What the most ridiculous thing to happen at your work?

[tom&tata 2]

I work in finance dept & they brought in a new boss - supposedly experience professional with 20+ years of experience.

After 2 months & 2 forecast cycle at the job, he came to one of my colleague & asked her to explain some items in our financial forecast in layman's term. If we pay big bucks for him, we sure want somebody who know what he is doing.

[almaty 19]

well, i got knocked out...

i was in Zuni and got invited to be on the national Indian board on alcohol, and drug abuse..went to a conference for a week in Denver. They had some Indian dancers there..anyway, i ended up getting drunk ..\\with some apaches and my sioux friend on Colfax Ave..and came back to the conference and pick up Miss Fort Hall Res. ..she was young but cute..she ended up staying the whole week with me...but, i had a girlfriend, Fay, in Zuni..and her friend, Famous (Jicarillo apace) called her and told her about my adventures...

so, i return to Zuni had a staff meeting on that monday//the board was there..the senior citizen rep..mental health and chemical dependency staff were present..i was the directer and sat proudly at the head of the long azz conference table...and gave a report on my achievements in Denver..leaving out the miss fort hall part of course..we did our meeting at the end i ask any questions..my girlfriend, Fay, the clinical director had only one...and stood up and made a very bad manner remark about me and about the purity of Miss Ft Hall...she preceded to hit me between the eyes and knocked my cold out...kicked me in the ribs.,.broke 2 of them.//spit on me..and told everyone to get the F##k out...

well, i woke up awhile later..20 minutes according to legend on the floor...and wandered out...with a mild concussion..fay was gone and the staff were amused..of course, fay had a bad temper...later that night, she threw a cinder block through my window..and came in. i ran out the back door..

.....i left town and took some leave for the rest of the week...

she was frisky...

Holy Cow, brother! You think she's over you by now?

no way...i was 28 when i met her and she had just got kicked out of nothern arizona university..for beating up 3 girls in her dorm..it was he 3rd azz kicking she administered that 1st semester of college.....she was the clinical director of Zuni community services, when i arrived....she was my girlfriend 5 1/2 years...

she liked the old ultra-violence and was no one to piss off....i still talk to her weekly..this has been going on for many years.,..cody, my son, visited her prior to going to south korea..she has another son, who is mine, but she denies it....and so cody went to see his step brother..he likes her allot and thinks she is funny... i like her as a friend and always will....she never had another boyfriend, dedicated herself to raising her son...

[Emancipation 2]

I once was witness to a fist fight at work.. a couple of knucklehead employees had it out over he said / he said stuff..

I left the room..

One guy was promptly fired.

[Ephesia 0]

This sales guy who joined the company 5 months ago downloaded and played sound clips from Steve Martin movies at FULL volume one afternoon. He did this just 2 months into the job. Because we work in an open office, that naturally annoyed a lot of us. I yelled at him, and then told on him to the IT Director, who told me to keep an eye out for repeat occurrences because that's grounds for termination.

[Imua 0]

So some idiot in my office has printed their personal bank statement on the communal printer and left it there for the whole world to see. And to make it even better, our resident Turbo Tongue has grabbed it off the printer and is wondering aloud at the charges (including overdrafts) posted to this person's account. It does not take much to amuse us around here.

So lets make each other feel better about our own employment. Please post your recent experiences with co-worker morons. If you do not work, then whichever moron you most recently encountered at the grocery store, library, etc will do. Encounters with USCIS employees do not count.

My co-worker tried to roast chestnuts in the microwave - it smelled like smoke for days afterwards....

Trying to speed up Christmas, eh?

Yep - hey, dimwit, that's not an 'open fire'!!!

[Ban Hammer 12,880]

This sales guy who joined the company 5 months ago downloaded and played sound clips from Steve Martin movies at FULL volume one afternoon. He did this just 2 months into the job. Because we work in an open office, that naturally annoyed a lot of us. I yelled at him, and then told on him to the IT Director, who told me to keep an eye out for repeat occurrences because that's grounds for termination.

that reminds me of the dim bulb downstairs, who turned his computer in for some odd error - and the techs found gay porn on it..........

instant termination.

[Nessa 23]

I wonder how can one explain to their wife they got fired for having gay porn on their comp

[almaty 19]

This sales guy who joined the company 5 months ago downloaded and played sound clips from Steve Martin movies at FULL volume one afternoon. He did this just 2 months into the job. Because we work in an open office, that naturally annoyed a lot of us. I yelled at him, and then told on him to the IT Director, who told me to keep an eye out for repeat occurrences because that's grounds for termination.

that reminds me of the dim bulb downstairs, who turned his computer in for some odd error - and the techs found gay porn on it..........

instant termination.

whoa..that violates so many company rules....

[garya505 2]

Once I was employed but looking for a job, and a recruiter sent my resume to my employer.

What an idiotic recruiter. I assume you had your current job listed, yes?

Shows you the quality - or lack thereof - of this particular recruiter.

Yup. right on the first page.

[Welshcookie 17]

Years ago when I used to do nails, I got this job in a rotation salon (customer just goes to the next avail tech)...anyways, this lady came in and I got her, and I remember all the other girls lookin at me with smirks on their faces, tho I couldn't figure out why.

I worked pinky to thumb, right hand to left. Right before I got to the left thumb, it was pretty much bog standard acrylic fill...and this lady's already mid-sory when she kinda flopped her thumb between my fingers. When I grabbed hold of it, it kinda deflated between my fingers!...all I felt just skin between my two fingers.......SHE HAD NO MIDDLE THUMB BONE! For a second, my brain didn't compute this, cos the end of her thumb had a nail and some sort of bone, but the middle didn't....and while I went to grab hold of her finger and only felt the pressure from my other finger, I was like '####### is going on?' I got dizzy and almost passed out.

No, she didn't warn me. No she never commented. And I had to do an acrylic fill on her thumb nail, and it was like a rock inside an empty balloon. Imagine the trouble tryin to keep her finger still while I was using the drill...it was like flyin around all over the place and the woman was like nothing was out of the ordinary whatsoever.

And all the girls were like 'NEENER!' cos it had happened to them too...and they all purposely slowed down when they saw her come in so it could happen to me. Biotches! hah

This kinda made me feel queasy.....

[Fandango 1,439]

Years ago when I used to do nails, I got this job in a rotation salon (customer just goes to the next avail tech)...anyways, this lady came in and I got her, and I remember all the other girls lookin at me with smirks on their faces, tho I couldn't figure out why.

I worked pinky to thumb, right hand to left. Right before I got to the left thumb, it was pretty much bog standard acrylic fill...and this lady's already mid-sory when she kinda flopped her thumb between my fingers. When I grabbed hold of it, it kinda deflated between my fingers!...all I felt just skin between my two fingers.......SHE HAD NO MIDDLE THUMB BONE! For a second, my brain didn't compute this, cos the end of her thumb had a nail and some sort of bone, but the middle didn't....and while I went to grab hold of her finger and only felt the pressure from my other finger, I was like '####### is going on?' I got dizzy and almost passed out.

No, she didn't warn me. No she never commented. And I had to do an acrylic fill on her thumb nail, and it was like a rock inside an empty balloon. Imagine the trouble tryin to keep her finger still while I was using the drill...it was like flyin around all over the place and the woman was like nothing was out of the ordinary whatsoever.

And all the girls were like 'NEENER!' cos it had happened to them too...and they all purposely slowed down when they saw her come in so it could happen to me. Biotches! hah

This kinda made me feel queasy.....

yeah, even retellin it almost made me throw up a little

I mean like hello? warn a person mebbe? When I get a new hairdresser/shampoo asst/etc...I always warn them about my surgery....I have a weird shaped skull in the back and a Frankenscar that runs from the top of my head to my shoulders (you can't see it when my hair's down)...I don't wanna freak anyone out, so I'm all 'if you're queasy or scars bother you, you need to get someone else' before they touch me.

I mean really! It's basic consideration!

[maggieNomar 0]

I can't really remember - it was more of a van, I guess and down low. After an investigation they figured out the body had been lying there for some time and was decomposed somewhat. The guy claimed he thought he'd run over some trash.

I never went out to look at it (some did) but I'm told that Oil Dry is good for gettin blood out of the pavement

He ran over a cadaver that had been on the road for awhile?

How do you leave a body in the road...'for awhile'???

Gosh, there are so many

Some of have more material than others, but do share

That is to make up for those of us who have NO material, because we work with 2 people.

[yassmine2878 1]

I can't really remember - it was more of a van, I guess and down low. After an investigation they figured out the body had been lying there for some time and was decomposed somewhat. The guy claimed he thought he'd run over some trash.

I never went out to look at it (some did) but I'm told that Oil Dry is good for gettin blood out of the pavement

He ran over a cadaver that had been on the road for awhile?

How do you leave a body in the road...'for awhile'???

Gosh, there are so many

Some of have more material than others, but do share

That is to make up for those of us who have NO material, because we work with 2 people.

You've never run into (or over) and morons? Come now, Maggie.

[Ta Ta 1]

Am a therapeutic massage therapist renting space in a Chiropractors office and sometimes get calls from morons wanting me to

" walk on their stomach blah blah...." I tell them I am a very ethical and reputable therapist and no I don't do that.

Thinking to myself would he want stilettos or combat boots ..........jerks

Wasnt sure if i wanted to comment on what happened to me a few months ago....

right up this alley..

I am Licensed Acupuncturist.. I also do Massage. one day I had this client that I normally do Acupuncture on come in and ask if i could do massage... sure.. i say...

the room is all set.. table ready.. cover sheet ready.. etc.. I tell him to go ahead and get ready.. face down.. cover wrap is there.. he knows the routine... .. I gave him a few minutes.. and knocked.. he says hes ready..

OH MY >>>the damn guy isnt laying face down with the sheet covering himself. but.. actually laying face up.. buttazzz naked... ..

I walked over.. no reaction.. took the sheet he placed on the counter. and asked him to please turn over.. I put the sheet on him.. and proceeded to give him probably one of the deepest tissue massages I have ever done... when I was done.. I simply told him that what he did was uncalled for.. That I am a professional.. and . if he was looking for something else.. it was not to be gotten here.. and next time he wished to have a treatment I would only do Acupuncture .. no more massages for him.. aughhh what a B azzzturd

Job hazzard :lol:

[monnik 0]

Well, I am trying to figure out how to tell this story.

I used to work in a telemarketing office with a lady who was very nice & polite, but a little bit eccentric. i.e., lipstick ring around her mouth, funny shawls & leggings tucked into her socks w/ballet slipper type flats, and LOTS of off-the-wall comments.

Anywho. One of our coworkers quit, and apparently, this lady was obsessed with her because she used to ask me EVERY DAY "Have you heard from her?" "Do you think she's ok?" "Why hasn't she called any of us?" You know... like it's commonplace for ex-employees to come & hang out at your office or call everybody they used to work with and check in.

Back story: our telemarketing screens were able to be monitored by the managers. they could tap into your screen & type you messages while you were on the phone. hosting or whatever it's called. after a few weeks had went by, i tapped (hacked maybe?) into the password for the ghost screen & i used it to talk to my friends in the call center.

One day, I was irritated with the lady. She was telling me weird stuff " I come from a pure blood line..Straight from the blood of Mary." (I guess she meant mother of Jesus, and not her great-great-grandmother somewhere . ) and, of course, she asked about our ex-coworker AGAIN. So, I went into the ghost screen, and typed her a message on her computer...."Hi. It's me, Coworker. I am doing fine. Just wanted to say Hi and I miss everybody at work." I thought it was a good idea at the time.

So, this lady started FLIPPIN out! ok? She jumped out of her seat, started pacing back and forth down the aisles..... talking to herself.... mumbling stuff..... and then the management came to talk to her. She started to get hysterical and I started to feel really bad & guilty.

They tried to calm her down & gave her a week off from work to take a break. They sent her home & then I was called into the office and apologized for what I did. I told them I was sorry. I didn't try to hurt anybody. They had to change their passwords & were annoyed with me, but they didn't fire me.

Anyway, she was supposed to be out of work for a week, but about 2 nights later, she showed up for work..like normal. They started to talk to her & ask her why she came back early, did she feel any better, etc. She started screaming & running around the office & ran into the break room & saying "Help me! They wanna chop my head off! "

Mental Health came & picked her up that night. I was very upset & embarassed. And, that was about the most ridiculous thing that every happened at any job I ever had.

It's a true story, but I still don't think it beats out almaty. That was something special!