Am i being silly

[jzay 0]

jzay, I think the better quesion is what does your fiance say about this to you?

He says he understand where i am coming from but thinks its unnecessary.

Ah.

That's how I feel.

I can't though figure out why you are asking us. Did you want to learn if the majority of people feel the way you do? Even if they do, that doesn't make him 'wrong'. He probably sees it as just a bed.

Its not about who is right or wrong. I was a little uneasy after i asked and needed to hear an impartial opinion/view, so i thought it would be interesting to just put it out there.

[jzay 0]

not silly. I made Charles buy us an entire new bed

made = nagged.

Lol..

[AlHayatZween 2]

and if its an issue of where they had secksy time, then the couch, car, carpet, sink, bathtub, where ever else might have to go too....

bidet, ironing board, waffle iron...

oh! i forget myself!

No, but seriously, jzay, you are newly hitched. you should do what makes you happy. like you said, he needs a new bed anyway, and mattresses aren't that THAT expensive. so... go forth and enjoy! nothing silly about wanting to be comfortable and happy.

[rebeccajo 14]

I understand.

I do think it's interesting though. wowswift made a point, even if they made it in a way you must have found offensive.

Most of us have had sexual relationships with other people, and probably outside of marriage.

The concept of the marriage bed being 'sacred' goes back to a time when people generally didn't have sex outside of marriage.

In my mind, I can change my bed or where I live. I can change any number of things. But I can't change what happened in the past.

Physical surroundings can help us put our past behind us. But at the end of the day, we are still who we are. Your guy has an Ex. It's just....part of his story.

[Nessa 23]

not silly. I made Charles buy us an entire new bed

made = nagged.

Lol..

made = i'm the boss. Do as I say and shut up!

[wowswift 3]

yes and im sorry if i offended you. i didn't mean too. but you guys will come to a solution, but just get a new bed. someone said go cheap. i say noooo. think about how much time is spent in the bed, spending extra for the comfort is worth it. they seem to last longer too. and of course, go shopping together for the bed since there are way way too many to pick from

[Mina76 0]

Does he need to change out all the other furniture in the house because she might have sat on it?

What about the plates, silverware and cups?

No I dont have a problem with the other funitures as i am not sleeping in/on them..I am a religious person and I think your marital bed should be sacred, so I am a little uncomfortable knowing i am sleeping in a bed the hes had sex in before.

I dont have a problem with his ex, please bear that in mind

I agree, the marital bed is special...should be treated as sacred.

Exactly, I agree too!

[almaty 19]

yes, you are being silly...maybe, new sheets are in order...

[Alex+R 0]

Sounds silly to me, but if you have the money and it's REALLY bothering you, then do it.

We bought the fancy mattress off the previous occupant of the apartment, who was moving to LA and not using a moving truck so wanted to get rid of it. So it's not even Rey's past -- it's some stranger's past.

I could care less.

[sereia 0]

thats lucky they sold the mattress, alex! i had a HARD time selling mine when i moved back to LA from NYC. i couldn't even donate the thing (and it was practically brand new!). charities don't take mattresses! sheesh!

finally the day before i was leaving (i was planning on throwing it in the trash) a recent immigrant to the US responded to my ad and gave me $80 for it. yay!

[mnieto 2]

Sounds silly to me, but if you have the money and it's REALLY bothering you, then do it.

So it's not even Rey's past -- it's some stranger's past.

I could care less.

LoL... it depends what kind of person you are. If we had the money I'd refurnish the WHOLE house. But I guess that would be really silly ....

[JenT 0]

The first thing my ex's new wife made him do was replace the mattress. The 'old' one was relegated to the guest room. I think women are more sentimental about this than men are, but my ex's wife is just a lunatic. She's also a psychologist. Go figure.

[nane1104 146]

Maybe it's even a little bit symbolic..kinda like trying to remove the last traces of the ex out of the place and establish that "YOU" are the new queen in the household.

Yeah, I guess it is silly, but I sleep better in our new bed!!

[jzay 0]

yes and im sorry if i offended you. i didn't mean too. but you guys will come to a solution, but just get a new bed. someone said go cheap. i say noooo. think about how much time is spent in the bed, spending extra for the comfort is worth it. they seem to last longer too. and of course, go shopping together for the bed since there are way way too many to pick from

Its ok, I asked for your honest opinion. We have decided we'll go shopping for one when I get there.

I really appreciate your opinions. This is my first real relationship and first time living with someone other than my parents and though it it exciting I think my way of thinking will be a bit off and will take a bit of getting use to.

I dont want to change what happened in the past. That was before my time and is not about me but, now I can change the mattress that has everything to do with me and my peace of mind.

I am asking myself if he was the only one to ever sleep in that bed, would i ask him to change it? In responses to those who think my issuse is based on his past relations and honestly I probebly would still ask him to. I must be really old fashioned because I still think the marital bed should be sacred dispite the change in modern lifestyle.

[jzay 0]

yes, you are being silly...maybe, new sheets are in order...

Trust me Almaty if I have issues with the mattress which is covered by the sheets.... what do you think i will do with those sheets Lol