My husbands family forced him to divorce me, PLEASE I NEED ADVISE

[vsmtghdy 2]

I am not sure what your husband's religion and culture is? But coming from a Country with diversified culture and religion, I think I can understand his and your situation and I am sorry that this is happening to you.

First of all, the others are right, you need to talk to your husband first and find out what he really wants for his life? What his plans are? Who is more important to him- his family and culture and tradition or you as his wife? If he is still unsure and would not want to cross his family's tradition and wishes, then I think you have to make a difficult decision to let go off him. If both of you decided to work things out (and if he succeeded in his petition to reverse the divorce orders), and proceeds with your visa applications, and this sort of problems (with his family and traditions/culture) will still come up, then what will you or your husband do? The question will be is, if you can live with this being married to him? Because if this is the case, you will have to struggle with his family's tradition/culture while you're married to him.

Since I have some traditions/cultures that I follow, I have to make my husband understand what this means to me and we talk about it and agreed to compromise. So far, he have to problems with it and certainly no problems with my family.

Good Luck! The decision is yours and your (ex)-husband's to make. I know it will be tough to weigh things and decide what will be best for both of you.

[Jamie76 0]

Your husband is a grown man and if he so choses can make his own decisions no matter who disagrees with him.

He had no problem marrying you in the first place so why are the elders having

a problem with it now ?

Is he a fullah ? Muslim ? What is his religious background ?

If he is a Christian it would seem very unusual to be pushed towards a divorce.

There is enough difficulty with the Lagos embassy as it is and to explain this scenario to them will in my opinon cause a big problem. I have never read about

anything like this on VJ.

Sounds to me you are divorced now and no longer qualify for the petition and may have to start all over.

It also sounds like he no longer wishes to be married and has made his choice for whatever reason.

Best wishes and I am sorry you have to go through this after all this time !

That is one of the more important questions in getting to the bottom of this. What is his religious affiliation?

If he's a Christian he is supposed to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

You don't know what your husbands religious affiliation is?

[one2one 0]

i wouldn't waste my time on such a man if a were u to start with. He's an adult and him being forced to divorce you is a flimsy and silly excuse. Should u press ahead with the relationship, i'm as sure as death things won't work out btn u lot.

It's them kinda peeps that give Africans a bad reputation. Why should he toy with ur emotions to start with? I'm sure there too many other fine African brothers out there willing to step in his shoes.

this is classic case of "those who have heads have no hats, and those who have the hats have no heads to done it on."

I pray the good Lord sees u through this ordeal. Honestly if i were u i'd leave his sorry ### to rot in that hell on earth.

"He that findeth a good Wife findeth a good thing",but is he a good Husband????????????

Hi Everyone,

My husbands family forced him to file for a divorce from me, and it was granted yesterday in court in Kubwa Abuja Nigeria. My husband told me even before our marriage that, according to custom and cultural beliefs and that the elders of the family can and do have a say in younger ones lives, can do this.

Yes , my husband did file the divorce papers, but with very much pressure from his elders to do so. He says he can appeal to a higher court and have the divorce reversed.

My question here is, if the higher court does reverse the divorce, will this be a great issue when he goes for his interview for the I-130? Will explination to the consulate of why and what happened be acceptable to them?

Please, i need help and advice here, please.

Also, anyone else that has a spouse or fiance in nigeria, please contact me if you or your spouse or fiance knows anything about the reversal process of a divorce in Nigeria.

My God!!! I can't believe this is happening to us. Please pray all will be ok with us. We have waited over 3 1/2 yrs to finally be together and now after only 5 months of marriage, all this takes place.

Thanks in advance for any help or advise you can offer me.

god bless you all

sandybabe_onuh

[Ta Ta 1]

I am not sure what your husband's religion and culture is? But coming from a Country with diversified culture and religion, I think I can understand his and your situation and I am sorry that this is happening to you.

I disagree and can not understand this happening in the Nigerian culture.

His family and elders seemed to have no problem with the initial marriage. What kind of wedding did you have there ? Was the family involved then ? Do they not understand the long visa process and think you are not following through or abandoned him ?

I would research the culture in depth and ask a lot of questions and would want to speak to his family.

Sometimes what is said to be 'culture' is just an excuse.

It seems he got tired of the long wait and does not want to confront the truth or admit that he

just gave up on the long process so it is easier to say : they forced me and that is my culture.

But I don't know that as fact of course and am only speculating.

Other than his religious background I would ask if his survival depends on his family ?

I have always encountered the opposite of sub-saharan African family, friends, elders...that of great joy and a warm welcome so this seems very odd indeed.

The OP has not posted since her initial post and therefore it is all just speculation.

It is a shame to go through this after all the hard work, expenses and hope for a future together

with someone you love. Very disappointig to say the least.

There is a saying if a man shows you who he is believe him. If someone does not want to be with

you let him go ! You deserve top priority from a man who loves you no matter what.

Be wise to differentiate between 'culture' and his character.

[sj5 4]

He have to choose..You or family

[Sofiyya 1,687]

What's religion got to do with this? The OP said it was about culture.

[eau_xplain 2]

What's religion got to do with this? The OP said it was about culture.

Actually, in countries of multiple religions, there are sub-cultures that prevail within each religious group. This sub-culture often has a stronger influence over a person's values and behavior.

[GOLDEN.247 0]

During the 3 1/2 years it's interesting that the elders disapproval wasn't mentioned. You would think that would have been mentioned/negotiated before the marital vows were completed.

I wish you the best of luck in being strong and going thru this storm as quickly as possible.

[Ngoc-Anh 1]

seems to me that he uses his elder family member to justify HIS decision of filing a divorce. NOBODY can twist his arms to force him filing for divorce!!!

[Minya's wife 24]

Also seems to me the OP must not have liked the comments made in this thread...because she hasn't posted a single reply since starting the thread. I don't see how someone who allows anyone to influence their marital life to this extent would still be "worth" the fight....but that's just me.

-P

[Yodrak 7]

Green-eyed girl,

Many times the two are intertwined.

Yodrak

What's religion got to do with this? The OP said it was about culture.

[John & Annie 0]

It sounds to me like the OP got scammed

[Lovetoteach 53]

I'm so sorry you are going through this ordeal. I can totally empathise. I have lived through aspects of this during my abusive marriage, even to the point of being hit by mother in law whilst my husband watched did nothing and blamed me. It was she who told him never to tell me about being bi-polar, pyshotic and having a schizoid personality. She hated me and the fact I was married to her precious son- well she has him back now and she can keep him.

He took her advice and after almost a year of me and my children suffering mentally, I found out during the divorce

Ultimately there are cultural differences but never, ever again would I marry a man who consistently put his parents views and opinions above those of his own wife

[Jackie&Yosdani 0]

I dont even understand!!

How can this happen without his signature??

if he did sign... I'm sorry but it was ok with him..

[onwa 6]

I know a couple from Ghana, they were both from Ghana who were forced to divorce by the Elders. THey were devestated as they really loved each other. The problem is, if your husband is so deeply entwined in his culture and will follow their advice, in my opinion it does not bode well for a good relationship here in America. Also, I don't think she got scammed, otherwise he would have gotten the divorce after he got the visa, this is definitely a cultural thing. And may not be one that you can overcome.