I don't know what to do

[unhappywife 0]

Hello all,

I have been in the United States for 9 months. I have been married for almost 2. Since I got here a lot of good things happened. I found a job really fast, my husband and I got set up in Los Angeles.

At Christmas time, I havent made any friends yet and my husband asked me if he could go to a party by himself, because I needed to trust in him and he needed some time by himself. I fought I lil bit, it was saturday night and I didnt want to be by myself. But I agreed. He went to this party and next day he was on his phone all day long texting. I asked him several times who he was texting and he didnt answer. On monday I checked our bill and find out he was texting a girl that he met at the party. We fought and he told me he was very sorry and nothing has happended he was texting her because it felt good to know girls were still interested in him.

After that I got so crazy jealous and was constantly checking on him. I was very jealous of a woman that worked with him. I know she wasnt attractive for my husband but I thought she was hitting on him. We became friends with her family and were always hanging out with them. So right before Christmas she gave my husband a Christmas gift. Only for him. When we left her house I was telling him how jealous I was, that it was ridiculous of her part to give him a gift. He was drunk and I was driving. I stopped at the red light and we were fighting he got so mad at me that he squezeed my face so hard and I got a black eye. Next day he said how sorry he was and that would never happen again. He was drunk and out of him and he loves me a lot and didnt want me to leave.

After that our fights just got worst. We were always fighting until a day I said I couldnt do that anymore and I was filling for divorce. I told him I had all the paperwork with me waiting for him to sign. That night he didnt show up home. I was so nervous and feeling so lonely. I had nobody around me. Next day he finally called me and told me he was at his friend's house. We talked for about 4 hours and he told me he kissed a girl the night before. He said he thought we were going to get a divorce and wasnt caring about me anymore. That was very humilliant. After talking a lot we got back together and he seemed to be getting better. I didnt find anything about girls anymore and he was doing better, always saying he was really sorry about what happened, that he was immature and he loves and doesnt want to lose me.

We moved to another place close to his college and he decided he wanted to have a party at the new apartment. He got wasted at the party and we had another party. He pushed me from our bed and I hit my back and arm at the door which hurt me bad. He was crazy that night. Next day the same thing, he loves me and please forgive me. I love him and it is hard for me to decide what to do.

His friends wont live my house. It has been 3 fridays night in the roll that he goes out by himself. I now have one friend, but she doesnt go out and I feel very lonely. When he wants to go out makes me feel lonely and we always fight.

Yesterday he told me he loves me with all his heart and I can trust him. He knows he made mistakes in the past and he cant go back time and fix it and if I want to stay with him I need to stop bringing this up everytime we fight and I need to trust him and let him go out with his friends because he needs that and he wont do anything stupid anymore.

I want to trust him but its hard and now he doesnt want to do anything with me, only with his friends. I went to the doctor and she said I may be depressed. I thought he would support me but he said I am deppressed and I am trying to depress him too, and he doesnt want it. So I need to decide if I want to forgive him and let it go or if I want to leave.

I am so confused. All these things made me change a lot. I am not happy anymore and I miss my family and friends. I am going to visit them this saturday. I will leave for a week. I think it will be good for me.

I am sorry this text is too long, I just dont have nobody to talk about that.

Edited May 16, 2012 by unhappywife

[Calicolom 265]

You are in an abusive relationship, this will never get better. You need to get out and file for divorce, I am sure he does not want you to have friends. You are not the one pulling him down; he is the one destroying you, if you stay with him. Look for a support system where you live, you are not the only person in this mess, there are a lot of Males and Females abused, the difference is what you will do about it.

[rodceasar 34]

So sorry to read what you are going through! Noone should have to go throught that. I agree that you need to look for a divorce and follow the advice of the above. Leave this relationship fast, find new friends and start over. This abuse is leading to your depression and will only get worst over time. The next time, he puts a hand on you, call the police!

[zapatosfeos 17]

Oh man, I have a hard time trusting a man who is constantly reminding you to trust him. I dont know how old he is, but he sounds terribly immature and not ready for a commitment. I hope you stop believing that what he has for you is love. Because a man that hits you and cheats on you does not love you..and i dont care how many times or how much he apologizes it shouldnt have happened. I wish you well. I hope you have a nice time visting your friends and family. A suggestion: pay attention to the love you recieve from them and when you go back to your husband expect nothing less.

[Cathi 5,610]

you need to ask yourself why you would want to stay in an abusive relationship. He has shown through his actions that he won't change, no matter how many time he has said that he would

[Precious 2]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that.

I join in to tell you that you should think about what you want from this relationship. He will never change. If he hit you once, he'll do it again. And again, and again.

Abuse is NEVER OK. Hitting is NEVER OK. Just take care of yourself and do whatever it takes to make sure he does not make you his 'saco de pancada". You don't deserve that, you deserve better things. Life will take care of the rest.

I wish the best to you.

Edited May 16, 2012 by Precious

[Sandra G. 5,016]

My dear you deserve better! your husband is an abuser, besides being a cheater and probably an alcoholic as well!. Take control of your life and say "enough is enough". It's very clear he doesn't love you ,period. It doesn't matter if he was drunk when he hurt you, because violence IT'S NEVER OK!.

[X Factor 1,110]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please don't listen to his words but look at his actions. It's that simple. You have to find a way to get out strategically.

[No_one 0]

That must be so hard on you because you have reached the point where hes hurting you physically.You have to leave that man.Iam in the same situation as yours but i think mine is worst although he doesnt hurt me physically its still kinda like it everytime I discover that hes going out with other women each time im at work.

Be strong.And do whats best for yourself.This man doesnt care about you at all.Im leaving my husband pretty soon and i cant wait to do that.

[Paula&Anthony 3]

Te mandei uma mensagem pessoal no teu perfil.

Beijocas.

[kate&javi 26]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know it must be very tough. But it seems like your relationship is beginning to take a circular pattern: he does something wrong (flirting with a girl, making you jealous, kissing another girl, etc.), you two fight, he abuses you in some way (squeezing your face, pushing you, etc.), then later after he sobers up he apologizes and says that he loves you. Around and around you go. He keeps telling you to trust him, but he is not doing anything to make you trust him. Plus, he already broke the trust. That is really hard to piece back together. If your husband truly loved you, he wouldn't be going off with other women, going out partying alone (the only reason he is going out so much alone is to hide something from you; of course people need their 'own time' but he should sharing his life with you, not pushing you out of it). If I were you, I'd file for a divorce and find someone who made me happy. You deserve happiness. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Good luck and please keep us informed.

[OIF0607 0]

Coming from a man's point of view, I would divorce that idiot immediately. This guy does not deserve you. I know it is hard to make the transition from marrage to someone you loved to being single especially in a foriegn country, but believe in yourself and be strong. Also pray a lot. Pray for guidance. Get out of that relationship and I promise that your life will take on new meaning and perseverance. After about 6 months of being single, you will be much happier in life. Stay positive and strong and get out while you still have strength.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

You need to leave. As soon as possible.

I know it's hard because you love someone and depend on them, especially in this situation, but this will never get better. Apologies are meaningless if the actions keep happening. Abuse is never okay. This is not the healthy, loving relationship that you deserve.

[Peter_Pan 661]

You are being abused, and you need to leave and make sure you are safe.

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

I told him I had all the paperwork with me waiting for him to sign.

Just curious, what paperwork does he need to sign? He doesn't need to be involve dint he divorce filing.

I think you know what to do at this point.