need advise on how to proceed

[NY_BX 397]

okay so basically this is why I didnt want to post this site thanks to those who addressed my question and to the rest hope you feel so much better now that you think you know everything and everyone... Go find someone else now to try to bring down and make yourself feel so much superior than everyone else.. Why is it if you dont have an answer you feel the overwhelming need in interject your opionion on something you know absolutely nothing about and then state that you are telling the truth... If you know us and have inside info then tell me all about it but otherwise your words are not the truth they are just your opinion and I didnt ask for anyones opinion on my husband or his motives...

Hold on, stop for a second. Yes, some comments may be hurtful, but if someone takes the time to answer- whether you like it or not- it means that poster is concerned for you and really does want to help.

That said, I hate to tell you this but Nigeria is the #1 country with the highest immigration fraud- and "everything" fraud- in the world. What does that mean? If you both do NOT disclose the baby situation, he will be denied under misrepresentation. Furthermore, it will look as if you were aiding someone to commit fraud. Now, if you disclose the baby situation- given your age difference- he will be denied almost certainly. How will he explain "I don't care that my wife is outside of child bearing age"? You must hire a good lawyer and carry on, should you decide to continue with this process- or the marriage for that matter.

Another thing is- and this you may hate to read, but I will say it unapologetically- what makes you think you can bring the baby to the US just like that? You can't. Wait for the DNA results. If he is the father, brae yourself. Your husband has an uphill battle for custody and he must win that first. THEN you can file for the baby with the mother's consent. For that, you will need a great lawyer.

This is a very difficult situation to be in. Very. Good luck!

[NY_BX 397]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

That bold sentence sounds like you're talking about a puppy. This is not child's play. Before the mother takes it? Really? I'm baffled. Sorry.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I am well known for my thoughts on this so you have already read those. As to what is going on.

A child is rarely the result of a one night stand so he had an ongoing relationship which is probably known to others

With the large age difference and being Lagos there is a good chance of AP and the possibility of home visit and the child

and girlfriend ( hopefully not traditional wife) will come out. That will get him in a place where to be together you will

move there.

Lying is never good for immgiration.

If you lie at the interview and it comes out later you may face more issues in the misrepresentation area. ( I think a hidden child probably is material especially if it is conceived during the marriage.)

I would talk to a good layer and also hire to have a bit more investigation done on him, better you know what the consulate will find out ahead of them.

[NY_BX 397]

I am well known for my thoughts on this so you have already read those. As to what is going on.

A child is rarely the result of a one night stand so he had an ongoing relationship which is probably known to others

With the large age difference and being Lagos there is a good chance of AP and the possibility of home visit and the child

and girlfriend ( hopefully not traditional wife) will come out. That will get him in a place where to be together you will

move there.

Lying is never good for immgiration.

If you lie at the interview and it comes out later you may face more issues in the misrepresentation area. ( I think a hidden child probably is material especially if it is conceived during the marriage.)

I would talk to a good layer and also hire to have a bit more investigation done on him, better you know what the consulate will find out ahead of them.

I failed to write that down, which frankly, was my immediate thought. This was no accident. If it was, then that proves they've been trying for a long time, why? Because you get comfortable with your rhythm and 'status quo' until something does happen.

At best, the beneficiary will be put on AP and will have an unannounced home visit.

[AmyWrites 593]

Hmmm, guy from one a country with likely the worst consulate on Earth makes another woman pregnant, she magically doesn't want the child, AND now daddy wants to petition kid?

Here's what it looks like: he wants to get to the US, leave you, petition for her.

You're a wonderful woman for ever forgiving this.

I don't see how this case will ever be approved. Even if this is not his intention, this is Lagos and you will be put through hell with this. Be prepared to pay your life away to a lawyer.

[pieroot 43]

You are in a tough spot OP. My heart goes out to you and hope that you make the right decision for yourself and your future. Plenty of others have given you advice already. You don't have to listen to any of it. It's your life, but from an outsider's perspective, it seems like you have already decided to proceed with the visa process, regardless of the affair and the child, so as long as you are ready for all of the possibilities...best case scenario: he truly loves you and comes over and you guys raise the child together (as others have mentioned, it's going to be a hard and costly road), and worse case: it doesn't work out for you guys, and you'll have to move on with your life somehow.

I guess ask yourself whether this relationship is it for you or can you imagine the possibility of finding love again with someone else?

Best wishes to you.

[Jahwaree 83]

Lighten up peeps, as a man I would not want to ever do anything to a female that scream scam

OP is in love so I understand her trying to fix things, and her totally believing in him and his

mother , but ppl profess love when they recognize where their meal tickets and upliftment is, I totally

understand OP feelings, by her questions posted here she wants objective answers, she

is not to be blamed lots of men perpretrate frauds on older females. Immigration will definately

query the timeline of marriage and birth of this baby. OP recognize in a few yrs Baby Mama will be

married to baby daddy and living in the USA courtesy of you. STOP....THINK 'what do your family and friends say?

[Moomin 292]

okay so basically this is why I didnt want to post this site thanks to those who addressed my question and to the rest hope you feel so much better now that you think you know everything and everyone... Go find someone else now to try to bring down and make yourself feel so much superior than everyone else.. Why is it if you dont have an answer you feel the overwhelming need in interject your opionion on something you know absolutely nothing about and then state that you are telling the truth... If you know us and have inside info then tell me all about it but otherwise your words are not the truth they are just your opinion and I didnt ask for anyones opinion on my husband or his motives...

The posts only with judgemental comments are reportable - just click the report button on the left of the message you want reported because of personal attacks.

On a personal note, I think it's admirable to adopt or take care of a child that isn't your own. If you've forgiven your husband, that's also admirable and takes loads of strength to get past. What I - or anyone else - would've done is not relevant to the subject. But immigration is part of your journey and you will have to see it from their perspective and take your guards down, otherwise you won't overcome your red flags. People have been denied for the age difference alone, please don't make your own situation worse by not listening to members who have gone through that specific embassy. Visa Journey is a DIY webpage and when members suggest a lawyer, there's probably something to it because the situation is more complex than DIY.

Edited October 7, 2012 by moomin

[ascorpiana 0]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

[ascorpiana 0]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

[ascorpiana 0]

I'll start out by saying i feel sorry for the pain and confusion you obviously are having.

Great advice in here and yes some are a tad stronger in the views at the situation not at you. Relationships are all based on TRUST and as hard is that sounds without trust there isn't a whole lot.

two choices: 1) continue the process of your husband's immigration and only him. Be open and honest with the whole process as don't loose your own integrity. 2)

you can slow down the process take the time to work this through fully - don't rush. Your husband needs to prove he is worthy of you.

most people who are married and an extramarital affairs happens go through alot of counselling to see if the relationship is salvageable. Marriage is a sacred act, it is not a casual fling. If you have a RED flag and you after I'm sure alot of thought wrote in the forum you have doubts......do not be bulldozed. Option 2 is definitely my recommendation. (unfortunately this is not something that only husbands do wives can create equal scandals.

This is why immigration has so many steps, as frustrating as it is its protection for those who abuse the system.

Truly may God guide you to follow the right path.

[diavatirio 7]

Well with respect to whether the child should be listed on the forms, make sure you read the definition of a child as per INA 101. It may well be that he does not have any children even after the child is born, using the INA definition, that is.

Edited October 7, 2012 by diavatirio

[Pilipiniana 1]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

Hi,

Your situation is somewhat similar to mine. I'm 15 years older than my husband. I filed petition for him and listed no children on the forms untill i found out that he had 2 children from another woman.What hurts most is, the 1st was born a month after our wedding and the other was born a year later.But what can i do? I luv him .We did not change anything on the forms we submitted regarding his children, But during the interview, he was asked if he had children and he said the truth that he had from another woman but he did not had any problem. He passed, got his Visa and no AP. He is now here with me.Thank God. So don't worry too much.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I have a question for other than the OP.

Why did the Husband then tell the USC of this affair and child if he was only in it for immigration purposes? By OPs own admission she would never have known if the Husband didn't fess up. Clearly there was a risk that the USC could say "Adios Muchacho".

I don't know about the immigration procedural aspect so I will defer to others more experienced in that BUT as a Nigerian Man I will say this; if the child happens to be a Son then it will introduce a heightened new level of drama especially if it's the Husbands first child and knowing now that the Husbands Mother is heavily involved.

Good luck to all, especially the innocent unborn child.

Edited October 7, 2012 by Gowon

[NY_BX 397]

Hi,

Your situation is somewhat similar to mine. I'm 15 years older than my husband. I filed petition for him and listed no children on the forms untill i found out that he had 2 children from another woman.What hurts most is, the 1st was born a month after our wedding and the other was born a year later.But what can i do? I luv him .We did not change anything on the forms we submitted regarding his children, But during the interview, he was asked if he had children and he said the truth that he had from another woman but he did not had any problem. He passed, got his Visa and no AP. He is now here with me.Thank God. So don't worry too much.

IS your husband from the same country as the OP? Again, Nigeria is the highest immigration fraud country in the world. It all depends on the where the beneficiary is from.