Deceitful wife and VAWA

[Leatherneck 693]

not to mention we've only been married for 6.5 months ... will this stand for a vawa ? she wanted her green card quick and move on quick. she pretended to love me. i am a single parent. she devasted my children by pretending to be their new mommy, and then leaving them and me like we're trash

You being a single parent, means your children are also out of the house, is that correct?

For the sake of your kids, consider putting the 'Mr. nice guy' approach to this away and put

your 'game face' on and fight fire-with-fire. Your kids do not deserve to have this woman come

into their lives and turn their world upside-down with this drama.

If one restraining order is good, then two RO's are better. File for an RO and that will give you

the opportunity to stand before a judge to explain that you are the home owner and a single parent

and the RO she placed on you has impacted your kids.

Maybe that judge will rescind the first RO, since you can't afford a lawyer, throw a RO against the wall and see if it sticks.

Without money for a lawyer or legal aid help, your options are kind of limited.

Edited November 23, 2011 by Leatherneck

[TBoneTX 43,069]

I love my wife dearly, but her going this far to hurt me, is beyond my imagination. she hasnt spoken to me in over 5 weeks, but before she put the order on me, she told me her intentions. she does not want to divorce me, i guess she figures she can always come back if her plans do not work.

In addition to agreeing with the constructive advice from others, I have to add (reluctantly) that the female may have found herself a genuine sucker -- a scammer's dream -- by his own admission in the boldface words above.

What exactly have you been doing for over 5 weeks -- getting pushed around? Interpret this question as one of disbelief, rather than of accusation or condemnation.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I wonder how she can get a green card if she's has stayed illegally?

She can adjust status if she can convince USCIS that she's been abused by her US citizen husband. It doesn't matter that she doesn't have legal status. It wouldn't even matter if she'd entered the US illegally. VAWA is second only to asylum in terms of the immigration violations that can be forgiven if the applicant is successful. Because of this there is a powerful incentive for someone with immigration problems to fake a VAWA claim. Unfortunately, collecting the evidence they need often involves ruining the life of a US citizen.

This happens entirely too often, and is the main reason I generally avoid VAWA related threads. You just never know if you're helping someone do what the OP's wife is doing to him.

[belinda63 2,981]

If she is spoofing the messages this will be easy to prove as you can request a copy of your phone records which will show you did not send the messages. Since she has no other evidence this will prove she is a fraud and is using you for immigration purposes. Also the judge can issue an order for you to enter the house at an agreed upon time to retrieve your property, request a sheriff be present while you are there.

Hire some cheap attorney and get in front of the judge with your evidence and have her thrown out for false accusations. Contact ICE ASAP and report her as being illegal and the story of what she is doing. Follow up with all this in writing including copies of your phone records, police reports, etc.

For NO REASON at all, ever, never, be in a one-on-one situation with this woman.

[Joe Bue 0]

You need to get her out of your life.

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/30/10-signs-your-girlfriend-or-wife-is-an-emotional-bully/

[Joandjo 20]

The problem with abuse is that men who abuse women are real convincing when it comes to claiming innocense. I don't believe or disbelieve but personally don't think this is the forum for you. There are psychopaths everywhere and they're all accusing everyone else of being psychopaths.

I was recently married to a foreigner. Who did not tell me she was here in America illegally. I married her and soon after I was told. All she ever spoke about is me filing for her. She was cold and callous towards me. I never felt loved after the marriage. Soon after she demanded the Green Card. She told me if I wouldnt do it, she'd ruin my life. Soon after she called the police on me after an argument. I was not arrested .Soon after I was hit with a restraining order, and I can't go back to my home, nor get my clothes due to her never being home. She made it seem as if I had been abusing her. Which is not true. She even spoofed a load of messages to her phone as if it was me that sent those messages. What should I do ?

The problem with abuse is that men who abuse women are real convincing when it comes to claiming innosence. I don't believe or disbelieve but personally don't think this is the forum for you. Their are psychopaths everywhere and they're all accusing everyone else of being psychopaths.

Edited November 23, 2011 by Joandjo

[NoneYa 73]

( time she calls record it document/video record her lies and then call the police. ) Be careful of this advice. Recording phone calls in Florida is a third degree felony. Both parties need to know about the recording. Check your state laws.

I have experience with this type of individual. My lawyer classified my ex as a 1. Manipulator 2. Survivor. You need a NICE Lawer but very smart. The restraining order will be dropped if you have not harmed her and you go before the judge with a good lawyer, I believe.

This type of woman will cut herself and call the police and say you did it. Even though you can be innocent, you would then have a police arrest record. Do not go home alone ever. Do not live there once the order is dropped. If your name is on the house and hers isn't, she will have to leave eventually.

Do not get in a heated argument with her when you see her again. Take the high road. Be polite with one objective.. get her out of your life.

I would tell her you love her and want to get back together. Then I would get the restraining order dropped. Then I would not move back in the house. Then I would start divorce proceedings. This is how my lawyer worked my case. I will never get abused like this again in my life. I understand the stress you are under. You need someone close with a good head on their shoulders to walk you through this because you are not thinking straight now and if you listen to advice from people that have never been through this, you might make some big mistakes. I wish you the best but this happens all the time.

[inpeace 5]

There are always 2 sides of the same story... I dont think you have nothing to worry about if like you said you havent done nothing wrong. The judge will suspend the temporary RO if your wife can not prove her claims and he sees you are not a treat to her. Also, VAWA is not an easy process that everybody gets approved, she really needs a ton of eveidence that she probably wont have if you did nothing against her... Hope you can find some peace of mind...

[Karee 4,189]

She can adjust status if she can convince USCIS that she's been abused by her US citizen husband. It doesn't matter that she doesn't have legal status. It wouldn't even matter if she'd entered the US illegally. VAWA is second only to asylum in terms of the immigration violations that can be forgiven if the applicant is successful. Because of this there is a powerful incentive for someone with immigration problems to fake a VAWA claim. Unfortunately, collecting the evidence they need often involves ruining the life of a US citizen.

This happens entirely too often, and is the main reason I generally avoid VAWA related threads. You just never know if you're helping someone do what the OP's wife is doing to him.

As usual, Jim is spot on. Read the above twice.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

The problem with abuse is that men who abuse women are real convincing when it comes to claiming innocense. I don't believe or disbelieve but personally don't think this is the forum for you. There are psychopaths everywhere and they're all accusing everyone else of being psychopaths.

If this were a typical relationship between two Americans then I would agree wholeheartedly. However, it's not typical. The OP's spouse has a lot to gain by fabricating an abuse case against him. If she can build a convincing case then she can get a green card, while there's virtually no other way she could get one.

I agree that abusive men often loudly proclaim their innocence, but they do so to people who already know about the abuse allegations. They don't generally tell people they don't know that they've been accused of abuse just so they can proclaim their innocence. What the OP has described is the textbook pattern of a foreigner with immigration problems who is playing an American to gain legal status in the US.

When you consider whether someone is lying to you then you must also consider what motives they might have to lie. What motive does the OP have to come on this forum and lie about abusing his wife? What motive does his wife have for lying when she claims to be abused?

[BobnCherry 10]

I wonder how she can get a green card if she's has stayed illegally?

My thought too,if she's here illeagally she doesn't have a foot to stand on yes?

[Brit Abroad 166]

You need to do three things:-

1. Call the Police and explain that your wife is denying you the right to collect your clothing and personal possessions from your home by being difficult about availability and making false accusations to try and blackmail or bully you into getting her status changed from illegal alien to permanent resident. The other thing you may wish to mention is that she is spoofing messages from you, so obviously she (or a contact of hers) has cloned your phone chip. This is fraud and the police should act on that, if nothing else.

2. Do some internet and phone research for pro bono lawyers in your town/state. Check out "Can't Afford A Lawyer?" and see what kind of help is available for you. First of all, get that divorce rolling and cite her for emotional abuse and attempted blackmail.

3. Call ICE (number at the bottom of the page) and explain the situation. You aren't the first person to be abused in this way, and you won't be the last. It's not your fault and you don't deserve to suffer the consequences. Get the ball rolling on getting this ###### sent back to where she came from.

You may also wish to call your cell phone provider and ask them to give you records of all texts/calls that were made during the period she claims you sent abusive messages, and ask them to trace the origin of any messages you believe you did not send. They would certainly be interested in knowing if your phone has been cloned.

[jimmysmitts 9]

I am sorry what has happened to you, it happens to many men as the legal system is setup to trust women and dis-trust men. You can lose your house, your kids and everything you hold dear to a woman who has it out for you.

Fathers and families sometimes helps with legal fees you might try contacting them.

What ever you do, don't make it worse by violating the RO regardless of what she says. I would try to cut my losses and attempt a quick divorce, maybe use not reporting her to ICE and going to the media as a leverage to get a better divorce settlement.

Good luck to you.

[kytwell 179]

Get a woman lawyer. They are ruthless and can attack another woman unmercifully without seeming like some bully as it would if it was a male lawyer. In addition, IDK exactly how you get a restraining order in place, for 5 weeks without a hearing yet? My ex-wife, an American, filed a PFA against me. It got entered temporarily, but I had a hearing within 10 days. At which time it was thrown out as baseless. Today (4 years later) even after I have been awarded full custody of our kids, I still show no mercy to that devious animal. She kept me from our kids for 11 days, for no other reason than to attempt to gain leverage in our impending divorce. This woman you have, has had you and your kids evicted from their home. Even if you can't afford a lawyer, file for divorce right away, do it Pro Se for now. There's plenty of resources available on the web for you to search how to file for divorce on your own. Then when you can afford a lawyer, they can just make an entry of appearance on your behalf. Some lawyers are even willing to just represent you at hearings, while you do all the leg work in between. As well as you need to withdraw your petition on her behalf. Good Luck to you and your kids.

[Leatherneck 693]

OP, never, never, never under any circumstances be caught (even dead) alone with or near that woman. Even if she tells you she needs your help immediately, ignore her. Any woman that would be so ruthless as to get a RO causing the children that live there to not be able to be in their own home, can not be trusted.