Help me!!! i was public charge and my husband US citizen is going to jail

[JA Tam 7]

Not exactly.. during ROC nobody asks about your financial situation which they do during AOS. The only thing they really look at during ROC is if they really married for marriage sake, the financial burden has already been taken care of during AOS as the one going through AOS has to have sponsors who want to help her out in case she gets into trouble. The only thing they like to see regarding finances during ROC is if they have shared financial responsibilities, but even if they don't, they can still get approved for ROC.

I think what they were referring to is paying the fee for ROC, not necessarily her proving her financial situation to an IO.

OP, find a women's shelter, as so many have advised. There is help, use it. I pray for your safety and protection and I hope we hear from you soon. Get away from him, he can't be helped until he decides that he really needs help.

Blessings on you.

That's her avatar; she should have it patented.

I think even Kathryn would agree that this particular argument over an avatar is petty and completely pales in comparison to what the OP is going through.

[monyfer 27]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Like others have said - look for a local Mosque or women's shelter and take refuge with your baby. They will help you start to get on your feet and seek employment, etc. Maybe you can look into an immigration attorney who would take your case on pro-bono regarding ROC. Remember that it is not your fault and there is a way out of the situation although it might not be an easy road. Let me know if I can do anything (send a package of baby food, clothes, etc). Your husband sounds like a real jerk and people with those kinds of issues rarely change.....you need to get you and your baby to a safe place right away. You are in my thoughts, my friend.

Edited January 14, 2011 by monyfer

[Kathryn41 3,205]

The avatar is in the public domain and free for anyone to use. There are other VJers in addition to me and HeralMounia using it - it really isn't a problem and as was mentioned above, the real problem here is the one Mounia faces.

Mounia, I hope you know you are not alone and are able to take advantage of some of the suggestions people here have made. Gather the evidence you have now available to show how you and your husband have shared your financial concerns and liabilities. Don't hesitate to gather information that indicates the difficult times you have been having in making ends meet for you and your baby. Your husband signed a contract with the US government to ensure that you did not need to seek public assistance and the fact that you needed to will be his problem, not yours.

Do consider getting a divorce, even though it is something you feel uncomfortable doing. You don't need to remain tied to a man who has so many problems looking after himself that he is not capable of looking after you and your child. I am sure this isn't the life you expected when you arrived here on the K-1 and it is so sad that your dreams have not come true. What you have now is a nightmare and you deserve so much better.

Something else that might help when it comes time to file to remove conditions is USCIS now has a fee waiver form that you can complete if you cannot afford the cost of an application. A situation such as yours seems to be a perfect example of when this form should be used. You have a requirement to remove conditions and through no fault of your own you do not have the fee to apply for the application. You can find a copy of the form here: http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=4c30003cf147c210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=db029c7755cb9010VgnVCM10000045f3d6a1RCRD

Good luck to you (and I like your taste in avatars)

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Im sooo sorry to hear of this. Thank you for sharing your story and letting us know whats going on for you. I was neglected and abused as a child and the advice I have as an adult now is for you to get away from him and protect you and your child.

I know of an organization thats in alot of cities across the USA called World Relief. I dont know what city you are in but I'm going to send you the link on here. http://worldrelief.org/Page.aspx?pid=2712 worldrelief.org click on US then it will give you a list of cities. You can always call their offices and ask for advice. They deal with refugees but also with immigration and such things. I have used them personally when I lived back home in Atlanta Ga.

I'm praying for you!

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Heres something from World Relief:

World Relief Immigrant Services

Maneuvering through the United States immigration process is a complicated and long-term process. Refugees and immigrants jump through a number of legal hoops to ensure they maintain their legal status here in the United States, can reunite with family members left behind and gain access to economic and educational opportunities.

In US offices, World Relief offers legal support, job training and English classes to immigrants. In Baltimore, a Legal Services clinic reaches out to thousands of clients each year—helping them fill out paperwork, joining them at hearings and ensuring they understand their rights and responsibilities.

World Relief is also engaged in advocacy for immigration and refugee policy

[Brendalee007 0]

hi everyone, i m sorry but it is long story!

my love story turned to a disaster!! my husband and i had problems but i thought it is normal, we still not used to each others manners and way of living, i tried to work things out, i am very patient person, i gave him alot of time, but he is argueing about anything! and finally he started saying he did a mistake and so on,

whatever, i just kept my mouth shut! cause i was pregnant, he never went with me to the hospital to check my health or the foetus's. i didnt have support through out my pregnancy i was alone, my husband started abuse drugs right after he knew i was pregnant, instead of being happy and having hope maybe things will change with the gift god gives us the baby! he started sleeping in the living room (actually not sleeping) watching Tv and news online, every 30 minutes i get up tell him you have to go to sleep you are working tomorrow, he says in 20 min, he never come to sleep i found him on porn website, on marriage websites, and new msn account and yahoo account, i m pretty good with the computer i found those files and pictures of women he talks to! but i didnt say anything, his phone doesnt stop ringing! text messages, and when i asked him who was it he said my friend at work he is watching football and we talkin about it, i beleived him at first until he made a password on his phone and he goes to the bathroom for 2 hours taking either the phone or computer!then i got pissed i took my cloths and i was gonna go home he stoped me and his family, anyway! he still denying like i m stupid! he started lying to me he works only 10 hours and he told me 13 hours, i found out from his paystubbs and i decoded his cellphone passwords and i found a woman that he meets in near by hotel having sex and doing drugs!

when i fight with him he calms me down but the next day he goes out for the whole week, he didnt go to work and he didnt come home!i call his phone day and night and he doesnt answer! the longest period he stayed 2 weeks, i was pregnant and nobody to ask to get me food! i was crying day and night! but i had hope he is going to change cuz he started methadone clinic, but that didnt work at all!!!! after he started to observe my big tommy! he started to be nice to me , he doesnt go out alot,i had hope again! my husband lost his job because he got injured at work in feb 2010, because of drug abuse we lost every penny we were saving! we didnt have food, we got evicted because we didnt pay rent! i gave birth at that time and DCF got involved because of his addiction, they told me either he goes somewhere and i stay with the baby or i go somewhere with the baby and my husband stays home!i said i will go to his mother until he goes to the rehab, because before my son was born, my husband didnt have insurance to go! so i stayed 1 month and half with his mother!she did her best but afterall she was not treating me good!anyway, after one hour when he came back, his mother told him get out and take your family with you, or go both of you work and i stay with the baby, her intention is just to take my son from us!anyway,he was great he gained weight , he became the person i met online again!we got help from dss food stamps and we stayed in a motel , type of shelter thing financed by federal budget. we stayed there for about 3 months, what ididnt mention is that my husband had an accident with his car, so we walk all time, and guess what he started to meed those people who sells drugs and stuff! he told me that and i asked him lets move from the city!we were unable because he are homeless and no car! one day he told me he is going to get food from church, he stayed the whole day, and he called me at about 8 o clock saying he is coming , he almost lost us!! he got arrested! he had a back bag and he saw better one in a store and he exchange it thinking nobody can see him!!! stupid(at least GOD and angels see him). they released him with no bond....what happen next is unbeleivable... all the food stamps and money we received from the state is gone only on drugs because he relapsed the next day. i starve alot but i m very patient i drink just water and sometimes just bread with suger water! i didnt do anything because after he spend the money on drugs he comes and swears to me he will never gonna do it again! and he feels like kelling himself! i dont have anybody to help me only GOD!!i pray to him day and night! he got unemployemnt we came to an appartment which he doesnt pay full rent price at once like morron! i feel embarrassed from the landlord he is such nice guy!he never payed bills, everyweek the same! money in the garbage! my aunt in france sent me $200 to buy blender to make baby food and some cloths for the baby, because we dont have food he asked me to buy food with it and the next week he is going to replace it! it didnt happen! lies,after lies....he missed the court date he forgot!!!! and his probation is violated now he needs to turn him self in, but he doesnt have money to pay lawyer or bond! he says as always bla bla bla, i m going to save money for lawyer and bond, and rent for you guys for 3 or 4 months,before he turns himself in! but that will bever happen....i got enought of it!!! two days ago he got unemployment check, we need to pay rent and bills! he told me lets eat something in the mall, we orderd food and a guy who looked very old and very bad cloths came and tried to sit with us, i thought he is crazy!, my husband said give me 5 min, i m with my wife!!! then that person dropped the drugs on my husbands hands! i freeked out ! i cant control myself anymore i reached my breacking points! i followd that guys yelling at him in the mall, saying you take my money, my sons money! we r not working for you! he admits he sells mariwana! anyway, my husband run away he scared he is going to be caught! we finaly met at the parking lot,we went home screaming at each other, he didnt eat the whole day , he was just laying down, i felt guilty! i went to him and kissed his forehead saying sorry i think i over reacted! he didnt answer! this morning he said he is going to pay rent and buy milk and eggs! he took one hour i called him, where are you? he said he is on his way, he didnt come and i called him 1000 times his phone is off! and now its about 14 hours since he left!

he is definelty going to jail! it doesnt matter if he is out or in jail because he is not gonna pay rent, bills and lawyer fee.anyway!

i m currently looking for job and willing to accept anything that pays my rent.

my questions to you is :

his mother always threatens him taking the baby from us! is she able to?

my GC will expired on october 2011 and i need to remove conditions, am i eligible ? knowing that i was public charge!and my husband will be in jail anytime!i dont want to get deported because i have a baby who was born here and the decision to marry him was mine! it is a shame in my family if i get divorced and with a baby is worse! my socity doesnt have mercy, they will laugh at me!

i want to stay here and work and rely on myself and GOD!

PLEASE give me any ideas!

Thank you so much and GOD BLESS YOU.

Mounia.

Dear, sweet child,

You really need a friend! Listen, I had a husband who broke my heart on a regular basis with women and alcohol. I too, caught him with women and he even attacked me in his alcoholic rages. For 23 years I dealt with this. Please, don't live your life for this man! I know what it's like to love him and live with always thinking that you can understand him and help to bring something good to him and maybe even if you pray enough, he will get right with God. Fine, do that. But if you do, keep this in mind...if he does change, it may be on his deathbed. If he does change, at what cost? Your's or your sweet childs life? What if you get pregnant again? I have read all of the replies and the one thing I agree on in this...go to a womens shelter! Let me tell you what they provide. First, if it is for abused women, they will hide you. If you go to any shelter, they have connections that nobody else has. You could get to be friends with one of the women, save your money, rent an apartment, trailer, home. I honestly don't know what it would be like to go home, although my own family has become hateful that I am engaged to a Pakistani muslim. But I do also think that home could be the only option and you may have to swallow your pride for the sake of your son. No divorce. Just maybe a visit? I wonder if your husband will be able to convince immigration of anything positive. I don't think so. They will see that he is nervous and that you are worried. Personally, I think you should contact an immigration attorney and ask some questions. Write all of your questions down first. Call and make a phone appointment. They will give you some free advice if you find the right one. Your child is considered a US citizen, right? Well, I would think that you'd have some rights to remain here on his behalf. Find out from an attorney. Listen, the shelter will get you out of the weather, keep you and your son warm and fed. As a citizen, I don't see why he wouldn't have the right to government help. And I don't know that, honestly. But that's something else to ask the attorney. Actually, I'm wondering if you go to a shelter if they have immigration connections and could be your advocate? I am going through serious financial trouble right now or I would send you a ticket to get on a plane to come live with me. I would help you right now if I could. Where do you live?

Also, yes, Children services can come and take your child if you don't get help right away. It's cold and you have to provide for him. On the upside of that, if you have to lose him to them, it would be protection for your son. Most agencies who step in are in it strictly for the welfare of the child. If you don't have proof that you provide some aid to him if only in a shelter, they have the right to take him away. But the good news is, if you spend time visiting him, always make it a good experience when you see him. Don't upset him when you arrive or leave. If you cry, don't do it around the baby. They want to see that you are thinking of him and not stressing him. I worked in daycare for six years and watched the foster care system closely. Their goal is to return the child to good parents. So get to a shelter, get housing, a job, transportation, even if you have to get a bus. You know, sometimes someone like your husband suffers like that because he is clinically depressed or manic depressive or even bi-polar. He may need medication. As his wife, you can even go to court and have him committed to a state hospital for detox or observation. That would also show that you are doing what you can to work on this marriage. If you do that, then when you fill out any paperwork as to why you are committing him, or show up in court to file, then I would suggest that you make sure that you put some wording in your "complaint" (that's what they will call it) and say that because you love him and he cannot help himself that you are doing all that you can to help him get the help you know that he needs. In the meantime, visit him as much as allowed. Make work your priority. Be there every day that you can and on time. If you want to see your son, same deal. Every scheduled visit, show up early. Same with seeing your man. Be early and stay as long as they let you. If his mother is trying to get the child, she also will have to prove that YOU are unfit and she will have to show that she can provide what you cannot. And, here's a thought...if you have your husband committed and he is declared incompetent, you may want to ask the attorney how that would affect you, also. Would that send you home? I don't know. Maybe, you need to find a new sponsor. Maybe you should consider even going to school? I know I'm writing all of this quite randomly. Unfortunately, that's how my mind thinks, lol. so, Here's your questions:

1. If I have my husband committed for drug abuse what will happen?

2.Can I be deported if he's declared incompetent?

3.If this is a good option, will he recieve a disability check?

4.Can I become his check holder over his money since I'm his wife?

5.Can I stay here as a citizen based on the fact that my son was born in this country?

6.Will going to a shelter and providing government assistance for my son effect my status and will it send me back home?

These are questions for the attorney. Now, for yourself, Here's some goals to ask the lawyer about:

1.I'm going to a shelter and getting a job and I want to know if I can go to school or what is the best course of action to take.

2.How is the best way to assure that my child will not be taken from me or that I will not be deported.

You really have a lot more questions than this, I'm sure. but I just want to get you thinking, ok? Contact me anytime. I would love to talk to you and if my income changes and I don't get evicted, I would love for you to come and stay with me. Let's please stay in touch, ok? I will pray for you, dear girl. I will try to stay online but I don't know if I can with my money troubles.

[Lisamarie 79]

Oh I was looking at the wrong person, I was looking at Golden Gate......Maybe you are in Vermont or Connecticut?? Is there anyone here that's in her area? I hope she's ok, it worries me that she didn't come back.........quote name='Lisamarie' timestamp='1294943597' post='4404855']

I am so so sad to read this I'm sure you were expecting something and someone very different when you came to the USA. Drug addiction is a horrible thing and sometimes they will lose their families, jobs, homes, everything before they realize what hit them. What you have to do now is take care of yourself and the baby. There have been some good suggestions about going to a local mosque, are there any nearby? There are probably many people that can help you there. Start looking for any agencies that help abused women, as that's what you are even if it is neglect. Is IS your husband's responsibility to take care of both of you, but since that isn't happening you have to take charge and find some help. Can I ask what part of NC you live in? I know someone there that might know of some good resources for you, depending on where you live. May God bless you and protect you and your baby.

[James and Cynthia 70]

Awww.. I'm sorry this happening to you. I can relate to your story too.. My husband is a drug addict too... I know how it is like to find your love on porn sites, dating sites..porn at home..no money. I went thru this recently.. Started to be abusive. I couldn't take it anymore one night i called the police took him to jail. We got restraining order for 1 year. During this time he went to anger menagment classes, attended AA meetings, went to the doctor and got himself pills that suppose to help in drug addiction and for bipolar disorder... He was clean for 7,5 months. Relapsed once <thank god> Today he is been clean for 3 months.He doesn't attend AA meetings anymore. He stopped taking pills (without doctor approval) And he is going crazy again and abusing me... I have no hope for better anymore.. My advise is to leave him people like that never change. Do it for the best for your son and for yourself.

You are right about that!!! They won't change. I have seen it many times. Sounds like meth addiction, and possibly heroine. Their promises are empty. You must get out. They say they will change, and they do for short times, but always go back, especially when they run into old friends. Moving to another city is only temporary. They will either find new friends that do it, or they'll go back home. Work is something they don't do either. They either steal what they need, resell it, or sell drugs instead. When they get money, their gone. You won't see them until it's gone. Then you'll hear all the promises again. Please do yourselves a favor and get yourselves out of this situation before something worse happens. I really feel bad and hope you can find a way to make things better.

-James

[sandinista! 1,816]

Not exactly.. during ROC nobody asks about your financial situation which they do during AOS. The only thing they really look at during ROC is if they really married for marriage sake, the financial burden has already been taken care of during AOS as the one going through AOS has to have sponsors who want to help her out in case she gets into trouble. The only thing they like to see regarding finances during ROC is if they have shared financial responsibilities, but even if they don't, they can still get approved for ROC.

Anyways, if I were her, I would divorce him based on abuse (because that is basically what's happening there.. abuse doesn't always have to be done physically), and then file the ROC without him while making sure of having proof of his abuse and all that (get some copies of the court records and all that of what shows how his behavior is). I think she would make a pretty strong case and wouldn't get send back if she did this.

As for what I read in some posts from people about going to the Mother-In-Law, that is the last thing she should do... the best thing for her to do is to go to some kind of shelter and get outside help. She should not go back to any of his family, the only way to get really out of it, is to completely break with him and his family. If she goes to any of his family, there is an incredible risk that he comes back again with stories of 'im so sorry, i didn't mean it, i will get better, etc etc etc' while we all know that these things never happen. If she wants a better life, I only see one way to do this, and that is to actually break with everything regarding him. Once she is in a shelter she has a roof above her head and food for her and her baby, then she can look for work and whatnot. Also, by doing this, she shows she is pro-active in solving her problems and in case the MIL or anyone else files a child abuse claim or something similar with CPS then they will less likely take the baby away (and contrary of what some people say: CPS is not likely to give the baby away to the MIL but more likely to place it in a foster place (and like someone also said, it is possible to place it in a temporary foster family who will take care of the baby while the mother can work on herself to get her life back on track, this happens very frequently and is maybe the best way to do be able to get things back on track)).

that's not the area of expense i was referring to, i meant the fees involved in filing. where is the money going to come from for that, for someone so broke they're drinking sugar water? which kathryn answered, re. the fee waiver. i had no idea such a thing existed, that's great.

Edited January 14, 2011 by sandinista!

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

I think what they were referring to is paying the fee for ROC, not necessarily her proving her financial situation to an IO.

that's not the area of expense i was referring to, i meant the fees involved in filing. where is the money going to come from for that, for someone so broke they're drinking sugar water? which kathryn answered, re. the fee waiver. i had no idea such a thing existed, that's great.

IC.. my bad, I figured the other finances were meant. But you're right, that's one thing I was wondering about as well, where the filing money would come from. The fee waiver is also new to me, but I'm glad to learn that something like that exists for people such as the OP.

[TracyTN 237]

Fee waivers have existed as long as I can remember. They used to be much harder to come by, though.

[alibekah 4]

OP (original poster)

I am so sorry for hearing about your strife. My sister is suffering through something similar but at least she still has me to call even though she is in a foreign country. My family and my fiance wishes she would leave him and luckily for her, she says she is going to divorce him, i really hope she does. His family are crazy, and i mean bats in the belfry crazy and just the most sadistic people I have ever met. In my prayers, when I pray for her, i will pray for you.

The BEST thing you need to realize is that your child comes first. GET TO A SHELTER. Pack a small suitcase with your papers, your child's papers, any evidence of his infidelity is possible, and whatever money you can and go. If you do not know where there is shelter, go to any church, synagogue or mosque. THEY WILL HELP YOU find a safe place. I have volunteered at a women's shelter before. They are great places to give you shelter, food and services. Anything from attorneys, to employment and gov services. They will hide you and keep you safe as long as you do not try and contact your abusive husband while you are there. Make a friend while you are there. The law is on your side.

Regardless of your religious preferences, the one thing that these women and you have in common is that YOU took the first step to a difficult yet proactive path to providing a better life for your child. Do not EVER be ashamed of leaving your husband. it takes soooooo much strength and courage to do the right thing. Change is never easy but here is the reality of your options: you can either get help or be killed (goddess forbid) and/or have your child taken away. The kind of people (because men can also be in abusive relationships) are only concerned about themselves. Nobody else. They will do anything for their drug. I have worked in a clinic that deals with these kind of people. The reality is harsh. Very harsh.

I tell this to my sister; men like this have no idea how good their life was until its all gone or until they are in their death bed.

Lastly, HE IS NOT WORTH IT. do not waste your energy and time on this man. He is a piss poor example of a man. Right now, worry about you and your child. Get away.

Let us know how you are doing.

Many many blesses to you and your child.

[Staashi 371]

that's not the area of expense i was referring to, i meant the fees involved in filing. where is the money going to come from for that, for someone so broke they're drinking sugar water? which kathryn answered, re. the fee waiver. i had no idea such a thing existed, that's great.

Friends of mine received a fee waiver during the ROC. She was going through treatment for breast cancer and due to the expenses and loss of income USCIS granted them the waiver. I was shocked.

[texas-gal 3]

That is actually highly unlikely. CPS might do an investigation and, if anything, the child will most likely be placed in a foster home.. placing it with an the mother-in-law, an aunt or any other family is unlikely, especially because of her own son's situation...

This is not true. Depending on which state you live in, the child could be placed with another family member instead of a foster home. Some states have laws that require that family members be explored and given priority. The situations of the parents don't automatically exclude other family members from having children placed with them.

[texas-gal 3]

After reading the suggestions others have made I would agree with them...find a women's shelter where you can go to. Most of them will let you take your baby with you. And the location of them is kept secret so your husband shouldn't know where you are. Pack as much for yourself and your baby as you can, as much paperwork for both of you, and try to find evidence of what your husband's been doing. I would ask churches/mosques for help. In the area where I am a lot of them have a variety of ways to help people. Some places might have resources for helping you find a job. The women's shelter may even have something to help with that too. You might check with Legal Aid or some other non-profit organizations about getting help with filing for divorce. I would find out about WIC and Medicaid for your child. A lot of states have insurance programs for children who are in low income families. I don't know if that would affect you since it would be assistance programs for your child or not. You have to take steps to protect your child and provide for him. If someone does call CPS it will help if you can show things you are doing to provide for him, even if it's with the assistance of a shelter, churches/mosques, etc.