need advice on my situation. its nuclear.

[St&Sv 33]

Thanks everyone for your insight..I definitly can see where most everyone is comming from here. And i would give the same advice if i was asked about this situation. and here it comes the but. We have been together for 4 years i helped her a lot thru those years in heard times finacially and emotionally. But something interesting is around the time something was going on she wouldnt accept any financial help from me..none.

Anyway, Im taking a chance probobly the biggest of my life. I'm putting my faith in her that she is not trying to scam me. I just cant let this go if there is any chance i accept responsibility for whatever happens to me. If she keeps that baby i dont see much chance for her being able to come here. Time will tell all..Oh btw approved yesterday August 6th..LOL

Thanks everyone again you were very helpful even if im as stubborn as an ####.

I spent the night after work reading your topic and listening to what everyone was telling you. At least you can admit to being stubborn and being the Salmon going against the stream. Though I would urge you to sit on it and think about it for a few days before making your final decision, maybe even spend a few days away from her. I know the NoA2 might have revitalized you but tell her you need time to think about everything that has happened, at least let it be known to her that you have doubts about your relationship. Reinforce that message with the absence of you in her life. It may not be easy if you are use to talking to each other everyday or every other day, but it's better to test the waters now. As humans we have a tendency to take the things in front of us for granted, and when removed we realize the meaning of them. Ask yourself what is the worse that can happen by giving each other a break? What? Maybe you find out the space between you is good and you accept not being with her. Perhaps she realizes how much she misses you in her life, and wants to repair the damage, or nothing happens and you keep going down your marry path. None of us can really tell you what to do, because of course that decision is yours, but this is the time for you to show you strength as person and as a man.

Good Luck and I hope you make the best decision for you life now and for the future.

Edited August 7, 2013 by St&Sv

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Thanks everyone for your insight..I definitly can see where most everyone is comming from here. And i would give the same advice if i was asked about this situation. and here it comes the but. We have been together for 4 years i helped her a lot thru those years in heard times finacially and emotionally. But something interesting is around the time something was going on she wouldnt accept any financial help from me..none.

Anyway, Im taking a chance probobly the biggest of my life. I'm putting my faith in her that she is not trying to scam me. I just cant let this go if there is any chance i accept responsibility for whatever happens to me. If she keeps that baby i dont see much chance for her being able to come here. Time will tell all..Oh btw approved yesterday August 6th..LOL

Thanks everyone again you were very helpful even if im as stubborn as an ####.

Staying because you've invested "so much" in someone is NOT a sufficient reason for continuing any relationship. It's clear your relationship investment has all been one sided! Don't be blinded by flags of false guilt. Where was your fiancee's guilt and shame when she was banging this guy? When she got knocked up by him? If she aborts this baby it's all the more proof she is hell-bent on keeping her hooks in you. If she ever gets here, she will take away all your faith in humanity when she walks away green card in hand and you're on the hook financially for years to come. We've all seen this too many times before on this forum but some of us have even seen this go down in real life - like me.

I have to agree with what someone else said on here about scamming eastern European girls. Certainly many of them are sincere but far too many of them have gotten away with fraud. My family is Russian and I have lived in and near Brighton Beach my whole life. I have seen swaths of woman over the years get to this country and suck American men dry. Then after filing for divorce they bleed them further through alimony and child support for children not even theirs biologically. Sure those men were usually old, ugly or otherwise gullible but it doesn't make it okay to prey on them. It makes me mad these women have such an easy time getting into this country. The consular officers over there must only be focusing on their silicone chests and fake eyelashes.

Don't be a fool. This girl will break you.

Edited August 7, 2013 by Sarah and Adnan

[St&Sv 33]

Deleted

Edited August 7, 2013 by St&Sv

[Caryh 5,206]

Just unbelievable. Op I'd seriously ask you to reconsider. You chose a cheater once, and you're doing it again. You might want and need love, but you are truly not ready. A person who is ready for a real relationship, isn't out choosing a cheater. That is the actions of someone who wants their relationship to fail. A person who is ready for a real relationship wouldn't accept someone who is cheating. Cheating destroys all trust and without trust you'll never have a real marriage. You need more than just getting out of this train wreck, you need to figure out why you're choosing a partner that you know it will never work with.

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

About cheating in a long distance relationship we all must realize that every country has its own take on love and sex. Some see it separated, and some see it as one. Here in the United States it is generally considered one in the same. With younger people it can also be harder to quell their sexual desires, which otherwise would have been taken care by our loved ones. Though I'm not condoning what happened I'm just saying that our long distance relationships must endure many things. Sometimes we get weak, and need comfort and find it in the closest person that can touch us. But also sometimes that weakness is exploited and it's up to us to decide which it is.

I don't need schooling on less monogamous cultures. But I don't believe this is the case here. If that was true in this case then why did the fiancee lie about the cheating? If it was simply a cultural difference, she wouldn't have gone to such lengths to keep it secret. Her mistake was getting knocked up. She would have never come clean to him otherwise. He has the perfect opportunity to walk away now before it's too late and he's saddled with total financial responsibility. He's already been "taking care" of her financially so what are the odds she'll get here and get a job to support herself? Slim to none.

[St&Sv 33]

I don't need schooling on less monogamous cultures. But I don't believe this is the case here. If that was true in this case then why did the fiancee lie about the cheating? If it was simply a cultural difference, she wouldn't have gone to such lengths to keep it secret. Her mistake was getting knocked up. She would have never come clean to him otherwise. He has the perfect opportunity to walk away now before it's too late and he's saddled with total financial responsibility. He's already been "taking care" of her financially so what are the odds she'll get here and get a job to support herself? Slim to none.

Hence why I deleted it after reconsidering it was outside the scope of the original message being said by the OP. It was my personal opinion on the whole thing in general, and should have left it out.

[CaizLurol 36]

You're very stubborn and it doesn't seem like you want to listen to reason. It is understandable as the human mind is a very fragile thing. We get an idea in our heads and are driven blindly by this idea - in your case it would be your "love" for this woman - and in the end it ends very badly. However, this is YOUR lesson to learn. No matter how much advice people give you, it is ultimately your choice. If you choose to continue with this and bring this woman (with another man's baby) over to the US, be prepared for the consequences.

Just know that in the end, when this explodes in your face and you've had enough, I sincerely hope that you are not one of those men that go around saying "all women are the same" because they are NOT. YOU chose this situation and are going into this knowing how this will end - regardless of how you feel about a person. She obviously does not love you nor does she respect you... but our relationships are only a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. It is only though harsh trials and errors that we truly learn.

[Christi85 86]

OP - no matter what we say, you seem determined to continue pursuing this relationship and this petition to bring her to the US. Ultimately it's your life, your choice, so run with it. I agree with others that you deserve better, but hey, like I said...

One last thing I want to mention in hopes that you might reconsider: please understand that pregnancies are rarely accidental as such. To put it discreetly, even though it can happen for a woman to sleep with a guy only once and fall pregnant, chances are that she slept with him multiple times, possibly even over many months (since you had also find proof of her cheating some time ago) and at some point it just so happened that she fell pregnant too. It's rather unlikely that this pregnancy was a one time accident, as, contrary to popular belief, there are many steps that need to happen in a woman's body and timed right for a pregnancy to actually establish itself. So it's getting to be too much of a coincidence that she only slept with another guy just once and this once also led to a pregnancy. If it sounds too weird to be a coincidence, it probably isn't a coincidence.

I don't mean to hurt you, but I hope you get to see the truth before it's too late. If she chooses to keep the baby and you decide to co-parent with her, please know that you are going to have a hard time explaining the pregnancy to the Officers interviewing her for the visa. There's no way you can lie to them that the baby is yours (and please don't attempt to, because, as I explained in a previous post, they will be able to find out the truth pretty easily), but then in their eyes she will be a scam trying to get to the US. A pregnancy will only complicate matters more at this stage, as a lot of foreign pregnant women actually try to get to the US to give birth, so that the child is a US citizen, hence giving them a path to residency. USCIS is aware of that and will not view your case with any sympathy. More likely than not, she's going to be denied the K-1, as Officers will not believe you are a legitimate couple if she's already pregnant with someone else.

So, if you are still determined to pursue this and be with her regardless of all the red flags, it may be worth thinking about a Plan B.

In any event, best of luck with your life!

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Just tell her that you are going to relocate to her country to be with her, cancelling the US immigration plan and see if her attitude changes or not.

[Cori and Rob 55]

I wholeheartedly agree with all of the posters in this thread. Get out now!

Perhaps I'm being naive in saying this, but what about the real father of the baby? If she chooses to have the baby and he knows that she is pregnant (not sure he if knows), does he have rights? Could he contest the immigration to begin with? I don't know anything about Russian law nor anything about the guy, but still, it's something to think about.

[Rich and Wen 101]

She has bad news written all over her. My ex-wife cheated on me, and then tried to take everything from me in the divorce. This is what is in your future. Once she arrives in the US, she has rights as your wife, that she would never have in her country. She will have you dancing on the end of a fishing pole. The only time you will share her bed is when you must convince USCIS that you have a legitimate marriage.

Here is a look at your future: IF she comes here with the baby, you will be supporting this child for the rest of your life. If she aborts, you can bet she will sleep with you until she is pregnant and has sunk the hook into you. You will owe child support, she will divorce you, and then not remarry so that you must continue supporting her as well.

I agree with the earlier poster - Convince her that you will move to her country to be with her. See whether her tune changes if she thinks she will not get to the US, or if she really does love you.

Good luck with it all!

She has bad news written all over her. My ex-wife cheated on me, and then tried to take everything from me in the divorce. This is what is in your future. Once she arrives in the US, she has rights as your wife, that she would never have in her country. She will have you dancing on the end of a fishing pole. The only time you will share her bed is when you must convince USCIS that you have a legitimate marriage.

Here is a look at your future: IF she comes here with the baby, you will be supporting this child for the rest of your life. If she aborts, you can bet she will sleep with you until she is pregnant and has sunk the hook into you. You will owe child support, she will divorce you, and then not remarry so that you must continue supporting her as well.

I agree with the earlier poster - Convince her that you will move to her country to be with her. See whether her tune changes if she thinks she will not get to the US, or if she really does love you.

Good luck with it all!

Sorry, must have clicked it twice

[christeen 966]

To the OP's real concern, yes, this could be an issue with regards to the immigration process. The medical will note the pregnancy and timing and it could come into play. Although it is perfectly in your rights to overlook her indiscretions, it is also within the rights of immigration to deny the via becaus of them. You will certainly have to overcome proof obstacles to prove a bonified relationship, especially since the embassy you are going through is well versed to look for possible scams. You need to also get the real story of the intentions of the baby daddy as he does have rights and could put a wrench n your plans if he decides to contest her taking his baby out of the country. Whatever you do, my recommendatio is, with her history of cheating, DO NOT try to lie and claim that child as your own! This would out you on the hook for years and years to come should something not work out with her... Love is blind and makes us do stupid things, but I si freely wish you the best I. Whatever decisions you make.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Just tell her that you are going to relocate to her country to be with her, cancelling the US immigration plan and see if her attitude changes or not.

[Karee 4,189]

I think alot of people fall in to the trap of "All these trust issues we are having is because we are so far apart. Once we're together in person things will be different" I personally think the opposite is true. Once you're together and living with each other on a daily basis, the issues of trust (or lack of it) will only get worse. If you can't trust her when she's 4000 miles away, simply moving her into your house in the U.S. isn't going to resolve that.

[Tahoma 2,291]

You need more than just getting out of this train wreck, you need to figure out why you're choosing a partner that you know it will never work with.

^^^. This.