Waiting...

[GirlWithAGerman 0]

I was just wondering if anyone has any advice for keeping your relationship strong while waiting for the K1 to go through... I especially would like to hear from American women bringing foreign fiances over and the difficulties you've been experiencing. This really has been a roller coaster and it would be nice to know we aren't the only ones who find this process completely miserable!!

[TwoCats 55]

Male/British half: Get skype, microphone and webcam on both sides - it helps a lot, and the skype video calls and voice calls are free. Plan for a rough time, and have patience with your other half, relationships are never easy, long distance is harder still, and with the stress of the visa processes it's going to be an uphill battle. But if you're signing up for that, you believe it's worth the effort. Keep this in mind when you're feeling down - it's a temporary stress/unhappiness, but you will be happy afterwards when it's all over.

Find things to do together and to talk about ( I suggest online gaming, but that's just my addiction ), and try to get as many visits as you can reasonably afford.

[cartaverde 12]

Have patience, love each other, and spend as much time together as you can. Chat, skype, ICQ, whichever online forms work for you when you aren't physically in the same location.

When I was on a different continent from my love, we had (like we still do) chat open all the time. Both of us are more used to typing than hanging on the phone - so occasionally when we did (audio calls with) skype it was sometimes both of us listening to the other type or do something else for hours, sometimes being half an hour neither of us talking (just typing).

Old fashioned love letters or post cards can be entertaining too, as can small surprise packages in the mail. And sometimes waking up with a nice phone call (time zones and schedules permitting).

[* Kristin * 49]

I'm American and my other half is English.. the 8 hr time difference makes it tough but we Skype on the weekends and exchange emails during the week.

Knowing the end is in sight keeps us going

And I know you're not supposed to plan for a big wedding - but we are - and that's something that keeps us motivated and happy - being able to put things together for it

Male/British half: Get skype, microphone and webcam on both sides - it helps a lot, and the skype video calls and voice calls are free. Plan for a rough time, and have patience with your other half, relationships are never easy, long distance is harder still, and with the stress of the visa processes it's going to be an uphill battle. But if you're signing up for that, you believe it's worth the effort. Keep this in mind when you're feeling down - it's a temporary stress/unhappiness, but you will be happy afterwards when it's all over.

Find things to do together and to talk about ( I suggest online gaming, but that's just my addiction ), and try to get as many visits as you can reasonably afford.

[uklover 1]

I agree with what everyone else is saying....instant message, Skype (Skype has been a life saver when you can cam and see each others faces!) I send him packages a lot, and he does too. When it is special events where gifts are involved we open them on cam with each other. We do phone calls. I think communication is the key...and the visit when it can be afforded.

We are getting closer to the end (hopefully) and we are getting more and more anxious, so its really tough. I saw my fiance last at Christmas, and I miss him so badly it hurts!

Hang in there...this waiting is SO worth it. Nothing comes easy, but the things we have to fight for are often the most rewarding.

[ABandIG 2]

Patience and Love could cover it.

Try to talk every day, skype, cellphone, just chats, play together, sing together, watch movies...maybe videochat while both of you are eating (of course for me it's always a dinner here and a lunch there...lol) it will be like a romantic dinner together.

Laugh. Be happy of what you have. Remember that being so distant from each other is going to make your relationship strong and you'll know to never take it for granted.

Maybe you can talk about the wedding, every now and then, just to imagine how you would like it to be. Don't focus on it, or you'll get frustrated cause you probably see it distant, but just sharing ideas is a good idea.

Keep busy and motivated. And be happy, don't focus too much on the process (speaking of..I think I should start following my own advices here..lol!)

[Afrikan Queen 11]

Communicate regularly. My fiance and I talk on the phone during the week and chat (IM) on the weekends. We talk about the positive things in life, such as what our soon to be married life will be like, what plans we have for the future....we just try to stay positive because we know the journey is not over with yet and their WILL be problems along the way. Waiting was one of the hardest things to go through during this process but we made it! Really for us, it has made us stronger.

Wish you the best in your journeys!

[berry and bird 4]

My Berry and I have been in our loving relationship for six years. We both have blackberries so we text, take and send pictures, not to mention talk throughout the day. Thank goodness theres not much of a time difference(one hour now since the clocks moved forward). I go to visit when I get breaks from school (I'm a teacher). There are times when my heart hurts and long for a hug from him, but I just smile to myself and think about the good times we shared when we are together. We send love letters and cards via regular mail and not to mention email. This is what works for us. Hang in there, once your papers are submitted, the stress gets harder, but just think about the future and the lifetime you guys will have together. Good luck to you and yours. Hope this helps.

[texas-gal 3]

My fiance is from Germany too. We Skype a lot over the weekends, send each other emails through our cell phones, and use Facebook to send messages during the day.

[David & Beth 1]

I agree with everyone suggestions.

My David and I, we skype everyday,daily phone callings and textmessagins, almost daily lovely e-mails, some gifts and letter through the mail sometimes. And it´s been working good to us.

And remember, the point is be always focus together.

[Moomin 292]

Hei there : )

Sometimes I'd take pictures or shoot some video of surroundings here during the day and later on share them with my fiance(videochat on msn, share screen on skype simultaniously) to paint a better picture of my daily routines or surroundings; he basically does the same when looking for houses and showing me where on google maps. We both play the guitar and can easily spend time listening to each other.

Watch movies together online (tubeplus has a selection) or tv shows if you're into the same ones. Read to each other whether it's just articles or books. Online games (msn and skype have some; I think we've played 500 rounds of bowling and still tied). These things can seem "childish" but it's hard to to keep the conversation after 7 hrs daily throughout more than a year. Incorporate your interests or just daily routines. Or new ones.

[Tyeger87 10]

the key like everyone is saying is to keep communicating. we just chose not to speak about the process really, it kept the stress level down. also we both started working on things (studying, hobbies etc) so we would have interesting things to talk about and things to keep us occupied while we are apart. I found that at least with our relationship, the tension came more from frustration with the process than with the separation. Also begin looking for ways to help them get adjusted faster once they get here, they wont be able to work immediately BUT finding some things they can work on in the meantime will also help ease fears and thus tension. I know my SO was particularly tense about how fast he was going to be able to work and provide for me, so we began discussing plans to make the transition smoother. We also just asked each other for random input about things we normally wouldnt that were fairly mundane like what should i eat for dinner tonight, it may not work for everyone but it made us feel like we were a part of each others every day little activities.

[TBoneTX 43,332]

try to get as many visits as you can reasonably afford.

This can be worth its weight in gold during the consular phase, most certainly.

[max+patricia 24]

As others have said, Skype with a microphone/webcam can be very beneficial when missing your SO. It has worked wonders for my fiancee and I.

One other thing that has been indispensable for us has been Skype mobile. I'm on the go ALOT and hardly ever home. If you have Verizon Wireless and a smart phone, you should have access to Skype mobile. My fiancee gets on Skype on her computer in Venezuela and can call me for free wherever I am, whenever she wants. It rings to my phone like a regular call and costs nothing.

We also both have Blackberrys, which is convenient for quick voicenotes and recording videos to send back and forth. It helps.

Edited March 23, 2011 by m+p

[Jubi & Tony 3]

There is skype and there is oovoo, also if you have a phone with Yahoo Messenger that helps a lot when your out and about. Skype has a feature that lets people on your friends list to be able to automatically establish video connection automatically. We use this feature a lot on weekends to where I put my computer on speaker and my Fiancee will sign-on just before I am to wake up or sometimes she works on a document and watches me sleep (I do the same for her as well) and when the other wakes up you can greet them and say good morning dear. I did notice that as the five month mark waiting on our I-129F approval came and passed the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. and when we received the NOA2 (6 months 1 week 1 day) it was as if someone released the valve to the pressure cooker.

I think it makes it easier if you advance you skype sessions from always expecting to be engaged in a conversation to being connected and doing things that need to be done and saying hi as you pass into view. The house still needs to be cleaned and laundry needs to get done. But how one vacuums...well you can be creative in that too to make it fun : ) Sometimes I switch to laptop and cook while she chats with me and she then tries the recipe there as well for her relatives.

Be transparent with each other but yet not demanding of each other. Remain flexible day to day. What worked well for Monday may not work well for Tuesday. Let each other know in advance changes in schedules as best as you can (e.g. - If you always chat Sat and sun and you have an event on sat that will cut into your normal time of chatting then let the other know in advance and not at the last second. Its just respecting each others time and not taking it for granted.

Most of all, let God be your guide