HELP PLEASE--- GOING THROUGH HELL

[Nept21 0]

Hello everyone it's been a while since I have posted anything. Those of you who followed me while I was going through the K1 visa process thanks for all your support. To inform everyone that the marriage has not been working out. I have tried my best to make this thing work, it has become a one person relation ship and the other only wanting things. My wife feels that the USA and the people here owes her, she does not want to get accumilated here. She has pissed off her whole family here in the USA and now mines. For the past week I have been terrorized, i have been abused so bad that physically and mentally by my wife. She says she wants me to hit her "which is something i refuse to do" she calls e her ex-husbands name and has now told my family and her family that i have hit her. I have pictures of her bite marks, scratched and brusied. I am a black male and have brusies that are very visable. She has made threats to me, she really has a bad attitude and throws a big temper tantrum when she doesnt get her way. The lovely lady that I and fell in love with is no longer there, now im dealing with a imature person. She has destroyed alot of my expensive belongings and pictures. I refuse to put my hands on her or let her get her way, i have a great carreer and i will not sacrife it. We have only been married almost 3months now and i see her true colors. I have made every attempt to work this relationship out, no matter what i do shhe still treats me worse than a damn dog. My plans are to buy her a ticket back to her country or where ever she wants to go. right now she want to go to her sisters in fort-lauderdale( "she also pissed her off")so im going to buy her a ticket there. Im sorry for comming on this board to ask for help but i really need help and advice on what i need to do.

FYI: I just sent off her paperwork for her AOS

I reeally do love her and have shown her as much love as i can but i cant be with someone that treats me like ######.

Her family and also my family has attempted to help us out in this realtionship and has given us some great help but soon as they leave she turns back into her evil ways.

Please someone let me know what i need to do to her her out of my life.

[Moonandstar 6]

Step one would be to withdraw her AOS.

I could be wrong, but the whole "i want you to hit me" thing makes it sound like shes only in the US for the green card (ie. you hit her and she gets domestic violence charge on you, then her whole immigration path is in her control- she wouldn't need you anymore after that).

I think the hard part now is to make up your mind on what to do with her. Try to maintain the relationship? <(probably not too likely) Or send her packing?

Edited July 5, 2010 by Moonandstar

[justashooter 430]

this is obviously not going to work. don't waste your time with an attempt at couples counseling, but do get yourself some individual counseling if you can. you seem to already know that the relationship is not viable, so buy the ticket (one way), and as soon as she leaves write a letter to USCIS withdrawing your petition and I-864 support affadavit, and change the locks. report your wife's last known whereabouts to USCIS and indicate that she has abandoned your marriage. file for divorce, and have your divorce lawyer publish in local paper rather than serve papers. you don't really want her to know that you are taking action to end your marriage, as this may cause her to try to come home. use abandonment as grounds for the divorce. do it this week.

see your local police immediately to file a report for her violence against you. they have to take the report even if it has been weeks since the violence. with this kind of crime the statute for filing is usually 90 days, 6 months, or a year, depending on the state in which the events took place and the grade of the offenses. if they won't take it, see your local district justice or someone in the county court house to file a criminal complaint against her independently and, in either case, to file for a protection from abuse order that will effectively bar any attempt by her to move back in with you. send a copy of the criminal complaint and PFA to USCIS with photos of the evidence of her abuse. this will put her in the "crimes involving moral turpitude" category and get her deported right quick.

it's tough to be a man in this world if the women you are with are bitches. speaking as a guy who has been thru similar circumstances on a smaller scale with a US born wife years ago, i can tell you that you are not alone. the system will be reluctant to help you, so you will have to help yourself. PM me if you wanna discuss further. you got a friend in this corner, buddy.

Edited July 5, 2010 by justashooter

[Nept21 0]

Thank you to those that have responded. I am a police officer and im usually givening the advice and taking reports like this. Now that it is me in this situation i really dont know what to do. I defenitly will not continue with this realtionship. I am looking for the easiest way out of this. I could have and still can presss charges on her but im trying to be a big guy here and just part our ways. I will be witdrawing the AOS and any support ASAP. Its sad when i really do love this girl and her family and this is the thanks i get. She feels like i will be loosing alot. I wont be loosing anything. I have explained to her that the time, money and stress was worth it but the abuse is not.

[Six-Twelve 0]

Thank you to those that have responded. I am a police officer and im usually givening the advice and taking reports like this. Now that it is me in this situation i really dont know what to do. I defenitly will not continue with this realtionship. I am looking for the easiest way out of this. I could have and still can presss charges on her but im trying to be a big guy here and just part our ways. I will be witdrawing the AOS and any support ASAP. Its sad when i really do love this girl and her family and this is the thanks i get. She feels like i will be loosing alot. I wont be loosing anything. I have explained to her that the time, money and stress was worth it but the abuse is not.

I just read your blog, and you do have an interesting case. I'm a fellow police officer, you should follow your training. If you allow this to continue, and she contacts the police to report domestic violence against you, and can show any visible injuries whether self inflicted or otherwise, you will be arrested and charged with domestic violence. As a law Enforcement professional, you have options. You can contact immigrations (ICE), or other customs sections. or USCIS. She is committing a crime now, and you are obligated to report it, and as you know more men are victims of domestic violence than is reported.

Edited July 5, 2010 by Six-Twelve

[Six-Twelve 0]

I just read your blog, and you do have an interesting case. I'm a fellow police officer, you should follow your training. If you allow this to continue, and she contacts the police to report domestic violence against you, and can show any visible injuries whether self inflicted or otherwise, you will be arrested and charged with domestic violence. As a law Enforcement professional, you have options. You can contact immigrations (ICE), or other customs sections. or USCIS. She is committing a crime now, and you are obligated to report it, and as you know more men are victims of domestic violence than is reported.

Also, you will have to have her charged with the crime "domestic violence" before ICE will get involved. As difficult as it may be to do this to her, especially if you're still in love with her, it has to be done.

Good luck!

[Radkova 11]

im sorry for what your going through.. i say withdraw the aos, divorce her.. please report everything to the police station before she goes there and lie about how you hit her. good luck

[thongd4me 69]

Withdraw the AOS ASAP.

I've been there, done that (married someone who turned out to be a nightmare, but your case is much much worse than mine was).

It's often the case where unusual beauty hides a very maladjusted personality.

It's so easy to hide that when you are dating and don't have shared residence & responsibilities.

I felt I learned a lot from my first marriage - the mistake I made was to ignore the dysfunction

between her and her family - she hated her mother and two siblings and always was blaming

other people for things that were essentially her fault.

Guess what? After we got married she blamed me for everything and even blamed the children.

However there was no violence (there were threats by her) as in your case.

I divorced her (after the 10-year AOS) and made sure when I met my current wife

I could see how she related to friends & family and how she was respected and loved.

The unanimous answer was yes in all cases, so I knew I had someone special,

not just someone who was saying she loved me to get a ticket to the US.

She does miss her friends and family but keeps close with them by the magic of

the internet, the same way we did for over 7 years before we married.

If you try to find another wife someday, look at the whole package, not just the

appearance or the sex you're getting.

Edited July 5, 2010 by thongd4me

[MRStee 19]

Sorry all this has happened to you. You seem to have gotten good advice especially from your fellow police officer... Love shouldn't have to hurt, and although you still care for her, you have to protect yourself...I hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel soon and YES withdraw your AOS and divorce so you can get on with your life. Some counseling for yourself isn't a bad idea either. In your line of work, it wouldn't hurt.

Best wishes to you!

[SuperDuper! 230]

Sorry for what you are going thru. You say you JUST filed for AOS. Any time to put a stop order on that $1K check? A chunk 'o change, no?

Follow your training, then send her back home.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

Just a Shooter has outlined what you can do to skin her alive. If you want to do this with less drama, understand that without you AOS, she cannot stay in the US legally. What you have to protect yourself from is possible accusations of violence against her -- for obvious reasons.

I'd stop payment of the check and let the AOS die. I'd also formally withdraw my AOS petition. I'd file for divorce and find a place for her to stay until it is final. Florida is good! Then I'd drive her to the airport and kiss her goodbuye, for good.

[justashooter 430]

Thank you to those that have responded. I am a police officer and im usually givening the advice and taking reports like this. Now that it is me in this situation i really dont know what to do. I defenitly will not continue with this realtionship. I am looking for the easiest way out of this. I could have and still can presss charges on her but im trying to be a big guy here and just part our ways. I will be witdrawing the AOS and any support ASAP. Its sad when i really do love this girl and her family and this is the thanks i get. She feels like i will be loosing alot. I wont be loosing anything. I have explained to her that the time, money and stress was worth it but the abuse is not.

all the guys on this forum that have been burned a time or two are right behind you.

do what your training tells you to do. your emotions are worthless now.

you do not have to be "the big guy" for someone who treats you like ####### and commits crimes as defined by the statute.

lady justice is blind. she wears a blindfold for a reason. you are making your wife an exception to the Rule Of Law.

level the playing field now. use the law that you are trained to use.

protect yourself, first and foremost. your brother officers will understand, and admire you for having the courage to act.

[RickD182 0]

I would end all paperwork and send her back. You don't need that type of relationship. You will be better without her... Sorry if my advice is not the best but it just bets me mad that all you trying to do is keep your family together ans she is NOT appreciating you... Send her back, take a week vacations to Hawaii, have a good time and forget about her! Good luck..

[melusine 5]

I second "justashooter"

You have been more than correct, don't let her step on your feet more than she already have.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Moved from K-1 Visa forum to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum as a more appropriate location