need advise on how to proceed

[dazedandconfused 0]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

[littoral1 15]

i wanna give u an advice

im so sorry but this person dont love u

if he had relation with other girl this mean he is not in love with u

he is only using u for papers after u will do all things for him and bring him with his baby

he will leave u and send papers to this girl

open your eyes its only advice u can take it or leave it

he had relation and baby from other girl

they r all using u for papers

think well

and im sorry for my words but its only the truth

[InHisTime 110]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

Hello! I know you are very much in love with your husband. It seems you are a kindhearted and loving woman. I am just quite worried for you, if your husband would be honest and sincere to you when he arrives in the states knowing that he cheated you and baby is coming out soon. I know for now it is so difficult on your part especially that you truly love your husband. I hope your husband would be true to you and won't get back to his girl once he acquired his US citizenship. There are some stories like that after getting citizenship they would divorce the USCs and bring their loved ones to the states. I hope it won't happen to you as your intention is truly admirable.

For the upcoming interview, I don't think it will be a problem, just state all true information in the needed documents as well as during interview. The thing about "his child" shouldn't be bothered for now. If that is really God's plans for you, things will flow smoothly and pleasantly. Please don't stress it out. Take care of yourself and God bless!

[peonyflowers99 4]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

Hi,

I will try to contact a lawyer because this situation is raising too many red flags. Believe me it will be well spent the few hundred dollars so you know what chances you have with bringing him and his child here. You should also start preparing for the worst. And yes it will be better to tell the CO about the baby at the time of the interview. Be prepared to spend tons of dollars in this process.

Why do you want to spend so much money to be with someone who showed no respect for you as a woman, as a wife?

Good luck to you whatever your decision would be.

[InHisTime 110]

i wanna give u an advice

im so sorry but this person dont love u

if he had relation with other girl this mean he is not in love with u

he is only using u for papers after u will do all things for him and bring him with his baby

he will leave u and send papers to this girl

open your eyes its only advice u can take it or leave it

he had relation and baby from other girl

they r all using u for papers

think well

and im sorry for my words but its only the truth

Wow! I was still typing I guess when this poster sent out his/her comments. Yeah, basically, this is what I am trying to tell you, but I don't wanna make judgment for you.....hope you listen to some red flags before it is too late, but, always it is your DECISION! May God bless you with the right guidance and wisdom and always give you hope and strength. Take care always!

[Kayode&Ginie 11]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

I feel bad that you have to go through all of this problem in your marriage. I will keep my opinion to myself about your relationship as that is not the question you asked. It is my opinion that if he were to mention any of this to the CO at the interview, he would be denied. I think that the CO will believe that your relationship is for immigration purposes, as your hubby was not faithful and his affair produced a child. You must also consider the red flags you have mentioned and the fact that Lagos is a tough embassy to go through. However, with that being said I do believe that if he finds out the baby is his and he gets approved for his visa, you could then file an I-130 for the child as his/her step-parent. The process will be the same as the process you went through with the hubby. Good Luck to you

Edited October 7, 2012 by Kayode&Ginie

[3summerkids 3]

I hate to say this, But looks like he's using you to get a visa :/ I hope i'm wrong tho.

Listen to the other posters, and watch for the red flags.

[Moomin 292]

It's not the situation alone that determines if it's a red flag. It's all the factors, and then the embassy because you are involving immigration. So from that point of view.. I'd have to almost beg you to wait up until you receive more replies from someone who knows what it's like to go through your embassy.

It is not hard putting 2 and 2 together with the timing of your marriage and birth of his child. I do know thatit's wise to try and overcome those red flags.

You can add a written statement(both of you) to the form asking about any children, or bring it to the interview. But I'm almost a bit intimidated by giving advise here because it is a sensitive subject all factors taken into consideration.

[memlaura 60]

Sorry you are going thru this and I wont even attempt to tell you what you or your husband are like I think maybe the best advise I saw was to contact a lawyer. I know it is rough to go thru something like this you are your husband are the only ones that know all the details of your marriage and you are the only one that can decide what to do and no one should try to tell you what to do. Stay strong follow your heart... Good journey....

[danzz 11]

I'll keep my opinions about his motives to myself.

Getting him and a child he had with another woman while you two were married, in a tough consulate? A lawyer's gonna build a summer house thanks to your case.

[dazedandconfused 0]

i wanna give u an advice

im so sorry but this person dont love u

if he had relation with other girl this mean he is not in love with u

he is only using u for papers after u will do all things for him and bring him with his baby

he will leave u and send papers to this girl

open your eyes its only advice u can take it or leave it

he had relation and baby from other girl

they r all using u for papers

think well

and im sorry for my words but its only the truth

Your words are the truth really I didnt know you know my husband and what is in his head or anything at all about us. my relationship is not what I need anyones advise on only how to handle the interview. So thanks so much for all your wisdom and knowledge I will let him know his best friend said HI

[dazedandconfused 0]

okay so basically this is why I didnt want to post this site thanks to those who addressed my question and to the rest hope you feel so much better now that you think you know everything and everyone... Go find someone else now to try to bring down and make yourself feel so much superior than everyone else.. Why is it if you dont have an answer you feel the overwhelming need in interject your opionion on something you know absolutely nothing about and then state that you are telling the truth... If you know us and have inside info then tell me all about it but otherwise your words are not the truth they are just your opinion and I didnt ask for anyones opinion on my husband or his motives...

[Shiobhan 235]

Sweetheart .......ummmm...pray....dont want to propel U in any more depression , but a child during the marriage with a wide age difference will be a red flag

maybe consulting with a atty is a good idea........cheating these days without a condom is playing russian roulette... I sincerely wish U the best

[ProudAfrican 5]

I have spent alot of time reading on this site and not posted but have found alot of useful information and very helpful people. I have also seen alot of judgemental people as well. I know that this post will attract that kind of input but please unless it pertains to my question let me decide what to do with my marriage.

Okay here goes. I met my husband a few years ago online. We talked for awhile I went to see him met family and friends. We were married had a few more visits and are NVC stage and waiting for his interview for him to come over. Everything has been going good and we have used alot of information from here to get where we are. However we have some red flags big one is age difference I am much older and the ablity to have children. I am sure like all of you know this is a difficult journey and we have had some issues off and on. We had one major issue a while ago and that was he had cheated on me after our marriage. He confess to it i would never have known if he didnt sense he lives there and I am in the states.

This was heartbreaking and I was sure that we would never make it thru this but we did. I recently went to see him to get the rest of the documents we needed for NVC and just spend some time together. We had a very good time together and it seemed that our relationship is stronger than ever. And then he shared the news with me that the girl he had the affair with was pregnant and she told him it was his child. I almost died with this news. After the shock wore off I talked with my husband and his mother. She was so great to have around. It seems the girl doesnt want to keep the child and my husband thought since we are not sure we could have one of our own we could raise this child together. Since his interview we hope will be soon and the child is not born yet his mother is going to take the child to live with her while we sort things out and decide what to do. My husband is planning on getting a DNA test to prove the child is his before his mother takes it. So this may prolong his travel but we are not going to stop the process since he has 6 months to travel once he recieves his visa.

Okay here is my question. On the forms we filled out we did not list any children for him because he didnt have any and we are not sure if this is his child or not. So should we bring anything up either by amending the forms or at the interview about the baby. If the interview is before the babies birth do we say he may have a child or should we say nothing at all until we know for sure. If the baby is born prior to the interview and he finds out for sure it is his will there be an issue if it is not on the form. Also if he gets his visa before he knows and then finds out the child is his if we file for the child to come to the states will there be a problem because we didnt put it on the form to follow him here. I am so confused on what to do and I dont know if anyone has been thru anything like this I sure hope not.... Anyway thanks for hearing me out and any help about how to proceed with the interview and paperwork will be greatly appreciated.

Hello,

sorry you have to go through all that but everyone has a way to perceive his or her love and you chose to further what you started, that is your choice and i wish you all the best.

Since you have not mentioned anything about your fiance children on the form it is not worth it.That is a RED FLAG in the immigration process.On his interview he is going to lie or said he has a child while you both were married.both ways will have an implication on him.Believe me the CO are trained and would detect anything that the applicant is hiding.

I can only wish you both success in whichever way you choose to go.

Good Luck

NB:I am not an Attorney

[littoral1 15]

okay so basically this is why I didnt want to post this site thanks to those who addressed my question and to the rest hope you feel so much better now that you think you know everything and everyone... Go find someone else now to try to bring down and make yourself feel so much superior than everyone else.. Why is it if you dont have an answer you feel the overwhelming need in interject your opionion on something you know absolutely nothing about and then state that you are telling the truth... If you know us and have inside info then tell me all about it but otherwise your words are not the truth they are just your opinion and I didnt ask for anyones opinion on my husband or his motives...

which husband u r talking about the one who have relation and will have baby with other one when u r in usa

the one who will marry women too much older than him for papers and is not faithful and don t respect her

im so so sorry for my words but its the reality open your eyes

and accept the reality