TBoneTX

I heard this on NBC Nightly News (I think their "good news" ending story). Thanks for posting it.

Trump Unveils Giant Cannon For Faster, More Entertaining Deportations WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump delighted the nation this week, unveiling plans for a giant cannon that he hopes will facilitate faster, more entertaining deportations. "We've got to make our country safe again, and the best way to do that is with a giant cannon capable of firing them out of the country," said Trump. "I want a circus one. Just tremendous what those circus freaks can do. Can you believe they have a man who tames lions? I told them there's no way you can tame a lion, but he did it. Anyway, cannons. We're gonna have so many of them." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-unveils-giant-cannon-for-faster-more-entertaining-deportations

Report: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Just One Away From Free Burrito On His Deportation Punch Card BALTIMORE, MD — As the Trump administration prepared to make another attempt to send a dangerous foreigner with a criminal record out of the country, news broke that Kilmar Abrego Garcia was allegedly just one away from a free burrito on his deportation punch card. The native of El Salvador had been the subject of intense media scrutiny after multiple run-ins with the law and repeated deportations and returns to the U.S., with sources now revealing that Abrego Garcia was excited that he was finally nearing the completion of his deportation punch card to score a free burrito. "It's what all of this has been about from day one," said one insider. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/report-kilmar-abrego-garcia-just-one-away-from-free-burrito-on-his-deportation-punch-card

Trump Orders Visa Review Of Anyone With One Of Those Squiggly Line N's In Their Name WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the administration's ongoing effort to remove illegal immigrants, President Trump has ordered the visa status reviewed of anyone with one of those weird "squiggly line n's" in their name. In addition to squiggly line n's, Trump has also ordered a visa review for all people whose names have more than three consonants or are just really hard to pronounce. "We're going to find all the people who aren't supposed to be here, starting with the 'squiggly n' people," said Trump. "You know the little squiggle they draw over the 'n', it's so funny looking, everyone says so. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-orders-visa-review-of-anyone-with-one-of-those-squiggly-line-ns-in-their-name

10 Most Shocking Discoveries From The John Bolton FBI Raid [...] Utilizing an intricate network of media and government sources, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of surprising things the FBI discovered at John Bolton's home: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/10-most-shocking-discoveries-from-the-john-bolton-fbi-raid

John Bolton Eludes FBI By Blending Into A Herd Of Walruses BETHESDA, MD — Federal agents raided the home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton on Friday as part of a security probe involving classified documents. Unfortunately, the whereabouts of Bolton were currently unknown, as it was believed that he escaped by blending in with a nearby herd of walruses. "I didn't know there were so many walruses in Maryland. Now we'll never find him!" FBI Director Kash Patel was heard saying at the scene. "Walruses. This job never gets any easier." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/john-bolton-eludes-fbi-by-blending-into-a-herd-of-walruses

Getting Out Of Hand? Newsom Orders Aide To Shoot Off His Ear SACRAMENTO, CA — Sources close to Gavin Newsom say that the governor's Trump imitations may be getting a little out of hand after Newsom ordered an aide to shoot off part of his ear. Longtime Newsom aide Jackson Price felt things were starting to get weird after the governor handed him a rifle and asked him to aim for his earlobe. "It's getting a little bizarre now," said Price. "It was kind of a funny joke when Newsom started posting in all caps. We all laughed off the new tan and sudden McDonald's obsession. But then he asked me [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/getting-out-of-hand-newsom-orders-aide-to-shoot-off-his-ear

Calm down, Charles... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meet Hank, The Autistic Chimpanzee Who Runs Gavin Newsom's X Account SAN DIEGO, CA — In a small corner of the San Diego Zoo's chimpanzee exhibit lies a modest laptop computer that an autistic chimp named Hank uses to run Governor Gavin Newsom's X account. Hank has worked for Newsom for years, overseeing numerous strategic shifts in the governor's messaging, including suddenly posting in all caps or picking fights with popular figures like Donald Trump because he perceives them as threatening his status as the alpha ape. All of Hank's hard work recently paid off when Newsom promoted Hank to running all of his social media accounts full time. "I don't think of myself as special. I'm like any other chimp," said Hank. "I like bananas and throwing poo at people [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/meet-hank-the-autistic-chimpanzee-who-runs-gavin-newsoms-x-account

Satire, but truth in humor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Study Finds Average Parent Spends 92% Of Life In School Pickup Line WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new study from Pew Research indicates that the average parent spends 92% of his or her life waiting for children in the school pickup line. According to researchers, most parents spend more time waiting for 4th-graders to get out of class than eating, sleeping, and scrolling Instagram combined. "We're looking at millions of hours lost every school day," said Jackson Roberts, the lead researcher on the project. "If you crunch the numbers, [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-average-parent-spends-92-of-life-in-school-pickup-line

Dems Say Mail-In Ballot Ban Will Place Undue Hardship On Dead Voters WASHINGTON, D.C. — As President Donald Trump continues to hint at taking action to require in-person voting in U.S. elections, Democratic leaders warned that a mail-in ballot ban would place undue hardship on dead voters. Ever the champions of the rights of deceased voters, Democrats alleged that any move to ban mail-in ballots would disenfranchise millions of dead people who vote Democrat in every American election. "We can't allow President Trump to alienate our dead voters like this," said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. "Our late supporters are vital to the success of any Democratic campaign. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/dems-say-mail-in-ballot-ban-will-place-undue-hardship-on-dead-voters

Metropolis Sues Superman For Reducing Crime METROPOLIS — A new scandal threatened to arise between governing officials and Earth's greatest superhero, as Metropolis sued Superman for being far too effective in reducing crime in the city. City leaders were outraged that the Last Son of Krypton had the audacity to take it upon himself to stop criminals in the middle of committing their brazen acts of lawlessness and protect the innocent citizens who were put in harm's way. "This is literal fascism. Restoring law, order, and safety will never be acceptable here," said Metropolis Mayor Bradford Sackett. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/metropolis-sues-superman-for-reducing-crime

This is why the U.S. remains #1, LB ma'am. We get more accomplished because we don't waste time including any superfluous "u" in words, LB ma'am. --- In non-off-topic news, Cat T-B. insisted on a brushing session that completely filled up a previously clean brush. Hardest area to get is the driver's-side paw.

Scintillating Thursday repartee, yawn man. ------- Thrilling Thursday-on-Friday report, see man: Hip felt quite good again upon our awakening, praise the Great Sky-Chimp man. Visited Mama T-B. to feed her lunch, ingest senior she man man. Lunch was Mama T-B.'s leftovers, ingest we man. Stayed for caucus with potential feeder for Mama T-B., hopeful we and senior she man man. Lady has several clients/helpers in same facility, experienced she man. She does this more as a ministry item than to make money, fine with us man. She will charge $Many/day ($[2x2x2x2 + 2x2x2 + 1]) for Many (2+1) meals, far less than elsewhere man. She will also do little or even bigger stuff around the room, no extra charge man. We are thrilled, big load off our mind man. Mama T-B. kept us late again, needy senior she man man. We blew back to the casa and were able to siesta, blessed zzz for we man man. Mini-B. de-skooled himself and let himself in for Two Guys eve, si man. Mini-B. wanted "different" fast food for din-din, no coupons man. (Where did we go wrong in our rear-childing, huh man?) Went to Taco Bell, good for later fling-pooing man. Mini-B. got some expensive combo, where did we go wrong man. He kiosk-ordered us Many (2+2+2+1) tacos instead of Many (2+2+2) tacos, one too many man. Total bill was $Many -- si man, $Many -- where did we go wrong man. We stuffed ourselves at the casa, ingest Two Guys man. Miu jumped on table and investigated the nacho cheese, apparently too spicy for miu man. Mini-B. didn't want a movie night, no man. We adjourned upstairs, stuff to do there man. When we came down, he was asleep in his chair, zzz wee man man. We sneaked up close and yelled "YAAAAH!", yell we man. Mini-B. stirred and said, "Where am I, huh man?", groggy wee man man. He then decided to play V.R. on his Oculus, ocular wee man man. We sacked out and disinterestedly watched part of the NFL game, disinterested we man. We dropped off, too, mini-zzz we man man. We eventually returned Mini-B. to ex-Mrs.-T-B.'s casa, end of Two Guys eve man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. We have itineraried a GS for Friday, itinerary we man. It would be allopatric from all other ESs/GSs on Saturday, do it today man. We shall first off-drop more purchases of Mama T-B.'s stuff, $ for senior she man man. Afterward, we shall go to Aldi, shop for Two Guys week man. This will be a logical and compact trip, directionally savvy we man. And that was/is our thrilling Thursday, report we man.

Ecu never had gangs before these clowns popped up. Good of the U.S. to acknowledge their presence. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trump, Rubio Expand War on Narco-Terrorists Into Ecuador Secretary of State Marco Rubio wrapped up his travels to Latin America on Thursday with a press conference in Ecuador, alongside Ecuadorian Foreign Minister Gabriela Sommerfeld. As he has done all week, Rubio made it clear that the Donald Trump administration is ramping up the war on narco-terrorists and not planning to let up anytime soon. During today's press conference, Rubio announced that he will designate two rival Ecuadorian gangs — Los Choneros and Los Lobos — as Foreign Terrorist Organizations (FTOs) and Specially Designated Global Terrorists (SDGTs). Not only do they [...] https://pjmedia.com/sarah-anderson/2025/09/04/trump-rubio-expand-war-on-narco-terrorists-into-ecuador-n4943344

Geez...

We are late again (what is happening to us?!) with our Wednesday Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== THE CLERGYMEN AND THE BEAR A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to see who was best at his job. They each went into the woods, found a bear, and attempted to convert it. Later, they got together. The priest said, "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion." The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was wrapped almost head-to-toe in a body cast. "In retrospect," he sighed, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

This sounds typical of other stories. Don't know if they've passed the point of no return. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mike Benz On The UK: This Is A Tyrannical Hellhole State Trying To Export Their Censorship Here MIKE BENZ: Well, this story is so insane, it may actually be a kind of tipping point in the free speech fight in Europe. Graham Linehan is an award-winning comedy writer. He wrote Father Ted and a bunch of other sitcom series. He's a pretty famous guy. He took a trip to Arizona from the UK and he tweeted about three comedic tweets on X about transgender and gender issues. And when he returned to Heathrow Airport in London, he was met by five armed police officers who immediately took him effectively off the tarmac into state custody. [...] https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2025/09/02/mike_benz_on_the_uk_this_is_a_tyrannical_hellhole_state_trying_to_export_their_censorship_here.html

We can tell that it's Canadian by seeing the superfluous "u," LS ma'am. And precisely how does CBP react, LS ma'am?

Thrilling Wednesday report WIPED OUT by errant strike-keying, see and man: Hip pretty good in morning, hip individual we man. Made bank deposit for Mama T-B., depository we man. Visited Mama T-B. at noon, lunchtime for senior she man man. Fed Mama T-B., tremorous senior she man man. Lunch was Mama T-B.'s leftovers, ingest turkey & semiliquid stuffing we man. Mama T-B. kept us there for another 1 hour + half an hour, tasks from worrywarting senior she man man. We desperately needed a siesta, good luck with THAT man. Had to shop for Mama T-B. & Uncle T-B., errand-boy we man man. Even had to reschedule Two Guys eve, reschedule we man. Finally reached casa and serviced demanding miu, reach and service we man man. Had JUST laid ourself down for a siesta when Mama T-B. called, si man. "Din-din is lasagna, si man, and I'm not sure how well I'll do with it, no man," quoth senior she man man. We offered to return for din-din, products to deliver anyway we man. Mama T-B. apologized but accepted, si man. We arrived just before din-din, arrive we man. Wonderful hospice nooser was yakking with Mama T-B., yak nooser man with Mama T-B. man. We were prepared to feed Mama T-B., but nooser did it, kind nooser she man man. Din-din was Mama T-B.'s leftovers, cheese lasagna man. Mama T-B. kept us there an extra 1 hour + half an hour, repeat of noontime man. We were desperately needing a siesta, needful-of-zzz man we man. However, we checked phone messages, si man. Uncle T-B. was wondering about his Rx, trying to get it for 2 weeks now man. We detoured to pharmacy, stay till serviced without being gainsaid we man. Rx was being prepped when we arrived, mirabile dictu man. Delivered Rx + shopped-for goods to Uncle T-B., appreciative senior he man man. By now it was dark, of course no lights left on at casa man. Wearily arrived and serviced demanding miu, service miu we man. Did Internet research for Mama T-B., research we man. Brushed/played with desirous miu, accommodate miu we man. No party with the rubias, no cavort we man. Thursday caucus with Mama T-B., hospice nooser, & possible patient-feeding outfit, hopeful we man. Two Guys eve with Mini-B., hope for intervening siesta we man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

We are a hip individual, si and see man. Hallucinating, perhaps man. Good know-welling Bro-G-ing we man! Good, GOOD know-welling KNOW-WELLING Bro-G-ing BRO-G-ING we man!

Hard to drown those who are so portly.

The K-1 is a strange animal, a "hybrid" visa -- a nonimmigrant visa with immigrant intent. This is why the Immigrant Visa Units of the consulates handle them.

Down goes another. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nadler to Retire Next Year Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY) will not seek reelection next year after being persuaded it was time for the Democratic Party to bring in a younger generation of leaders. In a recent interview with The New York Times, Nadler suggested he still desired to push back against President Trump but wanted to "respect" the need for fresh faces in the party. [...] https://townhall.com/tipsheet/leahbarkoukis/2025/09/02/nadler-n2662627

Not Mexican, but still... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Shots Fired! The US Military Sinks a Venezuelan Drug Runner (Updated) During Tuesday's press conference, President Trump not only dispelled rumors that he was dead (see Trump Blows Up Democrat Conspiracies About His Health, Peter Doocy Provides the Hilarious Capper – RedState), but used the occasion to announce that the U.S. military had destroyed a drug-running boat from Venezuela in the Caribbean. "When you leave the room," he announced, "you'll see that we just, over the last few minutes, literally, shot a boat — a drug-carrying boat," [...] https://redstate.com/streiff/2025/09/02/shots-fired-the-us-military-sinks-a-venezuelan-drug-runner-n2193509

Double standards. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trump-Hating Judge Makes Stunning Ruling in the Case of a Woman Who Wants to Murder Trump We know the left hates President Donald Trump. We know the left wants Trump out of the Oval Office. And yes, we know that the left wants Trump dead: just look at leftists' hysterical glee over the completely unfounded rumors that the president had passed away this past week, when he didn't make any public appearances for a few days. On Tuesday, a notorious Trump-hating judge helped remove any lingering doubts that all too many leftists want to see Trump die in office when he ordered a woman who wants to murder Trump to be freed from custody. What could possibly go wrong? It all started back in mid-August, when Secret Service agents in New York questioned a woman named Nathalie Rose Jones over statements she had made threatening the president. [...] https://pjmedia.com/robert-spencer/2025/09/02/remember-the-trump-hating-judge-who-tried-to-block-deportations-hes-back-and-hes-gotten-worse-n4943277