Need help--physical violence

[Needhelp85 0]

I need some help. I am the USC. My husband came from a Australia on a K-1 in 2013. We got married, had a child, and he applied for ROC in June 2016.

We have been happy but when we have arguments, it always results in him blocking me in the room and forcefully trying to "hug and kiss" me. It's disturbing and scary. I ask him over and over not to touch me, let me go, etc. and he doesn't stop. Today after asking to be let go and feeling trapped, I punched him in the face and bit his tongue when he forecably tried to kiss me.

I'm lost. I have no idea how I got in this type of relationship. Anyone who has been in this situation can you please give me advice?

[JenniferNangel 137]

so your husband hugs you and you consider that physically violent?? Even know you admitted to punching him today ??? Am I reading this right ??

[Ryan H 3,791]

Seek assistance from domestic violence groups, hotlines, etc.

[Ervie and Rob 34]

I'm sorry but I think what you've done to him actually creates more frictions. I understand that you are angry and needed space and I believe, him trying to hug and kiss you is his way of making amends which obviously doesn't work for you. Maybe counselling and meeting in the middle when arguments arise on how you would want him to handle you..And how you would react in case he would choose to kiss and hug again.

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

Do you want to stay with him? If so, I recomend talking to him when things are good, when neither of you is upset, and explain that what he may see as affection is indeed forceful restraint, and could be considered kidnapping and sexual assault. Counselling, for both of you as a couple, may also be a good idea.

[Needhelp85 0]

so your husband hugs you and you consider that physically violent?? Even know you admitted to punching him today ??? Am I reading this right ??

Sorry if I wasn't clear. The "hugs" are basically him restraining me from leaving the room. He's much bigger than me and uses that as a method from preventing me from leaving the room. The "kisses" often involve him grabbing my head. It's aggressive.

I'm sorry but I think what you've done to him actually creates more frictions. I understand that you are angry and needed space and I believe, him trying to hug and kiss you is his way of making amends which obviously doesn't work for you. Maybe counselling and meeting in the middle when arguments arise on how you would want him to handle you..And how you would react in case he would choose to kiss and hug again.

My only option would be to let him grab me and push me around. When he's done, then I could leave the room.

Do you want to stay with him? If so, I recomend talking to him when things are good, when neither of you is upset, and explain that what he may see as affection is indeed forceful restraint, and could be considered kidnapping and sexual assault. Counselling, for both of you as a couple, may also be a good idea.

Thank you. I have tried to explaining that to him--that's it's actually assault if he won't let me go. I've told him explicitly he is hurting me when he so aggressive. Sometimes he grabs and "hugs" me so tightly it's hard to breath. Edited November 19, 2016 by Needhelp85

[Illiria 980]

so your husband hugs you and you consider that physically violent?? Even know you admitted to punching him today ??? Am I reading this right ??

Ffs physically restraining or preventing someone from getting away and forsably hugging them and kissing them even after they say no is assault. He isn't being affectionate, he is being controlling and manipulative so that he can use the same argument you just have to justify imposing his will on her. She was well within her rights to hit and bite him as he was forcing himself on her against her will.

Stop victim blaming and enforcing the ideal that if a man wants it then the woman should just let him have whatever they want.

OP I am sorry that you had to go through this, please contact a woman's shelter and get yourself and your child out of there or call the cops on him. I don't know how it works in your state but in some places philysically preventing someone from leaving a room can be considered kidnapping even in your own home.

My dad does this aggressive hugging thing if my mom has been doing chores all day and he feels ignored and pouts when she tells him not to, it has made me see hugs as something to avoid and only since being with my husband am I more tolerant of them. My dad doesn't do it anywhere near as much since I yelled at him to stop and told him how manipulative it was when I was a teenage after my mom told me how much she hates it.

Edited November 19, 2016 by Illiria

[JenniferNangel 137]

http://www.thehotline.org/

Ok I think the way you said it made it seem like he was giving you a friendly hug trying to calm you down. I'm not sure where you are located but that website is the nation wide domestic violence hotline you will definitely want to reach out to them as a dv survivor from a prior relationship the abuser doesn't change no matter how much he may beg and plead. Also fighting back doesn't help only makes it worse

Hope you get the help you need from your husband

[Ryan H 3,791]

***Three bickering posts removed; immediately cease and desist or thread bans will be imposed.***

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I understand what you are going through i had a ex husband who would do the same. He would lock me in the house so i couldnt leave from outside and he would take the phone with him.

He would also impose himself on me making me do sexual acts i was not comfortable with. He would time me when i would go places....if i was late he would humiliate me hit me what ever he thought was the best punishment.

10 years later i still jump and i am still dealing with trusting people...

No one has the right to force you to do anything. I hope you find a safe ground.

Edited November 19, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[kris&me 572]

so call 911

[slimbolina 48]

I think the OP wants advice not opinions.

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

**** One more post removed. Post constructive advice in a respectful manner, or so not post. ******

[Villanelle 4,121]

I need some help. I am the USC. My husband came from a Australia on a K-1 in 2013. We got married, had a child, and he applied for ROC in June 2016.

We have been happy but when we have arguments, it always results in him blocking me in the room and forcefully trying to "hug and kiss" me. It's disturbing and scary. I ask him over and over not to touch me, let me go, etc. and he doesn't stop. Today after asking to be let go and feeling trapped, I punched him in the face and bit his tongue when he forecably tried to kiss me.

I'm lost. I have no idea how I got in this type of relationship. Anyone who has been in this situation can you please give me advice?

Exactly what kind of advice did you come here seeking? Cause to be honest you have a variety of choices. You gave no indication of what it is you want. If you are looking for users in an online forum to tell you what to do... well, yeah you are pretty lost and confused. I dont mean that sarcastically, just being truthful. We can not tell you what to do. You have to decide that for yourself. So if "advice" means help me make a life decision- well you need to do that on your own. We can tell you what is the correct thing to do, but you know that already. You are a smart woman. You know what is going on is abuse. You know it is wrong. You know you are scared and you want it to stop. You know you do not want your child growing up in that environment. But you need to speak the words and say I need help in getting out of this ABUSIVE relationship/situation... otherwise you are just going to keep getting a mishmosh of garbage responses like try to work it out, go to counseling, dont fight back, maybe you are angering him and hes trying to calm you... Unless you are here looking for 'advice' on how to live peacefully in an abusive relationship or rehabilitate an abusive spouse?? In which case I read it wrong...

[Caykay1 71]

It's a cultural thing. My husband does it when I'm upset. They mostly try to hug you to soften you up and sometimes kiss you to show they're sorry. At least that's what we know. It's a way to tell you to call down