Hell after NOA2

[Theresa0828 65]

I don't know if it's the fact that I'm pregnant and have raging hormones or what but you seem to be a jerk to me. You tell her you want to hold off on the visa cause she didn't say Happy Valentines day to you. She sent you a gift it was the florist fault you did not receive it. To me that's a threat, telling her you do as I want or else I will hold this visa over your head. That is probably how her parent's see it also, the threats are already starting in their eyes and like any parent they want to protect their daughter.

Then you find out she is in the hospital, and you question her father how can some little argument do that to her, but then you end up in the hospital over all this and get mad at her cause she is not jumping at your side calling none stop etc. Seems to me you are just as immature as she is.

Moving and leaving everything you know and love is not easy for anyone, no matter the age. Some ppl do have very close family and family is a big part of their lives, some ppl can not handle it other's manage to make it through but it is not done over night.

Again this is how I see it from your post.

-Ditto-

[Shawn & Emi 16]

Having been through the K-1 process last year, it is completely beyond me that people in this situation can be so petty! My fiancé didn't send me a Valentine's card or present, I knew he wouldn't because he's so not into commercial ####### like that, but I chose to send him something just because I wanted to. Was I furious that he didn't send me a card? Hell no! I didn't need him to do something like that to know that he loved me!

I've been living with him now almost 6 months and we married in October. We didn't celebrate Valentine's day this year either - big deal! In my opinion, for most people, it's not really a huge deal. We tell each other all the time how much we love each other, we don't need a commercial holiday to come along so that we can express ourselves!

Threatening to put a stop to the visa process was really, really immature. I can't believe that the OP could actually do that! How did he think his fiancée would feel? I can tell you, if my fiancé had threatened me with that, I would have had serious doubts about giving up my life and leaving my friends and family to move so far away for him! What was she supposed to think? She probably thought that if he could be so manipulative over such a non-issue, that he would only become worse after they were married. What would he be doing then, threatening her with divorce? Pathetic.

The thing that baffles me the most is that OP's fiancée DID send him a Valentine's present and he knows that because he spoke to the company who were to deliver it - yet because they failed to deliver it, he fell out with his fiancée who had clearly made an effort. How could she ensure that it would be delivered at the right time all the way from India? Sounds to me as though she had a lucky escape, if I'm completely honest.

The thing about her being nervous once the NOA2 came is NORMAL! Once the I-129F is approved, the pressure is kind of on for the beneficiary - there's the actual visa application to do, the medical to undergo and of course the interview, not to mention actually leaving her home country for a life on a different continent where she knows nobody but her fiancé. So yeah, she could be forgiven for being a little apprehensive! I know I was, even though I knew I was doing the right thing. She might not have acted as the OP expected, but did he ever try to put himself in her position? Likely not, by the tone of his post.

Seriously, I think that most of the time people in this situation (long-distance, awaiting visas etc.) appreciate each other more and the long-distance aspect should put things in perspective. Valentine's day shouldn't be the be all and end all of a relationship - certainly not a strong one, anyway!

[James and Cynthia 70]

I think this relationship ending is the best thing that could happen for the both of you. You also seem to have some issues that you need to work on for yourself. The fact that a simple thing sent you over the edge to want to hold off on the Visa says a lot about you, just as much as her attitude says about her.

I don't see anything wrong with her attitude based on the posting, just his attitude. Yes. He's got issues. I figure she was seeing clues before Valentine's day, then with his threats to stop the visa, she realized it would never work. Good for her.

OP. Become a man. I can't believe a guy would take Valentine's so seriously, especially with her efforts. You sound overbearing to me.

-James

[James and Cynthia 70]

Ugh. This whole original post still just bothers me on so many levels - as a woman, as a US citizen, as someone who went through this whole insane process. Granted, we've probably all said things in the heat of a moment that we wish we could take back. That said, I have a feeling no one here would stoop so low as to try and threaten our significant other with ending the visa process, no matter how heated the argument. The only smidgen of respect I have for the OP is in publicly admitting his terrible behaviour in such detail - knowingly exposing yourself to criticism for extreme stupidity takes some spine. On the other hand, Mr. Florida seems to have made his disturbing post more for the sake of soliciting sympathy for poor, pitiful him - the same guy whose first resort is to threaten to rescind the whole visa/immigration process just because his fiancee's Valentine's Day gift to him was not delivered on time and she didn't think to send him a separate card.

It's all wrong in so many ways that I don't even know where to begin. I still think the ex-fiancee is the lucky one here, for getting to see how much (or, I should say, how little) Mr. Florida really regards her and their relationship *before* she has to convince a U.S. visa officer that she intends to marry this guy because she loves him and he loves her. Sad, that someone would take this process that has been so heartrending for so many here in this forum and elsewhere and use it as a threat in response to something so petty. It's beyond childish and ventures into the abusive, really, for anyone to say "because you did/did not do X, Y, or Z for me, I'm just going to stop the whole visa process, so there!" and that is partly why I find the whole situation so appalling. I cannot find it in me to blame this ex-fiancee for any part of her behavior; I admire her for doing her best to adapt to a volatile environment and then finding the courage to end her relationship with a highly manipulative person.

Nicely said. It's amazing how someone could write all this and not realize how bad his behavior sounds.

[PhilAmTx 14]

dont get me wrong but i absolutely dismay when i read your statement "I told her I am really upset about this situation and I would like to hold off on the visa"

it sounds like a threat to me. if i were the girl i will act the same and might leave too.. im sorry...

i didn't get any from my hubby last valentines day.(i'm expecting flowers or chocolates or cards). i feel upset but i understand him without even asking..i didn't ask and argue about it.. and i know for sure.. we both love each other so much.

[Mike&Cherry 45]

Here's a post that the OP wrote here on VisaJourney on January 31, 2011.http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/293341-woohoo-for-the-approvals/page__p__4444664#entry4444664

Here's a very short exerpt of what he wrote. "I texted my fiancee saying, "I have had enough of this wait", "I simply cannot take it anymore", and "I am losing my sanity". My fiancee came online soon afterward and told me to calm down and then go splash some water on my face and return to work. And she warned me to avoid returning to this website because these timelines were making the wait much more worse for us. I did as she said and told her that I still have faith in God but I am losing faith in myself. I simply could not wait any longer."

And it was very ironic to find out that he received the NOA2 shortly after he made this statement.

It seemed that he basically couldn't make it through the Visa process anymore and he was about to give up. Any Fiance would start to have serious doubts about their own partner if they started to say these things and have these thoughts. But He topped it off with his Valentine Day (relationship) Massacre. I think he was completely out of line with getting upset about not getting his flowers and his separate card. Especially the part of holding off on the Visa because of those reasons; Completely unacceptable. It shows that he was doubting their relationship which in turn completely backfired, resulting her having serious doubts and giving up on an unsalvageable relationship. I've been told by married couples that the whole relationship is always about WE and not ME. Obviously it was all about him. He just had unrealistic expectations. I also think that his ex-fiance's parents will never accept him again. He needs to reflect on why things happened this way and learn from it, wait at least 5 to 10 years to mature, and then maybe he will be ready for marriage or maybe never if he doesn't change his ways. I mean this type of stuff is like kids in high school, well actually middle school. It's just sad that after all of the time and effort that was wasted, it all just came crashing down so quickly because of his childish behavior. It seems like this was his first girlfriend and he never had the experience to learn from the stupid mistakes that one makes in prior relationships. And to the OP, since this is an Immigration forum, I have absolutely no advice on what your next step would be in your journey to nowhere. But I do know after you read the majority of the posts here that maybe you will have your question answered and realize who's really at fault. Just live and learn and strive to do much better the next time around.

Edited February 26, 2011 by Mike&Cherry

[BrightandLight 1]

First,

In my opinion, if you really care about her... and want to be with her, don't let her go that easy...(There are definitely ups and downs in life, but how you have planned future togther if every little thing affect both of yours opinion about each other that much.) ??? If I will be you I will fly to her country,buy same roses,say how much you love her and care,how sorry you are that it happend... I doubt , she will speak with you...and you can try to work out things together.

Secon,

It's not the same, speaking on the phone, or face to face...It will never be the same.

If you really want to be with her ,you woundn't let her go that easy.

Edited February 26, 2011 by aidore

[WARREN-IRINA 1]

Valentine’s Day is not celebrated in all countries. In fact if you check out this news item from Feb 13, 2011 in southern India it was protested by burning Valentine cards.

. http://www.voanews.com/english/news/asia/Valentines-Day-Not-Loved-in-Many-Areas-of-the-World-116132679.html

Valentine's Day Not Loved in Many Areas of the World

Monday marks the celebration of Valentine’s Day by much of the world.

But it is a celebration that is drawing protests in some areas.

In Southern India, members of a Hindu political party recently gathered to burn Valentine’s Day cards.

One protestor said he is against what he called the "cultural exploitation" of the day. He added people sharing sexual greetings with each other in public in the name of Valentine’s Day should be strongly condemned.

Many Islamic nations, including Saudi Arabia and Iran, have banned the celebration of Valentine’s Day. Iranian officials say they will take action against those who ignore the ban.

That said guy's just don't forget International Woman’s Day. It means so much more in some countries than valentine’s day does here and many in those countries never heard of valentines.

Mr. Florida did you try to learn of her culture and beliefs? Do you expect her to know ours? You give very little to go on. It appears she is very young but you do not appear to be very old or at least emotionally.

Moving to another country and total different cultures is not easy. She is entitled to have reservations. It is a fear of the unknown. I did not or the other 150 guys I shipped out with want to spend 18 months in Asia during Johnson's Southeast Asia War Games. I can understand her fears.

The K1 is designed to have the person come here for up to 90 days to see if they think they can make the changes in life styles work and to give them time to somewhat get to know each other. The purpose is to let two people decide if they think it will work during the 90 days. It should be approached as come visit and decide. No pressure except the 90 day deadline. If she knew she had that choice and no hard feeling if she went back and you would not be crying about the money and time spent in the relationship it would be easier for her to have come.

About relationships. First and foremost if a man and a woman tell me they live together and never argue or disagree I know something is wrong. They are either lying or one is totally submissive or plain too scared to argue.

It is often the small little things that destroy relationships.

Remember this and it applies to people and love too besides the bird in the T-shirt I bought for my late wife years ago after a problem. If you love something set it free. If it comes back it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was. .

[aldo cella 0]

man up princess

Dude! You took the words right out of my mouth! Been there, done that and got the T-shirt too!

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; I really think it's unbelieveable how you guys tell him to "man up". Is he a heartless robot? NO!!!

Though, I agree he pushed her buttons over this Valentine's Day thing, but getting aggrivated by the things your significant other says or does happens in a relationship!!

Maybe, because of this emotional waiting process pushed her buttons even more than he actually meant to.. Like he said, it wasn't only about Valentines Day, she didn't act happy over their NOA2 after all!!! And maybe Valentines Day was the last drop of water that did make the bucket fall..

Please, don't tell him to man up, he is very emotional, I would be too if I were him!!!

Yall think it's only about Valentines Day, which is not!! Heck, how would yall do if you received your LONG WAITED NOA2? EXTREMELY HAPPY, right?? He was, but she wasn't. That was a very bad sign.

He also stated that he supported her during the whole process and what more. He visited her, he did everything that made her happy, he paid all the expenses, he tried to talk about adjusting and he told her that he would support her during her adjusting period to make her the happiest girl in the World.

He is emotional, don't say anything bad if he is just asking for help how he can go through this terrible time.

If yall read carefully, it wasn't only about V's Day!! Like I said, she must have had changed her mind before they even received their NOA2, otherwise she would be uber-happy when she heard they received their NOA2.

Put yourself in his shoes, how would you react if your fiance(e) would do the same thing, and you asked for emotional support? Would you like to hear those things like "man up" ??

WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER!!!!

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

I'm sorry, I can't believe you made such a big deal over a gift that was late due to the florist...not her. She was preparing to sacrifice her WHOLE life as she knows it for you. I cannot think of a greater gesture of love. Unless you have done it, you don't know how hard it is to leave everything you know to go live in a foreign country even if it is with the person you love.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I think you're both better off. She wasn't ready to leave her home and family...and you're too focused on yourself to give yourself to another human being.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

No - he's not a heartless robot and I think that's half the problem.

Dude, you have to man the fffffffffff-up. Seriously!! you threw your toys out of the pram about a valentines day gift not arriving??? Daddy has to save you after a period of "emotional distress"??!!

She has good reason to back away from you. What happens if after she arrives, she does something to displease you, and you decide that she doesn't warrant your support in adjusting her status. I think your capable of that. If you can threaten to pull the visa because a gift doesn't arrive on V-Day, I think your capable of pulling support for AOS when she doesn't answer her phone immediately, or doesn't tell you every day how grateful she is for you.

How old are you both? Some growing up needs to happen here before a real relationship happens.

[andy desai 3]

I'm very sorry this is happening to you and sorry that the stress of it caused you to spend time in the hospital, but honestly I also can't believe you would say you want to hold off on the visa over a Valentine's Day gift, or card, or email.........Especially since she sent something, and even if she didn't. I'm just not grasping that one. Maybe that made her take a step back and do some thinking about the relationship, with family and friends helping her along in her thinking.

Yoo..

i like your Quote .. "Happiness is being Married to a Moroccoan"... pretty cool

[andy desai 3]

No - he's not a heartless robot and I think that's half the problem.

Dude, you have to man the fffffffffff-up. Seriously!! you threw your toys out of the pram about a valentines day gift not arriving??? Daddy has to save you after a period of "emotional distress"??!!

She has good reason to back away from you. What happens if after she arrives, she does something to displease you, and you decide that she doesn't warrant your support in adjusting her status. I think your capable of that. If you can threaten to pull the visa because a gift doesn't arrive on V-Day, I think your capable of pulling support for AOS when she doesn't answer her phone immediately, or doesn't tell you every day how grateful she is for you.

How old are you both? Some growing up needs to happen here before a real relationship happens.

yea dude.. you gotta let it go.. this process builts up a lot of unneeded anxiety. i do think that the V-day nonsense was also unnecessary. but whatever, ###### happens... so buck up and go for the next one...... and on the next V-day dont really expect much in return.. and how freakin old are you man? if you are like 22.. then just chill and relax.. get back to this when you are thirty.. enjoy your life for a bit

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; I really think it's unbelieveable how you guys tell him to "man up". Is he a heartless robot? NO!!!

Though, I agree he pushed her buttons over this Valentine's Day thing, but getting aggrivated by the things your significant other says or does happens in a relationship!!

Maybe, because of this emotional waiting process pushed her buttons even more than he actually meant to.. Like he said, it wasn't only about Valentines Day, she didn't act happy over their NOA2 after all!!! And maybe Valentines Day was the last drop of water that did make the bucket fall..

Please, don't tell him to man up, he is very emotional, I would be too if I were him!!!

Yall think it's only about Valentines Day, which is not!! Heck, how would yall do if you received your LONG WAITED NOA2? EXTREMELY HAPPY, right?? He was, but she wasn't. That was a very bad sign.

He also stated that he supported her during the whole process and what more. He visited her, he did everything that made her happy, he paid all the expenses, he tried to talk about adjusting and he told her that he would support her during her adjusting period to make her the happiest girl in the World.

He is emotional, don't say anything bad if he is just asking for help how he can go through this terrible time.

If yall read carefully, it wasn't only about V's Day!! Like I said, she must have had changed her mind before they even received their NOA2, otherwise she would be uber-happy when she heard they received their NOA2.

Put yourself in his shoes, how would you react if your fiance(e) would do the same thing, and you asked for emotional support? Would you like to hear those things like "man up" ??

WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER!!!!

Why is everybody so focussed on the whole Valentine Situation????

And why isn't anybody looking at the FACT that she didn't show any effection or any sign of HAPPINESS when they received their NOA2?????????????????????????????????? The Valentine situation was after they have received their NOA2, and he was fed up & CONFUSED that she wasn't happy or over-stooooked that they have been approved. I would have my doubts too and think "Am I the only one who wants this?". Love is a partnership, not some one way street!!!!

Look at the cause first!! She has changed her mind BEFORE the actual Valentine's Day situation!!! Everybody knew she wanted to pull this off (her family and friends) before he even knew!!

AND EVEN THOUGH, if he would hold off the VISA, SHE ALREADY GAVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!