My story...

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

i decided to post this because some people might learn something from my experience. im romanian, i moved to virginia on 17th september to be with my (back then) future husband. i love him to death, i knew we wouldnt afford a house right away so we moved in with his grandma, with his mom and aunts coming at the house often. i knew his mom for months cause we talked on messenger very often and we were getting along great. well things were perfect there, we were all sunshines and rainbows even if his grandma was giving me freaky looks eveytime she saw me. on 27th september we went at the court house and got married only with his mom in there. we got back and told everyone else we got married, all of them congratulated and hugged us. they told me how much they loved me, and how happy sam is with me.

well 3 nights ago, my husband was playing on the computer so i went outside , layed on the grass and watched the stars. my husband run and woke his mom up saying i run in the woods and this caused a huge scandal. i got forbidden to go out after 10pm (even in the yard) his grandma saying she'll lock me up outside on the porch in the cold (is freezing here at night cause we live in the mountains. that night i made up with my husband very easy, we were all loving. in the morning his mom started knocking at our door, woke us up and told us to move outside, so we did. now the fun begun. his mom acused me for marring him for the freakin greencard and told me she's sending me back home. his grandma told my husband (in front of me) that i said my engagement ring with diamonds is actually just a friendship ring and ill keep it only until im getting a bigger one. i kept shouting at her thats a lie, and she shouldnt lie like that in front of me. she said im the one im lying when i didnt even bring up to discution my engagement ring since i got here. she told my husband that im the biggest mistake of his life and she knows he'll never be happy and we should divorce imediately ( we were married for 4 days and we were insanely happy until that happened). she told me in front of him that i can go and f**k whoever i want because she doesnt care and he doesnt care either. my husband wasnt defending me at all he just stood there staring not saying a word. now the horrible part came. i went to my room to be alone, she came in after like 30 minutes and pulled me out of the bed, pulled me off by hair and legs and shoved me in the kitchen and made me wash all their dishes and do laundry, fold all the clothes and stuff. when i was washing dishes she made me give my husband back the engagement ring he gave me last year. i did it without telling him why. after that she got psysical again, she grabbed my neck and squeezed it saying she was gonna beat me up and kick me in the street. after i washed all the dishes she made us clean the room, change the mattress, take all the trash. she forbid us NOT to close the door at OUR freakin' room. we did all that in silence. when we were done i was left alone in that room for hours. it was 8pm and i didnt eat anything all day. she was telling him in the other room to go sleep at his cousin and leave me there all alone ( i didnt even have sheets on the bed). she kept calling me a wh**re and little b***h. my husband refused to leave m,e in there. he came in our room and hugged me and we were both sitting there crying. i told him im his wife, and i have no family in there and he should defend me and take care of me because i cant defend myself in front of his whole family especially when they r so damn agressive cause i dont wanna end up in jail if i lay a hand on them.

well yesterday when we woke up, we avoided everyone. we took our cigs, coffee and hid in the backyard without saying a word. when we came back inside in our room, his grandma called him and she said she wants an apology from ME. my husband said hell no, you have to apologise to her for being psysical, for hitting her and for making u do all your dirty work. she said she wants "that w***e" out of her house so my husband said "if she's leaving im leaving too" so he came in and started looking for rents. his mom came home and found out what happened, she found out her mom hit me and she made a huge scandal. she kicked all of us out (we didnt have any place to go) and she shouted she doesnt want to see that lil' b***h (me) in her house ever again. my husband turned aro9und pissed as hell and he said you dont call my wife like that ever again u ^%^&$%*^& and if you lay your hand on her again you'll get in jail. he tried to get out of the house with 2 big luggage and she slammed the door into his back, he almost fell on the stairs and got hit in the back with the door. his mom came here running, put us and our stuff in the car and took us away from there with the speed of light. now we're living at her house for the next 1-2 weeks until we can move to our own p[lace. we found a very cheap house for rent. and now guess what, his grandma and aunts want to rent it just so we wont get it. eveything is so backwards here.

now i wrote all this in case you move in with your spouse's family. no matter how nice they are DONT!!!! trust them and always have a plan B. they were super nice to me at first. this all happened because of NOTHING. i didnt do anything to anyone i was very polite, i was nice to everyone, gave them all the space in the world. they still hated me. they called me a money sucker even if they saw i cried for the damn medicine bills when i got sick last week cause i didnt want my husband to pay a cent for me.

really take care if u do that and try to get a place of your own as soon as possible because they can break your relationship apart in a second. thank god me and my husband are more bonded than ever and we dont wanna see her ever again

[Miss smarty pants 84]

Wow. That stinks. Good for you two for sticking together!

Wow. That stinks. Good for you two for sticking together!

[RemyKristin 0]

Oh my Gosh ! That is awful ! I am so sorry this is happening to you. I am glad your husband finally realized he needed to defend you. This makes me so sad My fiance is also from Romania. Stay strong ! and I hope you can get thru this ~~

[joonphon 7]

omg! I'm so sorry to hear that I totally understand what you're going through... Everyone has a story.. and this might be a test for you to build your strength... I really hope things get better.... <hugs>

[faithinGod 8]

Dee, i`m so sorry that this was the family "welcoming"! But you`re strong and this won`t stop you and your hubby!

Congrats on the marriage and wish you good luck and a long happy life together!

[Pamala Bull 4]

wow weird how they did a 360 and turned crazy , lucky u are out of there i wish u all the best

[Nemata Musa 5]

OMG,OMG<OMG.I'm so sorry Dee Dee...Take heart,Your love for each other will get you through all the rough time...

[Golden Gate 530]

Wow. That is some messed up family! I am sorry you have had to go through that! Sounds like your husband was taken by surprise too.

Families can be so weird, to say the least. Based on your posts here, you seem to be a very caring person, so just stick to your guns and the two of you will do what you need to do for yourselves. Eventually, his family will have to acknowledge that their 'little boy' is grown up and on his own! I am glad he finally stuck up for you. It seems you are what he needs! Best to the both of you. Will keep you in my prayers.

[Dan and Judy 614]

You need to be scared. Apparently your husband grew up in an abusive enviroment. If he had jumped right to your defense that would be one thing but you had to tell him.

People that grow up in an abusive enviroment frequently end up being abusive. Him flipping out when you went outside is a bad sign.

These are not normal people to start with but apparently your husband set this thing off with an over reaction to you being outside.

For a short time this seemed like a loving family. beware your husband grew up in this family.

The worst thing you could do right now would be to get pregnant. If he flips out you'll be even more alone than you are now.

Take charge of the birth control and put this guy on probation for a year before you decide to get pregnant.

[TBoneTX 43,516]

You need to be scared. Apparently your husband grew up in an abusive enviroment. If he had jumped right to your defense that would be one thing but you had to tell him.

People that grow up in an abusive enviroment frequently end up being abusive. Him flipping out when you went outside is a bad sign.

These are not normal people to start with but apparently your husband set this thing off with an over reaction to you being outside. For a short time this seemed like a loving family. beware your husband grew up in this family.

The worst thing you could do right now would be to get pregnant. If he flips out you'll be even more alone than you are now.

Take charge of the birth control and put this guy on probation for a year before you decide to get pregnant.

I hate to say it, but this is the best possible advice that you could follow right now. The behavior that you experienced was (is) quite psycho. Keep yourself safe, be alert for ANY sign of aberrant behavior from your husband, and have steps in mind to protect yourself and remove yourself from any danger.

My rule is that, if I'm struck or have something thrown at me in anger, the relationship is immediately and permanently over.

[Yhet&HHB 0]

Thank you for sharing your story... makes me aware of everything. You are great overcome those downs in your fiance family but yet you are now at ups.. Good Luck.

[Golden Gate 530]

Yes, Dan and Judy is right. It seems awfully odd how he reacted to you going outside, that he even told his mom. Why did he freak like that? He seems unusually fearful, and really young. Where is his backbone? It's good he stood up for you finally, but Dan is right, it wasn't his instinct, and will he waiver when his family makes it hard for him? Sounds like some really controlling and disturbed women in the family. Where is his dad?

I had a friend from Italy, she got pregnant with a guy from here who was in his mid twenties, who seemed heavily influenced by his mom's family, and later they threatened to take the baby away from her, when she couldn't deal with HIS immaturity and controlling behaviors anymore. She was tough and got through it all and ended up getting away from him, but he has turned out to be one lousy and completely distant father to their daughter, and the daughter is quite mixed up now as a 17 year old.

So be very careful.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

file a police report and get a restraining order against the grandmother. Keep yourself safe.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=328466&view=findpost&p=4890656

[Lavi 3]

I am so sorry Dee You and Sam love each other, if you two make it through this process you can do everything, stay together and keep your faith in God. Congrats for geting married, have a beautiful, happy life together. Stay safe!