Am i being silly

[melusine 5]

I totally understand your point too.

But then i try to put myself in the situation by even make it worst.. what would i do if....

he still have the matress him and his ex-wife were using and it would be the most comfy bed i have ever tested, and huge....hmmm...

I think i would buy a featherbed to go on top (add extra comfy and the top part is "clean") (pacific coast do the one in mariott hotels) and i would feel ok with it.

Now, if the matress would be ordinary and not my dream matress, it's out ! and we'll start with new....

i can make myself a reason but it needs to be for an exceptionnal item !

In real, the case do not apply to me since we will be living in his parents place at the start anyway

And will have the opportunity to buy our own matress

[jzay 0]

Maybe it's even a little bit symbolic..kinda like trying to remove the last traces of the ex out of the place and establish that "YOU" are the new queen in the household.

Yeah, I guess it is silly, but I sleep better in our new bed!!

I like the sound of that.

[mnieto 2]

The first thing my ex's new wife made him do was replace the mattress. The 'old' one was relegated to the guest room. I think women are more sentimental about this than men are, but my ex's wife is just a lunatic. She's also a psychologist. Go figure.

Huh? How did you find out about the fate of the mattress? Did you help her getting rid of it?

[jzay 0]

I totally understand your point too.

But then i try to put myself in the situation by even make it worst.. what would i do if....

he still have the matress him and his ex-wife were using and it would be the most comfy bed i have ever tested, and huge....hmmm...

I think i would buy a featherbed to go on top (add extra comfy and the top part is "clean") (pacific coast do the one in mariott hotels) and i would feel ok with it.

Now, if the matress would be ordinary and not my dream matress, it's out ! and we'll start with new....

i can make myself a reason but it needs to be for an exceptionnal item !

In real, the case do not apply to me since we will be living in his parents place at the start anyway

And will have the opportunity to buy our own matress

I have not tested it and I dont think i will, I am happy you don't have to deal with this.

[robhankins 0]

Guys, I need your honest opinion on this matter. I have asked my fiance to change his mattress but I am feeling funny about it.

The only reason i am asking him to change it is because he's had if for a few years now and I know his ex slept there many times. Do you think i am being childish, has any of you felt like that too?

We think it is unreasonable. It is necessary to change the sofa too? The kitchen counter too? The carpet? You are just "peeing on everything" establishing your dominance and ownership.

[jzay 0]

Guys, I need your honest opinion on this matter. I have asked my fiance to change his mattress but I am feeling funny about it.

The only reason i am asking him to change it is because he's had if for a few years now and I know his ex slept there many times. Do you think i am being childish, has any of you felt like that too?

We think it is unreasonable. It is necessary to change the sofa too? The kitchen counter too? The carpet? You are just "peeing on everything" establishing your dominance and ownership.

whoelse do u want to establish ownership if not me? and a ring on my finger is all the dominance and ownership I need. Oh hell since I should change the carpet, kitchen counter and sofa why dont i just change the man!!!! read my reply to similar comments b4 this.

[David-and-Mae 15]

I can truly relate to the OP and understand where she's coming from... but our bed is the most comfortable bed I have ever slept on so I guess I'll just try harder blocking the images of what had happened in our bed when I was still not part of my husband's life. Pretty tough but I'm managing.

--Mae

[Fandango 1,439]

I think if it bothers you, then change it. I actually think it's a great idea and very exciting to start afresh together.

[Marilyn. 340]

if you can afford it why not...

for me I think it would drive me crazy thinking about what my hubby might have done on the bed with someone else....

although in my case I didn't have to really worry about that...

[DeadPoolX 9]

Guys, I need your honest opinion on this matter. I have asked my fiance to change his mattress but I am feeling funny about it.

The only reason i am asking him to change it is because he's had if for a few years now and I know his ex slept there many times. Do you think i am being childish, has any of you felt like that too?

We think it is unreasonable. It is necessary to change the sofa too? The kitchen counter too? The carpet? You are just "peeing on everything" establishing your dominance and ownership.

whoelse do u want to establish ownership if not me? and a ring on my finger is all the dominance and ownership I need. Oh hell since I should change the carpet, kitchen counter and sofa why dont i just change the man!!!! read my reply to similar comments b4 this.

You can't very well expect to receive answers that only agree with your point-of-view. You did, after all, ask this question on a public board.

No one is questioning your love for your partner. Perhaps the confusion present is over merely wanting to change the mattress, while your fiance's ex may have used other facilities as well. It doesn't seem very logical. It may not have to be, but don't assume everyone here will automatically agree with you or think the same either.

So far, most of what I've seen here is people disagreeing with the general idea of changing the bed, but still somewhat understanding your overall desire to do so. That seems fair to me. I can understand someone's desire to purchase a Ferrari, but unless they have the extra cash lying around, I'd disagree with the expenditure, since those cars cost a small fortune. See what I'd getting at here?

I don't mean to come off too strong here, but... I'm honestly wondering why you've even bothered to ask us on here. We don't really know you or your partner. What possible help could we be in this situation? At best, some of us will agree and at worst, some of us will disagree. I think you came here looking for validation. You wanted others to agree with your decision and when we did (or so you thought), you'd feel confident in making the "right" choice. Even if your fiance was still uncertain at that point, you could point to us as an example of "others in similar relationships who felt the same way" to make your argument stronger.

If I'm incorrect in my assumption, please tell me so. It just seems that you're hardly willing to listen to (much less accept) an argument that counters the decision you've already decided on.

[Cassie 8]

I think if it bothers you, then change it. I actually think it's a great idea and very exciting to start afresh together.

Me too!

My husband actually made the remark the other day that it's time to get rid of a lot of stuff (furniture) in our house that used to belong to the ex, and that it would be nice to actually move into a house that really is "ours". I was surprised, because I didn't have a huge problem with their old stuff being around, other than the room painted Astroturf green that I promptly remodeled soon after we were married!

[LoriLawless 0]

jzay, I think the better quesion is what does your fiance say about this to you?

He says he understand where i am coming from but thinks its unnecessary.

I think the reason you posted this here, is because of his reaction. You're trying to understand where he's coming from.

It's difficult sometimes when you feel strongly about something, and your SO doesn't understand it.

I've been in a similar situation and didn't understand the big deal, but people are different.

It's possible that you may have a few insecurities, but you're willing to open up to different opinions, and that's a good thing.

There may be deeper issues here that you might need to sort out.

However, if the bed is your only concern, it can be easily remedied.

Good luck to you.

[cieloazul 0]

I hope my wife doesn't want to replace everything used by my ex? I don't think they are doing transplants for those yet. The bed is a special case because of it's inherent properties to absorb scents, etc.. I'd replace it or just get a pad and sleep on the floor; don't the Japanese do that?

[jzay 0]

Guys, I need your honest opinion on this matter. I have asked my fiance to change his mattress but I am feeling funny about it.

The only reason i am asking him to change it is because he's had if for a few years now and I know his ex slept there many times. Do you think i am being childish, has any of you felt like that too?

We think it is unreasonable. It is necessary to change the sofa too? The kitchen counter too? The carpet? You are just "peeing on everything" establishing your dominance and ownership.

whoelse do u want to establish ownership if not me? and a ring on my finger is all the dominance and ownership I need. Oh hell since I should change the carpet, kitchen counter and sofa why dont i just change the man!!!! read my reply to similar comments b4 this.

You can't very well expect to receive answers that only agree with your point-of-view. You did, after all, ask this question on a public board.

No one is questioning your love for your partner. Perhaps the confusion present is over merely wanting to change the mattress, while your fiance's ex may have used other facilities as well. It doesn't seem very logical. It may not have to be, but don't assume everyone here will automatically agree with you or think the same either.

So far, most of what I've seen here is people disagreeing with the general idea of changing the bed, but still somewhat understanding your overall desire to do so. That seems fair to me. I can understand someone's desire to purchase a Ferrari, but unless they have the extra cash lying around, I'd disagree with the expenditure, since those cars cost a small fortune. See what I'd getting at here?

I don't mean to come off too strong here, but... I'm honestly wondering why you've even bothered to ask us on here. We don't really know you or your partner. What possible help could we be in this situation? At best, some of us will agree and at worst, some of us will disagree. I think you came here looking for validation. You wanted others to agree with your decision and when we did (or so you thought), you'd feel confident in making the "right" choice. Even if your fiance was still uncertain at that point, you could point to us as an example of "others in similar relationships who felt the same way" to make your argument stronger.

If I'm incorrect in my assumption, please tell me so. It just seems that you're hardly willing to listen to (much less accept) an argument that counters the decision you've already decided on.

I did infact ask for your honest opinion. This is a public forum, I knew not everyone would agree. I was feeling bad that I asked him to do it so I wondered if anyone else had a similar experience and I wanted to know what the general public thought, now I know...

I explianed before my concept of a marital bed, its importance and why i did not have a problem with the fact someone else has been in the house and may or may not have relations on the counter top, the sink, the bathroom or any other facilities in the house.

The cost and who pays for it is not a problem.....You dont have to know me or my partner to have an opinion on a subject. I asked for your opinions and I got it. So thank you all. This post is not just for me. My hubby and I will read it together on saturday in our new bed and then have a good laugh about it. He will mock me a little about a few of the comments but thats part of his charm.

"I think you came here looking for validation. You wanted others to agree with your decision and when we did (or so you thought), you'd feel confident in making the "right" choice." Maybe you are right all i know is that I felt bad, and yes I thought this could be a little childish but thats how I felt. Trust me he is not uncertain, he thinks it unnecessay but he was out looking for one today so it's not a problem for him. I am the one who has the problem. I asked, I got what i wanted but i was feeling bad about it.

Even if your fiance was still uncertain at that point, you could point to us as an example of "others in similar relationships who felt the same way" to make your argument stronger. This I dont agree with.... That was not my intension. we are getting a mattress so the debate is over really. I will say this again, WE are getting a mattress. I am not building up an army against my fiance either. I was just unsure and wanted to know what your thoughts are on the subject.

Thanks for taking the time to share

God bless

[Ban Hammer 12,836]

We bought the fancy mattress off the previous occupant of the apartment, who was moving to LA and not using a moving truck so wanted to get rid of it. So it's not even Rey's past -- it's some stranger's past.