Regret bringing spouse to the US...horrible marriage!

[cokelili 3]

I married my spouse in May of 2013, I immediately filed for him to come to the US. I spent approximately $6,000 on lawyer fees, travel expenses etc. he arrived to the US the last week of January 2015 by mid February I saw signs of abuse (verbal). Since January to now September 2015, I have encountered lots of verbal abuse from this man, he's very hot tempered, he's disrespectful to my 9 year old grand daughter everything seems to get him upset (ex. turning on the bedroom light to look for my earrings while he's asleep) yet I pay the mortgage, the car payments, all the bills etc. he has no responsibilities, yet he's always stressed and upset. He's not physically abused but I see it coming. Also, if someone makes him mad, he has a habit of saying that he's going to shoot or chop them into pieces. Anyway, he has not been physically abusive to me, at least not yet but he knows when he does the cops will be called immediately at least if I live to dial 911.

I would rather be single that to be in such a horrible marriage. I've accomplished so much for myself to have someone come into my life and bring me down this way. I'm very attractive woman (not bragging) but I'm saying this because I don't want anyone to think that I'm insecure and have low self esteem therefore I'm putting up with this man's foolishness, that's not it at all. I've tried to save the marriage but now I've realized this is not a marriage and it's time for me to get out. I'm ready for a divorce but first I need to get this man out of my house but I really don't know where to begin. I feel if I kick him out, he will then physically hurt me.

To those who have filed for a spouse please be sure you take the time to know the person well, if you can, conduct a thorough background check. Though a background check is not guaranteed, it helps. I can go on and on but I don't want to bore anyone, I'm desperately ready to get out of this marriage.

Can someone please give me a little advise!

Thanks

[Ontarkie 13,918]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes, from IR1/CR1 - as this is no longer about the visa process and similar topics are discussed here.~~

[Unchained 37]

I married my spouse in May of 2013, I immediately filed for him to come to the US. I spent approximately $6,000 on lawyer fees, travel expenses etc. he arrived to the US the last week of January 2015 by mid February I saw signs of abuse (verbal). Since January to now September 2015, I have encountered lots of verbal abuse from this man, he's very hot tempered, he's disrespectful to my 9 year old grand daughter everything seems to get him upset (ex. turning on the bedroom light to look for my earrings while he's asleep) yet I pay the mortgage, the car payments, all the bills etc. he has no responsibilities, yet he's always stressed and upset. He's not physically abused but I see it coming. Also, if someone makes him mad, he has a habit of saying that he's going to shoot or chop them into pieces. Anyway, he has not been physically abusive to me, at least not yet but he knows when he does the cops will be called immediately at least if I live to dial 911.

I would rather be single that to be in such a horrible marriage. I've accomplished so much for myself to have someone come into my life and bring me down this way. I'm very attractive woman (not bragging) but I'm saying this because I don't want anyone to think that I'm insecure and have low self esteem therefore I'm putting up with this man's foolishness, that's not it at all. I've tried to save the marriage but now I've realized this is not a marriage and it's time for me to get out. I'm ready for a divorce but first I need to get this man out of my house but I really don't know where to begin. I feel if I kick him out, he will then physically hurt me.

To those who have filed for a spouse please be sure you take the time to know the person well, if you can, conduct a thorough background check. Though a background check is not guaranteed, it helps. I can go on and on but I don't want to bore anyone, I'm desperately ready to get out of this marriage.

Can someone please give me a little advise!

Thanks

I am sorry to hear this.

You have come to the right forum. Just be patient vjers are on their way. They'll tell you exactly what to do. I am inexperienced and cannot advice u but hang in there.

[Gorkhali 213]

Feeling bad for you. Don't know much about it but I guess some senior will shine some light and help u

[Carla V 43]

Check the family law in your state, and check if You can call the sheriff department, cops, to witness him leaving because you are worry about him being able to physically hurt you

I would call my law enforcement department and check if that option exist, because those words are a threat and if he might be violent towards you or any family member its maybe the best route... if it indeed exist, be sure you change locks that same day and check also if you can file a restraining order

[ZaakirahM 28]

Have you both gotten to have a talk and sit down as to what is bothering each of you?

From what I read, he became this way once he arrived into the states.

If he does not have any manly responsibilities, what is he doing for you?

Maybe that is the root of his problem.

But have you both talked about how you each feel?

[S_R 148]

File for a divorce if you have exhausted all avenues for reconciliation. You can also file for a restraining order if you fear for your safety. A background check doesn't tell us about mood swings or tantrums that is why people should use the USCIS/embassy processing delays to actually visit (multiple times if financially possible) intending partners and cohabit with these folks for an extended period. Face-booking and skyping is cute but cohabitation is where the rubber meets the road. I hope you are aware that your obligation under i-864 doesn't terminate with a divorce. Good luck in your future endeavor.

[Dave&Roza 748]

This is a life decision about whether you want to save the marriage or get a divorce. This has nothing to do with his immigration journey nor should you worry about that--it is his responsibility. If you decide to get a divorce, then do so. If you are worried about him physically abusing you should you go the divorce route, then you need to make certain you take all the necessary precautions to protect yourself. Maybe you need to move out to a location he does not know where you are living. Maybe you have to sell the house to accomplish this.

I wish you the best,

Dave

[Boiler 43,462]

Is there an immigration question?

[Jawaree 717]

Seem there is no immigration issue, but you can ask a question in the forum what can be done

I say stop by your local police station ask them if he can be taped making terroristic threats about

about chopping & shooting folks along with the verbal abuse in the home with a minor, If

its okay to tape him do so smartly and have him removed from the home by the cops since the child

is not in a safe environment, then take out a RO an file for a divorce.

I hope many read this ...take time to know a person, I still cant wrap my head around ppl getting marry

after meeting once (not saying you did) I hope you did not put his name on your home on car titles

let him move on, love dont live there anymore...You will find someone else.

If he's not into working he is a financial responsibility of yours even after divorce, but verbal abuse leads to

other abuses so don't take that chance, you don't have to sell your home you just have to be firm , put an alarm

in, & stay in touch with your local police...if he'll harm you then with or without him you are not safe

Edited September 21, 2015 by Jawaree

[raven52 233]

It would seem this is a bad deal for you and family.

I would seek out a consultation with a good attorney, some people are not who they seem, until here and married, then things change.

Somehow I fear for you and you child. Beware.

[calain0425 2]

I married my spouse in May of 2013, I immediately filed for him to come to the US. I spent approximately $6,000 on lawyer fees, travel expenses etc. he arrived to the US the last week of January 2015 by mid February I saw signs of abuse (verbal). Since January to now September 2015, I have encountered lots of verbal abuse from this man, he's very hot tempered, he's disrespectful to my 9 year old grand daughter everything seems to get him upset (ex. turning on the bedroom light to look for my earrings while he's asleep) yet I pay the mortgage, the car payments, all the bills etc. he has no responsibilities, yet he's always stressed and upset. He's not physically abused but I see it coming. Also, if someone makes him mad, he has a habit of saying that he's going to shoot or chop them into pieces. Anyway, he has not been physically abusive to me, at least not yet but he knows when he does the cops will be called immediately at least if I live to dial 911.

I would rather be single that to be in such a horrible marriage. I've accomplished so much for myself to have someone come into my life and bring me down this way. I'm very attractive woman (not bragging) but I'm saying this because I don't want anyone to think that I'm insecure and have low self esteem therefore I'm putting up with this man's foolishness, that's not it at all. I've tried to save the marriage but now I've realized this is not a marriage and it's time for me to get out. I'm ready for a divorce but first I need to get this man out of my house but I really don't know where to begin. I feel if I kick him out, he will then physically hurt me.

To those who have filed for a spouse please be sure you take the time to know the person well, if you can, conduct a thorough background check. Though a background check is not guaranteed, it helps. I can go on and on but I don't want to bore anyone, I'm desperately ready to get out of this marriage.

Can someone please give me a little advise!

Thanks

first of all if there is a child in the house first thing you need to do is take the child OUT of the house, if there is ever a domestic violence issue law enforcement will call DCFS, dept of child welfare services, and if ur grandchild is in the house at the time of the abuse, they WILL take away your grandchild from her parents for failing to protect the child, and that is a whole can of worms to clean up.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

first of all if there is a child in the house first thing you need to do is take the child OUT of the house, if there is ever a domestic violence issue law enforcement will call DCFS, dept of child welfare services, and if ur grandchild is in the house at the time of the abuse, they WILL take away your grandchild from her parents for failing to protect the child, and that is a whole can of worms to clean up.

Not necessarily. They may just say that the abuser must leave from personal experience

[deleted this acco 44]

why doesn't he have any responsibility? he doesn't work and you are paying for him to abuse you?

[lbreal1 16]

If it is that serious then you should file a restraining order and have him serve with the order. Have you try to go for marriage counseling? Are you guys Christians? If you are maybe you should talk to your pastor or other spiritual advisor/elders in the church. I know some times if men are not the bread winners in the marriage they will feel inferior and frustrated and they tend to mask that by resorting to abusive behaviors. He might also just going through an adjustment period. Couple counseling might help.