HELP, domestic violence, verbal abuse

[Sarah Waters 0]

I entered the States 3 years ago and my now husband has always been abusive to me.
I have a 12 year old daughter and we have a son together who just turned 2 a few days ago.

At first he would order me not to mention my daughter's father or he would throw a fit that many times ended with him throwing all my belongings around the apartment.
He would leave for work (night shifts) and set a password on the computer or take out the internet and things like that.
His mother has always been disrespectful and rude to me and he would do nothing, on the contrary, he would side with her when we argue and mock me saying that I deserve what she said or did to me... like a few days ago, when his family didn't show up at our toddlers birthday party that I wasn't in the mood to do and he insisted so I had to prepare everything by myself for the Adams family to stood us up.
I have tolerated all types of things from them, from her coming to shower here without consulting me, demanding that I cook for her, making fun of my breasts, my hair, my weight, telling my daughter that the three wise men weren't real, saying that people from my country were trash and the list would never end. His brother hides when I have visited and has texted him not to bring me to their house.
I have a few picture of bruises and my daughter who can talk about all that she has seen... but that is it.
I am sure that there is something wrong with him mentally and I fear for how this might end up...
He has never helped me with our child, he doesn't pay attention to him, just a few minutes a day even tho he only works 4 days a week. He spends all of this free time sitting on the computer or the tv playing video-games. ALL OF IT. Like he doesn't even sit at the table to eat and he eats right out of the plate without using silverware. He showers every week or 10 days, his underwear smells like urine all the time and his side of the bed since he doesn't even change it for that time.
He pees on the bathroom sink leaving it unusable and brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink. He is constantly washing his mouth because of the "germs" that are everywhere... he won't pick a thing from the floor because they are dirty so I have to pick everything he drops.
He clogs the toilet and leaves it there for me to take care of. I left the bedroom's bathroom for him and share the other one with my daughter.
He makes all kind of weird searches on google about average body measurements, poop, hating having to work, "my wife is a ######", and so on, but recently he just searched that the devil talked to him in his sleep...

This hasn't stop but gotten worst at the point that he made a scene yelling at me and insulting me while spitting on the carpet because he couldn't find candy that my daughter gave him out of what she got for Halloween. This was just after he had throw a fit to her about how little candy she gave him and asked me about where it was like if he was a preschooler. He even texted her that she had given him "#######" and that she had x quantity of chocolate, like if the candy belonged to him or something.

I don't have a say here about anything. He would decide where and when things are done...

My daughter and I are very frustrated because since he spends all day here she can't bring a friend because he would complain about it. He doesn't want us to open the blinds, so we have to live like in a cave... we never go anywhere, never do anything, he doesn't spend time with us, nothing.

This will give you an idea about how things are around here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/117802-what-fair.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/146290-simple-question.html

My question is, what is the smart or convenient thing to do? I have no money or where to go, I don't even know my way around or how to drive. I still don't have my green card and my son was just diagnosed with autism so I want to be able to take care of him and don't want to make him or my daughter go through anymore of this...
I have been advised to go to a women's shelter and also to call the police on him so they get him out of the house with a restraining order, but what good will that do if I don't have money to pay the rent?
What can I do? Is there anyone that has gone through this that can give me advice???

Edited November 2, 2014 by Sarah Waters

[E-N 48]

I am so so sorry to hear of this. I have never been in such situation and to me it sounds quite grave. If your husband finds out that you are online telling such details the situation can grow much more grave . Seeing that I'm sure funds have been controlled solely by him I would say talk to a neighbor you can confide in to get help. Google the nearest police station, take your two children and show up at their door step even if by foot .

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Locate Catholic Services, or call a catholic church in your area. Walk there if need be. They will help you.

[E-N 48]

Very good recommendation.

Tread water silently and carefully as you don't know what they are capable of. Kill them with kindness while you do your investigative work on the side.

[Lucky2Lucky 2,526]

That's definitely not normal and no one should have to go through that abuse especially children, you need to get out especially for your children's sake. Go to the police, find a church, leave when your husband is not at home bring your children with you , please.

[Sandra G. 5,051]

First of all find TODAY a shelter, and leave the house with your children.Do not tell him anything.Gather all your documents,your children documents,if you have copy of his birth certificate or passport take a copy as well.DO NOT TAKE HIS PASSPORT OK,just a copy.

If you are able to use the phone call the National violence hotline 1.800.799.7233,they will tell you where to go.Be careful if you will use his cellphone to call the domestic violence hotline.If you can't use a phone,or don't have money to leave the house then go to the neighbor;s house and ask the person to call 911, and when the cops arrive tell them about the abuse and ask them to take you to a shelter for victims of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.Make sure they fill out a police report regarding the abuse you are enduring.

If you have your own cell phone then after leaving the house DO NOT ANSWER his calls anymore,do not answer his emails, do not post in Facebook where are you staying.The shelter will help you,they will provide some counseling for you. Make sure the shelter will take you to the court to get a restraining order against him ok,or ask a friend to go with you there.

Contact me through private message here and I may help you filing your Vawa case without any charge.I am an attorney and a domestic violence advocate.Please leave the house today.Do not stay one single day more enduring abuse.

Edited November 2, 2014 by sandranj

[Sarah Waters 0]

I just contacted everywhere I could... seems I need to report the abuse for the shelter to take me in...

Also seems I need to report the abuse so the cops can keep him away from the house so I can gather my things and call the shelters for information and such.

I am so tired... so tired...
I don't want to just run away and leave everything behind like some kind of criminal... I need at least to be able to gather our documents and things in a civilized manner, contact the shelters and apply to their program and leave in the least traumatizing way for my kids, specially my 12 year old.

Not sure on how to proceed for this.
I will call tomorrow to get orientation on the restraining order...

[Sandra G. 5,051]

Sarah you don't have to report to the police in order for the shelter to take you in you ,even victims of mental abuse are accepted in shelters,of course is advised to report any abuse to the police,but you can seek shelter today even without going to the police.If you fear for your life file a restraining order as well.

Edited November 2, 2014 by sandranj

[Pianist27 31]

Running away and leaving everything behind is not being a "criminal," that is protecting yourself and your children. There may be an immigrant support group in your area focused on your country or region of origin, I would try to find out. Just do so discreetly, not on your home computer. Most public libraries have internet access, you could use one there.

[icv21 110]

LEAVE!!!! This man may have some kind of skizofrenia or mental issue.

Go to a church they will help you, stay in a shelter they will support you, contact the police once you get in the shelter.

Leave one of the days he is at work to avoid something bad.

Do it for your kids, this is not good for them, this can create issues in their personalities, don't allow this anymore! He won't change but will get worse........ If you stay you can regret it in the future when something really bad happens.

I wouldn't stay in the house getting a restraining order I would go somewhere where there is more people and he can't find you

[fedrand 5]

I entered the States 3 years ago and my now husband has always been abusive to me.

I have a 12 year old daughter and we have a son together who just turned 2 a few days ago.

At first he would order me not to mention my daughter's father or he would throw a fit that many times ended with him throwing all my belongings around the apartment.

He would leave for work (night shifts) and set a password on the computer or take out the internet and things like that.

His mother has always been disrespectful and rude to me and he would do nothing, on the contrary, he would side with her when we argue and mock me saying that I deserve what she said or did to me... like a few days ago, when his family didn't show up at our toddlers birthday party that I wasn't in the mood to do and he insisted so I had to prepare everything by myself for the Adams family to stood us up.

I have tolerated all types of things from them, from her coming to shower here without consulting me, demanding that I cook for her, making fun of my breasts, my hair, my weight, telling my daughter that the three wise men weren't real, saying that people from my country were trash and the list would never end. His brother hides when I have visited and has texted him not to bring me to their house.

I have a few picture of bruises and my daughter who can talk about all that she has seen... but that is it.

I am sure that there is something wrong with him mentally and I fear for how this might end up...

He has never helped me with our child, he doesn't pay attention to him, just a few minutes a day even tho he only works 4 days a week. He spends all of this free time sitting on the computer or the tv playing video-games. ALL OF IT. Like he doesn't even sit at the table to eat and he eats right out of the plate without using silverware. He showers every week or 10 days, his underwear smells like urine all the time and his side of the bed since he doesn't even change it for that time.

He pees on the bathroom sink leaving it unusable and brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink. He is constantly washing his mouth because of the "germs" that are everywhere... he won't pick a thing from the floor because they are dirty so I have to pick everything he drops.

He clogs the toilet and leaves it there for me to take care of. I left the bedroom's bathroom for him and share the other one with my daughter.

He makes all kind of weird searches on google about average body measurements, poop, hating having to work, "my wife is a ######", and so on, but recently he just searched that the devil talked to him in his sleep...

This hasn't stop but gotten worst at the point that he made a scene yelling at me and insulting me while spitting on the carpet because he couldn't find candy that my daughter gave him out of what she got for Halloween. This was just after he had throw a fit to her about how little candy she gave him and asked me about where it was like if he was a preschooler. He even texted her that she had given him "#######" and that she had x quantity of chocolate, like if the candy belonged to him or something.

I don't have a say here about anything. He would decide where and when things are done...

My daughter and I are very frustrated because since he spends all day here she can't bring a friend because he would complain about it. He doesn't want us to open the blinds, so we have to live like in a cave... we never go anywhere, never do anything, he doesn't spend time with us, nothing.

This will give you an idea about how things are around here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/117802-what-fair.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/146290-simple-question.html

My question is, what is the smart or convenient thing to do? I have no money or where to go, I don't even know my way around or how to drive. I still don't have my green card and my son was just diagnosed with autism so I want to be able to take care of him and don't want to make him or my daughter go through anymore of this...

I have been advised to go to a women's shelter and also to call the police on him so they get him out of the house with a restraining order, but what good will that do if I don't have money to pay the rent?

What can I do? Is there anyone that has gone through this that can give me advice???

First off silence does nothing hence for you can report him to the authorities for acting like that towards you...there is no need now everyone fights once in awhile but when its continues it needs to stop and if you think you cant get out you can get out.

[altonbebe 48]

The one piece of advise I can give you is DO NOT LEAVE THE STATE WITH THE MUTUAL CHILD.

You can leave with your 12 year old. You cannot leave with your 2 year old. If you do, he can file kidnapping charges against you.

2) Start a diary. Record dates / times / people / places. The more detailed, the better

3) Take photos of everything.

Follow the advise of the people my post.

[raven52 233]

It would help so much if you would fill in your timeline, SO we knew where you were from, and other things, (why oh why, does the moderators, not require, ""if you post, you fill out your timeline"")

You are in danger, you need to seek 3rd party help, as soon as possible, as I fear for your safety, I do not think I have heard anything this bad, PLEASE, if only for your child, seek 3rd party help, very soon, before you really get hurt!

I fear for your safety! This man ""seems"" to want to hurt you!!!

[Sandra G. 5,051]

Altonbebe she can leave with her children straight to a shelter. Parental kidnapping does not apply for this kind of circumstance .BOth have custody of the child.People are charged with parental kidnapping considering many things such as moving to a different state without informing the mother/father or Court (in cases where the custody was established, or moving permanently abroad without the mother /father authorization or Court authorization .

To leave her house with her kids to seek protection, because she fears for her life is the right thing to do NOW.

[Dordor 10]

Hello Sarah,

Nobody deserves to be treated like this, get help immediately. Protect yourself and your kids, they should not be exposed to this. My prayers are with you.

I entered the States 3 years ago and my now husband has always been abusive to me.
I have a 12 year old daughter and we have a son together who just turned 2 a few days ago.

At first he would order me not to mention my daughter's father or he would throw a fit that many times ended with him throwing all my belongings around the apartment.
He would leave for work (night shifts) and set a password on the computer or take out the internet and things like that.
His mother has always been disrespectful and rude to me and he would do nothing, on the contrary, he would side with her when we argue and mock me saying that I deserve what she said or did to me... like a few days ago, when his family didn't show up at our toddlers birthday party that I wasn't in the mood to do and he insisted so I had to prepare everything by myself for the Adams family to stood us up.
I have tolerated all types of things from them, from her coming to shower here without consulting me, demanding that I cook for her, making fun of my breasts, my hair, my weight, telling my daughter that the three wise men weren't real, saying that people from my country were trash and the list would never end. His brother hides when I have visited and has texted him not to bring me to their house.
I have a few picture of bruises and my daughter who can talk about all that she has seen... but that is it.
I am sure that there is something wrong with him mentally and I fear for how this might end up...
He has never helped me with our child, he doesn't pay attention to him, just a few minutes a day even tho he only works 4 days a week. He spends all of this free time sitting on the computer or the tv playing video-games. ALL OF IT. Like he doesn't even sit at the table to eat and he eats right out of the plate without using silverware. He showers every week or 10 days, his underwear smells like urine all the time and his side of the bed since he doesn't even change it for that time.
He pees on the bathroom sink leaving it unusable and brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink. He is constantly washing his mouth because of the "germs" that are everywhere... he won't pick a thing from the floor because they are dirty so I have to pick everything he drops.
He clogs the toilet and leaves it there for me to take care of. I left the bedroom's bathroom for him and share the other one with my daughter.
He makes all kind of weird searches on google about average body measurements, poop, hating having to work, "my wife is a ######", and so on, but recently he just searched that the devil talked to him in his sleep...

This hasn't stop but gotten worst at the point that he made a scene yelling at me and insulting me while spitting on the carpet because he couldn't find candy that my daughter gave him out of what she got for Halloween. This was just after he had throw a fit to her about how little candy she gave him and asked me about where it was like if he was a preschooler. He even texted her that she had given him "#######" and that she had x quantity of chocolate, like if the candy belonged to him or something.

I don't have a say here about anything. He would decide where and when things are done...

My daughter and I are very frustrated because since he spends all day here she can't bring a friend because he would complain about it. He doesn't want us to open the blinds, so we have to live like in a cave... we never go anywhere, never do anything, he doesn't spend time with us, nothing.

This will give you an idea about how things are around here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/117802-what-fair.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/146290-simple-question.html

My question is, what is the smart or convenient thing to do? I have no money or where to go, I don't even know my way around or how to drive. I still don't have my green card and my son was just diagnosed with autism so I want to be able to take care of him and don't want to make him or my daughter go through anymore of this...
I have been advised to go to a women's shelter and also to call the police on him so they get him out of the house with a restraining order, but what good will that do if I don't have money to pay the rent?
What can I do? Is there anyone that has gone through this that can give me advice???