TBoneTX

Hitler Defeated After Opposition Party Holds Up Tiny Signs On Paddles BERLIN — In a shocking turn of events, Hitler was defeated and the Nazi regime overthrown after the opposition party in Germany held up little paddles with tiny signs on them. The Führer was giving a speech in the Reichstag when suddenly, opposing politicians began holding up miniature signs attached to what appeared to be tiny ping-pong paddles. Within minutes, Hitler had been deposed and the Nazi regime collapsed. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/hitler-defeated-after-opposition-party-holds-up-tiny-signs-on-paddles

The End of an Error: FiveThirtyEight Is Shutting Down In a surprise move, Disney announced Wednesday that it's shutting down FiveThirtyEight as part of sweeping layoffs affecting approximately 200 positions — about 6% of its workforce — across ABC News Group and Disney Entertainment Networks. Stats guru Nate Silver founded FiveThirtyEight, once the darling of the left-wing polling establishment, in 2008 before licensing it to The New York Times. ESPN later acquired it and finally transferred it to ABC News. [...] https://pjmedia.com/matt-margolis/2025/03/05/the-end-of-an-error-fivethirtyeight-is-being-shut-down-n4937614

CBS Shock Poll: Trump Speech Hits Sky-High 76% Approval! When is a divisive speech not a divisive speech? It's when more than 3 out of 4 people agree with it. That's not what the mainstream media was seeking, of course. [...] https://pjmedia.com/scott-pinsker/2025/03/05/cbs-shock-poll-trump-speech-hits-sky-high-76-approval-n4937593

This is priceless! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The death rattle of 'the Resistance' Remember when the phrase 'the Resistance' would conjure up visions of sexy French youths in berets battling actual Nazis? Now all it brings to mind is ageing dullards in pink suits holding up signs saying 'This is not normal' while sporting the most turbo-smug look on their faces. As US president Donald Trump spoke to a joint session of Congress last night, 'across the aisle the Resistance was stirring', gushed the Guardian's DC reporter. His piece was illustrated with a pic of some congresswoman in pearls and a balding Democrat looking aghast as Trump talked. Seriously, if this is 'the Resistance', the world's tyrants can rest easy. [...] https://www.spiked-online.com/2025/03/05/the-death-rattle-of-the-resistance/

Thrilling Wednesday report, see man: Did not leave casa most of day, see below man. Miu has been demanding or asleep all day, demanding-or-zzz-ing miu man. Lunch was toucans of chicken noodle soup, ingest we man. A wonderful siesta was then zzz'd, zzz we man. Got Mini-B. for Two Guys eve, si man. Din-din was Subway*, ingest Two Guys man. *WUOC and gift card, financially savvy we man Movie night was Beverly Hills Cop 2, watch Two Guys man. Many (2+1) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. These will be applied to next week's tally, head start man. Will see a new JC after lunch tomorrow, see we man JC man man. Not sure if this one has potential, but who knows man. No other plans for Thursday, may mow lawn man. Party with the rubias tonight, cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

Texas weather Many, Kansas weather sucky, repeat we man.

REMINDER: It Is Offensive And Possibly Illegal To Photoshop Anything On These Democrats' Signs That Would Make Them Look Foolish https://babylonbee.com/news/smart-democrats-hold-up-signs-which-will-definitely-not-immediately-be-photoshopped-and-backfire

Scientists Report Most Effective Remedy For Male Depression Is An Old Lady At The Store Asking You To Reach Something On A Tall Shelf U.S. — Several recent studies indicate that the most effective treatment for male depression is an old lady at the store asking you to reach something on a tall shelf for her. According to a study just published in the American Psychological Journal, the entire field of treatment for male depression should be revised in order to more effectively let depressed men help out little old ladies at the supermarket. "This is a truly monumental breakthrough," said Sigmund Garrity, who teaches psychology. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/scientists-report-most-effective-remedy-for-male-depression-is-an-old-lady-at-the-store-asking-you-to-reach-something-on-a-tall-shelf

Wife Forced To Buy Second Phone After Reaching Maximum Number Of Open Browser Tabs ANAHEIM, CA — A local wife has revealed she is buying a second cell phone after reaching her previous phone's maximum number of open browser tabs. The move became necessary after housewife Andrea Kirby discovered she had finally reached her iPhone's maximum allowable open browser tabs, requiring her to expand her browsing to an additional phone. "There's probably no other way to fix this," Kirby explained. "It's really [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/wife-buys-second-phone-after-reaching-maximum-number-of-open-browser-tabs

It is Wednesday... let us evoke good news and prompt some approvals (that is, if correlation = causation) by means of our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== YOU MAY BE GETTING OLDER... When your spouse says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one -- I can't do both!" When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. When going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. When you don't care where your spouse goes just as long as you don't have to go along. When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. When "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today. When "getting lucky" means finding your car in the parking lot. And, of course, when an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

YOU MAY BE GETTING OLDER... When your spouse says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one -- I can't do both!" When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. When going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. When you don't care where your spouse goes just as long as you don't have to go along. When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. When "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today. When "getting lucky" means finding your car in the parking lot. And, of course, when an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Germany Commits To 100% Electric Vehicle Terror Attacks By 2035 [...] "We look forward to the day when every vehicle ramming viciously into a crowd of civilians while the driver screams 'Allahu Akbar' is powered by electricity," said incoming German Chancellor Friedrich Merz. "Though we are proud of the advancements we have made to protect the environment, the presumably white German citizens committing these violent acts against innocent people are still using gas vehicles. This simply will not do. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/germany-commits-to-100-electric-vehicle-terror-attacks-by-2035

Trump's Canadian Tariffs Expected To Have Devastating Impact On The Curling Broom Industry WORLD — With new trade policies officially going into effect, officials warned Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that Donald Trump's Canadian tariffs were expected to have a devastating impact on the curling broom industry. "America's economy may not recover from this devastating blow to the sport of curling," said economist and political strategist John Deleck. "What Trump is doing with these tariffs may very well cause the country to collapse." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-canadian-tariffs-expected-to-have-devastating-impact-on-the-curling-broom-industry

We saw several shots of NB's gorgeous flame Pelosi. I actually think that Bondi, Noem, Gabbard, and even Leavitt are some of the foxiest appointees ever.

Kind of a mini-catchall thread for the SOTU, or joint address to Congress. ------------ Democrats Can't Applaud a Child Who Survived Brain Cancer Perhaps the star of the night at President Donald Trump's address to a joint session of Congress was D.J. Daniels, who always dreamed of being a police officer and was sworn in as a Secret Service agent. You'd think the sour-faced Democrats could have applauded a kid who survived cancer. [...] https://twitchy.com/brettt/2025/03/04/democrats-cant-applaud-a-child-who-survived-brain-cancer-n2409347

The company is BlackRock. Better than China? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ China's Out: American Company Taking Control of Panama Canal Ports President Trump can probably chalk this up as a win: The American asset manager BlackRock, according to an announcement made on Tuesday, will be purchasing two key Panama Canal ports from a Hong Kong-based Chinese firm. The possession of these ports by a Chinese concern has, according to President Trump, represented a strategic threat to American shipping as well as to the movement of naval vessels. The ports in question are Balboa and Cristobal. [...] https://redstate.com/wardclark/2025/03/04/chinas-out-american-company-taking-control-of-panama-canal-ports-n2186268

About time! ~~~~~~~~~~~ Trump Vows a Crackdown on Illegal College Protests [...] Now that the weather is getting nice, college students will start feeling frisky and not for that special someone with whom they locked eyes across the student union. No, it is time to take the keffiyehs to the dry cleaners, dust off the riot gear, head to the home repair store to stock up on spray paint, and freshen up those signs. Protest season will be here before you know it, so it's time to start planning that wardrobe, folx. The Trump administration is having none of it. Yesterday, Trump posted on Truth Social that those people, students or otherwise, who participate in illegal protests will be arrested, imprisoned, expelled, and/or deported. In some cases, it will be a bit of all of the above. And college administrators who are too compromised or timid to deal with the protesters could find their wallets considerably lighter. [...] https://pjmedia.com/lincolnbrown/2025/03/04/trump-vows-a-crackdown-on-illegal-college-protests-colleges-n4937552

What do we think about this? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trump USDA Announces $1 Billion Bird Flu Spend, $100 Million for 'New Generation' Vaccines USDA chief Brooke Rollins recently debuted a bold new proposal to counter bird flu in the poultry industry as egg prices remain astronomically high. Via United States Department of Agriculture (emphasis added): [...] https://pjmedia.com/benbartee/2025/03/04/trump-usda-announces-massive-1-billion-bird-flu-spend-100-million-for-new-generation-vaccines-n4937582

Zelensky rolled over. https://x.com/zelenskyyua/status/1896948147085049916

Wow -- ours were $7 each. How fortunate! We ordered 7: one for each set of parents, more for banks, and more for other official uses, leaving us exactly one for ourselves. In our case, it was better to have risked having too many and not needing them than it was to under-order and be caught short.

Thrilling Tuesday report, see man: This was actually a pretty good day, si man. Breakfast was a turkey-&-cheese sandwich, ingest we man. Blew over to Uncle T-B.'s before noon, out-clean the Uncle-T-B.-mobile we man. Wasn't as much to throw out as we'd feared, actually quite easy man. Waited for "we will buy your jalopy" outfit to come or call, si man. Chica called to announce a delay, oh brother man. This enabled the following, see man: 1. Get Uncle T-B. back on MyChart medical system, done man 2. Get Uncle T-B. back on investment-account system, done man Many. Call bank to get Uncle T-B.'s CD application approved, done man Many. Pick up Uncle T-B.'s tax documents to give to CPA, done man Jalopy outfit was only an hour late, better than projected man. Tow-driver analyzed jalopy while highly cute chica wife did the paperwork, efficient man. Offer was $Many00, needed battery fuel pump something else man. Uncle T-B. approved of this, approbational senior he man. We consummated the deal, si man. Chica may fix us up with her sister, if no boyfriend man. We offered the $Many00 to Uncle T-B., offer we man. Uncle T-B. told us to keep it because we'd done all the work, $i man. This is almost as much income as that from a bare-bones POTS* sale, $i man. *buy yours today, si man Front office thrilled to hear that a coveted covered parking space was now available, tell we man they man. Uncle T-B. very well pleased with all outcomes, we man too man man. Returned to casa with almost enough time for a quick siesta, conclude we man. However, we lay in bed mostly coughing, dusty windy day outside man. Finally up-gave the effort, no zzz we man. Collected Mama T-B., medical imaging man. After, stopped for minor grocerying, Mama T-B. wait in T-B.-mobile man. After off-dropping Mama T-B., went to Walgreens, stuff to get on discount man. Found Mama T-B. some shoe insoles, highly pleased senior she man man. Found part of what we needed, oh well man. Went to other Walgreens, necessity man. Found rest of needed stuff, also on discount man. Got Subway** for din-din, ingest we man. **WUOC and gift card, financially savvy we man Serviced demanding miu, Where the Dickens Were You All Day Daddy man. Took shower, windy dusty day man. Do not plan to leave casa again, in for night we man. Possible caucus with new JC Wednesday, must confirm we man. Possible party with the rubias tonight, possibly cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Tuesday, report we man.

Texas weather Many, Kansas weather sucky, si man.

Civil Sturgeon, n. - a polite Russian fish

Then you'll never evolve into a superior primate.

Mrs. T-B. & I had a courthouse marriage (Justice of the Peace) on Halloween afternoon. We even had time to get multiple marriage certificates* printed, that day, while we waited on them. *you'll need several We had the big party on Pearl Harbor Day.