Didn't work, won't return home..

[D N Medellin COL 75]

So I have helped several friends who have gone through the K-1 visa process, almost all are happy stories. The one who is not happy brought his wife here on a K-1 visa, they were married within the 90 days, but they were fighting some. Despite the fighting they applied for the Adjustment of Status, but now things have gotten worse. My friend wants to divorce his new wife and send her home to the Philippines. The problem is she will not leave. I have advised him to contact a lawyer so I hope he will, but I wish I could give him more advise.

What are his options? Should he now just move without her? I am worried with their fighting he will at some point be facing police and being accused of domestic assault or something. When they were having issues at first I advised them not to get married, and later I advised my friend not to petition for the AOS just because they couldn't get along, I knew that it wouldn't work out. Now it has come to this.

Forgive me but your friend sounds like an inmature jerk, a fiancee that you bring from another country, you claim your love and committment until death due you part, who leaves her family/friends/country/environment/etc. and you have some fights/disagreements/emotions and you want to just return it...........like a dog that you picked up from a pet store that your tired of the barking, give him some real advice, time to grow up, man up and figure it out or life will just repeat this.

[Hilario 13]

Forgive me but your friend sounds like an inmature jerk, a fiancee that you bring from another country, you claim your love and committment until death due you part, who leaves her family/friends/country/environment/etc. and you have some fights/disagreements/emotions and you want to just return it...........like a dog that you picked up from a pet store that your tired of the barking, give him some real advice, time to grow up, man up and figure it out or life will just repeat this.

My thoughts exactly, I feel sorry for her, he needs to grow a pair and support his wife. I guess committment in some peoples eyes don't hold much water.

[InHisTime 110]

I think it is best that they talk calmly to resolve issues. They are now married and they should fix their relationship. If they haven't married maybe it is easy to go back home.

If they can't work it out so it's time to give space or maybe resort to separation or divorce. I presume the wife was not ready to go back to her home country at the moment. Maybe because of high expectations from her family and friends. She has no job, as well as money.

And as a woman, especially if she is from the Philippines, there are women who still stay on marriage despite of unhappy relationships due to many factors like expectation of change, judgmental society, fears, dependency, etc.....

If she goes back home, will the husband file for divorce so she can be legally free to marry in the future ? This is important as there is no divorce in the Philippines, only annulment. If she files for annulment in the Philippines, it will cost her lots of money, like one or two hundred thousand pesos. I think this is one major reason why his wife don't want to return home that quickly. They are not finished yet. They need to talk properly and mutually decide the best options for them so at least when the wife comes home she could easily start life again despite of heartbreaks.

I know your friend could easily stop the immigration process by withdrawing his affidavit of support, but always remember this woman will not be with him if he did not file any petition for her. It's not easy moving out. It takes a lot of sacrifices and courage to leave your family and friends. Maybe if she committed fraud, adultery or is dishonest to his husband, I could quickly understand why his husband drove her to the airport. I believe everyone deserves a little compassion and understanding to at least lessen the impacts of negative changes in our lives. We are all answerable to God for our actions. Hence, doing FAIR actions is important. Just my two cents.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Forgive me but your friend sounds like an inmature jerk, a fiancee that you bring from another country, you claim your love and committment until death due you part, who leaves her family/friends/country/environment/etc. and you have some fights/disagreements/emotions and you want to just return it...........like a dog that you picked up from a pet store that your tired of the barking, give him some real advice, time to grow up, man up and figure it out or life will just repeat this.

You know, he helped her come here, it doesn't mean he HAS to help her stay.

The trouble with immigrant relationships is it's not like any other normal relationship. Instead of the other person moving back to their parents, in with friends or whatever, you basically have another child you need to take care of... they are totally dependent on you and oftentimes have nowhere else to go.

He shouldn't have to remain on the hook for the I-864. Likewise he was doing the right thing, morally, by buying her a ticket. He has no obligation to do that.

Just because she moved here, left her family/friends etc does NOT mean he is forever burdened to live with her or stay married to her. Sure, the results of a breakdown in this relationship are a little more harsh (leaving the country) but that shouldn't matter. He isn't happy, he wants out. That is his prerogative.

Unfortunately many times the immigrant wants so badly to stay they commit fraud and claim abuse where there isn't one. He is entitled, and should, protect himself.

p.s. Remember the USC gives up things as well. It's a big adjustment to have someone so dependent on you move into your life. it's very overwhelming. Aside from that emotional side there's of course the financial (immigration plus living here). I'm honestly getting sick of "she gave up so much". So did he. I'm sure this isn't easy on him either. I'm sure he feels like a right moron and is probably getting a lot of ####### from friends/family about it.

Remember, we don't know the OP, the OP's friend, the OP's friends wife or their life. We can only answer the qns we are given with the information provided.

Edited May 17, 2013 by Vanessa&Tony

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

If the i864 is enforced it would be rare, canceling would terminate the entire green card process that is for sure. Be careful to avoid the false VAWA claim. OP get out of there she can attack you and have you charged with DV, it will cost $1,000's to defend yourself even if the claim is false, file for an annulment after you cancel the I864, do no try even stare at your wife to long it could be mental abuse, do not do anything mean if you do, she will cry abuse, even a sneeze in her direction could be called abuse. The immigration system does not protect the USC but looks out for the immigrant! Do not believe anything USCIS says have them sign a note saying they got your letter at infopass appointment, then turn around a mail a overnight letter to where your paperwork is tack the package call the USCIS 1800 number tell them, keep good records and watch out for the false abuse claims

And if in Texas, do not even think of cursing in the presence of your Wife, not at her, just in her presence. That is emotional abuse.

OP, please have your friend do the right thing and cancel that AOS.

[lee&jeniebee 23]

I want to thank so many for responding, there was a response or two that was way out there, I am not thanking you, you know who you are. I have advised my friend what I think he needs to do: cancel his sponsorship (AOS), move immediately, and file for divorce. I have also advised him to provide her minimal support and yes, perhaps when the gravity of the situation hits her and she does decide to leave another plane ticket.

Sadly my friend is just as much to blame as his wife for the failure of this relationship. Looking at my own situation now I feel very lucky, I met my wife online, we got to know each other via email and chat and after 2 weeks together in person we were engaged and started this crazy visa process. We were apart 11 months until she arrived that faithful day in August 2011. For me it's been a dream come true and I think my wife would say the same. Looking back, I think there was some luck involved as my friend used the same plan I did and it's been a bad dream for him.

The K-1 visa system should be redesigned, rather than 90 day to get married, why not 6 months? My friend and his wife, both good people but just not compatible. He was to eager for a beautiful Filipino wife, she (and her family) to eager for her to move to America, so here we are. I have learned my lesson, I will be more careful whom I help with a visa next time.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I wouldn't hold yourself accountable, your friend is an adult.

The K1 process is broken for sure and needs to be overhauled IMHO.

My suggestions when I first joined was that after USCIS approval that the beneficiary be given a temporary class of visa for 6 months entry to the US with the stipulation that this visa can NEVER be converted inside the US to any other visa even if the applicant was a murderous drug kingpin (I don't support VAWA but I support no violence to Spouses).

So beneficiary comes over for 6 months to be with USC and then he/she goes back home to continue the process. I don't see a way that any embassy even Nigeria can accuse them of not having demonstrated a valid relationship with evidences and having returned back to Nigeria to continue processing.

I've wanted to do a study on the success rate between beneficiaries who are from VWP countries versus non VWP countries. I assume the VWP folks will have a more successful marriage since the opportunity to visit relatively easily exists.

[Villanelle 4,121]

The K-1 visa system should be redesigned, rather than 90 day to get married, why not 6 months? My friend and his wife, both good people but just not compatible. He was to eager for a beautiful Filipino wife, she (and her family) to eager for her to move to America, so here we are. I have learned my lesson, I will be more careful whom I help with a visa next time.

I dont really understand how changing the time period from 90 days to 6 months wouldve made a difference in this case?

The problem here seems to be this line "he was eager for a beautiful Filipino wife". IMO it doesnt matter if he was given 90 days or 6 months to marry after she entered the US.

The K1 visa is not designed as a get to know you visa. There is no 'get to know you' BEFORE we marry visa. You are suppose to know the person and be 100% sure of your intent to marry BEFORE even applying for it.

[Boiler 43,576]

The K1 visa is not designed as a get to know you visa. There is no 'get to know you' BEFORE we marry visa. You are suppose to know the person and be 100% sure of your intent to marry BEFORE even applying for it.

Exactly

[Karee 4,189]

I dont really understand how changing the time period from 90 days to 6 months wouldve made a difference in this case?

The problem here seems to be this line "he was eager for a beautiful Filipino wife". IMO it doesnt matter if he was given 90 days or 6 months to marry after she entered the US.

The K1 visa is not designed as a get to know you visa. There is no 'get to know you' BEFORE we marry visa. You are suppose to know the person and be 100% sure of your intent to marry BEFORE even applying for it.

I'm not disagreeing with you at all. I just wonder why there is a K-1 visa? What's the point?

[Dave&Roza 748]

Because she came on a K-1 there probably won't be an interview. Thus the need to withdraw the I-864 NOW. Send a notarized, certified letter to USCIS and make an info pass appointment to withdraw it.

He needs to vacate the premises if she will not. Very probable she will try to claim domestic violence and file a VAWA claim when she realizes she cannot become legal. I have seen some immigrants who are coached in how to do this. Thus the need for him to leave, file for divorce, and never, ever be in the same place as her without witnesses.

But first, withdraw the I-864!

I agree with everything you have said except that we did have an interview as AOS filers from a K-1.

OP: Having an interview is hit or miss so do not depend on having one as a way to withdraw his I-864. Agree with everything everybody above has said. I would file for divorce and give her the plane ticket during the divorce proceedings. Continue to provide for her until the divorce is finalized, but move out and do not see her without someone else being present.

Good luck,

Dave

Edited May 18, 2013 by Dave&Roza

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I'm not disagreeing with you at all. I just wonder why there is a K-1 visa? What's the point?

Some people meet people and return to their country, realise they want to be together and can't afford another trip together to marry to go for the spousal so the K1 is beneficial to file in those cases.

Some people can't get visitor visas to the US and don't have the VWP so that's another thing some people use it for (to spend time together before deciding if living in the US is for them). It's not supposed to be for that purpose but some people have no other choice.

[lee&jeniebee 23]

I dont really understand how changing the time period from 90 days to 6 months wouldve made a difference in this case?

The problem here seems to be this line "he was eager for a beautiful Filipino wife". IMO it doesnt matter if he was given 90 days or 6 months to marry after she entered the US.

The K1 visa is not designed as a get to know you visa. There is no 'get to know you' BEFORE we marry visa. You are suppose to know the person and be 100% sure of your intent to marry BEFORE even applying for it.

I completely disagree with you. In fact you sound like a USCIS employee. Most of us (who don't work for the government) can not afford to spend months and months on vacations to the other side of the world each year. I am guessing a lot of people who take advantage of visa journey do so because they are cuting the cost of hiring a lawyer, they can be very expensive and you still have to do a lot of the work. Now if you happened to find your soulmate in Canada or Europe, fantastic, just bring them here on a tourist visa, they can hang out, get to know each other very well. If the love of your life is from a "Third World Country" not so fast! There is no hope of getting a tourist visa, student visa, work visa (unless they are from an elete class.) The alternative is getting to know each other via email, skype, phone calls, and as much time as you can in person. I guess you could string it out for 3 to 5 years but for most people, life is on hold when you are figuring all of this out. We could just come out and say: "unless you make 100k per year, you can't marry someone from a third world country, that would fix it. Of course then you would have people like me doing armed robberies and listing it on the afidavit of support as income! hahahaha Everyone (everyone I know) that used the K-1 visa was 100% sure they had found Mr./Mrs. Right, I was, so was my friend (although when my wife and I saw them fighting on skype before she arrived?) but love is blind and it takes time.

I will say I am VERY thankful we have the K-1 visa program, but like our entire immigration program it needs a lot of work! If you can't clearly see that, wow, I have some property out west I would like to sell you...

[VanessaTony 3,567]

The K1 visa is not designed as a get to know you visa. There is no 'get to know you' BEFORE we marry visa. You are suppose to know the person and be 100% sure of your intent to marry BEFORE even applying for it.

True, but some people don't have the luxury of moving to their fiance/es country to see how they go together. Similarly some people have a ridiculously hard time trying to visitors visas and don't have the VWP. Some people have no other choice... it's wrong for sure, but that's one reason why K1's fail, they just don't have enough time living together, getting to know someone in EVERYDAY life. Everyday life is different to hours or the internet dictated by availability of both parties.

[Karee 4,189]

Some people meet people and return to their country, realise they want to be together and can't afford another trip together to marry to go for the spousal so the K1 is beneficial to file in those cases.

Some people can't get visitor visas to the US and don't have the VWP so that's another thing some people use it for (to spend time together before deciding if living in the US is for them). It's not supposed to be for that purpose but some people have no other choice.

But yet they have to pay for a one-way plane ticket to come on the K-1, and another $1000+ for AOS after the marriage. So the cost thing doesn't really make sense in my mind when the CR-1 is actually cheaper.

Now if there was no requirement to have met in person in the previous 2 years, then I can see the cost advantage of a K-1. If there was no K-1, a huge percentage of these VAWA cases would go away. Just seems like it's a big loophole for scammers to get to the U.S. since there really isn't a requirement to even know anything about the person that is coming to the U.S. Only requirement is meeting in person the last 2 years.

On the surface it looks like someone could get here pretty easily by meeting someone on the internet, meet them once, maybe twice. Come to the U.S. on a K-1 and then claim domestic violence after a month. It's pretty obvious the bar is set pretty low to allege abuse. Simply call the cops and say this guy beat me, get a restraining order, and voila! you can file a VAWA claim.

What judge in their right mind would deny a protective order? Could you see the headlines? "Judge Smith refused to grant a TRO, and now the girl is dead"

I have no skins in the game. Just reading this forum makes me wonder about the K-1 and if it should even exist.