Who wants to join my angry rant thread?

[menina 50]

That was very beautifully written. And of course you are right. One day we will be on the other side of this and in the arms of our loved ones. I so appreciate the support of everyone in this group. Last weekend I was the one ranting about our situation, so I can empathize with others who feel that need as well. I think it is actually healthy to let out some of the frustration rather than keeping it all inside. That is why we are all here to support and share our concerns. We are at the mercy of government officials who likely only see numbers and not people, but remember that God knows who you are and is aware of your situation. He will carry you through the pain of being separated. With faith we will see lots of miracles this week and this month. May is here now, and hopefully with the start of a new month, a new attitude from the government towards speeding up the process. I sympathize with all those who are waiting whether a long time or a short time. Even though our friends and family members keep asking for updates and don't understand our feelings, we understand each other here on VJ. I too am tired of all of the questions and have been tempted to tatoo a message to my forehead. I even had one person tell me that she is going to keep asking every time she sees me until I finally tell her I have some news. Obviously, she doesn't get it, but on the other hand, it means that people care and want to see you happy. Good luck to everyone..we will make it through this together!!

[Danu 19]

Agreed..made me tear up a bit.

Me too, its exactly how I feel. I know someday this will all be over and we will look back and laugh, and that it will make us stronger as a couple. Thank you for writing that rebecca.

[NatPatBen 3]

I came back to this thread, but not cause I'm feeling angry. I'm actually feeling good since I got to "see" my SO for a few hours today using Skype! Even if it's not actually being able to touch him, being able to see him is WAAAAY better than just hearing his voice.

I hope that each of you have your ways to get through this, whether by visiting frequently, skyping, chatting, talking, whatever. I like to think that having such a long distance relationship gives us all time to develop strong communication skills with our SOs.

[LOLAs 1]

at times u can't even cry no more, the tears are shed inward now. i have no words to give cuz i am totally drained now, when u feel as if hope is no more then there is nothing left

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Just to clarify and not to say your friend was telling you untruths, but Canadians go through exactly the same process as everyone else. Being a Canadian makes no difference - we are still aliens and treated that way. We are still required to jump through all the same hoops as any other foreigner. If it were as easy as showing a marriage license all of us would have gone that route, but we too do the K-1 and the CR-1s to be with our loved ones. We wait, too. As Rebeccajo so ably said, there will come a time when all of this will be part of your 'history' and will fade as you discover and create your new life together.

[Jenn and Nick 0]

I completely understand the frustration. I've been waiting 156 days and haven't gotten a touch. My fiance comes for a visit in less than two weeks and I can't wait because even if he is here for only 4 days... that will be 4 days that I can forget about this process and just enjoy my time with him!

Edited May 4, 2009 by Jenn and Nick

[jawi876 2]

I am interested in this "all-inclusive wedding site that allows you to change your wedding date if necessary" Could you please give me a link to this?

I answered in PM.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

That's a wonderful post, Rebecca.

I agree, very nicely said.

Yes, its a nice change from the "shut up and stop whining children" posts that she so frequently threw out to those of us who were venting after 6 months at VCS last year.

nice turn around.

[jul&ali 0]

............ no matter how awful you think things are for you, there are always others who have it worse.........

Sherri -

I'm glad to see you say this.

I'm four years down the road from you in this process. You've heard from a lot of other people in this thread who are at varying stages. Some ARE in worse predicaments than you. And some are united now, but went through something worse than what you probably will.

Most get along just fine with no problems - eventually. Some of us get held up at one stage or another (we did) but it passes. And a few..............they are the ones my heart breaks for.

All I can say to you is this.........one day this will seem a distant memory. It will be a part of your 'story' - your journey as a couple and maybe someday as a family. Your courtship will be a different tale than most of the people you know and it will - in time - be a very special testament to your commitment to each other and your marriage.

Believe it or not, there will come days in the future where you will sit together in the same room, not touching or speaking. Maybe reading quietly together or just lounging on the sofa. Your life will become 'normal'. I know this is something you long for desperately now and trust me - that day will come.

But don't ever forget (on those normal days) when you lift your eyes from your distraction to look at that man who came from so far away and gave up everything he knew to be with you - don't ever forget what it took to get you to normalcy. Don't every forget about how you dealt with differences of the clock to find time to communicate. Don't ever forget about the money you spent to visit each other.

Marriage is normal. Life is normal. Your separation one day will pass. But the things you learned while separated - they can actually be a boon to you as an 'old married couple'.

It is for us. We are 'real'. Real life and not a fairy tale. But with just enough of a 'fairy tale' start to our story to make us special to each other. And that's all that really matters.

Thank you for this. Your post is right on and was just what I needed to hear. I was in tears yesterday, mostly because my SO lives in a rural part of a third world country with limited access to the internet and a phone that does not always have a signal at his house. We've been together for 6 years (with about 2.5 of those together) and just celebrated the 1 year anniversary of our engagement, yesterday. All I want is the normalcy that you speak of. I know that all of this is coming to us, and you've helped to put what I already know into sight. If nothing, this process has helped us to build a strong foundation for our relationship.

[Sherri and Matt 1]

Just to clarify and not to say your friend was telling you untruths, but Canadians go through exactly the same process as everyone else. Being a Canadian makes no difference - we are still aliens and treated that way. We are still required to jump through all the same hoops as any other foreigner. If it were as easy as showing a marriage license all of us would have gone that route, but we too do the K-1 and the CR-1s to be with our loved ones. We wait, too. As Rebeccajo so ably said, there will come a time when all of this will be part of your 'history' and will fade as you discover and create your new life together.

My friend was actually talking about an American moving to Canada and only needing a marriage license. She wanted to know why it was so hard to move to the U.S. if it is so easy for a U.S. citizen to go to Canada. I don't believe it is that easy though, it can't be. I live in a border town, and there are so many couples around here that cross back and forth, I am thinking maybe this person was talking more about dual citizenship or working in Canada or something. I don't believe you can just get married to a Canadian citizen and immediately immigrate to Canada without having to do some sort of application or paperwork.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Waiting? WOW! It SUCKS! Drives us crazy! Cant focus of anything coz all we DO is wait and wait and another long WAIT! We got approved but guess what? We are still in the waiting LINE....for the NOA2! PHEW!

[Oana31 0]

When will Matt finally be home? Don't know.

When is the wedding? After all, many people have to get time off work, arrange flights etc. Don't know.

You haven't even made any arraingements yet? Nope. Can't.

How can you have a wedding with your family if you can't even plan it? Don't know.

Well do you think he will be here by summer? I DON'T KNOW !

How many more hours of tears do I have ahead of me? Does anyone know.

So tired of the questions, I know many of you must get the same ones. I know there isn't anything I can do about it. I think I need to be banned from this website, because every time I check Igor's list and see all the approvals on petitions that were filed after mine, or I see people get approved in just weeks, I want to scream, throw things, and cry. Yes, I know it has only been 110 days. Yes, I know other people often wait longer. We have a very straightforward petition as far as I know. I can't think of any reason for a denial, but every day with no website update, no touch, no RFE, just nothing...is an eternity. I don't know how so many of us do this and remain sane. All that BS about petitions being approved in the order they are recieved makes me want to throw up. It just makes no sense...

How do I not get angry with him for not filing sooner? He wanted to stay and work and save money....but he lost his job anyway, and if we had applied when we originally discussed, he would probably be here by now. I have to be one of the most impatient people in the world, I don' think I hate anything more than waiting. I know there are people that hate it as much as I do...how do you do it?

Try to think there are still people who are waiting for almost a year for their NOA2, and in the meantime they CANNOT visit, since they live in a country that requires visas!

Please, be more positive about that! And my opinion is that NO, you don't need people telling you "Awww, it sucks, it is so unfair, and bla-bla" !!

Everything happens for a reason...so don't make it worse for yourselves by saying "if we had applied when we originally discussed, he would probably be here by now".

Stay strong, dear!! You can do it, as we ALL can!!!!!

[LiLMermaid 2]

Just to clarify and not to say your friend was telling you untruths, but Canadians go through exactly the same process as everyone else. Being a Canadian makes no difference - we are still aliens and treated that way. We are still required to jump through all the same hoops as any other foreigner. If it were as easy as showing a marriage license all of us would have gone that route, but we too do the K-1 and the CR-1s to be with our loved ones. We wait, too. As Rebeccajo so ably said, there will come a time when all of this will be part of your 'history' and will fade as you discover and create your new life together.

My friend was actually talking about an American moving to Canada and only needing a marriage license. She wanted to know why it was so hard to move to the U.S. if it is so easy for a U.S. citizen to go to Canada. I don't believe it is that easy though, it can't be. I live in a border town, and there are so many couples around here that cross back and forth, I am thinking maybe this person was talking more about dual citizenship or working in Canada or something. I don't believe you can just get married to a Canadian citizen and immediately immigrate to Canada without having to do some sort of application or paperwork.

It is far from that easy. Living on a border town just makes it easier. My niece did that and although he still had to file all the regular paperwork he was able to get a 'temporary resident" permit so he could stay with her but he still had to cross the border everyday for work. Until he gets his equivalent of a 'green card' he can't work in Canada. My fiance also lived in Canada on a work permit for a few years and we were looking at him getting his permanent residency here and it was going to cost us the same if not more then me going to the US and it was going to take longer. I don't know where people get the idea that Canada just throws open its borders and says "Come on IN!" lol

[Nagishkaw 510]

Everything happens for a reason...so don't make it worse for yourselves by saying "if we had applied when we originally discussed, he would probably be here by now".

How true!

[Victor&Cory 1]

You know what I find ironic in all this? That after all the paperwork.....all the waiting.....all the process.....at the end some mass of flesh and bones can decide if you can be with your loved one or not. It's incredible. hehehehe.

PEACE people....................