wouldn't tell you either knowing your reaction.

[NY_BX 397]

I haven't seen much else said about this but you mentioned some stuff about "incest"? That's sick! That tells you about his taste. I don't sweat him watching porn, but "incest"? Nah, that ain't right.

Matt

I thought I was the only one disgusted by this. Porn is healthy and no, it's not based on the assumption either of us want to be with someone else. Reading that was disturbing to me as I felt accused. I adore my fiance to pieces and I certainly do not want to be, or f**k, anyone else. We just like porn once in a while. It certainly has had its benefits between us. So, yes, little, random doses of lust in a relationship are healthy to keep the fire alive. You can watch porn and do it; you can role play; you can use toys.... whatever. If your sexual life releases enough endorphines to keep both of you incredibly happy and satisfied, without causing harm to yourselves and others, then it is healthy.

This is clearly not the case. This man went as far as being on psy- medication. I knew that feeling attracted to the "fantasy" of f****g a family member, let alone one of your children, was NOT normal (at best). A fantasy is role playing or changing positions. Illegal sex is not a fantasy whatsoever. I agree that the key is this: he lied to keep his addiction alive. And yes, he married a prude. It is time to stand up and say enough is enough.

Sorry to hear your problem! You are making too big of a deal on this porn business with your husband.

Every man I know watch and own porn. I wouldn't tell you either knowing your reaction.

Uh, excuse me, women watch porn too. Why wouldn't you tell her? if you know she will react like that, why watch porn, let alone own porn?