TBoneTX

With TikTok Banned, China Forced To Spy On Americans By Hiding Little Cameras In Fortune Cookies BEIJING — With a TikTok ban soon to take effect in the United States, the Chinese Communist Party was forced to resort to spying on Americans by hiding tiny little cameras inside fortune cookies. According to sources, fortune cookie manufacturing has been outsourced to Uyghur Muslim re-education camps, where slaves work around the clock baking tiny HD cameras into the fortune cookies and preparing them for shipment. Meanwhile, CCP officials were busy threatening Chinese restaurant managers in the U.S. to carry the new spy cookies or risk retribution. "You make spy cookie now!" one source inside the camp said a workmaster shouted. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/with-tiktok-banned-china-forced-to-spy-on-americans-by-hiding-little-cameras-in-fortune-cookies

Gen Z: Here Are 15 Things You Can Do With Your Time Now That TikTok Is Banned [...] The Babylon Bee had come up with 15 things Gen Z-ers can do with their time in a world without TikTok: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/gen-z-here-are-15-things-you-can-do-with-your-time-now-that-tiktok-is-banned

Gen Z Upset About TikTok Ban For 4.3 Seconds, Which Is The Maximum Amount Of Time They Can Focus On Something Thanks To TikTok U.S. — After the U.S. Supreme Court upheld a ban on the Chinese social media platform TikTok, Gen Z managed to stay upset about the ban for a full 4.3 seconds, which is the maximum amount of time they can focus on anything thanks to TikTok. The nation braced for a groundswell of outrage from millions of TikTok users, but the outrage died out almost as soon as it began. "I'm furious. I'm outraged about this. I'm — hey look! Nintendo Switch 2 is coming out!" said Mavryyck Dixon, a former Gen Z TikTok user. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/gen-z-upset-about-tiktok-ban-for-43-seconds-which-is-the-maximum-amount-of-time-they-can-focus-on-something-thanks-to-tiktok

Legal Eagles Mock Biden Into Next Week for His Magically Conjuring Up a Constitutional Amendment [...] Despite Biden's pronouncement, the Equal Rights Amendment is not in effect, and it is simply not the law of the land. It's hard to know what Joe's doing here: flat-out lying, trying to wish things into existence, or just no longer aware of what day it is, much less what actually needs to happen for an amendment to be passed. [...] https://redstate.com/bobhoge/2025/01/17/legal-eagles-mock-biden-into-next-week-for-his-magically-conjuring-up-a-constitutional-amendment-n2184497

This so cool and necessary! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trump's Hiring Requirements for His New Administration Are Something Else! Donald Trump's first term was plagued by a series of poor hiring decisions. Many administration staffers were establishment insiders focused on sabotaging Trump's presidency and securing lucrative book deals, while others were never truly committed to advancing the Trump agenda. Determined to avoid repeating those missteps, Trump has laid out strict new hiring guidelines, which he detailed in a candid post on Truth Social. In a characteristically bold and direct message, Trump shared that his team has already hired over 1,000 people for his prospective administration. "They are outstanding in every way," he assured, promising that the American people "will see the fruits of their labor over the coming years." With his trademark optimism, Trump reiterated his pledge to "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN," emphasizing that it will happen "very quickly." However, the real attention-grabber in the post came in the form of a clear directive regarding personnel recommendations. Trump made it abundantly clear who not to suggest for positions in his administration, targeting several prominent figures and organizations. [...] https://pjmedia.com/matt-margolis/2025/01/16/trumps-hiring-requirements-for-his-new-administration-are-something-else-n4936045

Here's What You Need to Know About JD Vance's Replacement in the Senate A week ago, Vice President-elect JD Vance resigned his position as Ohio's senior senator. That set the clock ticking for Gov. Mike DeWine to name his replacement. Today, we learned that he has chosen Lt. Gov. Jon Husted to fill the vacant seat. [...] https://pjmedia.com/paula-bolyard/2025/01/17/ohio-gov-mike-dewine-announces-jd-vances-senate-replacement-n4936089

This elegant analysis also has some facts that we've forgotten or are new. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So Trump Was Right All Along: Court Finds That CNN Is Fake News The establishment media is finally being exposed for what it really is — the propaganda arm for the hard left — and it's a glorious thing to see. Two flagship media outlets, pillars of the "journalistic" establishment, have now lost defamation cases and must pony up millions as a result. This is extremely good news for those who value the truth and are tired of these moneyed, undeservedly respected propaganda outlets manipulating the American people. A month ago, ABC and its far-left propagandist George Stephanopoulos reached a settlement with Donald Trump, who had sued them for defamation. The settlement involved the network forking over $15 million to Trump; it also precluded Trump's suit from going to trial. which showed that ABC's top dogs understood how weak their case really was: they were happy to pony up $15 million to make this thing go away rather than have a trial reveal just how far from actual journalism they had allowed themselves to stray. On Friday, it was CNN's turn. [...] https://pjmedia.com/robert-spencer/2025/01/17/so-trump-was-right-all-along-court-finds-that-cnn-is-fake-news-n4936098

Friday ES report, see man: We attended all Many ESs, assiduous we man. The first ES yielded the take, see man: -- Many-pack ([2+2]-pack) Star-kist tuna, NIP jar Smucker's sugar-free red raspberry jelly, ~full large bottle original Listerine = $Many ($2x2x2x2 -1), OK man Total = $Many ($2x2x2x2 -1)

Thrilling Friday non-ES report, see man: At 1:Many p.m., Mini-B. turned Many (2x2x2x2 -2) years old, up-growing wee man man. We still remember being the first to hold him after birth, proud ancestor-of-a-descendant we man. We were dressed in full Hazmat hospital attire, dapper we man. And we still have the foto of Mama T-B. (self-described as "the world's oldest first-time Grandma, si man") bottle-feeding Mini-B. with a look of utter disbelief on her face, disbelieving ancestress-of-a-descendant senior she man. The IC waited until after sunrise to Zangi-message us, compliant IC she man. We were semi-awake but resistant of that state, want more zzz we man. We are not responsible for anything that we write, do, or say before noon, groggy we man. Attended our Many ESs, q.v. separate ES report man. Lunch was a turkey-&-cheese sandwich, ingest we man. We raced back from ES-ing and gulped lunch to be ready for a Zangi caucus with the IC, race we man. We told the IC of Mini-B.'s birthday plans and the natural involvement of ex-Mrs.-T-B., tell we man IC man. Of note, the IC was suspi-curious about our interaction with ex-Mrs.-T-B., si man. Unlike the original JC, the IC probed for clarity, probationary IC man. The IC expressed her own qualms, expressive IC man. The IC asked questions about the depth & extent of our relationship with ex-Mrs.-T-B., ask IC man we man. The IC even said, "If ex-Mrs.-T-B. wants you back, then would you leave me for her, huh man?" man. We said that we would happily introduce the IC to ex-Mrs.-T-B. and the Rojo if the time came, assure we man IC man. The IC replied, "Hmm, man... that sounds good, si man," si man. We think that we have a more circumspect and mature junior chica this time, relief we man. Furthermore, the IC was undisturbed by the age-difference between us, "age is nothing to me, no man," si man. All of the above is quite promising except that the IC is not a rubia, independent disqualifying factor (or not) man. Din-din was at Raising Cane's despite lobbying for elsewhere from both we and ex-Mrs.-T-B., adamant wee man man. It was as outrageously expensive as ever, we man. However, the chow was not as bad as usual, actually acceptable man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. and Mini-B. each donated a chicken strip to us, ingest and ingest we man. We probably hosed our lose-weighting, we man. The heavily salted chow has not seemed to hose our stomach, mild surprise man. We wait to see whether the IC will Zangi us again tonight, low odds man. We hope that she will not awaken us in the a.m., Many strikes and she's out man. Party with the rubias tonight, cavort we man. We have tentatively itineraried 1 ES for Saturday, rather proximal man. Mini-B.'s big family party from 2 to Many p.m., 2 Manyzen people expected man. TV football game overlapping with end of party, blow back to casa Two Guys man. And that was/is our thrilling Friday, report we man.

This is appropriate and wonderful. Topic was already noted in the "Recovering from the Journalism Crisis" thread, if merging or splitting is appropriate.

*** Thread is moved from General Immigration Discussion to the Working & Traveling forum. *** I didn't encounter this specifically, but try this: "For Trusted Traveler Programs (Global Entry, NEXUS, SENTRI and FAST), we will respond to your inquiry as efficiently as possible. If your concern is urgent and you have not received a response within 7-10 business days, contact us by phone at 1-202-325-8000 or 1-877-227-5511 for immediate assistance and please have your case number available so that we may pull your information up as quickly as possible. Please note that we cannot provide account information to third parties, including family members and representatives of any adult applicant or member." Or, actually, try calling here first: Brownsville, TX Port of Entry, (956) 983-5800. The CBP agents are knowledgeable and helpful, and you'll get personal attention once one is available.

Head Of Crime Family Warns About Dangers Of Corruption WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stirring farewell address to the nation, the notorious head of a prolific crime family warned America about the clear and present danger of government corruption. "Folks, we can't have any of this corruption in government," said the man who had enriched himself off corruption during his half a century in office. "It's dangerous, I mean it. If Trump takes office and lets Elon glurbdren thu flazzgrizzerbs, obwaltshuuun dorble Vivek clamshirr." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/head-of-crime-family-warns-about-dangers-of-corruption

Oh brotherrrrrrr -- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Biden Takes Credit For Developing Dementia So Kamala Would Take His Place And Lose To Trump So Hamas Would Release Hostages WASHINGTON, D.C. — After news broke that President-elect Donald Trump had successfully brokered a ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hamas, outgoing President Joe Biden spoke with the media to take credit for developing dementia so Kamala Harris would take his place on the ticket and lose in a landslide to Trump so Hamas would release its hostages. Hamas agreed to begin releasing hostages over the coming weeks, an achievement Biden said would never have been possible if he hadn't lost all cognitive function and been forced out of the race to make room for Harris, who was soundly defeated by Trump, who actually brought the peace deal to fruition. "Listen, folks, I was the one who got this deal started," Biden told reporters. "If I hadn't… if I… if I never… with the… I got the dementia. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-takes-credit-for-developing-dementia-so-kamala-would-take-his-place-and-lose-to-trump-so-hamas-would-release-hostages

A former leftist tells it like it is. Worth reading. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Farewell Address to a Woketopia Gone Wrong Joe Biden said goodbye. He wanted to mirror Eisenhower, who once warned of the Military Industrial Complex, but Biden saw something equally alarming—the Big Tech oligarchy. He sees Zuckerberg and Bezos attending Trump's inaugural. He greatly fears the power of Elon Musk. He realizes that his side lost control of it and now, he wants all of us to be afraid. Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I can't play that game anymore. It's time to say goodbye. Farewell, Joe Biden, farewell, Democrats. Farewell, hysteria. Farewell to mandated preferred pronouns in everyone's bio. Farewell to being forced to lie about whether or not masks work. Farewell to not being allowed to give people the benefit of the doubt. Farewell to being too afraid to ask questions about an experimental vaccine. Farewell to Critical Race and gender theory in elementary schools. Farewell to the ruling oligarchy — yes, Joe. You were the frontman for it. You can't fool me. I was part of it, too. [...] https://sashastone.substack.com/p/a-farewell-address-to-a-woketopia

Jonathan Turley in regard to CNN. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Your Credibility With Me is about None": CNN Trial Goes From Bad to Worse In following the defamation trial against CNN by veteran Zachary Young, we have previously (here, here, and here) marveled at how bad things were going for the network. It appears that they are getting even worse. This has been a brutal week as CNN figures, including host Jake Tapper, took the stand. If "this is CNN," the judge (and possibly the jury) are not liking what they are seeing. [...] https://jonathanturley.org/2025/01/16/your-credibility-with-me-is-about-none-cnn-trial-goes-from-bad-to-worse/

And let's see which slimebuckets he'll pardon next. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Self-deluded Biden is spending his last days as president showcasing all the same lies and cementing his tarnished 'legacy' Joe Biden is leaving office the way he came in — under a cloud of self-delusion and amid a rancid stench of lies. He promised to be a standard-bearer of decency, a respecter of norms and the rule of law. He presented himself as a unifier who would help the country heal after the pandemic, a man of integrity and impeccable character, ­unlike his wretched predecessor. Yet behind closed doors, in the devious recesses of his soul, Joe plotted and planned just two things: self-aggrandizement and vengeance. Joe paid lip service to a grab bag of virtuous goals but, really, he was all about himself. As he has been all his life. [...] https://nypost.com/2025/01/15/opinion/miranda-devine-self-deluded-biden-is-spending-his-last-days-as-president-showcasing-all-the-same-lies-and-cementing-his-tarnished-legacy/

Impeccable logic regarding "moral taint." Guy's an attorney. Comments? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pardon Every Single J6 Political Prisoner – Every Single One [...] we have a dual-track justice system, which is intolerable. That means we must not tolerate it. That means we must not accept it. That means we must not pretend that any verdict rendered by it is fair or valid. That means we must not allow the people who imposed it upon us in order to silence us, intimidate us, and exact vengeance upon us for the crime of defying them to succeed. All of the J6 prosecutions are illegitimate, not because the actions of the J6 defendants are all pristine – the vast majority are guilty only of thinking that as part of the People, they had a right to walk through the People's House – but because they were not treated exactly the same way as those politically aligned with the people persecuting them. And there is no way to undo the taint of the two-tier justice system. There are reports that President Trump will commute sentences to get people out of prison, then follow up with a pardon "process" to evaluate each conviction. No, no, no. Every conviction – every single one, including those by people forced to plead guilty (and they were forced) – is tainted by the actions of the DOJ, the actions of biased judges, and the fact that the venue in DC was manifestly unjust. No J6 conviction can stand. Every conviction was unfair and unjust. [...] https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2025/01/16/pardon-every-single-j6-political-prisoner-every-single-one-n2650552

Thrilling Thursday report, see man: The IC awoke us via Zangi at o'dark-Many, almost a fatal error man. We had to arise at o'dark-Many (they blur together) to get Mini-B. to Band sectional, man. We groggily replied that we were still asleep, educate we man IC she man man. After skooling Mini-B., went to supermarket for 2 needed items, groggy we man. Desperately wanted more zzz, desperate-for-zzz we man. IC Zangi'd us before we could avail ourself, interested IC man. We agreed on a lengthier Zangi caucus at half-past noon, agree we and IC man. We managed to shower, desperate-to-awaken we man. Ran Many (2+1) errands, errand we man. One was to Big Lots for our last-ever visit, store closing man. We found Many usable items at deep discount, at least Many% off man. In fact, lunch was onecan of beef stew from there, ingest we man. A fruitful Zangi caucus occurred, bond IC man with we man man. The IC's parents were killed in an auto accident Many (2x2x2 +1) years ago, learn we man. It appears that the IC is at least comfortable financially, perceive we man. At least she will not be a dig-golder, presume we man. And she keeps asking what we think about her, hopeful man. The IC had to go at 2 p.m., leave IC man. We immediately took a siesta, zzz we man. Played backyard football with Mini-B., play Two Guys man. We think we yelled upon every throw & catch, need full body-transplant we man. We did set a new record of Many (2x2x2x2x2x2 -2 -1) consecutive catches, new Two Guys record man. Din-din was Costco angusburgers, ingest Two Guys man. This is usually Friday's cuisine, typical man. However, Mini-B.'s Many'th birthday is Friday, aging wee man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. and we will take him out to din-din, treat we and ex-she man wee man man. Of course he wants to go to Raisin' Canes, blecch and overpriced man. Hastily and surreptitiously wrapped Mini-B.'s birthday presents, procrastinatory we man. We are giving him Many (2+1) boxes of chocolate-nut brownies from Big Lots, discount man. We are giving him a left-handed-thrower's baseball glove, hard to find man. Miu is giving him a card with miu-hair taped in it and this description, see man: "A gift for your FUR-niture, si man," hee hee man. Possible Zangi caucus after IC gets off work, not guaranteed man. Party with the rubias thereafter, cavort we man. We have itineraried Many (2+1) ESs for Friday, itinerary we man. Birthday din-din in evening, q.v. above man. And that was/is our thrilling Thursday, report we man.

They're underqualified in the face of Mazie Hirono et al.

Only once or twice, not Many times, oj nie! Bad P-mathematically-illiterate Asia! Bad, BAD P-mathematically-illiterate, P-MATHEMATICALLY-ILLITERATE Asia! And there are Many, not just Many, upvotes available per day, oj tak. Like ours, oj tak. Bad poor-judging allocate-upvoting Asia! Bad, BAD poor-judging POOR-JUDGING allocate-upvoting ALLOCATE-UPVOTING Asia! We are miffed, oj tak. Hmmph, oj tak.

In Effort To Improve Senate Confirmation Hearings, Democrat Women Replaced By Rabid Hyenas WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to elevate the level of discourse in Senate Confirmation hearings, all of the female Democratic Senators will be replaced with screaming, rabid hyenas. After the initial Senate hearings descended into hours of hysterical, unintelligible screeching, Congress felt it owed the country to do better by replacing the offending women with crazed hyenas. "This will be a huge improvement," said Senate aide Chandler McKinnon. "We believe replacing these Democrat women with hyenas whose brains are being eaten by the rabies virus will [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/to-improve-senate-confirmation-hearings-democratic-women-to-be-replaced-by-rabid-hyenas

Trump Announces First 10 Executive Orders With just a few days to inauguration, President-elect Donald Trump is preparing to sign a slew of day-one executive orders that will begin making America great again. Here is an exclusive first look at what Trump has planned: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-announces-first-10-executive-orders

Man Fakes Death To Get Out Of Church Committee Meeting ST. PAUL, MN — Local man Roger Marks faked his own death in an incredibly elaborate ruse to get out of having to attend a church committee meeting. With a Staff Parish Relations Committee meeting looming on Thursday, a desperate Marks decided to take measures into his own hands and stage his own death, complete with a fake funeral. "I just could not take one more minute," said Marks. "When I saw it on the calendar [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/man-fakes-death-to-get-out-of-church-committee-meeting

Firefighters Hang Crying Jimmy Kimmel From Helicopter To Drop Tears On Wildfire LOS ANGELES — The devastating Palisades Fire may finally be on the way out thanks to the quick thinking of firefighters who attached late night host Jimmy Kimmel to a helicopter so he could quench the flames with his salty tears. "Trump complained about the fire department's DEI programs," cried Kimmel. "And all the firefighters who came in from Idaho are white. White! THEY'RE WHITE!" Authorities say Kimmel's tears are the most effective flame suppressant they've ever seen. "I wish we'd thought of this sooner," said one firefighter. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/firefighters-hang-crying-jimmy-kimmel-from-helicopter-to-drop-tears-on-wildfire

This idea has some merit. Thoughts? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After threats to invade Puerto Rico, President Trump should make an example of Maduro As world leaders court President Trump and jockey for invitations at his inauguration, it was probably only a matter of time before one of them decided to go the other way, challenging him as 'weak.' The stupid fool was Nicolas Maduro, fraudulently installed dictator of Venezuela who just enthroned himself in the faces of Venezuelans. Over the weekend, Maduro declared he wanted to invade Puerto Rico to "liberate" it, using the troops of his socialist ally, Brazil. [...] https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2025/01/after_threats_to_invade_puerto_rico_president_trump_should_make_an_example_of_maduro.html