Our relationship started while she was technically married

[Romet 28]

I know what my red flags are!!! I was asking specifically about the divorce issue! I bolded it in my last reply because it's my main point. Ignore anything else and focus on my main question if you really wanna help or can help!

I gave much more information more than I took from this thread and it seems a complete waste of time! My question is clear!

I'm done. Thanks all

[Greg_Dubai 15]

Hi Everybody,

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 14 months but she just got divorced a week ago.

She has been physically separated from her ex since August 2008

She filed her divorce in Oct 2012

We met each other in Sep 2013 and we have been together since that date

I'm just wondering if anyone's had the same thing before he/she applied to k1 visa. In MENA countries I think it looks bad to be with some who is " technically " married so how could I get away from any question about that if the CO tried to touch that point?

Thanks a lot

ROMET

Our situation was exactly the same, but different countries. She had been separated since 2007. We met and started dating in 2011 and her divorce was final March of 2014. We filed the petition in September as we were waiting for all the official documents. You can see we were approved.

[Romet 28]

Our situation was exactly the same, but different countries. She had been separated since 2007. We met and started dating in 2011 and her divorce was final March of 2014. We filed the petition in September as we were waiting for all the official documents. You can see we were approved.

Oh I got a bit confused about you being "NOA1" approved...so we have the same issue because the problem is in the interview not in NOA1

We almost have everything to apply now we don't need to wait some more time. But Congrats Greg, you better start thinking about the same question I'm asking lol

[mymarriagejourney 112]

Hi Romet. I answered you in the age difference thread.

I understand about the divorce taking a long time; mine took 3 years and 26 court dates. Yes, 26 court dates. Thankfully it was finalized before I even met my husband, but things happen. It seems you can explain the timeline, so I don't think it's a huge issue.

The advice and suggestion I gave to you in the age difference thread still holds true. I wasn't really concerned about your petition until now. The fact that your parents and family don't know about her is potentially a big, big problem.

You are probably not familiar with what a Stokes interview is, but is a technique where the husband and wife are separated and they are interviewed apart from each other. This type of interview only happens when the CO expects fraud. This happened to me and my husband during our adjustment of status from his F1 student visa to legal permanent resident. These interviews usually last hours. Ours lasted 10-15 minutes. Why? Because, as we were going over photos, the CO came across one at his college graduation in Jordan with his parents, which I also attended. The conversation went something like this:

"Who are these people?"

"Those are O's parents."

"Oh, so you've met them?"

"Yes, many times. I've spent a lot of time at his house for dinners and meeting his siblings and other family."

"Okay, we are going to interview O now."

I also had tons of photos with me with O's friends. We went to coffee houses and to the woods to BBQ and all over the city.

He was in and out of the interview in a matter of minutes and we were approved the same day.

I'm not saying it is impossible for you to be approved with your secret relationship. I am saying, however, that this makes the red flags that you know about much more difficult to overcome, because it is not culturally nor religiously normal for a MENA man who is Muslim to marry without family approval.

Edited October 20, 2014 by mymarriagejourney

[NY_BX 397]

Hi Romet. I answered you in the age difference thread.

I understand about the divorce taking a long time; mine took 3 years and 26 court dates. Yes, 26 court dates. Thankfully it was finalized before I even met my husband, but things happen. It seems you can explain the timeline, so I don't think it's a huge issue.

The advice and suggestion I gave to you in the age difference thread still holds true. I wasn't really concerned about your petition until now. The fact that your parents and family don't know about her is potentially a big, big problem.

You are probably not familiar with what a Stokes interview is, but is a technique where the husband and wife are separated and they are interviewed apart from each other. This type of interview only happens when the CO expects fraud. This happened to me and my husband during our adjustment of status from his F1 student visa to legal permanent resident. These interviews usually last hours. Ours lasted 10-15 minutes. Why? Because, as we were going over photos, the CO came across one at his college graduation in Jordan with his parents, which I also attended. The conversation went something like this:

"Who are these people?"

"Those are O's parents."

"Oh, so you've met them?"

"Yes, many times. I've spent a lot of time at his house for dinners and meeting his siblings and other family."

"Okay, we are going to interview O now."

I also had tons of photos with me with O's friends. We went to coffee houses and to the woods to BBQ and all over the city.

He was in and out of the interview in a matter of minutes and we were approved the same day.

I'm not saying it is impossible for you to be approved with your secret relationship. I am saying, however, that this makes the red flags that you know about much more difficult to overcome, because it is not culturally nor religiously normal for a MENA man who is Muslim to marry without family approval.

Thank you for this quote. The OP got very defensive and called this thread a waste of time, when indeed we've provided him with more answers than he expected. It is a BIG problem that a petitioner hasn't met the family, let alone an OP having a secret relatinoship. The day of our interview, 2 couples were denied exactly for this reason.

I'm glad you were approved.

[Ronnie17 3]

First things first. I think I replied to your specific post out of a mistake when I was actually trying to write the reply to the OP's question/inquiry. I didn't mean to reply DIRECTLY to you as my reply was intended for the entirety of the thread. I actually agreed with YOUR initial comment.

Now, with that being said: Your reply directly to me is EXACTLY what I was criticizing in my post. Although you were advising the OP to “tell the truth”, there seemed to be inferences in YOUR post that suggested he was doing something wrong. I’m very happy that YOUR visa process went so seamlessly and you and your husband were worriless. That’s a great thing because I think MOST people that go through any type of government process they don’t know much about and have NEVER gone through usually has a certain level of anxieties that I would think ARE normal. A CO sees through subjective lenses and from what I’ve read, this can be a difficult process. You said that “specific concerns someone has can be a reality to their situation”, and my comment about the OP was I never thought or “saw” anything from the OP about “his situation” but literally trying to get help with his concerns regarding what he thought HIS specific red flags were and trying to get HELP with how to deal with them if the question(s) comes up. More than that, he also said they SPOKE to someone that TOLD them of their red flags. I never looked at his questions with skepticism or that he may have ulterior motives as YOU obviously did considering even in the reply you posted to me you mentioned his “high fraud” country and “any creep can prowl the internet for any reason pretending to be anyone”. Yes you clarified you didn’t think he was a “creep” but from your postings I’m not sure I believe that.

Romet OBVIOUSLY has some red flags. However, from what I’ve read, he totally loves his fiancée and knows a lot about her and they have plenty of evidence on the paperwork end. It seems all he’s really trying to do is PREPARE for the interview because he’s seen the horror stories (as I have and many others have gone through). Although I like VJ a lot, but when I first came here and read all the different posts, I even started to “worry” about my own fiancé and our process because you start reading all types of situations and many seem to have all the ducks in a row and STILL get denied for many different reasons.

I was trying to give him encouragement. MY comment was it SEEMED from what I read that there was more of a presumption of his “red flags” instead of genuinely trying to help the OP. I heard more “IF YOUR LOVE/RELATIONSHIP IS REAL” instead of answering the SPEFICIC question he was asking. I know MY OWN relationship IS genuine and I’m not too worried either (and I am marrying a man from one of those “high fraud” countries you mentioned too), however as I said before, when something so important is at the discretion of SOMEONE else’s “decision” there’s room for a certain level of concern.

So, the high horse you mentioned is NOT the one I AM ON.. It’s the one you obviously like being perched on.

Hello All,

As a newbie myself to this process and reading all the different posts I'm a little confused as to how one is supposed to use this forum. It actually amazes me how many times the word "fraud" has been used in this thread. Maybe I'm more an optimist than the "system" others on here would allow me to be but Romet I think you should just TELL YOUR STORY. Your story is not going to be like anyone else's. I don't see what others here see.. I see you being very nervous and want to make sure all of your ducks are in a row and what to expect in these interviews so you can successfully get to the women you love.

If you're asked in the interview questions regarding your courtship..... TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Meaning.. it sounds to me like when you met her she was "finished" with her marriage and awaiting her pending divorce to be final. You also mentioned she was literally separated from the previous marriage/relationship for 6 years. I also read in a previous post you wrote that you hired or spoke to an visa preparation agency or lawyer (sorry I can't remember exactly which) that actually told you that was a red flag (she "technically" not be completely divorced during your courtship) in the MENA regions. It also seems like you only ask questions regarding your red flags. WHICH IS FINE. I totally understand that. I THOUGHT that's WHAT we ARE supposed to do here on VJ. It's a very unsettling thing when something so simple to you can be seen so subjectively.

I do not want to give my opinion or try to speak to the validity of your relationship but going back to the issue you're SPECIFICALLY inquiring about. I don't think that this is what this type of advice forum (VJ) should be about. It should be about supplying advice or helpful answers to best try to help the poster relieve the stresses of all the difference visa processes we ALL are going through or have gone through.

So, my advice: The best thing is to TELL THE TRUTH. Tell them YOUR story ... Knowing YOUR OWN HEART is what should ultimately guide you through the entire interview. From different posts I've read here, it's a hit or miss. It will just depend. So speak with your fiancee and come up make sure you're comfortable answering the question the way YOU see fit. Make sure your answer is confident, truthful, and speak from your heart.

You said you have plenty of evidence and you're love IS genuine. That's all I need to know and hope we can contribute in a positive and helpful way to get you to your fiancee as soon as possible. God willing that is really all you need. "When you believe if your purpose, nothing can stand in your way". Think positive and good vibes sent your way.

Cheers

[cdneh 3,112]

This thread is no place for bickering. And you will find you might get further, and may one day be taken seriously, if you drop the bolded, coloured, CAPS LOCK style of responding. Your post is hard on the eye, and difficult to read due to those affectations. If you think you have something useful to say, just do that.

When you have been around VJ long enough, you will understand why posters with experience do not sugar coat their responses. This OP has many issues, some of which he was unaware, and some which may be insurmountable. The "there, there, your love is true, your love is real" blather will not get the job done.

[Romet 28]

Thanks Ronnie17 for trying to understand my point and I wish I can know something about your K1 visa journey from Egypt too and Thanks mymarriagejourney for replying. Your case was kinda different but you said just telling them the timeline of how her divorce went would suffice. I hope they don't focus on it that much or to just give me the time to explain it the way I do and did here.

Going off on someone here on this forum specially in my thread is the last thing I would do specially when I'm looking for answers. Regarding my "original" question, some of you did tell me to be honest and and tell the truth ( and Actually this is what I usually do and what I'm going to do I'm not looking for fake answers, but thank you anyway ). Some other started to judge and assume things and I kept proving it and we went away from my original question to questioning my relationship. You gave me answers of other questions I already know!

and for you cdneh If I was looking for sugar coat responses I wouldn't discuss one of what I know is one of my red flags with you (my original question) and looking for help. You think I don't know what my real flags are and that's what you do Judging without knowing how and why you MIGHT be right! (which is not). Not because I don't want to talk about a certain red flag doesn't mean that I want to ignore it or I don't see it!!

Bottom line is I asked a question about my relationship with her being legally married and you guys are telling me that my family is a red flag for not knowing about her ( and who told you that I don't know that! ) Im asking specifically about something!

Thanks everybody, Good luck

[Ihavequestions 419]

and for you cdneh If I was looking for sugar coat responses I wouldn't discuss one of what I know is one of my red flags with you (my original question) and looking for help. You think I don't know what my real flags are and that's what you do Judging without knowing how and why you MIGHT be right! (which is not). Not because I don't want to talk about a certain red flag doesn't mean that I want to ignore it or I don't see it!!

You don't know what your "red flags" are and there are far more than you believe. It's not just the age difference, the secrecy from your family, the religious differences, and the pile you already know about.

But you keep on, knowing everything, and trying to find work-arounds. Let us know how that works out for you.

[NY_BX 397]

You don't know what your "red flags" are and there are far more than you believe. It's not just the age difference, the secrecy from your family, the religious differences, and the pile you already know about.

But you keep on, knowing everything, and trying to find work-arounds. Let us know how that works out for you.

Exactly.....

[cdneh 3,112]

You don't know what your "red flags" are and there are far more than you believe. It's not just the age difference, the secrecy from your family, the religious differences, and the pile you already know about.

But you keep on, knowing everything, and trying to find work-arounds. Let us know how that works out for you.

This.

[Romet 28]

Oh you know what "MY red flags" are!

and Whatever you think my case is...I asked a specific question!

Thanks VJ experts

[cdneh 3,112]

We are trying to ascertain that YOU know what your 'red flags' are, and that YOU know what is coming ahead, and that YOU are successful at your attempt to gain a visa. Never mind, I'm sure the 'experts' are now satisfied that YOU know everything there is to know, and they won't trouble themselves to respond to more of your 'how do I make this look less bad than it is, without giving you all the facts, and only tell me what I want to hear' questions.

So, off you go sunshine. Start with telling your parents you are in a relationship with a much older American lady.

[Romet 28]

Yes, all what you said I know is TRUE and you can speak for yourself cuz If you can't help that doesn't mean the other can't too.Read my first post and see if I asked anybody to tell me anything other than his answer to the SPECIFIC question I asked! I never asked you to "please tell me it's gonna be ok or my application is good".

Okay Pumpkin I will..if I haven't done that already..DUH! and don't bother yourself to respond if it troubles you

[Ihavequestions 419]

I'm just wondering if anyone's had the same thing before he/she applied to k1 visa. In MENA countries I think it looks bad to be with some who is " technically " married so how could I get away from any question about that if the CO tried to touch that point?

So, here is your "original question."

The CO is going to have her divorce decree (with a date on it), the application (with a dates all over it), and whatever evidence your fiancee supplies (which, so far, appears to be evidence you met ... in the form of some pictures with your friends - no pictures with your family, no engagement party, no shabka, none of the other evidence that would typically be supplied for a for real Egyptian engagement, yet you refer to her as your fiancee, and some evidence of communication that started while she was still married) in a file. That file will have been thoroughly read and digested before you get to the interview window. Frankly, I'd be surprised if, considering everything else you have going against you, they'd bother with that particular question.

And about your fiancee? Where, exactly, is she in all of this? She doesn't know how to log into a self-help web site and ask questions for herself? Or are you overly interested in securing a visa (which is, by the way, a huge red flag)? Just curious.