Fiance betrays me

[Mike and Lily 13]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

[garya505 2]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

Walk away now and don't look back.

[Peggy 1]

Well that sucks Mike.

They always say "what goes around comes around"

I think 30 years is too big of an age difference in MO.

I dont see how you could have anything in common.

Best of luck what ever you decide. In my OP she is just to young for you. That is my brutal honest comment. She is probley just in a place where she is beginning her life as an adult and you have too many years on here to understand that. You have already done what she is just starting to explore.

[mybackpages 0]

Well she told you and very soon after it happened when she probably never need to confess. I think it means she really feels remose I know this doesn't make you feel any better. Couples have survived worse. Talk it out. don;t lower your standards to what you are willing to accept, but I hope you can work it out.

[SENKA 0]

I am sorry about your experience. It is hard to give an advice in this kind of situation, you have to follow your heart and your instincts and decide what is the best for you. I think other people can listen but you are the one that will have to make this decision and live with your choices.

Good luck

[TonyS 0]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

Mike sorry about your misfortune. I feel your pain. My thoughts on this, is that you already know the answer. You cannot continue a relationship with Lily. We all know that relationships are not always easy and long distances ones are even harder. Much of it is based on trust. Can you see her as the same person? Will you ever trust her again? Can you sleep easy at night without wondering what she is doing or where she is at? Take the time to go through your pain, we all have been there. But remember that there are billions of people in this crazy wondeful world and there are many women out there perfect for you. Take care.

[Dinha 0]

Mike, I'm so sorry to hear that...

But, good luck whatever decision you make it!

Take care

[MPGGPM 0]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

I'd appreciate her being honest with me (at least on this issue).........would stay friends, keep in touch etc........

But marriage would be over.

[edsperfect 25]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

She must have had terrific feelings of guilt. I have to give her points for telling you

[mRx 16]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

So sorry to hear about that. Cheating is unforgivable, IMO.

Edited November 26, 2006 by matt85

[Fandango 1,439]

Why'd she seek out the only American? Ask yourself that one.

I'm sorry you're going thru this, you have a lot to think about

[U.S. Wendy 0]

Mike,

After reading your post, I wanted to say "walk away and don't look back" too, but this confusing, you said,

"But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here."

If you agree that you too have been dishonest, I guess you need to decide what you are willing to put up with. You can have a partner, who you can not trust and who might leave you (and she probably will), or you can go it alone. What are your limits and will there be one set of rules for you and a different set of rules for you SO in this relationship?

As for the age difference, she's going to want to experiment and will probably feel stifled in a relationship with someone so much older. I think you know what you need to do. Everyone deserves to be happy and if that's what you really want, you may need to do things differently next time....provided you walk away from this situation.

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

[aussiewench 9]

Sometimes we can do things, for whatever reason, that we regret or that hurts another deeply. Does that mean it can happen again or that the person doesn't trully love you, not necessarily. An aunt of mine (married to my moms brother) had an affair with my uncle (married to my moms sister). One couple was able to put it behind them and have had a very strong marrage for over 20 years since. The other couple was not as my uncle was unable to keep his hands off other women. You know your fiance better than any of us. Lonliness and stress, amongst other things, can sometimes put us in situations and cause actions that we otherwise wouldn't act on. She did come clean on this straight after the incident, so to do that took a lot of courage on her part as she could of kept it a secret. Personally, I believe she deserves a second chance.

I wish you the very best with this. Look into your heart and also listen to what your gut tells you...not what the hurt is telling you.

[dougyceci 0]

Use your head on this one and not your heart. How will you think in the future. I tend to agree with many of the other posts. Many women in the world, can you trust her again? The fact you both hid or had indiscretions in the relationship suggests to me you both have some issues. Are either one of you really ready for marriage. Trust and honesty are keys to any relationship, do you have either? If you think not, cut your losses now.

[mRx 16]

a 15 minute kiss is not an accident. The age difference is a bit extreme, and honestly, that may have doomed your relationship. Sorry to hear about what happenend to you.