Petitioner doesn't want to get married

[san diego 407]

I would like to apologize to OP for takin this off topic. again none of the comments that II posted have anything to do with your particular situation or even imply your situation.

[A + M 29]

Well July 29 is coming around early. She has no right to stay in your house because you're not married (if you were married you couldn't just kick her out). There is no legal responsibility to her, just moral.

If I were you I would call the police to have her removed. While in the presence of police I would give her the tickets, advise her of the date, pay for a hotel/motel while waiting for the flight and then if she doesn't catch it, you have proof you tried to do the right thing.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I agree!

[Delaw 0]

That's the thing, I DID. If I knew you personally I would suggest you call my mum and friends and ask. We discussed divorce and our views on it. I looked into divorce in Iowa (where we would marry and eventually settle) to make sure it wouldn't be too hard or expensive. I didn't even empty my bedroom or take all my clothes when I first went over. I told them that I hoped it work, I think I even have blog entries (a private online diary type thing) where I talked about how I would feel if it didn't work out. How embarassing it would be to return home but how that would be better than stuck in a country to be honest I wasn't even sure I LIKED at the time. Let's be honest here, it's completely different for me being a single girl, with a loving family back home with a place to return to. It's also not THAT big of a deal if it didn't work out. Relationships don't work out. It would simply be like moving towns (and that's how I thought about it for the longest time).

If tony told me to go I would be so heartbroken that he even suggested it that I would NOT stay and fight and he knew/knows that. In the beginning things were still fragile and "new" having never lived permanently together, and given my last "live in bf" situation sucked I was entirely prepared NOT to put my name on a lease or anything permanent until I was sure, to ensure I could leave. Tony also told my mother he would pay for a return flight if it didn't work out but she had money just in case. I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.

And so again, lets be real, it doesn't work out after 2 weeks they didn't know each other well enough. I'm not saying I knew tony well enough, we've been married 18+ months and I'm still learning more about him/us but I was realistic about my expectations and I had no kids to worry about so it wasn't a huge risk.

Yes, I agree with you...we all took that big risk...the 90-day limit is to see if the two are compactible for marriage otherwise, each would go their seperate ways... life is really unfair! Now where is the LOVE we talked about all the time????

[san diego 407]

Yes, I agree with you...we all took that big risk...the 90-day limit is to see if the two are compactible for marriage otherwise, each would go their seperate ways... life is really unfair! Now where is the LOVE we talked about all the time????

I would like to re-iterate that K1 visa is not given "to wait and see". The purpose of the visa is to bring your foreign fiancee here for marriage which allows you to get married in US. It is designed for people that made this decision to get married. If anyone makes this statement during interview that they applied for visa "to wait and see", they would get denied. Simply because this is not a purpose of the visa. Similarly, B1/B2 visa is "to visit", not to get married. Each visa has its purpose and "wait and see" means misrepresentation.

[LaL 418]

I say the K-1 is flawed because it makes it way to easy to get into situations like this one.

An inanimate object/process is the flaw here and not simply the humans utilizing it? Really?

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

An inanimate object/process is the flaw here and not simply the humans utilizing it? Really?

Yes, it is flawed because it was poorly designed.

A tire on a car can be flawed and cause an accident to no fault of the driver of the car. You see an inanimate object can be flawed.

I would agree that the people who misuse the K-1 process like a fitting room are flawed in their thinking but if properly designed the process shouldn't allow such obvious misuse.

[S_R 148]

I Guess The K1 Process could be a Mine Field... Navigate at your own peril.

You are matured enough to do whats best for everybody involved... You once "loved" this lady because you spent valuable time and resources bringing her over. You know what we don't and that should help you make the right decisions. At the end of the day its your decision that counts...

'

[KiwiBird 132]

Due to time, I haven't read a lot of the replies here. I just want to say that if her return flight is in three days from now (on the 29th), then perhaps you can look into changing that flight to one that gives both of you more time to figure out what the best course of action is.

Whether she goes back or stays here, those are decisions that can't be rushed just because of a plane ticket. You can always cancel this one and purchase a new one for a flight within the 90 days if she decides to go back.

[Boiler 43,668]

I think the OP has had the good sense to move on.

[Used to be broken 143]

I say the K-1 is flawed because it makes it way to easy to get into situations like this one. If it didn't exist then chances are this never would have happened for this couple.

If they had been required to be married before he could file to bring her and her children to the US they might have never got married or if they did then by the time she arrived at POE they would have built a better relationship.

Fact is that while the K-1 was designed for use by couples who would have trouble getting married abroad it has become a "try before you buy" Visa for too many.

*that is not the only way in which its flawed.

[mystickal 8]

He's probably stressing out right now.

[Boiler 43,668]

or laughing himself silly after reading the replies?

[sachinky 464]

I answered this. This is not about the woman or a man. This is about the host and the person changing their lives. If the host changes their mind they are responsible for restoring lives of the visitors that gave up. This is why host has to be absolutely sure that they want to be together. Again, I do not mean this particular situation. I already mentioned that: if I had to move to my fiancee in Russia, she would be responsible. This is absolutely different situation from getting married in the same country. More responsibility. The same as with child: before having a child you better make sure that you can afford it and carry on for at least 18 years! This is very similar situation: person changing home country is like a child. Helpless. For example, we had plan B: if my fiancee got her visa denied I would move to Russia. In this case she would sell her property and made sure that she could support me there. It is not about male or female. This is about being responsible human being. If I moved and sold everything here I would be totally pissed if suddenly she would decide to call it quits.

Sorry for going off-topic. I simply do not think you are giving the beneficiaries enough credit. Whether male or female. I moved to the US when I was 18 and I was not a "child" or "helpless." In fact, it drives me crazy when beneficiaries are spoon-fed or molly-coddled at every step. Not that they should be thrown to the sharks, but they made the decision to move to the US and they too are equally responsible for the consequences of that action. Sure it's a risk for everyone involved but if I were the mother of two minor kids, I'd think deep and hard before I flew half way around the world to marry some guy who I've probably met once or twice in my life and most of said relationship exists only in a virtual world.

As for myself, sure, it'd be hard to go back if my marriage didn't work, there's always certain amount of shame and embarrassment involved, especially in countries like India and Columbia, too, I would imagine. It would be tough yes, but then, I'd rather be at home with friends and family instead of trying to work it out with some guy who is obviously not interested, living in a strange land. Life's too short to be unhappy.

Hopefully, the OP has found the answers he needed or will come back to clarify the situation.

[TBoneTX 43,399]

For all we know, he expected 3 homecooked meals a day followed by a BJ, or she came over and turned out to be a nasty hag, we don't know

These were my thoughts right away, too, si man. It would be a shame if the OP never returns to give us details and closure.

[Ready to do it 101]

TBone- That could be the case, on the other hand you having a Colombian fiance or spouse should recognize quite a few of the negatives regarding this situation. I had written a long post earlier in the day and I accidently hit the back button and it all erased before I posted so I decided not to write it, and I'm not going to write it all out here. But here are some details regarding the way it not only probably is, but also the way it is for the majority of Colombianas...

1) Most Colombianas over the age of 30 have very little opportunity for employment unless they are already employed somewhere, and the farthur north of 30 years of age they are the closer they are to being unemployed... FOR LIFE

2) Unless this fiance was in the drug trade somehow or is a divorcee of or child of a politician she probably had no home/apartment etc to sell

3) Colombia is an extremely chauvanistic (sp) country. What the man says, typically goes.

4) If a female isn't married by the age of 25, her potential for marriage is extremely limited.

5) If this woman did own a home, apartment, or any land there is no way she would be marrying a 58 year old gringo, much less even talk to a 58 year old gringo. It just doesn't happen in this culture.

5) Given that the USC male is 58, I would assume the female is not less than 25-28 years old. Any age less than that would be very odd. 28-35 years old would be very normal, and if by chance she is over 35 years old the prospect of marrying was a true miracle.

6) I would venture that she lived with her parents, as most unmarried Colombianas do, for most of if not all of their life, assuming they do not ever marry.

Given the above (which is painted in stone, but are high probabilities... as in over 85%), I assume this Colombian fiance is over 28 years old, has very little to go back to (i.e. no money and no potential to work), and will absolutely do everything she can to stay. If her USC doesn't want her I would almost guarantee that she will find some Colombian friends or family in the US and become number 40,000,001 illegal immigrant in the US. And quite frankly, I don't blame her. Many can post on here that it's 2 adults, etc. Bullsh*t. Maybe if the beneficiary is from a non-third world country, but I can tell you all from experience... yes, marrying someone from a third world country requires patience and understanding. Yes, it is just like raising a child for at least the first 2 years. I in fact married someone from a third world country 15 years ago who had lived in the US for 10 years before I met her here in the US... and it was still like raising a child. She was the most humble and caring woman in the world, but it was still like raising a child. Heck, I've been divorced for eight years and I still feel like I have to teach her things almost monthly.

Those who say, "Just throw her and the 2 kids out," or "She knew that the decision she made to come to the US could blow up," or "She should have had an exit/return plan," etc have no idea what they are talking about. This is a Colombian woman, not an Australian, not a Canadian, not an affluent or educated Phillipian, not a European. This woman probably has 0 chance of ever being able to work another day the rest of her life. Now, that was probably the case before she left as well, but going from "A miracle to nothing in a matter of 2 weeks?" I guarantee you she will not be getting on that plane.

The alternative is she was some 28-32 year old gold-digger. He potentially goes to Colombia acting like Daddy Warbucks, as many do, easily convinced a hot 28-32 year old that she should come to the US and marry him. I say easily because her prospects on marrying a Colombian being over 25 and with 2 kids... no chance. He being 58 and having a potentially smoking hot wife, he was in heaven. Sugar daddy lost his job and wants to cut loose.

I'm not saying it's 100% one of these two scenarios, but I'd put money down saying that it is.

T-Bone, am I wrong?

These were my thoughts right away, too, si man. It would be a shame if the OP never returns to give us details and closure.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Ready to do it