How I can help her?

[Back&Brighter 1]

I met somebody at the library. She was in difficult situation. She already have green card for over 5 years.

Her husband is so abusive, that she can't go outside, can't talk to anybody, can't phone(she fears that he records), beats her.

She wanted to get out from there & wanted to divorce him. She has 2 kids with this guy. She is living in CA, & not working. Husband has own house.

How I can help her?

Could you please let me know the process she needs to follow so that she can escape safely, be safe afterwards, he should not contact or disturb her later, & can get divorce eventually?

God Bless !

Edited December 3, 2013 by Back&Brighter

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

She needs to get in touch with a women's domestic violence shelter and get away from that guy. Immediately.

[godlove 29]

Fist off, there is always two sides to every story so you don't know for sure if this woman is telling you the truth but if she is then she needs to simply file for divorce and next time her husbands abuses her she needs to call the cops so they can give him restraining order also if she fears for her LIFE she really need to involve the law and stop being afriad. Why can't she get a job since she has a green card for 5 years now, she really need to step up and do her own thing and stop relying on her husband.

Edited December 3, 2013 by godlove

[Caryh 5,206]

Simple, she contacts a shelter and moves out with the kids. They'll give her a temporary safe place to stay with her kids and help her work through this process. Contact one for her even, if she's afraid to do so. Take her there if she can't get there herself.

[Zedayn 485]

Her first priority is the safety of herself and her kids. Get her in touch with a Domestic Violence shelter immediately. Once she is there she and her kids will be safe and then she can proceed how to handle her abusive husband, such as filing for divorce, restraining order, filing charges, etc.

Fist off, there is always two sides to every story so you don't know for sure if this woman is telling you the truth but if she is then she needs to simply file for divorce and next time her husbands abuses her she needs to call the cops so they can give him restraining order also if she fears for her LIFE she really need to involve the law and stop being afriad. Why can't she get a job since she has a green card for 5 years now, she really need to step up and do her own thing and stop relying on her husband.

She doesn't need to wait till her husband abuses her again, she needs to get out now. All of these things she can take care of from a shelter where she and her kids are safe and protected. As for why can't get a job, her husband is probably refusing to let her leave the house! She is being controlled and she needs to get out.

[Back&Brighter 1]

Thank you All !

I don't have much details about her, just want to help her.

So, going to Domestic Violence shelter is the first thing she needs to do. How one can be found in her area?

She need to contact them before going there or just walk-in?

How exactly restraining order works, how to get it and how it would help her?

Edited December 3, 2013 by Back&Brighter

[Jawaree 717]

Restraining orders do not keep women & children from being abused & murdered

If the story is authentic, when the man goes to work u call the local police help her

pack and make a report, then take her to a safe shelter...they can be found, if u r a

friend implement the plan, having them go into a very safe shelter is the beginning if its true.

[christeen 966]

A women's shelter will have case workers who can help,her with the paperwork and steps she needs to take... Google for local women's shelters in your area... Have her go there with her children is a good first step...

[Back&Brighter 1]

_{She is so afraid of him that she is scared of her and her kids life if she does anything against him.}

_{She thinks he'll come after her and damage her.}

_{Is restraining order is the answer for this? Can she get restraining order before leaving the house? How RO can be obtained?}

_{Thanks !}

Edited December 12, 2013 by Back&Brighter

[Caryh 5,206]

_{She is so afraid of him that she is scared of her and her kids life if she does anything against him.}

_{She thinks he'll come after her and damage her.}

_{Is restraining order is the answer for this? Can she get restraining order before leaving the house? How RO can be obtained?}

_{Thanks !}

You go to court to get a restraining order. She will have to testify to get it. The process is, get out now, and into a shelter. They will help her get the restraining order. They will not let him get on the property to see her either, so she will be safe there. She's not going to be able to get a restraining order while she loves there very easily, unless she''s going to go apply and then return for the hearing. Now she'll be in possession of property, but if she's afraid he's going to come after her, a piece of paper doesn't do a lot of good and he's going to know exactly where she's living.

[Back&Brighter 1]

Now she'll be in possession of property, but if she's afraid he's going to come after her, a piece of paper doesn't do a lot of good and he's going to know exactly where she's living.

So, whats the use this 'piece of paper'(I guess you meant RO) ?

How many days it takes to get RO?

[Sandra G. 5,026]

The first thing to do is to leave the abuser, she does not need to wait to be abused again to call the cops, she must leave now! She should contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline and find a shelter to stay with her kids. She can file for a restraining order after being safe in the shelter.She can file for divorce/alimony/child support as well.She will get the restraining order right away. The shelter will be able to inform her all proceedings,just tell her to find a shelter for victims of domestic violence.

Godlove as an advocate for victims of domestic violence for 22 years I would like to ask you to become a little bit more informed about domestic violence. When someone talks to you about being abused never ever say "there is always two sides to every story", please just refer the person to call a crisis line or find a shelter or advise the person to go to the police !!! .We should NOT pass judgement on others, if someone tells you "I am being abused"do not ask any questions or pass any judgement PLEASE.

[belinda63 2,988]

She can contact the local court to find out where to file for the restraining order. It is usually signed by the judge at the time of filing if she presents a strong showing of fear of harm or actual harm. Then the paper is served on the spouse. A court hearing is usually scheduled for a few days later to determine if the restraining order will remain in affect or be dropped.

If she is in fear she needs to go to a shelter. A shelter will not permit any men on the grounds other than employees. They will not provide any information even stating if she is or is not there. It is a place where she will be safe.

A restraining order is a piece of paper, it will not stop bullets, knives, or fists. It does permit her to make a criminal complaint if he violates it. Please let her know the restraining order will not protect her if the spouse is determined to harm her. My ex had the balls to come to the house less than 48 hours after he was served with the restraining order and demand that I permit him into the home. All I could do was lock the door and call the police. He continuted to stalk me for almost a year after that. Proving he was doing it was almost impossible because he could never be caught red-handed.

Please advise her to go to a shelter first then file for a restraining order then divorce.

[Caryh 5,206]

So, whats the use this 'piece of paper'(I guess you meant RO) ?

How many days it takes to get RO?

Totally dependent on how back up the courts are and how fast a lawyer can get it in for her. Temporary restraining orders are pretty quick to get in most locations.

A restraining order is nothing more than a piece of paper. If someone intends to break one to do violence, there's not much stopping them until the police show up after they're called. If she's so afraid of him, how do we know he wouldn't care one bit about what the paper says? If she's afraid, getting away where he doesn't know where she is, is the first step. Then you go about getting a restraining order. This gives separation of the victim from the abuser, and time for the abuser to calm down and realize they should not violate the order. For him to come home and see her holding a restraining order saying he has to leave, is like waving a red cape in front of a bull.

[SAT 9,609]

In regards to Restraining Orders, and Orders Of Protection.....

1- if police is called, AND a "primary aggressor" is arrested. a restraining order (Order Of Protection/ OOP, in some states) is automatically issued by a judge when he releases the defendant (usually on his own recognizance). The deft is made to understand this court order before he is released. This order will remain in effect until the next hearing date. This order is honored by all states. All jurisdictions.

2- The OOP/ RO is easy to violate. Usually it entails no contact of any sort, by any means. Not even thru third parties. If any provisions of this order is violated. The violator is in a "must arrest" situation. And the complaint then calls the police, and files a report for violation of order of protection (NY), or contempt of court. If the violator is present, he is arrested and returned to said court that issued the order (usually family court). If he is not present, a warrant will be issued for his arrest.