Funerals, cremations, burials

[Steve S 2]

My mother was bringing up this topic with me and my siblings. Naturally, for most of us it is not altogether comfortable to talk about. The third question is difficult to capture in a multiple choice format - I am sure there would be better ways to construct the poll question. I would be especially interested in the narrative responses.

Edited February 13, 2010 by Steve S

[Nagishkaw 510]

Put moccasins on my feet and wrap me in buffalo skins . No funeral, no fuss, no mess, I guess.

Edited February 13, 2010 by Nagishkaw

[Jenn! 918]

I don't know what I want done with me. To be honest, I don't particularly care, so I think I would allow my husband to decide. But I most definitely do NOT want a viewing. They are traditional in my Catholic family and I find it entirely disturbing. I will never forget how they made up my great-grandpa for his viewing (I was about 12 y.o.). They tried to make him look younger I think, and everyone would comment on how "good" he looked. It was horrific and I wish that wasn't my last memory of him. I refused to go in the room w/ my great-grandma's body when she died some years later.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I want my organs put up for donation, then my body cremated.

I do not want a viewing, nor a funeral.

I want a little get together of family for them to remember me, not a time to mourn my death. People will be sad, but I dont want people there just to be sad for me... I want them to remember good times.

I've been to 4 funerals so far in my life, and all of them had a viewing. I don't remember much about the first two I went to, but the 3rd one had a viewing and the 4th one - my grandfather - I could not go view his body. I had not seen him for 8 months and I did not want to see him how he was at the time. My parents told me he looked very, very sickly and I didn't want that to be how I last saw my grandfather.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Doesn't really matter to me, because I will be dead. Seems to me to be a waste of money and effort.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

My mother always hated hearing people at funerals saying "doesn't he/she look natural" like they were walking zombies. Needles to say she was cremated. My nephew, who committed suicide was cremated and his mother takes little pieces of ashes to places he wanted to be ( including my mothers grave ), my infant granddaughter was cremated and will go with whichever parent goes first. I saw the videos of my father in laws funeral and he was embalmed. I was a bit surprised at how much the body was handled. They lifted his up to arrange his hat and fix his shoes. The coffin was also different in that it split entriely in half and showed the whole body.

[Marilyn. 340]

I want to be buried.. but first I would like all my internal organs to be donated... as for a viewing that would be up to my family...

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I've already discussed this with my parents and husband. I feel it's silly to wait to talk about these things. I don't ever want that "what do I do" feeling of not honouring someone in the way they wanted.

My parents are being cremated. I helped write their Wills a few years ago but I can't remember the exact details. I believe that whoever passes first will have their ashes retained by the survivor (or me if they can't handle it) until the other passes and then they will be scattered together on what is a landmark in my hometown called "the sleeping lady" or "the sleeping pregnant lady". The reason for picking this location is you can see it from a while away and mum always says that she knows she almost home when she sees it.

We're all having any viable organs donated and because of that, no viewings. I agree with the sentiment that I prefer to remember people alive and "looking normal" than dead and "looking normal". We're all having environmentally safe caskets for the cremation process. I'm open to the idea of my ashes being used to create a piece of jewellery but unless I could watch the process and confirm that's actually how they do it, I don't trust they're just TELLING you that's what they did. My Will (which I also wrote and had my sister check) states that my ashes are to be scattered in a location that is "of significance to the executors of my estate". I still need to redo my Will as marriage cancels out a Will. Divorce doesn't funnily enough, but marriage does unless you write it with the line "this Will is made in contemplation of my marriage to xxxx" and I wrote mine before I met Tony. Changes need to be made

(see the mountain in the distance??)

Edited February 13, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[DanielParul 50]

Cremation for 3 reasons 1. Its cleaner, 2. I am a Hindu, thats what we do and 3. I would not want my family to be tied to a place because I was burried there and feel guilty for wanting to move away or not visiting my grave every now and then.

I don't care about the viewing, my family can decide.

edited for typo

Edited February 13, 2010 by DanielParul

[Dave and Helena 0]

I want to be cremated and I would have liked for my ashes to be spread in the sea, that way my Swedish family could feel close to me whenever they are by the sea. I've seen the trouble my Mom's has to endure trying to get to my Fathers grave (she doesn't drive and live quite a distance from his grave) to keep it neat so I wouldn't want to be buried or for my ashes to be buried in an urn. Unfortunately Dave doesn't like the idea of spreading my ashes in the sea and since he's my husband I guess that is up to him.

I've never been to a viewing. It's not done in Sweden as far as I know and the only one who's died since I moved here was a young child so the parents had a kid friendly service with no viewing, only photos of their child on display. I did see my dad an hour or so after he died. It was odd, comforting and disturbing at the same time. It was nice to get to see him one last time but without the soul it really wasn't "him".

[Kathryn41 3,205]

My husband and I both agree we will be cremated. I would like my ashes scattered as well, probably on a lake somewhere. I wouldn't mind if there was a small gathering of friends for a memorial to 'celebrate' my life rather than to mourn my death.

I have always known that the viewing and the funeral are not for the deceased - they are for the living as a way to say goodbye and find closure. I have been to many of both, and while saddened when attending as a friend, I have very much been aware of the closure when it is family.

When my Mom passed we had a closed casket viewing - she did not want to be embalmed. She had had a very full and active life as a volunteer, as a political activist and in her later years, as an artist. A cousin of mine did a number of 'Scrapbook' style presentations of photographs and memorabilia from her life which we set up on easels around the room. We had many of her framed painting on display around the room, and unframed paintings in portfolios on big tables. People who knew her from one aspect of her life were pleased to visit the other parts of her life, often not aware of those involvements. It was a definitely a way for her many friends and acquaintances to say goodbye - and for all of us to celebrate who she was and how happy we were that she was a part of our lives.

Having to deal with all of the final arrangements (Mom had already picked out her casket and purchased her burial plot -as has my Dad) actually allowed us to gain some distance from her passing and helped ease the sadness through the various stages of grief.

A dear friend of mine recently lost her 21 year old daughter through a tragic event. She found great solace in putting together a Memorial service as well as setting up a memorial Facebook page for her daughter. I think doing these things helped her get through the first horrible days after the accident so she was able to keep functioning when the numbness wore off and she was hit with the full impact of her loss.

[dakay ♥ 10]

I would like to donate my organs, and then be cremated. I prefer not wasting money on unnecessary luxuries, I won't be already

[GabiandVi 34]

For the same reason I didn't want a big wedding ceremony, I don't really want a big funeral. However, this will devastate my husband if I die before him. In his culture, funerals are HUGE!!! So, while as far as I'm concerned, I should be cremated and my remains scattered over the lake behind my parents' house, I'll let him make my funeral arrangements. And out of respect for his beliefs, if he dies before me, I will make sure that he has the biggest, most colorful funeral Benin has ever seen.

[Steve S 2]

I am surprised at the overwhelming majority so far, in this unscientific poll, who have chosen cremation with no viewing. That would be my preference as well. As for the memorial service, it is for the living so I will let them decide how they want to do it.

Thank you to those who called attention to organ donation.

[Nik+Heather 122]

I'd like my parts to go for something good - or for research - Nik and I have discussed that part with each other. As others have said, the rest is for the living to decide how they would like. Nik wants a place where he can visit me.

My dad was a pilot (hobby), and his best memories are of flying in his glider. He can't do that any more, but he's said he'd like to be cremated and then dispersed from a glider over his favorite mountain range.