Hard decision to make, As many opinions as possible would honestly be appreciated

[jpidgley 9]

Hey all,

I love this site, and appreciate all of the opinions shared by our VJ Family.

Sometimes people feel passionate about what they are saying, and can upset other users, but believe me when i say, i will not be offended by what you guys say.

Ok so the situation.

Two days ago i was fully expecting to be flying out to be with my fiancee in a few weeks (my interview is in 1 week), but then yesterday i found out about the Immigration and Nationality Act. This act states that if you have been sentenced to any more than 5 years aggregated years then you cannot be given a visa.

26 years ago my Dad was given an aggregate of 6 years 9 months (for theft, burglary, and robbery, and would never have done more than 4 years because it was an aggregate sentence). He was released for good behaviour way before he got close the the 4 years. Since then has not had so much as a parking ticket, and for the last 20 years he has been a Christian Minister.

Now i have to decide whether or not i should wait to see if he is possibly granted a waiver so he can attend his son's wedding, meaning i have to obviously add an unknown amount of months onto how long i have to wait to see my fiancee again. Or if i should just go ahead with the wedding, knowing my dad will not be able to be there with me.

I have been apart from my fiancee for a long time now (and you guys here are the only people who know how agonising it feels), and im feeling really angry that he didnt look into this back 8 months ago when i started my K1 application, so it would be sorted.

i really have no idea what i should do. I guess i'm just asking flat out, what would you do if it was you? (and why if you want extra credit )

( to the moderator people, please don't move this topic, i will post another one in the correct place regarding the process of the I-601, Application for Waiver of Grounds of Inadmissibility, but this one is purely to get info from K1 filers. thankyou, josh.)

[Ironman140 45]

Since then has not had so much as a parking ticket, and for the last 20 years he has been a Christian Minister.Now i have to decide whether or not i should wait to see if he is possibly granted a waiver so he can attend his son's wedding, meaning i have to obviously add an unknown amount of months onto how long i have to wait to see my fiancee again. Or if i should just go ahead with the wedding, knowing my dad will not be able to be there with me.I have been apart from my fiancee for a long time now (and you guys here are the only people who know how agonising it feels), and im feeling really angry that he didnt look into this back 8 months ago

Not easy choice but, your Fiancee comes first. that's who you will spend the rest of your life with your dads an adult. he will understand or should. move forward just my opinion

[rodrigo79 0]

Not easy choice but, your Fiancee comes first. that's who you will spend the rest of your life with your dads an adult. he will understand or should. move forward just my opinion

I agree with ironman on this too, sorry to hear about your situation Josh. In my case, for other reasons; my father was unable to be at my wedding too, but as ironman said, and specially since you're saying you guys have been apart already for too long, I would move forward with the wedding. It's great to see that your father turned his life around in such a great way, and being a father and a minister, he probably will understand why you chose your wedding first.

[calibob 73]

Possibly do the IR1? Get married in England and immigrate to the US once the IR1 is done? Just another alternative. My wife wanted to be married with her family in attendance. Maybe a civil ceremony in England and a formal church wedding in the US? There's more than one way to skin a cat!!

Best of luck!

Bob

[max+patricia 24]

Sorry to hear about that.

I agree 100% that your fiancee comes first. Of course it's disappointing to consider someone close to you being absent from your wedding - but your wedding is only one day of the rest of your lives. I'd expect your dad to be an integral part of the bigger picture regardless of how that one day pans out.

If nothing else, take some comfort in knowing you're not alone in that boat. My fiancee and I are basically eloping when she comes back, since her family lives 10,000 miles away from here, and my family lives 6,000 miles away. Bringing 20+ people to an island would set us back at least $20k. Not happening. I'm sure there are many others here facing similar situations - we all just have to do what's best for us.

Good luck to you guys!

[BenjAshley 7]

Im sorry that you have to make this decision, but im sure there are other options too.

If i was you, id go along and go ahead with the wedding, maybe you can have another ceremony at a later date? or one in england with your dad there??

[EAbbas 213]

Possibly do the IR1? Get married in England and immigrate to the US once the IR1 is done? Just another alternative. My wife wanted to be married with her family in attendance. Maybe a civil ceremony in England and a formal church wedding in the US? There's more than one way to skin a cat!!

Best of luck!

Bob

I agree with this as well...if you wait longer it becomes harder to be with your fiance...emotionaly that is...the wait becomes crazy...your dad would understand...you can always continue with the fiance visa and then go back to do something like a blessing of the marriage with your father in attendance as your vacation etc..

after all...how many of us even marrying overseas get our families altogether? My family was not there..it was just my husbands, so when he finally comes here we will do a blessing of our marriage so that my family can participate and be part of our future...

It is a hard decision...but the wait is even harder...good luck!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

If he's been clean for 26 years then he's got a pretty good chance of getting the I-601 waiver based on it being more than 15 years since his crime and that he's been rehabilitated. If your dad hasn't already submitted his B2 visa application then he should get off his duff now and do it, and then have the I-601 prepared so he can submit it as soon as his visa is denied. Cases that don't depend on hardship tend to be decided more quickly since they are less subjective.

I'm going to go against the tide and disagree with most everyone else in this thread.

If it means a lot to your dad then I would give him a little time to get the I-601 submitted and a decision made. If it gets within a month of your visa expiring then go ahead and leave for the US. You and your fiancee will have the rest of your lives together, but your marriage is a once in a lifetime event. It will probably mean a lot to your dad if you can at least give him a chance to try.

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

It is very common for people who use the K1 visa to have a small, legal wedding here in the States to comply with the terms of the visa and then to have a second 'wedding' or blessing back home.

If I were you I would elope!

We kind of eloped as my Dad works in SE Asia and couldn't get time off work within our 90 day window. He couldn't be there so we had a very very small wedding in our house and we will celebrate later when we can all be together.

You have to do what's right for you and your fiancée and I would suggest talking to your Dad about it too. I am sure he will be sorry that this situation has occurred.

Good luck with your interview!

[googled 13]

I would personally take care of my fiance first. You two have waited so long to be together and made your plans. I don't think it would be a good idea to not keep moving on with them even without your father. Is there any harm in having a private little ceremony there among family and close friends there and with your father present where you do not legally get married and then do it for real later on. Just a suggestion.

[jpidgley 9]

If it means a lot to your dad then I would give him a little time to get the I-601 submitted and a decision made. If it gets within a month of your visa expiring then go ahead and leave for the US. You and your fiancee will have the rest of your lives together, but your marriage is a once in a lifetime event. It will probably mean a lot to your dad if you can at least give him a chance to try.

This is what i have been thinking, i know it means alot to him to be at his son's wedding, and it means a hell of alot to me as well. I just have no idea how long it would take for him to be approved, and thats the info i need to be able to make the decision. I've put a topic up in the correct area on VJ, but it hasnt even got 1 view yet...

If it was like a a 4 month thing, meaning i would need to be away from my fiancee for an extra month, then i could just accept it, and deal with it, but if it took any longer, i'm scared i would get resentful and angry towards him for not sorting it out sooner, and making me spend more time away from my fiancee....

[Dan and Judy 614]

With out knowing your financial situation or the laws of england as to marriage, let me run this up the flag pole.

Have your girl fly to England and let your dad do a religious wedding ceremony without the wedding license and all that stuff.

Then proceed as planned with everything else except your father stays in England. The money saved on him not flying to the States

could be used to fly her to England. No need to go through any paperwork changes.

I'm not religious or into all the ceremony rigamarole but if I was your father I would think the honor of Marrying you two before God would

be a fair trade off for missing the other ceremony. I'm assuming he would not be the one to do the ceremony in the States.

[jpidgley 9]

I'm assuming he would not be the one to do the ceremony in the States.

we looked into it extensively before and legally he can do it anywhere in the world, so he would've done it in the states.

Edited March 27, 2011 by jpidgley

[LoveMyMohamed 6]

I would go ahead with my plans on time. The old me would be very considerate (too much so) with others' wishes, wants, needs but the new me is a little more "selfish" and I'm trying to life my life more thinking of my own needs too. 8 months ago did your dad really think this all was going to happen, you were really going to get married with a gal from another country, etc. etc.? Did he not start looking into it because he was maybe in denial, or is a procrastinator, or didn't know where to begin to find out how to look into this? See - that's the old me trying to see it from dad's point of view, then changing my plans to suit him better. Oh - he tried. Oh - he has a good excuse ... I must give you full disclosure! There have been many people I've come across during my foreign fiance that have advised me against this. Some who are clearly no longer in my camp. It has made me a stronger person, more sure of my convictions. I'm giving you way more than you need here, I believe, but just wanted you to see some of my reasoning why I would go ahead with my plans. It IS your life - and now not just yours but your fiancees too, and it would be disrupting your lives, together. Probably the only thing that might stop me, in your shoes, would be these considerations: does my dad not have long to live and it would mean the world to him to be at my wedding? Did my dad not try to get his situation sorted out because he's a little less considerate of me than I am of him? (I have someone in my life like that - and I am through with trying to defer to this relative, by the way. This relative has forced me to grow up and be more my own person making my own decisions) Some thoughts - if you and your gal go ahead with original plans - you could have much in your wedding that would be thoughtful towards your dad - video footage of you and your gal toasting him, saying a speech about him - or something recorded by him that you would play at your wedding/reception ... how about "live feed" so your dad is there by satellite imagining, or whatever they call it? he's there on camera looking on somehow, and you all can see him too? Maybe there IS a way for him to be there, via our latest greatest technology just thought about this .......... and of course in the future you and your wife could involve him in all sorts of ways in your lives ... have a special day that re-tells your wedding somehow - or show him the videotape when he can be with you 2 in person, things like this .......? I wish you 2 the best! And a wonderful wedding day!!!

[Sergi9 110]

If he's been clean for 26 years then he's got a pretty good chance of getting the I-601 waiver based on it being more than 15 years since his crime and that he's been rehabilitated. If your dad hasn't already submitted his B2 visa application then he should get off his duff now and do it, and then have the I-601 prepared so he can submit it as soon as his visa is denied. Cases that don't depend on hardship tend to be decided more quickly since they are less subjective.

I'm going to go against the tide and disagree with most everyone else in this thread.

If it means a lot to your dad then I would give him a little time to get the I-601 submitted and a decision made. If it gets within a month of your visa expiring then go ahead and leave for the US. You and your fiancee will have the rest of your lives together, but your marriage is a once in a lifetime event. It will probably mean a lot to your dad if you can at least give him a chance to try.

I think this info is incorrect if I understand the original OP question correctly. they want the non-citizen father to attend a wedding in the US? If that is the case the I601 might not be the right vehicle. That would be attached to an immigrant VISA. for a non-immigrant VISA a 212(d)3 is the appropriate path. This usually does not take as long as the I601 thankfully. If he can prove ties to his own country and rehabilitation there is a chance of approval. I have seen these being approved in as little as 3 weeks from submission .. see I601 forum for a poster who had one approved.

Anyway here is an article on it:

The INA 212(d)(3) Nonimmigrant Waiver – Available To All?

by Christina B. LaBrie, Esq.

Section 212(d)(3) of the Immigration and Nationality Act ("the Act") is a broad waiver provision that allows applicants for admission as nonimmigrants to overcome almost any ground of inadmissibility found in Section 212(a) of the Act. The only inadmissibility grounds that can not be overcome by the 212(d)(3) waiver relate to foreign policy considerations and participation in Nazi persecutions.

The Section 212(d)(3) waiver is thus available to the vast majority of inadmissible individuals. The 212(d)(3) waiver must be anchored to a nonimmigrant visa, such as a tourist, student, H-1B or L visa. For example, an individual who has been deported from the United States because of a criminal conviction but has since returned to his or her home country and now has an offer of professional employment from a US company can petition for an H1B visa.

Of course, it is within the discretion of the Attorney General to grant or deny the waiver. However, this waiver is important because it includes few statutory grounds of ineligibility. It could be used to obtain admission on a nonimmigrant visa for an applicant who had previously been deported from the United States or who had been found to have committed fraud, for example.

The Board of Immigration Appeals has set forth criteria to be evaluated by the Attorney General in making a discretionary determination under Section 212(d)(3). In Matter of Hranka, 16 I&N Dec. 491(BIA 1978), the BIA listed three criteria for determining whether to approve or deny a Section 212(d)(3) waiver:

1. The risk of harm to society if the applicant is admitted;

2. The seriousness of the applicant's prior immigration law, or criminal law, violations, if any; and

3. The reasons for wishing to enter the US.

The BIA did not elaborate on these basic factors in its decision. However, it did make clear that the reasons for wishing to enter the US need not be "compelling." This sentiment is reflected in the Foreign Affairs Manual at 9 FAM Section 40.301:

"The law does not require that such waiver action be limited to exceptional, humanitarian or national interest cases. Thus, while the exercise of discretion and good judgment is essential, generally, consular officers may recommend waivers for any legitimate purpose such as family visits, medical treatment (whether available abroad), business conferences, tourism, etc."

In Hranka, the BIA did not include rehabilitation as a criterion, but clearly based its decision in part on the rehabilitation of the applicant. Therefore, for applicants with criminal records, evidence of rehabilitation would certainly improve a 212(d)(3) waiver application.

The procedure for filing a 212(d)(3) waiver application is set out in 8 C.F.R. 212.4. The regulations provide two different procedures: for filing under Section 212(d)(3)(A)(for those nationalities requiring a visa) and under Section 212(d)(3)(B)(for certain visa exempt applicants).

The 212(d)(3) waiver is available to inadmissible individuals that do not have an immigrant waiver available. For example, an alien who has been convicted of a crime involving moral turpitude within the last 15 years and who has no qualifying US citizen relative for a 212(h) waiver might still be able to enter the United States on a nonimmigrant visa with a 212(d)(3) waiver. Alternatively, if an alien has a qualifying relative but is not able to show sufficient hardship for a 212(h) waiver, he or she could maintain status as a nonimmigrant and wait for the 15 years to pass so that the 212(h) immigrant waiver would be available again.

Unlike most provisions of the Act, the 212(d)(3) waiver contains no bar for those convicted of aggravated felonies. Clearly, an individual convicted of an aggravated felony would have a difficult burden in satisfying the Hranka criteria. But for many people with no other options, it is certainly worth a try.

For individuals who have been deported from the US, an I-212 application for permission to reapply for admission to the US is required within five years of deportation (or 20 years in the case of an aggravated felon). The regulations governing I-212 applications are found at 8 C.F.R. 212.2. An individual who has been deported and who is subject to a ground of inadmissibility would need to apply for permission to reapply (the I-212) and for a 212(d)(3) waiver.

It should be noted that 8 C.F.R. 212.2 specifically states the following: "A temporary stay in the United States under section 212(d)(3) of the Act does not interrupt the five or twenty consecutive year absence requirement." As a result, one could conceivably spend the entire absence requirement in the United States in nonimmigrant status.

The benefit of the 212(d)(3) waiver lies in the broad range of eligible applicants. However, these waivers are not always easy to obtain, particularly in the case of individuals with criminal convictions. In addition, the applicant must be eligible for a nonimmigrant visa. For inadmissible individuals with no other way to return to the United States, the 212(d)(3) waiver might provide a temporary solution to what can be a very difficult and lengthy time separated from family, friends or business matters.