Things I hate about my ex

[newlyweds 0]

*ahem*

you're wrong. If someone was hurting your child and you had little/no control of it, how would you feel? My kids are everything to me. I personally wouldn't care if my ex disappeared and never came back... but I think of my two little boys and how disappointed they are everytime he says he's coming and doesn't show up.

This is a thread to talk about exes. If you don't have one, good for you, I envy you! But geez, please do not pass your judgement on us.

*ahem*

you're wrong. If someone was hurting your child and you had little/no control of it, how would you feel? My kids are everything to me. I personally wouldn't care if my ex disappeared and never came back... but I think of my two little boys and how disappointed they are everytime he says he's coming and doesn't show up.

This is a thread to talk about exes. If you don't have one, good for you, I envy you! But geez, please do not pass your judgement on us.

wow, displace much? well, i don't have an ex-husband, and neither does my hubby have an ex-wife, but the thing is I think I am entitled to my own opinion, don't attack just because I have something to say. Each one has their own experience, and I am sorry for whatever pain your ex put you through. At the same time though, I know how it feels to be on that other side, listening to the one person you love rant about an ex and it's painful seeing that that very person you are giving your emotions to is still so engrossed with the pain/hate, yours is a different story and from my own perspective it's different. SO i do not think it is rightful for you to lash out on me like that, I reacted to this thread because from how it was started, it sounded like a "fun" thing to rant on an ex. I don't like hearing people rant out on exes, I 've had ex-boyfriends of whom I did not have the best experience in the world with, but I learned to heal. At the same time, I've had an ex who couldn't stop ranting on an ex, obviously that person had so much emotions left for that one person and instead of focusing on the present relation ship, he was more focused on ranting about his ex. It was because he wasn't over him thus he couldn't keep himself from ranting out his ex.

That is why I think you should also still consider why other people react the way they do, and I reacted the way I did but I think you failed to understand that it was not a motive of mine to appear all perfect, or righteous. So I think next time, maybe you shouldn't lash out on someone right away. My experience is different from yours that's why my opinion is different.

But in my own thoughts, I think I still don't agree with ranting about exes because i'm sure out of all the "#######" an ex made a person go through there are also great moments. If my opinion seem offensive to you, I apologize that's not my intention, the thing is don't like to rant on an ex because I know I wouldn't want an ex to rant about me.

If I disagree, let me disagree don't attack me just because I cannot hold the same conviction as you do. It's a thread, I'm a member, I wanted to post, I disagreed that's just it.

[Jenn! 918]

It isn't hard to understand why someone might take offense to you saying that they are "clearly not over their ex" when we all know that they are in a new relationship.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

It isn't hard to understand why someone might take offense to you saying that they are "clearly not over their ex" when we all know that they are in a new relationship.

Agreed.

You are more than entitled to your opinion, but to say that anyone that is still angry is "clearly not over their ex" is incredibly rude.

When you add children to the mix, where you can't leave your ex behind, where you deal with them constantly, they can still be mean and nasty and all the hurt and pain you felt IN the relationship still affects you now because you CAN'T have the space and time and distance to heal. If you're lucky enough to get a good ex then eventually the pain and hurt will fade but when you see the person that hurt you in the faces of your children, or when "exchanging" the kids on access days, it's bound to be painful.

It's easy for you to say that you don't believe in it, and I'm happy for you that obviously nothing you went through affected you too deeply but not everyone is that lucky. I believe that discussing what you went through helps others that are going through it or who have been through it, realise that they're not alone.

[Susita 175]

SO i do not think it is rightful for you to lash out on me like that, I reacted to this thread because from how it was started, it sounded like a "fun" thing to rant on an ex

I didn't lash out on you. I *ahemed* because this is a thread about 'things I hate about my ex,' where we talk about things we hate about our exes. So I think it's okay if I do that.

Just as you don't think it's okay for me to voice my opinion on what you had to say, I don't feel like it's right for you to pass judgement on us. This thread is for people with exes who want to complain about how they make their lives miserable. If you don't have an ex, you're lucky. You don't have anything to complain about. Did you ever think that maybe we don't want to bother our SO's with this and that's why we're venting about it with others on a forum?

It's a possibility.

wow, displace much? well, i don't have an ex-husband, and neither does my hubby have an ex-wife,

so my question is... why are you posting in there then? If I didn't have an ex I would be so much happier and I wouldn't feel the need to post in a thread about ex's.

I don't get the logic

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I thank God for my ex every day. Because of how she was, I got divorced at met Alla. Why rant?

[Susita 175]

I thank God for my ex every day. Because of how she was, I got divorced at met Alla. Why rant?

As far as that goes, I agree with you. I would have never met Luis and been so happy.

However, in my case it's because he continues to make my kids unhappy and that hurts.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

I thank God for my ex every day. Because of how she was, I got divorced at met Alla. Why rant?

Do you have kids with your ex? Scandal and Susita cases clearly demonstrate what happens when the ex uses or abuses the kids. I think it is the parental imperative to ensure the well-being of the children. Not everyone can just shut out the ex. It sounds like you lucked out.

[Ban Hammer 12,900]

sometimes the best way to see how well you know someone is divorce 'em!

[scandal 951]

...

If I disagree, let me disagree don't attack me just because I cannot hold the same conviction as you do. It's a thread, I'm a member, I wanted to post, I disagreed that's just it.

Suzi and others have already responded very well, but I did want to add a few things.

You have the right to your opinions, certainly. And you have the right to post them. However, I think there's a basic misunderstanding between your views, and those of people like Suzi and myself.

For some people, it's possible to move past a former relationship and just move onto something new. You say you've had ex-boyfriends and moved past - that's great. For others, especially those with children, that's simply not the case. You've posted twice now, but not addressed in either post the cases where a person has children from a previous marriage or relationship. That person has moved on, found a new love, remarried. The children from the former marriage will always be his/her children. The ex will always be the mother/father of those children. The need to negotiate things (hopefully civilly) for the children: visitation access, support, schooling choices, healthcare choices, will continue to require dialog and cooperation with that ex. If the ex is uncivil, that is bound to bring ongoing resentment. What do you propose someone does in such a case- just "move on" and forget their kids ever existed? Just write them off, along with the failed marriage?

I'm fortunate, as is Suzi with Luis, that my wife is understanding and supportive of my situation. My wife encourages me to continue to make every effort to maintain contact with my kids, despite the difficulties. She's encouraged me to travel to Brazil and spend time with them, despite the fact that it leaves her alone in a new and strange country waiting for my return. (My wife came to join me in the US last summer - I've gone to Brazil twice alone since that time). I don't spend every waking minute complaining about my ex to my wife. But I DO turn to trusted friends and relatives, and in particular to her, to help me navigate the step by step process of how to manage this ongoing and difficult saga with my ex. My wife has been a wonderful companion in that supporting role, and I love her dearly for her patience and wisdom and support.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

wow, displace much? well, i don't have an ex-husband, and neither does my hubby have an ex-wife, but the thing is I think I am entitled to my own opinion, don't attack just because I have something to say. Each one has their own experience, and I am sorry for whatever pain your ex put you through. At the same time though, I know how it feels to be on that other side, listening to the one person you love rant about an ex and it's painful seeing that that very person you are giving your emotions to is still so engrossed with the pain/hate, yours is a different story and from my own perspective it's different. SO i do not think it is rightful for you to lash out on me like that, I reacted to this thread because from how it was started, it sounded like a "fun" thing to rant on an ex. I don't like hearing people rant out on exes, I 've had ex-boyfriends of whom I did not have the best experience in the world with, but I learned to heal. At the same time, I've had an ex who couldn't stop ranting on an ex, obviously that person had so much emotions left for that one person and instead of focusing on the present relation ship, he was more focused on ranting about his ex. It was because he wasn't over him thus he couldn't keep himself from ranting out his ex.

That is why I think you should also still consider why other people react the way they do, and I reacted the way I did but I think you failed to understand that it was not a motive of mine to appear all perfect, or righteous. So I think next time, maybe you shouldn't lash out on someone right away. My experience is different from yours that's why my opinion is different.

But in my own thoughts, I think I still don't agree with ranting about exes because i'm sure out of all the "#######" an ex made a person go through there are also great moments. If my opinion seem offensive to you, I apologize that's not my intention, the thing is don't like to rant on an ex because I know I wouldn't want an ex to rant about me.

If I disagree, let me disagree don't attack me just because I cannot hold the same conviction as you do. It's a thread, I'm a member, I wanted to post, I disagreed that's just it.

My weight and how many tons I displace is a matter of national security. Your situation is far different from having a bond with an ex that can never be broken. Children will always tie the parties together and I hope this situation never happens to you but it has happened to others such as Scandal and Susita and many, many others. You wrote that you thought it would be a fun thing to rant out on exes but then you indicate in the same sentence that you don't like to hear rants on exes. "I reacted to this thread because from how it was started, it sounded like a "fun" thing to rant on an ex. I don't like hearing people rant out on exes ..." You are certainly entitled to your opinion, no one will take that away from you but you are also a grown woman who should understand what a thread entitled, "Things I hate about my ex," is likely to contain. Whether or not there were any good times in the past is not the issue, that would be in a thread entitled, Things I loved about my ex," this is clearly not that thread. You don't have an ex and you don't have any children with an ex so your experience will be different from the other people here. It doesn't invaidate what you say but your opening remark suggests that Susita, the person who posted a very personal issue as have Scandal and so many others, has an issue or concern that is unreasonable. I don't agree with what you've said and as Vanessa has pointed out that is just plain rude to make such a judgemental comment. The fact that you place the word ####### in quotes suggests that you don't see what Susita or Scandal or Vanessa or anyone else went through as being a difficult and oppressive situation which just foments the argument that you seem to be making a judgement that is clearly at odds with what most people would see as being a rather difficult situation. I don't know what you consider ####### but what these people wnet through is ####### and I hardly think that I am alone in this belief.

[Yahya54 4]

that my story with my ex

How i forgive my ex-wife ..........?

I've been divorced over a year, and we had separated a 2 year before that. My then-wife started an affair with an Airman right after our firest child was born. I discovered the affair, by accident, seven months later. A week later she moved out. A week after that, she served me with divorce papers. A year later, our divorce was final. After seeing the effects of our divorce on our child, I believe that unilateral, adultery-related divorce is nothing short of child abuse. I realize that's a strong position, and many may disagree with me. But what else would you call a deliberate act that causes serious emotional harm to a child? But I digress. Everyone tells me I need to forgive my ex-wife for trashing her family and secretly engaging in adultery with another man (who also was married and who later dumped my ex-wife after getting her pregnant; he then divorced his wife and married another woman -- are you confused yet?) In short, the lives of me and our children have been turned upside down. How am I supposed to forgive her for that? She has absolutely no remorse, no sadness, no feelings whatsoever. She enjoys getting her child support check which goes to anything but our children. She seems to enjoy watching me suffer the forced separation from my son, whom I love and adore more than anything on earth. So -- why and how should I forgive her outrageous and morally bankrupt behavior

i do see my son but i have to( twist her arms) i mean i had to take her to the court to see my kids its sad i did try to forgive her BUT I JUST CANT she cost me too much pain i try to be civel BUT I CAN HELP IT WE DONT TALK and she just told my 4 years son YOU HAVE 2 DAD can you belive that the word just brok my hart im so confiedint of god and i know WHATS GO AROUND COMES AROUND and god did see how much i suffer

[Muhammad n Maryam 1]

Suzi and others have already responded very well, but I did want to add a few things.

You have the right to your opinions, certainly. And you have the right to post them. However, I think there's a basic misunderstanding between your views, and those of people like Suzi and myself.

For some people, it's possible to move past a former relationship and just move onto something new. You say you've had ex-boyfriends and moved past - that's great. For others, especially those with children, that's simply not the case. You've posted twice now, but not addressed in either post the cases where a person has children from a previous marriage or relationship. That person has moved on, found a new love, remarried. The children from the former marriage will always be his/her children. The ex will always be the mother/father of those children. The need to negotiate things (hopefully civilly) for the children: visitation access, support, schooling choices, healthcare choices, will continue to require dialog and cooperation with that ex. If the ex is uncivil, that is bound to bring ongoing resentment. What do you propose someone does in such a case- just "move on" and forget their kids ever existed? Just write them off, along with the failed marriage?

I'm fortunate, as is Suzi with Luis, that my wife is understanding and supportive of my situation. My wife encourages me to continue to make every effort to maintain contact with my kids, despite the difficulties. She's encouraged me to travel to Brazil and spend time with them, despite the fact that it leaves her alone in a new and strange country waiting for my return. (My wife came to join me in the US last summer - I've gone to Brazil twice alone since that time). I don't spend every waking minute complaining about my ex to my wife. But I DO turn to trusted friends and relatives, and in particular to her, to help me navigate the step by step process of how to manage this ongoing and difficult saga with my ex. My wife has been a wonderful companion in that supporting role, and I love her dearly for her patience and wisdom and support.

[Ban Hammer 12,900]

i do see my son but i have to( twist her arms) i mean i had to take her to the court to see my kids its sad i did try to forgive her BUT I JUST CANT she cost me too much pain i try to be civel BUT I CAN HELP IT WE DONT TALK and she just told my 4 years son YOU HAVE 2 DAD can you belive that the word just brok my hart im so confiedint of god and i know WHATS GO AROUND COMES AROUND and god did see how much i suffer

i feel your pain about an ex using the children to inflict guilt trips on the former spouse and refusing to let you see them.

[Susita 175]

That's completely messed up. Anyone who uses their kids doesn't deserve to have them.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

As far as that goes, I agree with you. I would have never met Luis and been so happy.

However, in my case it's because he continues to make my kids unhappy and that hurts.

Ha!!!!!!! Mine were already grown when we divorced. hehehehe.