Thinking to move back to my home country

[bungajustin 19]

Hi All,

I believe some of you have experienced the same situations that I am facing here now. I need to figure out how to get out of my feelings and situations.

In my home country, Indonesia, I was running my own company in Recruitment Consultant. My life pretty excellent there, with upper class living situation. I tried to take my husband moved to my country but his job as a Nurse Practitioner is not promising and pay so less there. I can not kill his career and I dont want to have him feel bad about himself, so I decided to move to US with him, considering that it may gonna be easier for me to build my career in US instead of him in Indonesia. Then I sell my Company along with some of my assets and move to US.

So I've been here in the US since Feb '16, green card and driving license already in hand since June '16. Life seems pretty good at the beginning. I keep applying jobs even though still there is no interview or anything good yet. Its been quite sometimes now and I start feeling so low, less confident, and the worst is I start comparing my life in Indonesia and here in the US. I compare everything from living situations, car, job, friends, family. I start missing and love the life I had in Indonesia more than the life I am having in US.

I know my husband been doing the best he can to make the transition as smooth as possible, I dont want to hurt him by saying this but I really dont like the life in the US anymore. I just wanna fly back to Indonesia and back to my old life. I dont feel happy anymore here, everyday is another unhappy life.

Is this some common feeling or situations that most of new immigrants have? if anyone have experiencing similar feeling please let me know how to get through this feeling and feel happy again or help me to decide if maybe moving back to my country is gonna be best decision.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

This is the 3rd I want to go home home thread I read just this evening.
I was also an immigrant and frankly can not relate to any of it.

Marriage is about commitment not feelings. It is about making a life together.
If cars, jobs, friends and family mean more to you than your husband then do him a favor and move back

and divorce so he can find happiness with someone who makes him a first priority.

It is normal to 'feel' homesick to some degree but this is about being an adult and not summer camp.

I just don't get it.

[NikLR 13,220]

You're homesick and its pretty normal. Sometimes it lasts months, sometimes it lasts years. This is your new home and 6 months really isnt enough time to have made yourself a life. You've had a drivers license for a month. Relax! Start your own business here.

Edited July 22, 2016 by NLR

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

You're homesick and its pretty normal. Sometimes it lasts months, sometimes it lasts years. This is your new home and 6 months really isnt enough time to have made yourself a life. You've had a drivers license for a month. Relax! Start your own business here.

^^ this. It's hard moving countries, cultures, languages and it seems spouses without jobs always feel it the most. Once you get into the "system" and start working and meeting people, it will get easier.

[at long last 58]

Totally normal and understandable to go through this. We all do to some degree. On my last visit "home" I felt like a stranger" Give yourself some time. Put together a new business venture. It will definitely help. We started our own photography/stained glass business together. My husband also supervises the cardiac catheterization department at Yale New Haven Hospital. He helped set up the business for me. We also are both involved in all aspects so it is a very nice way to bring life all together. Be brave little buck-a-roo it will get better.

Terri

[at long last 58]

This is the 3rd I want to go home home thread I read just this evening.
I was also an immigrant and frankly can not relate to any of it.

Marriage is about commitment not feelings. It is about making a life together.
If cars, jobs, friends and family mean more to you than your husband then do him a favor and move back

and divorce so he can find happiness with someone who makes him a first priority.

It is normal to 'feel' homesick to some degree but this is about being an adult and not summer camp.

I just don't get it.

That's a little harsh don't you think. Marriage is about commitment but also about love which is a "feeling" Let's help each other along this path not make them "feel" worse.

[joglen1210 10]

Its a normal feeling for newcomers. the sooner you accept reality and embrace your new environment, the better for you. i have the same feeling when i moved here a few years ago. in my former country, we are boss, there are people who can do the minuscule errands or jobs for you for a very small fee. we don't do laundry or clean the house because there are people (maids) who are cheap. i used to be an executive in that part of the world before. i command people and i have managers reporting to me. what made me move here is because of family and better future (live the american dream as they always say). i used to miss that life when i was new. but then, i have to accept and swallow my pride for the better. i am humbled by my experience here. there are great opportunities if you will stick it out and open your eyes. just be patient and meet new friends and acquaintances. when i went to visit my previous home (after so many years, it's totally different and thats when i really appreciate that there is no place i would rather be than here. this our home now - its not perfect but at least, when you work hard, you will go places. i dont know about your situation but hold on tight and things will be alright.

[bungajustin 19]

Yes I hope this is just a homesick. I try to keep myself as positive as I possibly can.

I am trying to meet new people everyday. I came to some business networking events and some job fair events.

I will work on my feelings, I hope things will get better pretty soon.

Thanks for the response, its good knowing that this "homesick" feeling is common for new immigrants.

Yeah American dreams, I need to pursue that and start swallow that my life is where my family live which is here in America now. Kinda hard though to move on from the previous life that we had..

[vanity08 66]

I was crying when I was reading your post, as I have been feeling the same way, I have been hear since March, no job, nothing. Have made lots of applications, attended lots of interviews. Still nothing. I think is because we are just at home and not working. Back in UK I have a good job working with TFL (transport for London) now am at home, no work, nothing.

I feel like going back to UK. But also I think about my other half, how he will feel if he also move to UK and doesn't have a job and he feels bad because he is the head of the family and should be providing for us.

Take it easy, u have ur driving licence, I don't. That is one accomplishment. Take it easy, am doing the same with my boy

[njs051914 52]

I think there are a lot of people that feel this way. I worried about my wife adjusting for a while but thankfully she had already had a lot of experience with the US before we met so that helped. I also assume it's much easier to transition from Canada to the US than it would be from Indonesia.

In the end I am a strong beliver that you need to do what's best for you. True marriage is very important, but I don't ever think someone should have to completely give up their dreams and aspirations for another person. Very soon into dating my wife she told me point blank that she would not persue a relationship with a man who expected her to give up her professional goals and as forthcoming as it was, I respect her for it. I understand it's hard when you have to chose which county to relocate to, as it's virtually impossible to come to an even compromise, but make sure to look out for yourself.

Also just keep in mind that if someone admits they don't understand or get how you are feeling, their advice and/or critism probably isn't very valid anyways.

Edited July 22, 2016 by njs051914

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

Heck, i moved from my home state in the north away from all family and freinds and feel the same way

After the move my husband died suddently and i had no freinds here / to tell you the truth i am USC and didn't know how to make new friends so far from all i knew

that is how i ended up volunteering my services with handicapped adults in Morocco and first visited the country

it seemed easier to deal with people who knew nothing about me

every city in the US has groups (listed in the Sunday newspapers) that provide help for readjustment

you can find and join people in your area just like you who can help get you started

We are a good nation / stay and join us

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

This is the 3rd I want to go home home thread I read just this evening.

I was also an immigrant and frankly can not relate to any of it.

Marriage is about commitment not feelings. It is about making a life together.

If cars, jobs, friends and family mean more to you than your husband then do him a favor and move back

and divorce so he can find happiness with someone who makes him a first priority.

It is normal to 'feel' homesick to some degree but this is about being an adult and not summer camp.

I just don't get it.

That's a little harsh don't you think. Marriage is about commitment but also about love which is a "feeling" Let's help each other along this path not make them "feel" worse.

It is a little harsh that she wants to leave her husband because of homesick "feelings"

and pursue other priorities. That is what's harsh about it.

My stance is put on your big girl panties and look what you would be doing to him in exchange for the old life car, job, friend

and family. I don't coddle such thinking. If your spouse thought like that you wouldn't like it either.

What is a car, job and friends in comparison to a husband you profess to love !

[SAbokkie 3]

Hang in there sweetheart It will get better with time.

[chicha 9]

If there is no financial pressure for you to get a job immediately, why not take the time as exploration and self-discovery time- and keep some touristy mentality in the U.S. and discover fun things. Good job fit comes when spirit is high. Making new friends is great (not limited to those with same background). Further the education from taking a course for a license to becoming full-time student, etc.

[SAbokkie 3]

I agree Maybe try learn a new language too? Thats always fun and time consuming

If there is no financial pressure for you to get a job immediately, why not take the time as exploration and self-discovery time- and keep some touristy mentality in the U.S. and discover fun things. Good job fit comes when spirit is high. Making new friends is great (not limited to those with same background). Further the education from taking a course for a license to becoming full-time student, etc.