lynndy38

You chose to be in a relationship with someone in a foreign country. I'm sorry but trying to say that your pain is an less intense or any less of a choice than a military family is not fair at all.
I liked our time on Skype, we annoyed each other a lot less than we do in person. Once your in person honeymoon phase wears off and you start to hit the real stumbling blocks (like we have in the 1.5 years of in person time) like infertility, multiple miscarriages, death of parents, family drama, home renovations, money issues, moving countries twice, etc. etc. Relationships are rough, cross cultural relationships comes with issues, and trust me this little separation is NOTHING compared to what you will face in the future.

I wondered when the nasty comments would start. You haven't stopped for one moment to think what on earth could have happened in the lives of these parents and children to come to the conclusion they have. You just jumped straight in with insults. Please do not predict my sons future based on your ignorant views.

I moved over in April and don't have health insurance yet, I HATE not having it.....long story.Under the new Obamacare rules we'll be fined/taxed.
Anyway I'd suggest you get him on it ASAP. Ive been really ill since October, pneumonia and then a secondary infection for which we've had to pay ALOT of money for treatment.
I never thought I'd miss the good old crappy NHS!!!!

I understand how you want to be with your boyfriend ASAP but I would really suggest you slow down.
After first meeting and spending a week with my now husband of course I wanted to start the visa process as fast as possible, i was head over heels and knew I wanted to be with him forever. But would that have been wise NO WAY!!!
We spent 4 years of Trans Atlantic flights visiting each other, the time spent together totaling about a year before we finally got married and began the process. Even when I finally moved over and although totally comfortable with him its still been challenging at times getting used to living with each other full time, the culture shock, missing family, homesickness just to mention a few.
Of course you're thinking with your heart, we all do that but please, just consider spending more time together before you have him move over especially seeing as you'll be inviting him into your childrens lives.
If it was just you I'd still encourage you to spend more time together but understand if you went ahead anyway, however putting the kids in the equation I'd say you could be taking a dangerous risk and you'd be very unwise if you didn't heed the majority of advice given in this thread.
No one is suggesting you end your relationship just simply give yourselves the chance that it can be the best it can be!!!!!

I understand how you want to be with your boyfriend ASAP but I would really suggest you slow down.
After first meeting and spending a week with my now husband of course I wanted to start the visa process as fast as possible, i was head over heels and knew I wanted to be with him forever. But would that have been wise NO WAY!!!
We spent 4 years of Trans Atlantic flights visiting each other, the time spent together totaling about a year before we finally got married and began the process. Even when I finally moved over and although totally comfortable with him its still been challenging at times getting used to living with each other full time, the culture shock, missing family, homesickness just to mention a few.
Of course you're thinking with your heart, we all do that but please, just consider spending more time together before you have him move over especially seeing as you'll be inviting him into your childrens lives.
If it was just you I'd still encourage you to spend more time together but understand if you went ahead anyway, however putting the kids in the equation I'd say you could be taking a dangerous risk and you'd be very unwise if you didn't heed the majority of advice given in this thread.
No one is suggesting you end your relationship just simply give yourselves the chance that it can be the best it can be!!!!!

Personally, "we don't fight, we don't argue" says nothing to me. Except perhaps that maybe the couple doesn't know each other well enough to have conflicted. No two people feel the same way about every single issue. Even the strongest and happiest couples are bound to butt heads. Money? Politics? Not putting the toilet seat down?
Knowing how your partner acts and reacts during an argument is important. Do they fight fairly? Do they call names or blame? There's no way that in a marriage you will never argue.
I'd suggest taking your time. If the love is real, it will only grow over that time.

I hate to say it but I think that women who have been victims of domestic violence should at the most never petition for a foreign partner, or at least go extremely extremely slowly. They, unfortunately, are great targets for scammers and other abusive partners. From your timeline, you met him for one week after 4 months of talking online, and petitioned for him immediately. You have not even known him one year yet. If he comes from an abusive family then he is much more likely to be abusive himself.
Your friends care for you and if they think it is rushed, then I would listen to them.
You should read the posts by jensi, I believe it was? If anyone can help remember...
He will wait for you if he loves you. I would slow down and take a lot more time. Best of luck to you.

If you've only spent 1 week with him, I would stop and consider just what you're doing, you can't really know someone after a week. Also, what country is he from?
Marriage is a big deal, not something that should be rushed into.
There's really no harm in getting to know him more first.

My warning is DO NOT GET married to someone you saw once or twice. Most of people are seeing their partner just online, in my opinion this is not enough.Seeing someone once, twice for 2/8motnhs and bring the person to the U.S and after that blame the partner is silly to say the least. We are our choices we all have two questions how much time and effort we put into building a relationship...2/8months? that man.

I'm wondering why people even attempt to help people who are so utterly rude. I'm thinking troll.

Well a lot of posters are coming into the spousal visa section where people are unhappy about the wait and saying unnecessarily smarmy and irritating things like "immigration is a privilege not a right" and "complaining won't change anything" ad nauseum. Some of these people had less than 100 days to wait for NOA2 so show some empathy or to use a British phrase, wind your bloody necks in (shut up) There are also K1 filers talking about how glad they are that they went for the K1 in our CR1 threads. So its hardly surprising that you get this response is it! There are CR1 filers who goad K1 filers too admittedly but you are just being hypocritical if you don't realise that it works both ways.

Claire I too have suffered with depression but I did self harm, plus Im in recovery from alcohol addiction!!!
I am controlled with a small dose of Paxil. I have been sober for 4 years and hadnt self harmed for 2.
My doctor wrote me a letter to take to my medical with the magic words 'I do not see her being a threat to herself nor others'
Be honest, but try not to worry. I was asked about it at interview but I am medicated and wasn't working!!!
You sound as though you're doing brilliantly, I don't think you'll have an issue, at worst they can ask you to have a psych evaluation but I doubt that very much.
Good luck!!!!

Off course they'd still need a marriage visa.....I was talking about the actual marriage ceremony.
I married my US husband in Scotland last year because of the UK marriage laws which stipulated your foreign spouse had to reside in the UK at least 8 days before you could apply to get married then there was a 2 week notice time too....so about a 3 week wait before you could get married.
Scotland did not require the '8 day head on pillow' residence. Nor the notice of marriage time.
Thank you for the geography lesson but I am English...I kinda know where Scotland is.

Do I fear him? You bet!
Do I fear you? Absolutely not.
I wouldn't group you together at all. He's a career criminal, and you (from what I can tell reading this board) are an intelligent, normal guy, but you just happen to be the same or of similar race.
One would think anyone could tell that there are bad apples from any ethnic background.

Your post you mentioned about second chance, second chance for what? to have by your side a loser,a weak man and scumbag? really? you deserve better. Divorce him and move on.

I think this process is one of those horrible life reminders that we are not as important as we think we are. So people get frustrated.

People will tell you what they want you to hear and not every detail. Don't believe everything you read here or online. Do everything to prove your case and don't worry so much about others or it will drive you crazy. Good luck.

I wondered when the nasty comments would start. You haven't stopped for one moment to think what on earth could have happened in the lives of these parents and children to come to the conclusion they have. You just jumped straight in with insults. Please do not predict my sons future based on your ignorant views.

mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm

Hello Sarah,
I am sorry to hear about your story. But I am pretty sure you can make significant changes, without going back to the UK. Going back to the UK would probably be easier for you. But it puts your marriage at risk. Staying here and fixing things is gonna be tougher, but probably less risky for your marriage... This is something that only you can decide. Nobody can tell you that.
Now, I think your biggest problem is that you don't have a job. If you were a successful, independent professional, and you are know stuck at home... It is like you are missing a part of who you are. You can't be happy like this.
I would concentrate on fixing this problem first. Specially because it just depends on you, not on your husband, not on the mortgage, not on your awful brother in law, or not really helping mother in law. (but if you can evict this awful Brother in Law of yours at the same time... that's even better)
You seem to have a great network in the UK... Did you try to build one here? Did you meet people, go to networking events, ask for advice, sent a ton of e-mails to people in your field to ask them for advice? Maybe there is something wrong in your resume (took me forever to re-do mine so people here would be happy with it...). If people agree to give you advice on this, this is a big first step. Don't be afraid to contact people in high positions... The worst that can happen is that they don't answer.
Have you contacted them: http://www.babcmichigan.org/babc-board-members/ Ask them for advice, ask them a list of British companies in the area. Professional advice from the british community that live and work in Detroit will probably be the best you can get.
I am not sure what you did to look for a job, but just sending your resume and applying online is probably not gonna work. Agencies are a good idea, but if you can get the name of a recruiter and call that specific recruiter rather than just contacting the agency, you will have better chances. (And if you meet people, I guaranty you that some of them will personally know recruiters.)
I know you probably tried a lot of things already, but I hope something in all that will be helpful. It is definitely difficult, but I don't think it is impossible for you to find a job where you are.
I wish you the best!

Put your husband`s brothers belongings outside, and change the locks. Let him move in with his mother and see how that goes for her if she thinks he is so golden! He is an adult and has had plenty of time to sort his situation out. You are doing him a favor also, as he needs to take responsibility for himself and be an adult.
If that were me.. as soon as he ripped the bathroom out he would have been out the door! What kind of mother thinks that kind of behaviour is normal in the house of her other son and daughter in law. If he cant treat you with respect, then he should expect no respect from you. The same goes for the mother! As for your husband.. you need to talk to him because it might be his family, but he needs to stand up for himself and take control of his life. It shouldnt be put on you. You have already made plenty enough sacrifices. He needs to support you on the decision of making his brother leave. Your marriage is more importaint than his brother`s childish, selfish behaviour!

This was a very sad read for me.
There is more to life than this and you deserve to be happy.
I don't have an answer or guidance but will only ask that you seek to not loose your self and to find happiness.
Life is really too short.
Good luck.

Big changes require big risks! If you are truly pushed into a corner, then gather whatever strength you have and make a big move! If you are underwater... Walk away and start over... New city, new job, new hope... You can rent, no need to buy anything... It will take tons of time before you lose the house but lock it up, if for anything, so the brother-sponge will be forced to move on... You might get some perspective with some distance from the situation.... When you go, connect with meetup.com and find some groups that do things... Don't just apply online, go around personally... But Detroit is very bleak for ANY type of opportunity and there is a sad negative vibe, get yourselves out of that! Before you walk away and start over alone... Walk away and start over somewhere together! If that fails, you are no worse off than just cutting and running right now...

I get teased by my husband and his friends for adding the "u" in words and also for my one hat that says "Willowdale Equine Centre" LOL I just tell them that's me. It's who I am and I'm not about to change for everyone, I love being who I am. I know how hard it must be to miss your kiddo. I try to facetime with my daughter every couple days and she'll be here for a visit on Sat (YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!) but omg there are times I just break down and cry because I miss her so much. I don't miss Canada as much honestly. But I've been able to decorate our little apartment a little to make it more like "ours" and I find that helps. Once you learn to drive you'll find it helps to get out and about. You can go to the library, to the park, or maybe you guys can get a puppy? It helps to have someone to look after that needs you like that.
Just reassure your husband that despite the fact you miss the UK, you are home now, with him. I had to tell my husband that. I told him that this was one of the few times I've been able to choose where I want to live, and even though I had to give up so much to do it, it should show how much I love him and he should trust in that love. You're going to need more hugs, but hey, hugs are wonderful things

This thread made me laugh about the plans I dreamed about that went awry. If you're in Houston, then you remember Hurricane Ike. I lived on the coast and was under mandatory evacuation. So instead of getting the house all perfect for the homecoming, I was packing up my most valuable treasures to take with me. Then I secured tier 2 valuables that were getting left behind to the upstairs in case of flooding...rolling up expensive rugs, wrapping large pictures in garbage bags in case water came in from a hole in the roof or broken windows. After returning there was no gas, no stores, no internet or air conditioning. There were massive tree limbs, roof shingles, etc to clear out of the yard and the whole refrigerator to empty out and discard.
So my fiance had an accident and broke his collarbone and ribs and needed help packing for the shippers coming in 3 days. He was in an arm sling and in bad pain. I left immediately and stayed the 10 days until his flight. We returned together. The house was filthy and still in disarray from protecting things. The linens were dirty...no washer/dryer with no electricity. Nothing in the refrigerator. Only food was some FEMA handouts like pop-tarts. Fence blown down. The only leak in the house was in his closet and it had gotten smelly and moldy. Yuck! Happy Homecoming...now help me get this place in order!! We managed to put together a great little wedding just 5 days later with about a dozen friends. The town had limped back to life while I was away. Nope. It wasn't what I had in mind, but we've survived beautifully for 3 years (next week) and moved 75 miles north so no more evacuating!