Muslim and Non Muslim - Family rejection

[123K1 0]

Hi everyone,

We were planning to start our K-1 visa process next year (will submit I-129F next year). But there are few problems occurred and I really need an advise.

Problems as stated below:

• I'm Muslim and my fiance is a Christian. Malaysia is a Islamic country since majority at here (Malaysia) is a Muslim. We (my fiance and I) already had a discussion about this before. And he's agreed to convert to Islam, in order for us to get marry. Which one is better? He convert to Islam before we start the K-1 process? Or after I got my K-1 visa? I'm curious whether this will create a big red flag to our K-1 visa journey?

• I was reading few of the VJ member experience (to be honest, lots!) and there are few of them saying that if the guy proposed during the first time meet each other, it will create a bigger red flag! I hope not, because he proposed to me on our first vacation together.

• Is there any problem if we are not having an engagement ring yet?

• Since he's Non Muslim, my parents seems like rejecting our relationship. My dad gave me two option:

1. Choose him (my fiance), he will let us marry (since in Islam, a girl will need her dad permission and act as "Wali" - someone who has an authority over his daughter and his permission is necessary to make the marriage valid). After we get marry, he doesn't want to know anything about me anymore.
2. Forget him (my fiance), my dad will act like nothing is happen.

My parents know about our relationship before, and they didn't reject him during that time because they thought that we will not be this serious. Furthermore, another reason they are rejected him is because I choose to stay there at States after we get the K-1 Visa. My parents was assuming that I'm throwing my family because I was decided to move to the States. I already explained to them that, I will still visit them and my fiance also promised me that he will ensure that we will always visited my family and friends here in Malaysia. In our plan, I will choose number 1 option, and we will keep trying to build back relationship between my parents and us even after we got married. Just wondering, whether this will affect our K-1 Visa process?

Thank you in advance for all response given.

Edited November 24, 2016 by 123K1

[cyanmavi 101]

Wouldn't your parents approve the relationship if your fiance converted to Islam? That would make the transition easier for you, and your family.

It would also get rid of one of the possible red flags of the relationship when you are applying for the K-1. Therefore I would suggest your fiance convert soon (if he is willing and eager of course).

Also not having an engagement ring is not a problem.

[123K1 0]

Hi Cyanmavi.. Thank you for your reply.. He's ready to convert anytime i want... I already explain this to my parents when they start using religion as one of the problems... I told them he's ready to convert to Islam and willing to learn more about Islam.. But, they still refuse....the option my dad gave to me was after i told them that he(my fiance) will convert to Islam... They can't accept that and they are saying that he will just convert to Islam just because I told him to do so.. In fact, he's the one who make a research about Islam before I told him... The moments i told him about that, his answer made me feel "awww.. He's the one for me".. Because he told me that "i already know about that... Actually i already made a research about that before i proposed you to be my gf before.. I was getting prepared if one day this relationship get serious and we were planning to get marry" ... I told my parents about that... And they still refuse ?

[chrmar 7]

If conversion will take some time, I'd say he convert now since you will only have 90 days to get married from your POE.

As with your parents, I guess time will heal your relationship. They always get soft when they hear that they are having a grandchild.

[123K1 0]

Hi Chrmar, thank you for your reply ? .... Conversion will not take time.. Actually it can settled in one day...

Yeah, i think my parents will get heals by time.. That's why we come out with a decision to continue this relationship... I hope this will not affect our K-1 journey.. Since his parents are okay with this relationship... But, i read that it is better if we can take a picture with my parents and family.. I asked my siblings, all are okay with this relationship... I just hope that picture of us together, pictures of us with my siblings, my bestfriends, co-workers and few of my friends will be enough... ?

[chrmar 7]

Hi Chrmar, thank you for your reply ? .... Conversion will not take time.. Actually it can settled in one day...

Yeah, i think my parents will get heals by time.. That's why we come out with a decision to continue this relationship... I hope this will not affect our K-1 journey.. Since his parents are okay with this relationship... But, i read that it is better if we can take a picture with my parents and family.. I asked my siblings, all are okay with this relationship... I just hope that picture of us together, pictures of us with my siblings, my bestfriends, co-workers and few of my friends will be enough... ?

Oh, ok coz I have a cousin who converted to Islam and she has to take classes and all.

I have sent this to somebody who's her parents are against their relationship too.. Might as well have an idea on what they did. Best of luck!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/600943-unsupportive-familyanyone-else-have-this-problem/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/595917-family-not-agreeing-with-the-relationship/

[123K1 0]

Oh, ok coz I have a cousin who converted to Islam and she has to take classes and all.

I have sent this to somebody who's her parents are against their relationship too.. Might as well have an idea on what they did. Best of luck!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/600943-unsupportive-familyanyone-else-have-this-problem/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/595917-family-not-agreeing-with-the-relationship/

Awwww.. Thanks a lots! ???

[Deagle 508]

Weird, you must be a Sunni. I am muslim and my wife is Christian, we got married and no one converted. It's a personal matter eventually. No one really needs to convert.

[Kastrs 723]

Weird, you must be a Sunni. I am muslim and my wife is Christian, we got married and no one converted. It's a personal matter eventually. No one really needs to convert.

Being from Malaysia I am sure she is Sunni, but that has nothing to do with the situation.

You are a Muslim MAN married to a Christian WOMAN

She is a Muslim WOMAN engaged to a non-Muslim MAN

Oh, ok coz I have a cousin who converted to Islam and she has to take classes and all.

I have sent this to somebody who's her parents are against their relationship too.. Might as well have an idea on what they did. Best of luck!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/600943-unsupportive-familyanyone-else-have-this-problem/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/595917-family-not-agreeing-with-the-relationship/

Speaking from experience, conversion takes 5 minutes, all the time it takes to talk to someone in the Masjid express your interest in converting and say shahada

[BigDaddy28 228]

Hi everyone,

We were planning to start our K-1 visa process next year (will submit I-129F next year). But there are few problems occurred and I really need an advise.

Problems as stated below:

• I'm Muslim and my fiance is a Christian. Malaysia is a Islamic country since majority at here (Malaysia) is a Muslim. We (my fiance and I) already had a discussion about this before. And he's agreed to convert to Islam, in order for us to get marry. Which one is better? He convert to Islam before we start the K-1 process? Or after I got my K-1 visa? I'm curious whether this will create a big red flag to our K-1 visa journey?

• I was reading few of the VJ member experience (to be honest, lots!) and there are few of them saying that if the guy proposed during the first time meet each other, it will create a bigger red flag! I hope not, because he proposed to me on our first vacation together.

• Is there any problem if we are not having an engagement ring yet?

• Since he's Non Muslim, my parents seems like rejecting our relationship. My dad gave me two option:

1. Choose him (my fiance), he will let us marry (since in Islam, a girl will need her dad permission and act as "Wali" - someone who has an authority over his daughter and his permission is necessary to make the marriage valid). After we get marry, he doesn't want to know anything about me anymore.
2. Forget him (my fiance), my dad will act like nothing is happen.

My parents know about our relationship before, and they didn't reject him during that time because they thought that we will not be this serious. Furthermore, another reason they are rejected him is because I choose to stay there at States after we get the K-1 Visa. My parents was assuming that I'm throwing my family because I was decided to move to the States. I already explained to them that, I will still visit them and my fiance also promised me that he will ensure that we will always visited my family and friends here in Malaysia. In our plan, I will choose number 1 option, and we will keep trying to build back relationship between my parents and us even after we got married. Just wondering, whether this will affect our K-1 Visa process?

Thank you in advance for all response given.

Salam Alaikom:

my thoughts to you is to tell your fiance to convert to Islam before getting engaged. Have him convert in front of your dad and mom and have him take permission from your dad to marry you. That way you prove to your family that he has good intentions and he is willing to do what it takes to make you happy and make them happy.

You have to understand you are a gem in your father's eyes and he wants to protect you and wants you to obey God in the right way.

In Islam a muslim man can get married to a christian woman without conversion of the later. However a muslim woman have to be married to a muslim man. I can't go into explaining why because I'm not well educated in that subject but it's not about making a woman lesser than a man by any means. (Islam is about equality between all mankind).

So my advice if your fiance is coming to visit you before applying, have him convert and ask your dad for permission ( trust me that will mean a lot to your dad).

If he cant come before engagement, I would advice you to wait until he comes, ask him to convert, ask your dad for permission, get married and than go for IR1/CR1 instead of K1.

Good luck.

[kareelina 42]

First of all do not lose your relation with your parents , they want the good for you , let your fiance say the Shahada in front of your parents or in front of the Imam , and let them know that he is Muslim before the Creator regardless his inner faith that's between him and our Lord . your family specially your dad has to bless your relationship . Let him convert , then get married and apply for CR1

[123K1 0]

Weird, you must be a Sunni. I am muslim and my wife is Christian, we got married and no one converted. It's a personal matter eventually. No one really needs to convert.

Hi Azzein, Yes, I'm Sunni... And your case is different than mine since, I'm a Muslim woman who is trying to marry a non-Muslim Man (for now)

[123K1 0]

Waalaikumsalam,

Thanks for your reply Silkafi88 I already told my parents about him since the day i start to know him. They didn't reject him during that time. And suddenly now, when I spoke my mind about our plan to get marry and I want to bring him to meet my parents and finally get engaged in the proper way, they are refused to do so. Because they thought this relationship is not a serious relationship before, and now when they know that we are serious, they can't accept it. My parents are more like "if they say A, then it is A" style. I would like him to meet my fiance first before he decided on anything yet. But, when I say that their response was like "I'm a very simple person, if you listen to me.. You are my daughter... if not, you are not my daughter anymore" I was trying to discuss about this lots of time with my parents. The answer i got still the same. I was planning to get married first and then go for IR1/CR1 visa. But, to do that, officially I'm not his daughter anymore

Salam Alaikom:

my thoughts to you is to tell your fiance to convert to Islam before getting engaged. Have him convert in front of your dad and mom and have him take permission from your dad to marry you. That way you prove to your family that he has good intentions and he is willing to do what it takes to make you happy and make them happy.

You have to understand you are a gem in your father's eyes and he wants to protect you and wants you to obey God in the right way.

In Islam a muslim man can get married to a christian woman without conversion of the later. However a muslim woman have to be married to a muslim man. I can't go into explaining why because I'm not well educated in that subject but it's not about making a woman lesser than a man by any means. (Islam is about equality between all mankind).

So my advice if your fiance is coming to visit you before applying, have him convert and ask your dad for permission ( trust me that will mean a lot to your dad).

If he cant come before engagement, I would advice you to wait until he comes, ask him to convert, ask your dad for permission, get married and than go for IR1/CR1 instead of K1.

Good luck.

[123K1 0]

Hi Kareelina, thank you for your reply . Yes, I agreed that they want the best for us (all my siblings and me) . But sometimes, their expectation is very high. They want the perfect man for their daughter and they didn't realize that their daughter is not perfect at all. I'm not planning to lose relationship with my parents at all. Even though we were choosing the first option (continue with this relationship and get out from this house) we will still be trying our best to make a relationship between my parents and us better from time to time. It is difficult to explain about this. Even my older sister still single because my parents keep on rejecting her choice (my sister choose is a local man and born as a Muslim- which supposedly be much more easy than mine).

First of all do not lose your relation with your parents , they want the good for you , let your fiance say the Shahada in front of your parents or in front of the Imam , and let them know that he is Muslim before the Creator regardless his inner faith that's between him and our Lord . your family specially your dad has to bless your relationship . Let him convert , then get married and apply for CR1

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

CO may ask if family approves of marriage at the interview / prepare for this expecially if you are not in photos with them

also, all he has to do is say oath to IMAM but he will need document to say he is muslim

Is he in the same country as your parents?

If so, i suggest he goes to your father and gift to your mother and asks for this permission to marry (taking paper of conversion with him)

He needs to convince them he is honest and not visa shopping and using their daughter

incha allah all will be ok