Wife has maintained relationship with P.I. boyfriend, what can I do?

[blest.but.strest 50]

I agree. Call the dogpound to pick her up.

LOL

[Umka36 781]

As others have said. If she is willing to go, I would do whatever it takes to get her and the dog tickets back to her home country. It's cheaper in the long run than giving her more time to think about/analyze the situation . I personally would borrow or use a CC, and just pay minimum balance than prolonging this. You have an easy way out, and should take advantage of it.

[ExPatty 502]

Next up false accusations of domestic violence are a real possibility. You need to record everything now, obsessively, whether it's on your phone or you buy a security camera or something. Get her out of the house immediately. The dogs aren't your concern. She has taken you for a ride and the fact you still feel guilt over those tells me you don't yet realize how ridiculous this all looks from the outside. The writing was on the wall from the get go, but you ignored it. You still are.

I'm quite serious about recording everything. Get a Dropcam immediately and set it up in your living room "to record burglars" or whatever the heck your excuse has to be. If it is ever turned off record video on your phone of your existence in the house until you can turn it back on. You are one bad accusation away from a permanent record at this point. You have not taken this seriously and you need to.

[Thomas&Cleofe 358]

Next up false accusations of domestic violence are a real possibility. You need to record everything now, obsessively, whether it's on your phone or you buy a security camera or something. Get her out of the house immediately. The dogs aren't your concern. She has taken you for a ride and the fact you still feel guilt over those tells me you don't yet realize how ridiculous this all looks from the outside. The writing was on the wall from the get go, but you ignored it. You still are.

I'm quite serious about recording everything. Get a Dropcam immediately and set it up in your living room "to record burglars" or whatever the heck your excuse has to be. If it is ever turned off record video on your phone of your existence in the house until you can turn it back on. You are one bad accusation away from a permanent record at this point. You have not taken this seriously and you need to.

You are correct....his situation is very serious.

However, he cannot evict her from the house.....that is her residence and it is illegal to evict her.

[Jo Së 200]

RUUUUN!!

She cheated while dating and while married, she can't be trusted, period. The ex was a good man by really showing you and helping you see who she really is, sound like she is obsessed with the guy. Start the divorce asap, definitely no AOS.

[tonyb919 107]

I agree. Call the dogpound to pick her up.

[tuck4x4 19]

I hear all of these, but the difficulty is this:

a) she will not willingly leave without the dogs

b) It will take me months to save for the tickets, i do not have anyone to borrow from. I pay child support for my 15 year old and even though I make enough to support my family as is, there is no extra.

c) I cannot pay 2 rents so cannot move out. Her friends will no longer take her.

d) I am very aware of VAWA and am scared because I've never seen someone who gets as angry as her, and as funny as it sounds, I have been hit 4 or 5 times by this 4'10" 97 lb'r. she has gotten so angry in the car that she tried to throw her cell out the window. I was faster with the window switch when I realized what she was doing and it bounced onto the floor. I am scared of her damaging property. Also, I cannot lock my bedroom door.

She is now messaging me telling me she needs/wants counseling, but not Christian counseling. (she does claim to be christian). She will only go to a professional, accredited marriage counselor.

And to get this off of my chest: Her family hates me now. When I was there we all had great relationships.

Her mom has been expecting Merlan to support her but because we have delayed so long in getting the SSN she has not been sending money home. She has told her sister and aunt, who live in Japan, and her mother in Manila, that I have not allowed her to work so she cannot contribute.

Her sister has gone so far as to tell her that she is no longer welcome if she is not willing and able to help her support their mom. Her sister thinks she has become americanized and just enjoys living a fun life too much to pitch in and she is having to pay for it all herself. They have really made her life hard. Instead of telling her family the truth, she tells them its my fault. I haven't felt very sorry for her Mom because she knew my wife was cheating on me the whole time. They lived together.

I honestly thought that I was one of the smart guys who, instead of meeting some random lady online and importing a relationship, I met and dated someone in person for a long time before starting the process. I lose.

[VOL 425]

Marriage Counseling will only delay the inevitable.

You need to end this marriage now

I promise you, If you go to a marriage counselor you will be in the in same in boat in a few month or year

This is one you need to get out of your life, and if you can stop the AOS that would be a good starting point, or let her adjust and divorce her..

[rinimina 7]

Get a hold of USCIS asap and let them know about what is happening including all the screenshots and such from her boyfriend. They can withdraw the application immediately so she won't be able to adjust her status. Best luck to you!

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Marriage Counseling will only delay the inevitable.

You need to end this marriage now

I promise you, If you go to a marriage counselor you will be in the in same in boat in a few month or year

This is one you need to get out of your life, and if you can stop the AOS that would be a good starting point, or let her adjust and divorce her..

Why would the OP be so dumb to help her adjust status now?

The I-864 affidavit is enforceable until specific conditions are met:

1. The immigrant becomes a US citizen.

2. The immigrant loses their permanent resident status and leaves the United States.

3. The immigrant can be credited with 40 quarters of work credits via Social Security.

4. Either the immigrant or the sponsor dies (the sponsor's estate can be levied for prior liabilities).

[tuck4x4 19]

Just read the I-864 info. that is scary.

[Umka36 781]

Unfortunately OP, you ignored some red flags during your relationship and now have to deal with the fallout. Withdraw the I-864, and again find a way to pay for the airline tickets (including the dogs) if she is still willing to leave on those terms. Other than that there's not much else I can add, good luck.

[CowBoE 429]

Sorry to hear the story.

Her heart desires ex-boyfriend, and her head (at times) desires living in America,

and you are neither in her heart of head.

Her marriage counseling suggestion is only a tactic to stall the time,

so that she can get the green card...it's pretty obvious.

You deserve happiness, and sometime it costs to get there.

File for divorce, stop the AOS, and get her out of your life ASAP.

[blest.but.strest 50]

Just read the I-864 info. that is scary.

There are almost no chances of saving your marriage so get the money and save yourself.

You can either do something about your situation now while it's somewhat simple OR let the complications pile up and spend wayyy more money, sweat and tears later on.

Edited March 11, 2015 by blest.but.strest

[NikLR 13,220]

Whatever you choose to do, don't be alone with her. In my opinion you should pull the I-864, move in with a friend, and start the divorce proceedings. You had a lot of red flags you chose to ignore. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Best of luck to you in the future.

Edited March 11, 2015 by NLR