Lisamarie

What is your problem Peter Pan? Seriously???????? Where did I say I changed my beliefs for anyone???????? I am a practicing Catholic, and I'm and not converting, nor has he every asked or even intimated that I should. Before you start spewing about things you just don't know about, please shut up. I really can't stand people who open their mouth without knowing facts.

No I haven't converted. I said it because it's a nice thing to say, especially in the MENA forum. Why do you feel the need to be so rude? If I had said God bless would then you would have accused me of something else. This forum is about helping people on their journey, not insulting them. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. And grow up.

Speaking from personal experience.....at no point did I ever feel as though I was "saving" my spouse from his 3rd world country but I absolutely felt that he would have many more opportunities to better himself here, than in a country where getting ahead is a rarity.
As far as wanting to send someone back to their country....I can relate to this immensely.
I spent a lot of money and time on my marriage and the visa. I spent many nights crying before and after it was done. I spent even more nights feeling destroyed, jilted and confused as to why this man, who said he loved me just hours before he walked out of my home 6 days after his arrival in the US, would leave me in an instant and throw away the memories and future we could have potentially had together.
Does he deserve to stay here after being a fake or feeling confused about his move to the US or choking me or cheating on me or lyIng to my face day after day?? I would say NO.
Asking how I can send him back is probably the nicest thing I can say because I'd LOVE to do much worse BUT, I think that it's fair enough to ask that question......not wanting to see his face living in the same city I live in, acting as though I didn't exist or this never happened. Yea, I'm all set with all that.
And I'm going to go out on a limb and speak for some others that ask that question. They may have deeper reasons why they ask that, more than what they'd want to share on VJ, because some people can be very judgmental. Not everyone is as vocal as I am....I give details because I know this will help someone else one day. Unless its happening to you, you will never understand.
On that note.....can anyone tell me how I can send my soon to be ex husband/abuser/fake/fraud/liar back to his country?

Your American wife fought hard for you to be with her for 4 years?
And you decided it took its toll on you but you came to usa to "Be with her"
This has fraud written all over it. If I was the CO I would revoke it also.
How long did you live with the american wife in the USA before this toll forced you to divorce her
and she petitioned for you, paid alot of money because she belived in you.
And it took 3 longs months to get over her and this divorce before you married a woman who has known your family for years
How old are your children?
It sounds arranged
It sounds that you are a bad man
It sounds like you had planned this all along
It sounds like you should make a life with your arranged love in another country
It sounds like you found a good strong american woman with some money to get you to usa so you used her for immigration purposes and married your arranged wife as quick as you could.
If she fought to bring you here for 4 years and then you just up and left her.... you are a cruel user. You could have tried harder if you loved her. But you had to marry someone else your family chose so you had to dump this american who sacrificed and suffered for you and fought hard to bring a Pakistan guy to USA. Pakistan men have to be in AP a long time because there are a few bad seeds that show their true colors when coming here.
I wish embassy could have seen the TOLL this was taking on you and should have had you stay in Pakistan so you would not be burdened with the toll of divorce and relocating to the USA. I hope during citizenship they feel the same. I hope you are your wife have a beautiful life....... back in Pakistan
You forgot to answer some questions
How long have you known the 2nd wife?
Was it an arranged marriage?
How long have you been married now?
You said you have 2 kids?
How long have you been divorced?
Were you talking to this wife when you were still married to first wife? I think yes and this might be an issue.
You said you were married 4.5 years to first wife. Was she an american born woman? Did you meet her online or were you already her on a student visa?
How long were you separated before you started speaking to a woman from your country?

I often heard it's not a good idea to involve your parents to certain degree in your marriage, as they may not always look at things objectively, and may be more likely to lean towards showing preference to their child. I've heard quite a few marriage counselors mentioned it too. Perhaps it's better to seek the help of an independent third party, preferable a counselor, as they will look at things from a neutral perspective.
It might be a good idea that she and her husband had some sessions with the counselor she was seeing, since she mentioned that the counselor was familiar with the Indian culture.

Insanity is making the same mistake over and over again but continuing to expect a different result.
Married too quick. Manipulated into it against your better judgement. You didn't talk about things beforehand. You didn't talk about things on your last visit either. Lecturing us about him needing to be mature & face the music - wow hon, look in the mirror. We just "enjoyed our time together". Yeah, I get it. Flowers and candy, kissy kissy - right on. Teen love. Totally irresponsible. When I read the part about him losing his job over seeing you while you were in India I thought wow - can it get any worse?
Exceptionally talented people are not exempt from stupid decisions. God I have made some real whoppers. But you have a naiive approach to love. Communication turns out to be vastly more important than the superficial lovey-dovey stuff you are getting an emotional high from in the short run before the train wreck of having to deal with it.
So all of this is going to hit the fan when he comes here. Oh well. I just hope that after it happens you see it all of your own doing. Sure, he's been manipulative since the day he met you but you are the one who right now says you have to keep running in front of the bus and not expecting it to hit you. Althouth the stuff you say to us sounds good sometimes, it is being said to us, as a sounding board, which I understand - but it isn't being said to him. Or agreed to. Both of you are pretending the last event didn't even happen. Just like before - push things off without resolving them. The important thing is to get him here quick, quick, quick!

A virtual CPA that needs to be shown a loan repayment calculator? Something wrong with this picture. It's like showing a mechanic what a pair of plyers is.
Textbook manipulative triumph(again).
Being impressed with your manipulator's skill in denying your feelings is sort of like admiring how Jeffry Dahmer cut up his corpses. He probably got pretty good at it, and in isolation yeah it can be considered a skill I suppose. But when you open your eyes to what he is actually doing then it is more of an evil genius to be abhorred and not admired.
To get proficient at invalidating someone's feelings, all you need is zero empathy for them. That's what you are admiring in your husband, and why you came away sad. A person with empathy will tell you themselves how you feel and they'll do it correctly whether they have a different opinion from you or not.
What is classic about this situation is you put so much weight on what he says instead of what he does. If he just keeps repeating "I love you", he can get away with murder.

Well, first of all, he knew I was a med student when he met me. I've always been upfront about the loans. Secondly, we have talked about his desire to go to law school (he already studied law in India but unfortunately is forced to repeat it again here since the degrees don't transfer). So if the time comes for him to go back to law school (after I start working and making enough money as a doctor) then I will also see his loans as our family expenses. Thus as I see it, I don't see why he should resent my loans, when I'd also be willing to take on his loans as well. Furthermore, while marrying me has its burdens (moving away from his family, dealing with loans etc), he also has the opportunity to make (long-term) for more money than he might have made living in India. In the short-term we'd be financially strapped, but long-term there would be a whole lot more chance for high paying jobs here (though this may change in the future, as India's economy is growing way faster than that of the US).

I have to confess something....
I am an american. I am white. I knew what kind of man I wanted. I did not waste my time in the asian or american or ireland countries.
I began my search for a man and I knew I wanted him to be Muslim. I knew I wanted him to be from the Middle East and preferably Egypt.
Does that make me a bad person? I did not petition for anyone else. After speaking with my husband for 6 months I knew I did not want to be without him. Not even for a night. I loved his voice, his accent, his mannerisms, his control, his strength, his dependability, his devotedness.
So what is the difference between me the american and Farid the Moroccan?
If I was in Egypt and I decided I was attracted most to the american accent and american men and I only looked for them....
I do not see the difference.
I have also thought I was in love years before and I was wrong-I just did not have a petition involved.
So, if you are atracted to a certain culture then there is nothing wrong with searching that country for your love.

Include some really strong personal affidavits from you and her with your petition. They're not required or asked for, but they will help. Just pour your heart out like you just did with us, and have her do the same. Some affidavits from your families would really help too.

This seems like a contradictory response to me - "Don't sell yourself short", but also make sure you don't want the guy that cheated on you with at least 6 different women. Stopping to think about whether you should make a life long comittment to a serial cheater IS selling yourself short!!!

Poverty and joblessness are widespread here too, genius. At least it's cheaper to be poor in Morocco. I did live in Morocco. Not all Americans are obsessed with owning big cars and big houses. Ask me, and I'll tell you, I'd rather be poor and happy living by my means than poor and miserable and in constant debt.

Countless threads on VJ have been dedicated to this subject. It's not a new problem. Do some back reading. As for the government making it cheaper and easier, don't count on it. It's as expensive as it needs to be to support USCIS and the DOS, and it's as difficult as it needs to be to weed out fraud. Does it suck? Yeah, it sucks, but immigration is a privilege, not a right.
If my husband had been denied, I'd be chillin in Morocco right now. I wish I was chillin in Morocco right now. The climate sucks here, politically, financially, and weather wise. le sigh.

As an innocent bystander, I feel bad for YOU and applaud you for your patience/understanding to say the least! at this point you have invested time, emotions, money, life and whatnot then this springs out of nowhere. This is not the best thing to say, but what else is not being put on the table by your spouse? I wish you the best and well!!

hey buddy why do u sound so harsh? u wanna help or scrutinize? n why does it matter that this person is asking this as a newbie member? jeeez

Why do people respond with irrelevant comments? My original post inquires how others are coping with being separated from their loved ones. If you have not experienced and/or or do not have anything to say related to my question , then just move on to the next post that you can make judgments and/or negative comments elsewhere. Thank you and good day.

I asked 4 questions. I made no statements.
I have a girlfriend who has been here 10 years and the governement is going to deport her. She is aware. She has a lawyer. They do not always drag a person to ICE and THROW them out of USA.
Why are you so hostile? You need to relax and enjoy the New Year.
I pray the New Year brings you peace and happiness in your heart.
God Bless You

If you are well aware of such 'stupid' street jargon, you must be also aware of how presumptuous you come across to your American audience.

Dude - I actually do have need of your translation services. Could I get you to translate this article into something that makes sense?
I cannot quite get the link between the driving and homos. From your earlier comments I gather that you have expetise in the juristic aspect behind this driving thing and also it appears you have some knowledge on the other subject.
Work on this for awhile - then - come back and discuss visa processing with the successful among us. Thanks!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/news/8930168/Allowing-women-drivers-in-Saudi-Arabia-will-be-end-of-virginity.html
Didnt say you were a scammer. Said you sound like one. Methinks you protest too much.

oops, deleted...didn't read the post from Charles first.

Sarah, no offense, but if you are working 74 hours a week, when will you get to spend time with your daughter? And what kind of quality time will it be (when you find the time), because you will be so tired all the time? Don't you also deserve time with her?? And time for relaxation?? I'm sorry, I know you have no control over this situation because you keep trying and trying to change it, and I know you are doing what you feel you have to do, and I know you love your husband very much and I'm sure he's a good man.........but.....he is not respecting you and I don't understand why he doesn't get it. Doesn't he realize that you are going to be completely exhausted all the time? Not to mention working your life away isn't good for your health. I wish you the best of luck with everything. Take care.

The smart and responsible thing to do would be to not sell everything before you move to a country that you have never lived in and with a fiance/spouse that you have never lived with, in my opinion.

Am I the only one feeling very sorry for the guy here? I definitely don't agree with his threats to commit suicide, but if I'm reading this thread correctly:
1. The OP is quite sure her husband did NOT come to the U.S. just to get a green card.
2. Later the OP reveals that "her daughter" is in fact "THEIR daughter," i.e., the man stands to lose his biological child! In that situation I'd be depressed as hell too. (OP--If I misunderstood you on this point, I apologize in advance.)
3. It doesn't seem that the OP is divorcing her husband for any concrete reason--just vaguely defined "incompatibilities." If I gave up everything I had in my home country to be with another person, I'd definitely expect my spouse to try counseling and not give up on our marriage too soon! The OP admits they have not been married long, and some period of adjustment is normal.
OP--I don't have all the facts, but please try to understand your husband's position, and make sure you've done all you can to make your marriage work.

Where is he going? Is someone waiting for him at his destination? Do you think that it is another woman? Let me tell you about con men. They do not look like, nor act like the vagabond on the corner. They are well dressed, well spoken, and can charm the heck out of you. We here on VJ have seen it all too much. US citizen is convinced that they found love, goes through all the trouble of obtaining a Visa for their sweetheart, and when the other person finally arrives here, they become an entirely different person. While you believe that he will lose face, it may by you, deep down, that cannot believe that someone would do this horrible thing, to you. You say that you love him, but you know what love is. I can love someone, but if that someone does not love me back, then I do not have a healthy relationship, one that will grow and endure. Love is all about the promise of a good future, a bright morning the next day. Grieve the loss, adjust your life, and love will come around again.
Come to think about it. I was in a relationship where she said that if I left her, that she said that she would kill herself. I stayed with her, to save her, and later I was the one who was hurt in the long run. If it were to happen now, I think that I would just sign the commitment papers, saying that they are a danger to themselves, and leave them in the hands of some very competent professionals.
Run, run, run. Do not break the law! It is your patriotic duty to support and defend the constitution of the United States. He does't care about what effect this will have on you, or your moral sense of right and wrong. Your intuition is yelling. Listen to it. Get help from a woman's organization. They deal with men like him all the time. Passive, aggressive relationships can eat at your soul.

If she left the USA without first applying for her green card, and she did not apply for an AP, then she cannot re-enter the United States.
If she received her two-year conditional residency permit, and she left the country for more than the time allowed, then her residency rights are removed.
The way I see it, you are the injured spouse, and if I were you, I would not hesitate in starting divorce proceedings, making sure that the reason for divorce are clearly outlined in your divorce papers. Since she is no longer in the US, then you can say she abandoned the marriage.
I wish you the best.