Disappointed....homesick already

[Soup Dragon 104]

Hello

I can't quite believe I am writing this but anyway....

I arrived not less than a week ago and already I feel very homesick.

I don't know why but I feel trapped and claustrophobic. I made a big move from the UK to Germany almost two years ago and I adjusted well, even though I had hardly spent any time there previously. I spent my life in the UK by the coast and the countryside and in Germany the countryside and I was able to drive home to the UK pretty much whenever I wanted. There is no sea or countryside here, I can't go for a walk into town, sit at a street café, go to a park. The strange thing is I have been to the US many times and have spent long periods of time here so know how everything is/works but now everything seems so different. I realise that this is not a holiday but I never expected to feel like this at all.

I'm beginning to feel like I've made a mistake coming here and I don't know what to do.

Has anybody else felt like this after such a short time in the US?

[JohnR! 5,495]

Only you can know what you're feeling and what you want to do next. Since you're married I would urge you to discuss this with your spouse. Consider that as a retired Army officer's wife chances are you can get on a transport and visit Europe virtually for free any time you want.

Good luck.

[Cody and Daisy 373]

When we move we can sometimes be under the influence of a holiday.

We've been there before we know the place, we had fun, so we think that moving there would be no different.

But for the most part it is, it's a huge step up routing your life and moving, mindset that it would just be like your holidays but hen you realise it isn't.

Don't feel bad that you feel like this, and your partner might not understand, my husband doesn't, and that's because he's never had to do it, he's never moved countries and given up his life for one person.

It's a very hard thing to do.

Be proud that you made that commitment and give it time, it can take a while to feel at home, especially when you know no one, have no job, can't get anywhere by yourself.

Just know that it will change, you'll start to build a life up for yourself here too.

It's hard and scary and you may get depressed, I certainly have, especially sky ping with my family at Christmas, and now it's almost been a year since I've seen them, but it's starting to feel better.

Just give it time and you'll find your place.

[vanity08 66]

that is the problem am contemplation now, i move from Amsterdam(holland) to UK years a go and i was fine, free movement etc. but now thinking of moving to USA, is so scary. i really understand how you feel, because in UK you can go for a walk, take a bus etc. please try and find something to occupy yoursef. talk more with hubby and let him, maybe you can come home for some holiday.

[Marco&Bettina 502]

Sound advice being offered in this thread. So I won't veer much from it. I will only add to keep your spouse involved in your feelings. Don't be afraid to express your feelings to him. You can't change how you feel. Neither can he. But he can help you cope, if you let him. It's a transition that you have to make. He can merely help you. That will strengthen your bond to each other.

[Ontarkie 14,273]

~~Moved to Moving to the US and Your New Life in America from General Immigration Discussion~~

[Boiler 45,657]

Move to Colorado.

We do not have a sea, we have lakes.

But we have all the other things you mention.

[Soup Dragon 104]

Thanks everyone. Always nice to know I'm not alone!

Boiler, funnily enough I mentioned Colorado to my husband...as a ski fanatic I know I would feel right at home there!

[Boiler 45,657]

Last one closed for the season last Friday.

[Soup Dragon 104]

LOL Yes I saw, but hey I might make it to next season! :-)

[HeandI 48]

I can understand the way you are feeling. Coming from Jamaica where I can easily take walks to the beach or sit outside most of the days when I home, its very green and the air is so fresh. I am now in this huge city with 2 trees per block lol alot to do but much more of a night life. America is very fast pace environment and I think people who enjoys it most are the younger youths, retired or the people who are not working. Its really hard to explore and be adventurous when you are not familiar with the area also, I was feeling homesick in just 3 days after arriving but once I started going by myself few time after going with my husband, I am now able to find my way around, so now i find myself going out alone every other day, even just to the grocery store. I hope you and you spouse will plan on things you can do, but I know once you start making friends, you will be getting out and doing so much.

[hanniel 41]

Hello

I can't quite believe I am writing this but anyway....

I arrived not less than a week ago and already I feel very homesick.

I don't know why but I feel trapped and claustrophobic. I made a big move from the UK to Germany almost two years ago and I adjusted well, even though I had hardly spent any time there previously. I spent my life in the UK by the coast and the countryside and in Germany the countryside and I was able to drive home to the UK pretty much whenever I wanted. There is no sea or countryside here, I can't go for a walk into town, sit at a street café, go to a park. The strange thing is I have been to the US many times and have spent long periods of time here so know how everything is/works but now everything seems so different. I realise that this is not a holiday but I never expected to feel like this at all.

I'm beginning to feel like I've made a mistake coming here and I don't know what to do.

Has anybody else felt like this after such a short time in the US?

It has been one week. lol. you didn't make a mistake. everything you are feeling is normal. the generally rule of thumb is that it takes about 2-3 years for a new place to start to feel like home. If after that time you still have those feelings, well it may be a permanent thing.

Edited June 16, 2015 by hanniel

[Unidentified 2,930]

Moving is a big step and can be overwhelming. I also remember how it felt like coming from a country with forest and lake everywhere and ended up in a city where closest thing to a forest was a fake one in a park... This was while I was an au pair and thankfully my fiance lives in a small city not far from it with forest and lakes (lake is man-made but oh well, can't get everything you want apparently )

Do you have any possibility to get away and actually go see a lake or some kind of big body of water? I'm not super familiar with Michigan so not sure if you're closed to anything. Countryside?

Talk to your husband! Get out and try to come up with fun things to do to get your mind of off things. Try to get back to that feeling you had when you were there on vacation.

I'm sure it wasn't a mistake. It's a big move, a big change and you probably just feel overwhelmed. It will be okay

[carocaro 22]

There's a lot to be said for the 2-3 years (and I'm sure that sounds like *forever* when you're feeling low). I think it is all rather anti-climactic when process is finally all over, and you're here--reality sinks in with "so this is what real life is going to be like? I don't know if I like this country...". Hang in there for one day at a time, giving each day positive thoughts -- try your best to make some little roots in the community. One day at a time. Think positively and know a lot (maybe most?) of us have gone through exactly what you describe. For sure talk to your spouse about being homesick. Don't try and do it alone.

Caro

[Cathi 5,769]

It is totally understandable, you moved from everything you knew and loved. It's only been a week and you need to give yourself more time to adjust. Some people, my husband for instance, adjust quickly, others not so much. Perhaps getting your drivers license will help so you don't feel so trapped and you will be able to come and go as you please. My husband got his license almost immediately and the freedom of driving helped him a lot.