Parents wanting to come but I don't want them to live here.. (merged)

[keziah90210 12]

Hi! I got married 2 yrs ago through fiance visa for my husband, currently lives in a 1 bedroom apartment. Anyway, My parents have been wanting to visit me here in USA and applied to get tourist visa but got denied Twice. So their only option now that they were asking for me is to file for an immigrant visa for them so they could visit. They don't want to apply for another one because they are afraid of another rejection. I have a sister in another state but she is still an immigrant, needs 3 more years to file for citizenship. When i file for my parents, my sister had promised that my parents will be living with her. Now, i know she is just saying that right now but if she gets tired of them because they are getting older, they will be sent to me. I'm not being mean but I don't want to live with my parents, it will be very uncomfortable for me and my husband. We are still starting our family. I only want them to come and visit me. I didn't know what to do. People look at me that i'm the bad guy because i won't file for them. But technically, i'm really not ready since i only live in a 1 bedroom apt. Pls help me. I need to see what you think.

[daviddelen 34]

Having four people living in a one bedroom could be a violation of your lease if you are a renter. It may also be impossible to add them to the lease if your landlord won't permit it.

[Ian H. 207]

It doesn't matter who petitions them. If you become a USC first you can petition them, but they don't have to live with you. I don't really know what to say, I personally wouldn't leave my parents behind. Living in a one bedroom, isn't an option, but I don't see why they can't stay with your sister. Are your parents of old age? Would they be able to get jobs and live on their own, while here in the US?

[JE57 239]

I think your problem is easily solved since when I read the guide at the top for bringing parents http://www.visajourney.com/content/immigration-parents-overviewit says you must be a USC to bring your parents. Based on your timeline you are a Greencard holder which makes you an Legal Perment resident so bringing your parents does not appear to be an option. Looks like they can apply for another tourist visa but having been denied twice suggests that they are unable to convince the CO of compelling ties to the Philippines.

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

If you do not want to file for them, do not. I love my mom, I am sure you do too, but we'd drive eachother crazy living in the same home, and I have a whole house, not just a one bedroom apartment. PLus with elderly parents there is the concern of the affdavit of support.

Maybe instead have them look at why they were denied for the tourist visas- having more ties to home, or taking a few short trips to other countries first, may help get them approved next time.

[keziah90210 12]

If you do not want to file for them, do not. I love my mom, I am sure you do too, but we'd drive eachother crazy living in the same home, and I have a whole house, not just a one bedroom apartment. PLus with elderly parents there is the concern of the affdavit of support.

Maybe instead have them look at why they were denied for the tourist visas- having more ties to home, or taking a few short trips to other countries first, may help get them approved next time.

I know.. That's how i feel and everyone is right, i can't let the 4 of us live in 1 place.. I love my parents but having my own family is now different. I'm wondering, if i file for them and i have a 1 bedroom apartment, would they get denied.. Or should i mention that they will be living with my sisters.. I told them, i will file for them once i get my own house so they'll be comfortable when they come and get settled then with my sister..

Thank you.

[keziah90210 12]

I think your problem is easily solved since when I read the guide at the top for bringing parents http://www.visajourney.com/content/immigration-parents-overviewit says you must be a USC to bring your parents. Based on your timeline you are a Greencard holder which makes you an Legal Perment resident so bringing your parents does not appear to be an option. Looks like they can apply for another tourist visa but having been denied twice suggests that they are unable to convince the CO of compelling ties to the Philippines.

I'm a citizen. My husband has the LPR. But yeah.. its difficult for them to get another rejection for the application again. They have money. My dad is retired and has awesome pension that he gets every month. So i don't know.. But hey thanks..

It doesn't matter who petitions them. If you become a USC first you can petition them, but they don't have to live with you. I don't really know what to say, I personally wouldn't leave my parents behind. Living in a one bedroom, isn't an option, but I don't see why they can't stay with your sister. Are your parents of old age? Would they be able to get jobs and live on their own, while here in the US?

they're almost in their 70s. So i didn't think it will be a good idea if they will work. I know.. i don't want to look like i'm the bad guy here.. I should buy a house first then file for them.. maybe.

[milimelo 4,205]

Can't take care of them and provide what they need (including medical insurance) - don't file for them. If sister is bent of having them over as immigrants, sister can file for them when she is USC.

For people in 70s, (even in 60s or late 50s) I always wonder what their child(ren) are/were thinking uprooting them and bringing them over when there's slight to none chance parents will be employed, won't qualify for Medicare before 5 yrs pass, and child(ren) can potentially be in a big black hole with just a minor ER visit/hospitalization.

[Boiler 43,437]

You sponsor them to move to the US not to move in with you.

From a practical point of view a comfortable life in PI may not translate to a comfortable one in the US.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I know.. That's how i feel and everyone is right, i can't let the 4 of us live in 1 place.. I love my parents but having my own family is now different. I'm wondering, if i file for them and i have a 1 bedroom apartment, would they get denied.. Or should i mention that they will be living with my sisters.. I told them, i will file for them once i get my own house so they'll be comfortable when they come and get settled then with my sister..

Thank you.

No you have nothing to feel guilty about. YOU made a decision to move to USA for a better life. There is no shame in that. One poster said she can't imagine "leaving your parents behind". That's a bunch of #######. You didn't leave your parents behind. You made wise choices in your life. You cannot file yet anyway. If your sister will have them stay with her have HER file. My spouse experiences the same guilt (Catholic guilt) as you have expressed sometimes. But then I remind her that she shhould not feel guilty for making smart choices with her life. She has 7 siblings who DID NOT make the same smart choices. Should she feel guilty about that? NO! So let go of the guilt. You have done nothing wrong. Make your new life and family with your husband now. You deserve it. Don't let others make you feel guilty. If I had been the one leaving the Philippines my parents would have been happy for me. Do not succumb to the guilt of being sucessful. You deserve success and happines. That is what God wants for all of his children. Too bad earthly parenst often forget about this principal. So enjoy your new life. Love your spouse and live guilt free!!

God Bless you and your spouse,

David & Zoila

[msbau764 245]

Wow at some of the posters here. Treating their parents like deadbeats when most of them have bent over backwards so that you can live a nice life. Once you are able to purchase a house, yes you should consider bringing them to the states to stay with you for a while. Just make it clear that it is not a permanent stay, and that they will be living in both the US and Phillipines once they have their green card. I believe the law states that you can liveabroad for at least ~6 months and maintain your permanent residency status. It is common for Americans to abandon their loved ones and just stash them in homes instead of taking care of them until old age. You know what is right.

Edited October 28, 2014 by msbau764

[Boiler 43,437]

Wrong on multiple counts.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Wow at some of the posters here. Treating their parents like deadbeats when most of them have bent over backwards so that you can live a nice life. Once you are able to purchase a house, yes you should consider bringing them to the states to stay with you for a while. Just make it clear that it is not a permanent stay, and that they will be living in both the US and Phillipines once they have their green card. I believe the law states that you can liveabroad for at least ~6 months and maintain your permanent residency status. It is common for Americans to abandon their loved ones and just stash them in homes instead of taking care of them until old age. You know what is right.

Really?

If one could afford healthcare for their old parents, by all means bring them here to US to enjoy life.

If not, don't bring them over to leech on the welfare system here.

[msbau764 245]

Really?

If one could afford healthcare for their old parents, by all means bring them here to US to enjoy life.

If not, don't bring them over to leech on the welfare system here.

No one is talking about health care. The issue is that their parents clearly aren't able to come with a visitor's visa; thus the only way for them to see their daughter in the US for her to sponsor them. As I mentioned earlier, with a green card you can be out of the country for a day less than six months. Why not compromise? Half the time in the US, the other half in the Phillipines. I just find it appalling how one's parents would go broke making sure one could eat, work two jobs, and be there for you when you are young and sick, yet it is so hard to return the favor just a little bit.

Wrong on multiple counts.

great way to explain yourself.

[Boiler 43,437]

No one is talking about health care. The issue is that their parents clearly aren't able to come with a visitor's visa; thus the only way for them to see their daughter in the US for her to sponsor them. As I mentioned earlier, with a green card you can be out of the country for a day less than six months. Why not compromise? Half the time in the US, the other half in the Phillipines. I just find it appalling how one's parents would go broke making sure one could eat, work two jobs, and be there for you when you are young and sick, yet it is so hard to return the favor just a little bit.

great way to explain yourself.

Your basic premise is wrong and therefore everything that follows is. Just in case anybody else is thinking of that route.

As an aside it might be nice to have family close, but too close is another matter. That there would be separation was inevitable when OP chose to migrate.