Fiance Disapeared !!

[jonkam 0]

Jonkam,

I am writing to you in hopes to ease your worry and offer some comfort in your situation. I too was a victim of a simular situation. Let me describe what happened to me before I offer my first hand knowledge of situations like this. But also keep in mind this happened to me 8 years ago, so things may have changed both legally and operationally.

In 2000, I met a Ukrainian woman on the internet. I traveled to Ukraine and we fell in love. After about a year, I brought her over on a K-1 visa. She was very very impatient to keep the ball moving. We married within 30 days. Within 3 months of her arrival she aquired everything. She got credit, a car financed, a job, SS#, drivers license, etc... And then she had no further use for me and abandoned me.

I felt greatly betrayed and felt she deserved to be deported, but mostly I wanted to make sure my good name was not marred as being part of something that was seemingly fraudulant. I contacted the INS and they told me there was nothing I could do. It would be between her and an immigration court to determine her fate. They also said that I would not be held accountable for this sham as long as I was not tryign to actively abuse the system. i.e. filing for another K-1 within the next few years.

After a couple months she came back. My hurt and anger had cooled and I decided to take a moral high ground. Excuses and explainations we offered and accepted, but I insisted we divorce and after another year of helping her get on her feet, we went our separate ways.

I honestly believe we went into this with good intentions. However, a part of me will always feel like I was used. That being said, the greater truth is she was not the woman for me. That greater truth is what you need to realize also, my friend. This woman is not the woman you will spend the golden days of your life with. This woman is a perfect storm in your heart at the moment, a storm to turn your soul black as thunderclouds. But you will find the one woman that is a constant series of showers that with make the grass of your soul grow green.

There is happy endings to stories like these. I swore I would NEVER EVER go through a K1 visa process again. Yet, 8 years later, a friend introduced me to a woman in Vietnam. I decided I would persue this relationship without the emotional baggage of my past and I have be dealt a massive head wound by cupid's arrow. I find myself in the K1 process again despite my horrible first experience. Of course, the entire circumstances are different this time. I am older and wiser. And she is honest and patient. I feel the experience I got from that bad situation has helped me find the relationship that is my series of showers.

Your experiences sound much worse than what I am currntly experiencing. Thank god you pulled through. I wish you luck with your new SO.

[jonkam 0]

as many others i read the whole thread and im so sorry for you. i admire your strength. did you already have a date set for the wedding? was any of her family coming over? i wish you all the best and i hope you will have closure soon.

x

No date and no family from me or her.

I only planned on having a few friends. That is one positve thing. What if we had a date and I had this huge wedding planned with a hall, caterers, band, etc, and this happened. I hate to even think about it.

[jonkam 0]

Honestly? There might not be another guy, from what I know of my country and it's issues, and from what you've been saying, here and in your posts before this happened, she was REALLY trying to get to the US, and I believe she just wanted to go there, to work, to make money to send home. She tried other visa types and was denied, so she saw the opportunity with a K1, and she's obviously not in it for a GC, as she's fled as soon as she got here, I guess she wanted a way to get to US but defenitly not get married. It seems she doesn't mind working ilegally or staying ilegally.

Yes I got that she really wanted to go to the U.S. The two proir VISA applications stemmed from offres from Sarah and her dececed husband ROY.

As far as working, she has never really had a job. That kind of shocked me. Most people in the U.S. work, men and women, a lot of times because both have to so they can get by. I'm not sure what the culture is in brasil about women and working. I don't know what the statistics are. I thought 2 things. it's her culture or damn she is lazy.

I offered her choices we decided to move forward. I said she could go to school, work or just take care of the house.

She told me she just wanted to be a housewife and have kids. I said, that's fine.

She comes from a family of limited resources. Her brother is the sole breadwinner.

I feel like a idiot (now) cause I used to send money each month so she could do or buy some nice things. She never did ask me for anything, but after we decided to move forward, I just started doing it on my own.

I even offered to continue to help her mother financially after we were married. When I would visit , her mother was always very nice to me.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Jon,

You are just so lucky to find out now before later. Thanks so much for sharing with us your situation. Hopefully, others will learn from your experience.

[justagirl 0]

Jonkam, how old is she?

I think it would be best to call the cops and file her missing. She is missing. Can you prove for example that you talked to the elderly lady and she said that she saw her and her that day? Ok, you have the phone bill to show the call but how can you prove the conversation?

You seem like a good guy. Why you are not good to yourself but only with strangers? Protect your back, man...you only have yourself and whatever you can PROVE.

One more thing....DO go to that lady in Arizona...bring flowers if you have to but explain to Sarah(or whatever her name is) that you are looking for your fiancee. Her husband is dead...wether you're paing a visit or not, bothering Sarah or not, she can not feel any worse that she already feels. So what if you go there? Tell her you were passing by and secided to offer condoleances...or whatever. I think your fiancee might be there bc those people she knows and you know that they are REAL. The boyfriend thing is not REAL...just pure speculation. Don't torture yourself clouding your mind...follow what you know and what you have. THOSE are the real clues.

But DO call the police. What exactly is your reasoning for not doing so? Understand she IS missing.

good luck to you...and don't despair...there are still good girls left out there. Make sure she is MATURE before she is Christian.

[rebeccajo 14]

And so like sands through the hourglass..............

[garya505 2]

Step 1: Report her missing to the police.

You haven't seen her. You only got verbal report from someone who said he saw her (how do you know he's honest about what is going on). You don't know what she is doing or who she is with. If something bad happens to her, YOU will be the first suspect. Cover your butt.

[almaty 19]

I think some of the responses are totally patronizing and/or uncalled for.

OP, I'm sorry for your situation. But try not to take the 'troll' thing too personal....I think people need to justify bad news away as bullsh!t so it doesn't upset them.

disagree.....over-generalization are usual false sister lisa.

[William33 110]

To the OP,

Do the right thing, and hire a competent private investigator, to gather the detailed intel you seek.

From this, you will have the facts you need to proceed.

Best of luck.

[C and J 1]

As others have already said, your fiancee IS missing. You do not have her exact whereabouts, all you have is 3 different stories on her possible location. That certainly sounds like missing to me. I would also not take 3 people's words, especially people that are more aligned to your fiance than to you, at their word on your fiancee's current location. They are close to her so would, potentially, be willing to lie for her because they think they are protecting her.

Be careful. Cover yourself first... file the missing persons report and then go from there. I truly hope that "losing face" is not stopping you from filing that report (I can't see any other logic to stop you from filing it). It might be embarassing to explain this situation to a police officer but, for your own security, you should do it.

The private detective is something to consider, someone impartial that can follow the clues without letting emotions get in the way.

[maya62 7]

With all these posts urging Jon to file a police and/or ICE report to protect himself against false claims of abuse, I am wondering:

Even if she were to claim that he abused her in some way, without having married, nevermind filing for AOS, could she possibly stay and adjust based on that claim of abuse?? I thought they would've had to at least get married...

Curious...

I'm in the camp of those who urge filing a report because if something happens to her, the authorities will come looking for her SO first.

I'm glad to hear you are getting your appetite back, Jon. I agree it's a good sign.

Maya

[diadromous mermaid 36]

With all these posts urging Jon to file a police and/or ICE report to protect himself against false claims of abuse, I am wondering:

Even if she were to claim that he abused her in some way, without having married, nevermind filing for AOS, could she possibly stay and adjust based on that claim of abuse?? I thought they would've had to at least get married...

Curious...

I'm in the camp of those who urge filing a report because if something happens to her, the authorities will come looking for her SO first.

I'm glad to hear you are getting your appetite back, Jon. I agree it's a good sign.

Maya

Yes VAWA requires that the alien be a relative.

[garya505 2]

With all these posts urging Jon to file a police and/or ICE report to protect himself against false claims of abuse, I am wondering:

Even if she were to claim that he abused her in some way, without having married, nevermind filing for AOS, could she possibly stay and adjust based on that claim of abuse?? I thought they would've had to at least get married...

Curious...

I'm in the camp of those who urge filing a report because if something happens to her, the authorities will come looking for her SO first.

I'm glad to hear you are getting your appetite back, Jon. I agree it's a good sign.

Maya

Having been there only 10 days, assuming she didn't report any abuse and wasn't treated for any injuries, i suspect that authorities would be highly skeptical of claims of abuse or violence.

And the other hand, if she turns up unjured or worse after she left, it would be wise for the OP to cover his a$$.

Honestly, from what the OP has told us, i suspect that she doesn't know too much about how US immigration works (or doesn't care), just used him to enter the US, and will be in for some surprizes when she tries to live here illegally.

I kind of like the private investigator idea. Though it would cost a few bucks, it would help to put this case to rest and make it easier for jonkam to pick up the pieces and get on with his life.

Edited August 24, 2007 by garya505

[Jaseball 0]

PI would be useless. Not only would you be paying out the nose, but you have to cover their travel and expenses while they are 'on the case.' He may as well just call the people she knew and tell them he is coming over for a visit himself because he wants to clear the air and find out as much as possible. Or pretend to be a PI and come unannounced and stake out the house, but then he could be considered a stalker.

I've brought up the police report about 5x in this thread and the OP seems to think it isn't a big deal, but it's his life and all you can do on a message board is make suggestions.

[jonkam 0]

Thanks all for your help and concern for my dilema.

I have been feeling a little better. Trying not to think about it. Very difficult to do so. I am doing better. I guess time heals all. I still have not heard anything from her. I have a feeling I never will, so I just have to accept that I will probably never find the TRUTH. Even if she did contact me, there is a strong possibility that she would not be honest.

When someone is placed in asituation like mine, it is impossible to not think about all the "what ifs". Some people have suggested that it was unhealthy to think of these things. I tend to agree. But it is totally unavoidable. I am sure that 99% of the people here would be thinking of different scenarios if this exact situation occured to them. Thank you all for bearing with me and for most of you to be supportive. it has helped.

I will take into consideration filing a missing persons report.

As far as her accusing me of abuse. Unless she did so the first day or two after she left, it could be easily proven that I could NOT have possibly done it. For those of you who have a clue to who I am, I am sure you can understand my logic.

As far as some saying I should hire a PI. I suppose if I had the money to do so, I might consider it. But, even if I did have that kind of money, I doubt I would do so. as far as showing up at Sarah's house. Getting there would be very costly. And honestly, I just don't want to spend more money on this relationship. I am sure that a lot of us know the expense of having a SO in a different country. Now its even more that they raised the fees.

i am sure that I will be able to move on. Totally forgetting will be impossible. i do not think i will carry my emotional baggage with me to my next relationship.

I read the post by the filipino woman. So sad. I do not understand how a man could treat any woman, let alone his pregnant wife, like that. When I read her story. Why do good people always seem to get crapped on. I thought that my situation is rather small compared to her. I wish her luck. My and her story is an example why things take so long.

Anybody know of any nice women "IN" the U.S. I am single again.............

Edited August 24, 2007 by jonkam