Am i being silly

[bora bora 1]

I agree with the OP about wanting a new mattress - I don't think it's silly at all. And new mattresses aren't that expensive (for a decent one).

I also think that a new bed is nice for newlyweds. We slept on the mattress I used by myself for a few months until we bought a new mattress and we love it! I'm glad we did that for ourselves.

My mom always told me not to use someone else's mattress...

[Alex+R 0]

Now that Seu Jorge song is stuck in my head

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A new marriage is a time of accommodation and adjustments for both parties. It is often where we discover little idiosyncrasies we didn't know we had, let alone our partner has. For many it isn't a big thing to inherit furniture at the beginning of our marriage, even furnishings that were used by your partner in a previous relationship. The important issue here isn't how we feel about it - it is how the two of you feel about it.

While getting a new mattress may not be a biggie to your partner, it is obviously important to you and this is where the art of 'compromise' comes into play in making a relationship work. There are things we can each compromise on - and there are things that we can't. Hopefully, they don't clash! If having a new mattress is one of the things that you find you need to help you adjust and find a 'comfort' level in your new marriage, and it isn't a biggie to him, then the obvious solution is to get a new mattress. Your marriage is certainly worth the price of a new mattress. You will encounter other 'issues' like this in the course of your relationship so becoming aware of the things that are important to you and letting your partner know about them, plus recognizing the things that are important to your partner will help you 'negotiate' your relationship down the road. Next time it may be something important to him that he wants you to recognize and 'grant'.

So, don't worry if this time it is your need that is a requirement. He will have his own needs for which he won't be able to compromise as well. You both give and you both take in a marriage; the tricky part is determining which issues are the important ones and addressing them - and letting the unimportant ones go. This is an important issue to you, so buy the new mattress and enjoy it.

Edited April 13, 2008 by Kathryn41

[bora bora 1]

Now that Seu Jorge song is stuck in my head

I love that song - it reminds me of my husband and I when we were boyfriend/girlfriend in Brazil...and then when we did the distance thing.

It's so honest.

Needless to say, I'm a HUGE fan of Seu Jorge!!!

Edited April 13, 2008 by bora bora

[Marlita 0]

This is funny...I was just thinking about the mattress thing this past week. My situation is a bit different. My husband will be moving into my house so all the things will be mine. Now when it comes to the bed that is the thing that I feel is to be sacred...so I COMPLETELY agree with you with wanting to change the mattress. All other furniture is whatever...its only the bed. My husband has not asked me to change the mattress, but I want to change it myself. I thought about the cost and figured maybe I can't afford it now, so I thought I'd rearrange the entire bedroom, and get all new linens. I think its just a level of comfort and maybe a cultural thing too. So I think thats cool that you asked him to change it, he may not understand it in the beginning but he'll soon figure it out. The bed and the newlywed, both should be starting anew.

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

Does he need to change out all the other furniture in the house because she might have sat on it?

What about the plates, silverware and cups?

I agree, the marital bed is special...should be treated as sacred.

If what´s between two people isn´t special a new bed won´t make their marriage special. Not that I´m saying that´s your case not at all.

You know it´s not the bed´s fault or anything. How different is it from them having sex anywhere else in the house? Is them having sex on the couch different from them having it on the bed? Is bed the problem or is sex the problem? I don´t quite understand it.

Also when you spend a night at a hotel you don´t make them give you a brand new bed cuz other people had sex in it.

Anyway, you should feel comfortable anywhere you sleep. If the matress is the problem cuz it´s old or you just simply don´t like it for other reasons then it´s ok that you change it if you both agree on it

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

yes, you are being silly...maybe, new sheets are in order...

Trust me Almaty if I have issues with the mattress which is covered by the sheets.... what do you think i will do with those sheets Lol

Put them in the washing machine? Hehe

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

I guess I'll just try harder blocking the images of what had happened in our bed when I was still not part of my husband's life. Pretty tough but I'm managing.

Why would u even wanna waste time on trying to imagine such things? Does your SO spend time imagining you having sex with your ex? (In case you have an ex ofcourse) I don´t think you would even appreciate him having such thoughts. It´s just past...what´s the problem? Try to spend time doing better things than that You will be happier (F)

[jzay 0]

I hope my wife doesn't want to replace everything used by my ex? I don't think they are doing transplants for those yet. The bed is a special case because of it's inherent properties to absorb scents, etc.. I'd replace it or just get a pad and sleep on the floor; don't the Japanese do that?

There is always stem cell or a strap on lol.....that was funny

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I can honestly say that this thought has never crossed my mind.

[jzay 0]

A new marriage is a time of accommodation and adjustments for both parties. It is often where we discover little idiosyncrasies we didn't know we had, let alone our partner has. For many it isn't a big thing to inherit furniture at the beginning of our marriage, even furnishings that were used by your partner in a previous relationship. The important issue here isn't how we feel about it - it is how the two of you feel about it.

While getting a new mattress may not be a biggie to your partner, it is obviously important to you and this is where the art of 'compromise' comes into play in making a relationship work. There are things we can each compromise on - and there are things that we can't. Hopefully, they don't clash! If having a new mattress is one of the things that you find you need to help you adjust and find a 'comfort' level in your new marriage, and it isn't a biggie to him, then the obvious solution is to get a new mattress. Your marriage is certainly worth the price of a new mattress. You will encounter other 'issues' like this in the course of your relationship so becoming aware of the things that are important to you and letting your partner know about them, plus recognizing the things that are important to your partner will help you 'negotiate' your relationship down the road. Next time it may be something important to him that he wants you to recognize and 'grant'.

So, don't worry if this time it is your need that is a requirement. He will have his own needs for which he won't be able to compromise as well. You both give and you both take in a marriage; the tricky part is determining which issues are the important ones and addressing them - and letting the unimportant ones go. This is an important issue to you, so buy the new mattress and enjoy it.

nicely said....there are points here that i will definately take from.. Thanks

[jzay 0]

Does he need to change out all the other furniture in the house because she might have sat on it?

What about the plates, silverware and cups?

I agree, the marital bed is special...should be treated as sacred.

If what´s between two people isn´t special a new bed won´t make their marriage special. Not that I´m saying that´s your case not at all.

You know it´s not the bed´s fault or anything. How different is it from them having sex anywhere else in the house? Is them having sex on the couch different from them having it on the bed? Is bed the problem or is sex the problem? I don´t quite understand it.

Also when you spend a night at a hotel you don´t make them give you a brand new bed cuz other people had sex in it.

Anyway, you should feel comfortable anywhere you sleep. If the matress is the problem cuz it´s old or you just simply don´t like it for other reasons then it´s ok that you change it if you both agree on it

Ok thank for you imput.. "How different is it from them having sex anywhere else in the house" Maybe cuz the house was shared and sex was confined to the bedroom....Going to a hotel is so far off the mark to me, but then again that is just my way of thinking. I am talking about my home, my bed that i will share with my husband, not a hotel that I will spend a week in.

[jzay 0]

This is funny...I was just thinking about the mattress thing this past week. My situation is a bit different. My husband will be moving into my house so all the things will be mine. Now when it comes to the bed that is the thing that I feel is to be sacred...so I COMPLETELY agree with you with wanting to change the mattress. All other furniture is whatever...its only the bed. My husband has not asked me to change the mattress, but I want to change it myself. I thought about the cost and figured maybe I can't afford it now, so I thought I'd rearrange the entire bedroom, and get all new linens. I think its just a level of comfort and maybe a cultural thing too. So I think thats cool that you asked him to change it, he may not understand it in the beginning but he'll soon figure it out. The bed and the newlywed, both should be starting anew.

I hear that... now that you mention the culture, that is part of the reason. I am thinking back to where I got such strong believes on the topic and it can only come from my background. thanks

[Mags 112]

I can actually understand wanting to change the mattress. It it were me personally I wouldn't be bothered, but I can understand the desire to have a new one.

One other option, if buying a mattress is very pricey, is to buy a new pillowtop to lay on the top of the mattress. Not only comfy, it could act as a barrier.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I guess I'll just try harder blocking the images of what had happened in our bed when I was still not part of my husband's life. Pretty tough but I'm managing.

Why would u even wanna waste time on trying to imagine such things? Does your SO spend time imagining you having sex with your ex? (In case you have an ex ofcourse) I don´t think you would even appreciate him having such thoughts. It´s just past...what´s the problem? Try to spend time doing better things than that You will be happier (F)

really!

If there is nothing wrong with a mattress, as in, it's not old, gotten lumpy, uncomfortable, I think it's just an unnescessary expense. I wouldn't get hung up on the little things. It's what's between two people that is important, not what they have their "seksy time" on. hehe... I like that ..."seksy time" And to call it sacred, to me, is giving it some kind of special powers.

Edited April 13, 2008 by Sister Fracas