Who wants to join my angry rant thread?

[Naijabound 1]

Thanks guys.

I don't get upset with anyone asking questions, I just get so angry at the situation,a nd I hate being angry, it is the emotion I dislike the most. So when something makes me angry I get even angrier at the fact it is making me angry!! This thing consumes me, my thoughts, and if there is a moment I am not thinking about it, someone will ask me something and bring it up. The dissapointment is horrible, every time I check my e-mail, every time I check the website, and now, every time I go to the mailbox. I dream about this, I think about it so much, I don't know what I will do with my time when this is over.

The thing with not filing sooner is that it makes me think it's just my luck. Matt is a good man, and he always does his best to do what he thinks is right for us. It's just bad luck that he lost his job anyway, thus making his decision to stay in England longer moot. There is no way we could have predicted that happening. It's a regret though for me, I regret not insisting on filing sooner.

I am glad for this site, no person can imagine what this is like if they have not been through it. To have your life on hold, and to be just waiting. What it is like to be an adult, free to marry, used to making decisions for yourself, and have your life in a complete strangers hands. And to have absolutely no control over it. I have never felt so powerless as this journey makes me.

Thanks for listening everyone.

Im am sooo with you...... I check the website, my email, and my mailbox everyday... I think I had some type of break down the other day over all this... with so many who filed after me getting their noa2's I get scared wondering if they lost my file or something.. I know that happened to at least two people in the past so Im buggin about that... I just came from visiting my SO in March and his uncle, who is terrified of him leaving his country and coming here, asked me what preparations I have made for our marriage and I didnt know what to tell him considering I cant do much at all right now because of good ole' USCIS. This is one process that teaches you that things are not in your control at all and you cant do anything but just accept...

[beans 7]

In Canada's defense I'm sure they had to do more than just show a marriage certificate. One of my co-workers just brought her husband over from the PI and it took about 6 months. The thing is not as many people are immigrating to Canada like they are to the US.

And...I hate the questions. I've stopped answering lol.

[KarenJohn 3]

Sherry, my husband is in England too.

I share everyones frustration with the waiting period.

Our I-130 is 285 days out and our K-3 is 243 days out. I put in a Service Request on April 1st. Received an email notice from USCIS on April 4th stating they'd have a decision within 30 days from the date of the email. Hmmm... that's tomorrow and we haven't received anything. :-(

My husband and I get a lot of questions about when he'll get here or how's the process going. Tired of going through everything over and over. Patience is key, but frustration is always there ready to rear its ugly head. :-(

Let us know updates.

Best,

Karen

[Rainschild 0]

I am sorry, Sherri... I'm starting to go crazy after just one month, I can only begin to imagine how you feel. Hang in there, you'll have your petition approved soon.

[DanielParul 50]

I know waiting sucks! We waited to be together for a year after deciding to file for the visa. Now we are waiting for Daniel's deployment to be over so we can finally be together with no feeling of impending doom (separation). Sometimes I get angry about his deployment and living here all alone and now with our baby too. This is not what I asked for, another separation but instead of taking it out on him I realise its not a choice he had and he has a more miserable time there all alone than I do here.

Its hard but try to keep your chin up. This time will pass and you both will be together. For now try to see his side of the story too and that will make you less angry.

[rebeccajo 14]

............ no matter how awful you think things are for you, there are always others who have it worse.........

Sherri -

I'm glad to see you say this.

I'm four years down the road from you in this process. You've heard from a lot of other people in this thread who are at varying stages. Some ARE in worse predicaments than you. And some are united now, but went through something worse than what you probably will.

Most get along just fine with no problems - eventually. Some of us get held up at one stage or another (we did) but it passes. And a few..............they are the ones my heart breaks for.

All I can say to you is this.........one day this will seem a distant memory. It will be a part of your 'story' - your journey as a couple and maybe someday as a family. Your courtship will be a different tale than most of the people you know and it will - in time - be a very special testament to your commitment to each other and your marriage.

Believe it or not, there will come days in the future where you will sit together in the same room, not touching or speaking. Maybe reading quietly together or just lounging on the sofa. Your life will become 'normal'. I know this is something you long for desperately now and trust me - that day will come.

But don't ever forget (on those normal days) when you lift your eyes from your distraction to look at that man who came from so far away and gave up everything he knew to be with you - don't ever forget what it took to get you to normalcy. Don't every forget about how you dealt with differences of the clock to find time to communicate. Don't ever forget about the money you spent to visit each other.

Marriage is normal. Life is normal. Your separation one day will pass. But the things you learned while separated - they can actually be a boon to you as an 'old married couple'.

It is for us. We are 'real'. Real life and not a fairy tale. But with just enough of a 'fairy tale' start to our story to make us special to each other. And that's all that really matters.

Edited May 3, 2009 by rebeccajo

[LiLMermaid 2]

When will Matt finally be home? Don't know.

When is the wedding? After all, many people have to get time off work, arrange flights etc. Don't know.

You haven't even made any arraingements yet? Nope. Can't.

How can you have a wedding with your family if you can't even plan it? Don't know.

Well do you think he will be here by summer? I DON'T KNOW !

How many more hours of tears do I have ahead of me? Does anyone know.

So tired of the questions, I know many of you must get the same ones. I know there isn't anything I can do about it. I think I need to be banned from this website, because every time I check Igor's list and see all the approvals on petitions that were filed after mine, or I see people get approved in just weeks, I want to scream, throw things, and cry. Yes, I know it has only been 110 days. Yes, I know other people often wait longer. We have a very straightforward petition as far as I know. I can't think of any reason for a denial, but every day with no website update, no touch, no RFE, just nothing...is an eternity. I don't know how so many of us do this and remain sane. All that BS about petitions being approved in the order they are recieved makes me want to throw up. It just makes no sense...

How do I not get angry with him for not filing sooner? He wanted to stay and work and save money....but he lost his job anyway, and if we had applied when we originally discussed, he would probably be here by now. I have to be one of the most impatient people in the world, I don' think I hate anything more than waiting. I know there are people that hate it as much as I do...how do you do it?

I hear all the same questions and it makes me crazy as well! We lived here in Canada together for years and then he had to move back to the US. We have been waiting for YEARS for my divorce to become final so we could be married and now that it is........we CAN'T! We have both been married before so we just want a very simple wedding on the beach so I could probably plan the whole thing in less then a week but still...... How is any of my family going to be able to get the time off to come? My oldest brother (god bless him) already called me and said "Well don't worry about it sis...just let me know when. I left a weeks' holidays open at work and I can leave without too much notice". Unfortunately he'll probably be the only one that would be able to make it. Then there is the kids....they ask me constantly when we'll be moving....their teachers ask me....UGH.

Yes I totally feel your pain as does everyone else on this forum.

All we can do is pray it goes quickly.

[jawi876 2]

You all have some very heart wrenching stories. I'm so sorry. I know how you all feel...my first K-1 visa was lost with TSC (yeah I filed yeaaaarrrrsss ago for a different petition). I had congressmen and senators involved (I even contacted my governor)...had to fax over 300 pages to TSC EAARRRLLY in the morning. I remember the heartache of seeing so many people with my same date and way after my date getting approved. Of course back then there was no Igor's list, no USCIS website updates....nothing. So I never really checked the USCIS website for touches this time. I figured when it was time, I would get the most important email or an RFE update.

I have my heart set on a beach wedding this time. I managed to find a beautiful dress from Dillards...and an all-inclusive wedding site that will allow me to reschedule my wedding date if necessary. I will have my beach ceremony in Florida (God willing). I'm not sure what type of wedding ceremonies you want to have with your SO...but maybe you could look into a destination wedding of sorts here in the States.

Please keep your head up and know that this too shall pass. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

(((((((((((((((((((To all my friends still waiting for our Governments to approve our unions))))))))))))))))))))))

[LiLMermaid 2]

I forgot to mention the ones about how these internet things never work out and always end badly. Then there was the conversation with a co-worker the other day. She met someone who married a Canadian and all they had to do, according to this person, is show the marriage certificate. So why do I have to do all these other things she asked. Because this is not Canada I replied, we have our own rules. It's close enough in her opinion, and why is it so different. 2 words: Homeland Security. What does that have to do with it? World Trade Center, The Pentagon, 9-11? He's from England after all, not some foreign place, was her response to that, he's not from one of the places involved in 9/11. It boggles my mind that because someone is from an English speaking country we are friends with, they are not seen as foreign, except by the people who matter, the Government. I pointed out he is not American and she said well we used to be from England so what is the big deal?

One of the bad things about life, is that no matter how awful you think things are for you, there are always others who have it worse. It saddens me to hear of people waiting years, and all the beurocratic nonsense that goes on sometimes. It also terrifies me because although sometimes you can identify the reason someone gets held up, no matter how ridiculous the reason like the fact they have Muslim name, often there is no reason at all. It could happen to any one of us. Most of the time it seems the Government is all about rules and codes and procedures, but this VISA stuff seems so random and based on chance. It's the luck of the draw who's desk your file ends up on and what they do with it.

There has to be a better way.

Oh I WISH all I had to do was show a marriage certificate! LMAO Being Canadian doesn't mean I get to get through this process any faster then anyone else. All it means that I can easily cross the border to go visit. Easily...but not cheaply.

[LiLMermaid 2]

You all have some very heart wrenching stories. I'm so sorry. I know how you all feel...my first K-1 visa was lost with TSC (yeah I filed yeaaaarrrrsss ago for a different petition). I had congressmen and senators involved (I even contacted my governor)...had to fax over 300 pages to TSC EAARRRLLY in the morning. I remember the heartache of seeing so many people with my same date and way after my date getting approved. Of course back then there was no Igor's list, no USCIS website updates....nothing. So I never really checked the USCIS website for touches this time. I figured when it was time, I would get the most important email or an RFE update.

I have my heart set on a beach wedding this time. I managed to find a beautiful dress from Dillards...and an all-inclusive wedding site that will allow me to reschedule my wedding date if necessary. I will have my beach ceremony in Florida (God willing). I'm not sure what type of wedding ceremonies you want to have with your SO...but maybe you could look into a destination wedding of sorts here in the States.

Please keep your head up and know that this too shall pass. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

(((((((((((((((((((To all my friends still waiting for our Governments to approve our unions))))))))))))))))))))))

I am interested in this "all-inclusive wedding site that allows you to change your wedding date if necessary" Could you please give me a link to this?

[Gemmie 142]

............ no matter how awful you think things are for you, there are always others who have it worse.........

Sherri -

I'm glad to see you say this.

I'm four years down the road from you in this process. You've heard from a lot of other people in this thread who are at varying stages. Some ARE in worse predicaments than you. And some are united now, but went through something worse than what you probably will.

Most get along just fine with no problems - eventually. Some of us get held up at one stage or another (we did) but it passes. And a few..............they are the ones my heart breaks for.

All I can say to you is this.........one day this will seem a distant memory. It will be a part of your 'story' - your journey as a couple and maybe someday as a family. Your courtship will be a different tale than most of the people you know and it will - in time - be a very special testament to your commitment to each other and your marriage.

Believe it or not, there will come days in the future where you will sit together in the same room, not touching or speaking. Maybe reading quietly together or just lounging on the sofa. Your life will become 'normal'. I know this is something you long for desperately now and trust me - that day will come.

But don't ever forget (on those normal days) when you lift your eyes from your distraction to look at that man who came from so far away and gave up everything he knew to be with you - don't ever forget what it took to get you to normalcy. Don't every forget about how you dealt with differences of the clock to find time to communicate. Don't ever forget about the money you spent to visit each other.

Marriage is normal. Life is normal. Your separation one day will pass. But the things you learned while separated - they can actually be a boon to you as an 'old married couple'.

It is for us. We are 'real'. Real life and not a fairy tale. But with just enough of a 'fairy tale' start to our story to make us special to each other. And that's all that really matters.

That's a wonderful post, Rebecca.

[AmyStan 0]

That's a wonderful post, Rebecca.

I agree, very nicely said.

[beans 7]

Agreed..made me tear up a bit.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Yes, it was a very good post, indeed!

[Victor&Cory 1]

Amazing post indeed.