Should I give up or fight for him?

[Saylin 1,605]

My sympathies for you in this incredibly difficult situation.

From what I am reading here, his messages and this girl are not the problem. They are symptons of an issue within your husband. Try not to focus your negative feelings towards the internet, a stranger, and especially not yourself. Find someone close that cares about you and share your tears and sort through this.

And to reiterate other responses, do NOT engage in intimate relations with him starting now! At this point he is toxic and extremely unhealthy for you, buy yourself a toy if that's what it takes

edit: in regards to your title, maybe reword it to, give up on him and fight for me!

*cough* That's been done a few months ago now

And I can't reword topics. I don't have that power!

And by the way, I know this girl, so she's not a stranger whatsoever.

[Xanax 349]

I wish it were as simple as just changing realms. I personally have many RL friends on my server(realm) as well as in my guild. Changing servers will mean she not only separates from her husband, but also potentially friends which is what she will really need at this time. Which is why I vote for kicking him and the mistress out of the guild instead (unlikely to be her call but maybe the GM's like her more ) ... OR changing guilds and having her friends go with her

I haven't read past here, so forgive me if it has been said, but, BEING IN A GUILD WITH YOUR EX IS HORRIBLE, it also puts your friends and fellow guildies in a potentially awkward position- this can only create drama in my opinion (I've been there - done that).

If I were you I would leave, keep your friends on REALID and keep playing and raiding with them but find a guild where you won't have the added stress of having to be around your soon-to-be ex and his mistress.

Feel free to PM me and add me on REALID if you want someone else ingame to chat to/ play with; you're welcome to join my guild if you need somewhere to go (though we raid Oceanic times).

[Frank and Racquel 18]

(I apologize now for the length)

I thought I would never have to write a topic like this. I've seen similar topics and I would always feel so sad for the person, and never thought it would happen to me. But alas, it has…

Before I delve into my current situation, I want to give a bit of a back story. My husband (Ben) and I first met in January 2010 through a mutual friend on Facebook. He added me and we began to talk for hours every day. Two months after Ben added me, we finally arranged for me to come visit him in the US. I had started to develop feelings for him, but didn't act on it as I was still in a relationship at the time (but it had gone very sour for the past few months). By the end of that five day visit though, I realized I couldn't keep these feelings to myself. So Ben and I talked about we both having feelings for each other. A few days later, I finally broke up with my boyfriend (which I had been wanting to do for awhile…). Ben and I then began discussing how our relationship would work as he was inthe US and I was in Canada. We thought the fiancé or marriage visa would be the right way to go. And on my next visit to the US (just a few weeks after my first visit), we got engaged on April 16. I visited him I believe two more times, just for the weekend as I was in school still. Then, I came down to the US for a 3 month visit, in which, near the beginning, on May 21^st we got married. After I returned back to Canada in August 2010, and after 2 denials at the border, we filed for the I-130. Nine months later, and five visits with Ben coming up to Canada, I had my visa in hand and moved to the US in May 2011.

At the beginning, once I got there, things seemed fine. We both had good times, and were romantic. Then, sometime around the fall of that year (2011), I noticed Ben was more distant, romantically. We still had good times and such, but he wasn't holding my hand anymore, no kisses, no long hugs, nothing. The only "romantic" thing we had was sex, although it seemed more like we were having it because of his hormones, not that he wanted to be close with me or anything.

Then, in early December of 2011, he told me that he hadn't been happy for awhile and that his feelings for me had changed. He thought that it was because we rushed into things too fast. I told him in response that I still loved him, and despite what he felt, I knew what we were getting into when we married and I moved here. After that, we didn't talk about "it". After about 2 weeks of some awkwardness, we went back to normal (and by normal, I mean without the romantic emotions and stuff, but just having a good time). I even "dressed up" for Valentine's, hoping it would spark something, but alas, I don't think it did. We still continued to have sex, but again, like before, I think he just wanted it because of his hormones, nothing else.

Fast forward to the night of May 3^rd (last Thursday). We both have computers facing opposite walls. So, if I turn around from mine, I'm facing his. So, I was bored that night and turned around and he was getting links from a friend on Facebook that went to this DamnLOL site (just funny pictures and comics, and such). Anyways, I was leaning over his shoulder looking at the site with him and laughing. Then, he tabbed back to Facebook as his friend sent him another message. It said something along the lines of: "I'm going to take a shower, want to come with?". My husband quickly tabbed back to the site, thinking I hadn't noticed it. But I did. He then did not tab back to Facebook. I couldn't believe what I had just seen. It was late, so I told him I was going to bed, and he agreed that it was late and we should. Iturned back to my computer to close my tabs, when I saw in the reflection of my monitor screen that he had finally tabbed back to Facebook.

The next morning, while he was inthe shower, I looked on his phone and he had a text message from the girl saying that she had hoped I hadn't killed him. She didn't reference the comment from last night, but I figured she meant that. Unfortunately, my husband deletes his text messages every day, so that was the only message from the girl. I didn't have school that morning, so when I finally got out of bed a few hours later, I decided to check his Facebook messages to see what happened after I had turned around last night. I was able to guess his password fairly easily. What I saw horrified me. I'll admit, I did not feel comfortable snooping around, but I needed to know what was going on. Don't know if I feel better knowing or not. Anyways, it seems like he likes this girl. And for awhile, it seems like they've been planning trips to see each other (she lives in a town 2 hours away) on the weekend, around my work schedule! I just couldn't believe it as he had never mentioned going to this town, so there must have been a reason why he kept it quiet. I also found more "I'm taking a shower, want to come" comments from the girl. And there was a lot of "when/if themarriage ends" comments… And much more.

I decided to text my husband at work. I opened up with wondering if he had thought anymore about our marriage since we hadn't talked since December. He said that he no longer had feelings for me. I asked if he liked or had feelings for anyone else, and he replied with "no, that's not it". Which I was confused by as I saw some messages on Facebook with this girl that would seem to indicate otherwise. But I didn't confront him about this girl. He mentioned that it felt like we were just two friends living together. Which I have to disagree with in some aspects, unless it's friends with benefits.... Anyways we talked for about 2 hours through texts. Seems like he started to lose feelings for me once I had moved here. Says he thinks he wasn't ready to live with me. I asked if he would be willing to try to work things out, but he replied thinking it wouldn't help as he doesn't have feelings for me. He ended up returning to work, so the conversation kind of ended. The weekend went by without any reference to what happened. We had sex Saturdaynight, like there was nothing wrong.

By the way, I'm planning a trip to Canada in the first week of June (for my uncle's wedding), and I saw in their Facebook messages about seeing each other and what they should do while I'm away. I'm scared that if go now, they're gonna hook up and do some things I don't want to think about...

I really don't know what to do at this point. I want to get marriage counseling and see if that helps, but my husband seems reluctant to try anything and just basically thinks it's over (probably due to this girl). They haven't done anything it seems, but they doseem to like each other. I love my husband from the bottom of my heart and do not want to lose him. I would be completely devastated if we divorced. I can't imagine NOT being with him everyday. He's my soulmate… But this girl…

I don't want advice in relation to immigration (ROC and such). I know what I'd have to do. I just don't know whether I should completely give up, move out and let him be with this girl, or fight for him, go through marriage counseling and such and try to work things out. Any advice on what I should do?

Confront him on what u know, be honest, tell him when u go to Canada and he meets this girl then its over. Tell him to think very carefully before he throws you away because thats what he is doing, throwing you away and if its not for a good reason that he will lose you forever. Is it worth it? Ask him that. And tell him dont break your heart like that, you dont deserve that, you have been good and loyal to him. He owes you honesty. I remember when you guys where newbies here. You were always a nice person, very considerate and compassionate. Tell him to treat you what your worth.

[Saylin 1,605]

Saylin hon I'm really sorry this happened to you. I agree with another poster who said that he should help you get a car. He does owe you that.

Now ...for this loser guy- You can bet that the girl that "won" him hasn't won anything worth having. If he doesn't have the testicular fortitude to be honest with you- after you've called him out.. and on top of that having sex with someone he has no feelings for???? he's a poor excuse for a man.

You're a sweet girl and you're obviously intelligent. If he doesn't have the sense to realize that you are a catch...then HE'S the loser! You might want to work this into your brain. When you start feeling sad about the lost relationship- turn it around and see what a loser HE is for not realizing that YOU are a great catch. The fact that you left everything to be with him tells me you surely love him. If he's not man enough to deal with a real relationship then he and this new girl are the losers. I would bet dollars to donuts if this new girl some day hooks up with him...he will have the SAME problem with her.

I know you don't realize it, but you'll look back on this time and thank your lucky stars you are free from the pain and abuse he is putting you through.

Oh yeah and tough it out and finish school- and look into student loans to help with rent- dorms on campus might be a way to go also since they generally run a bit cheaper (you can also get a roomate to help with expenses AND you'll be close to campus).

Good luck to you girl, and believe me... you will be sitting by your new husband one day and chuckle thinking about who you ALMOST ended up with (F)

Thanks for that. I really have to keep in mind I'm amazing, I moved here for him, and this is what I get in return. I really don't deserve that As hard as it is to think about.

And yeah, like another poster said, once a cheater, always a cheater. So...

And my school doesn't have dorms (it's a small technical college). But I'm hoping I can find a tiny apartment that bases rent off income. Then I might have a chance at getting a decent enough apartment.

[princess18 3]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I truly appreciate it and a lot of your responses were running through my head as we were talking...

My world is crashing, the tears have been non-stop, and although my heart doesn't know it yet, my brain keeps saying it's for the best....

Dear Saylin,

I read through all of the posts and I am shocked beyond words. I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel or what to say to lessen your pain but do understand that you are in my prayers and that you will certainly rise above this. You definitely deserve better. I know it must hurt right now like nothing has hurt before. Cry as much as you feel like but pray hard alongside. Pray to God to give you strength and take your life out of misery.

Trust me... time is the biggest healer... you WILL get over him and you'll move on to your wonderful future, a smarter and wiser person, more able to take on the world. None of this was your fault but you have the opportunity to rebuild your life and focus again. And also, you might feel like speaking up for him right now or defending him (and this is understandable, since you loved him and married him), but there will come a time when you will want to express the anger you feel inside. Express it, cry and then move on without every looking back.

You deserve so, so much better than him.

Take care and stay strong!

[Rujby 23]

(I apologize now for the length)

I thought I would never have to write a topic like this. I've seen similar topics and I would always feel so sad for the person, and never thought it would happen to me. But alas, it has…

Before I delve into my current situation, I want to give a bit of a back story. My husband (Ben) and I first met in January 2010 through a mutual friend on Facebook. He added me and we began to talk for hours every day. Two months after Ben added me, we finally arranged for me to come visit him in the US. I had started to develop feelings for him, but didn't act on it as I was still in a relationship at the time (but it had gone very sour for the past few months). By the end of that five day visit though, I realized I couldn't keep these feelings to myself. So Ben and I talked about we both having feelings for each other. A few days later, I finally broke up with my boyfriend (which I had been wanting to do for awhile…). Ben and I then began discussing how our relationship would work as he was inthe US and I was in Canada. We thought the fiancé or marriage visa would be the right way to go. And on my next visit to the US (just a few weeks after my first visit), we got engaged on April 16. I visited him I believe two more times, just for the weekend as I was in school still. Then, I came down to the US for a 3 month visit, in which, near the beginning, on May 21^st we got married. After I returned back to Canada in August 2010, and after 2 denials at the border, we filed for the I-130. Nine months later, and five visits with Ben coming up to Canada, I had my visa in hand and moved to the US in May 2011.

At the beginning, once I got there, things seemed fine. We both had good times, and were romantic. Then, sometime around the fall of that year (2011), I noticed Ben was more distant, romantically. We still had good times and such, but he wasn't holding my hand anymore, no kisses, no long hugs, nothing. The only "romantic" thing we had was sex, although it seemed more like we were having it because of his hormones, not that he wanted to be close with me or anything.

Then, in early December of 2011, he told me that he hadn't been happy for awhile and that his feelings for me had changed. He thought that it was because we rushed into things too fast. I told him in response that I still loved him, and despite what he felt, I knew what we were getting into when we married and I moved here. After that, we didn't talk about "it". After about 2 weeks of some awkwardness, we went back to normal (and by normal, I mean without the romantic emotions and stuff, but just having a good time). I even "dressed up" for Valentine's, hoping it would spark something, but alas, I don't think it did. We still continued to have sex, but again, like before, I think he just wanted it because of his hormones, nothing else.

Fast forward to the night of May 3^rd (last Thursday). We both have computers facing opposite walls. So, if I turn around from mine, I'm facing his. So, I was bored that night and turned around and he was getting links from a friend on Facebook that went to this DamnLOL site (just funny pictures and comics, and such). Anyways, I was leaning over his shoulder looking at the site with him and laughing. Then, he tabbed back to Facebook as his friend sent him another message. It said something along the lines of: "I'm going to take a shower, want to come with?". My husband quickly tabbed back to the site, thinking I hadn't noticed it. But I did. He then did not tab back to Facebook. I couldn't believe what I had just seen. It was late, so I told him I was going to bed, and he agreed that it was late and we should. Iturned back to my computer to close my tabs, when I saw in the reflection of my monitor screen that he had finally tabbed back to Facebook.

The next morning, while he was inthe shower, I looked on his phone and he had a text message from the girl saying that she had hoped I hadn't killed him. She didn't reference the comment from last night, but I figured she meant that. Unfortunately, my husband deletes his text messages every day, so that was the only message from the girl. I didn't have school that morning, so when I finally got out of bed a few hours later, I decided to check his Facebook messages to see what happened after I had turned around last night. I was able to guess his password fairly easily. What I saw horrified me. I'll admit, I did not feel comfortable snooping around, but I needed to know what was going on. Don't know if I feel better knowing or not. Anyways, it seems like he likes this girl. And for awhile, it seems like they've been planning trips to see each other (she lives in a town 2 hours away) on the weekend, around my work schedule! I just couldn't believe it as he had never mentioned going to this town, so there must have been a reason why he kept it quiet. I also found more "I'm taking a shower, want to come" comments from the girl. And there was a lot of "when/if themarriage ends" comments… And much more.

I decided to text my husband at work. I opened up with wondering if he had thought anymore about our marriage since we hadn't talked since December. He said that he no longer had feelings for me. I asked if he liked or had feelings for anyone else, and he replied with "no, that's not it". Which I was confused by as I saw some messages on Facebook with this girl that would seem to indicate otherwise. But I didn't confront him about this girl. He mentioned that it felt like we were just two friends living together. Which I have to disagree with in some aspects, unless it's friends with benefits.... Anyways we talked for about 2 hours through texts. Seems like he started to lose feelings for me once I had moved here. Says he thinks he wasn't ready to live with me. I asked if he would be willing to try to work things out, but he replied thinking it wouldn't help as he doesn't have feelings for me. He ended up returning to work, so the conversation kind of ended. The weekend went by without any reference to what happened. We had sex Saturdaynight, like there was nothing wrong.

By the way, I'm planning a trip to Canada in the first week of June (for my uncle's wedding), and I saw in their Facebook messages about seeing each other and what they should do while I'm away. I'm scared that if go now, they're gonna hook up and do some things I don't want to think about...

I really don't know what to do at this point. I want to get marriage counseling and see if that helps, but my husband seems reluctant to try anything and just basically thinks it's over (probably due to this girl). They haven't done anything it seems, but they doseem to like each other. I love my husband from the bottom of my heart and do not want to lose him. I would be completely devastated if we divorced. I can't imagine NOT being with him everyday. He's my soulmate… But this girl…

I don't want advice in relation to immigration (ROC and such). I know what I'd have to do. I just don't know whether I should completely give up, move out and let him be with this girl, or fight for him, go through marriage counseling and such and try to work things out. Any advice on what I should do?

I am currently using my Blackberry, I was reading the post without knowing who posted it, I felt really touched until I read the last word and see that the signature is Saylin one. When I scroll up quickly I see it was you, I was so surprise, I never thought that u would be in this situation as you seemed a happy woman in all ur replies helping everybody here. I am so sorry for what u are going through but you really need to be as reallistic as possible. I know your feeling for your husband and really understand it but it is something you don t receive back. It is a one way relationship as he says he doesn t have any feeling for you no more. This is what I do not like with most of the men. Although I'm one too but I noticed that there is no respect for marriage something that is Valuable to God. It is like a game now, marry today divorce tomorrow. It is obvious that ur husband wants u only for sex, I think this is the only one thing that he does not need a feeling to do.

He says he does not love you nomore why he still wants to sleep with you? You got to keep ur head up and protect yourself, you can not prevent him from meeting up, hanging out with that girl u fear. He has plenty of ways to see her without ur knowing, he wants to divorce you and already talking about it with that girl. Probably, he will get into a new marriage with her and after a couple of month he will again realize that he wants to divorce her and get with another one. This is just childish acting and immaturity. This is a stupidity, filling for someone because you love him and after a few month telling that person you have no feelings for her. You were just attracted by her body, you wanted sex.

Saylin I strongly doubt that you could win your husband feelings again. If u keep insisting on fighting to win him or prevent him from getting to this girl, one day he could be the one telling you firmly that he wants to divorce. I know it is hard to admit that he no longer have love for you, you have no choice to accept it if you don t want to cry more tomorrow. Just let him go and God will have him paid what he did because marriage is not a game. He will pay for it somehow believe it or not. Don t make yourself suffer more, pray God, stay strong. Tell God to show you the way and he will but you got to be firm too. U need to stop having sex with him as it is the only thing he wants from you, prevent him from touching you and let him go.

[Sarah B 26]

I've read through the entire post and I am so sorry for your douche-band (douchebag husband). I know right now you feel like any decision you make will rip you apart, but if you had stayed in this relationship, that feeling would have swallowed you whole one day.

Regarding WoW, I stopped playing for awhile but I'm a 85 priest on a server. I'd love to get him booted and take his spot just so you can enjoy WoW without dealing with RL drama. Best of luck to you!

[Saylin 1,605]

I am currently using my Blackberry, I was reading the post without knowing who posted it, I felt really touched until I read the last word and see that the signature is Saylin one. When I scroll up quickly I see it was you, I was so surprise, I never thought that u would be in this situation as you seemed a happy woman in all ur replies helping everybody here. I am so sorry for what u are going through but you really need to be as reallistic as possible. I know your feeling for your husband and really understand it but it is something you don t receive back. It is a one way relationship as he says he doesn t have any feeling for you no more. This is what I do not like with most of the men. Although I'm one too but I noticed that there is no respect for marriage something that is Valuable to God. It is like a game now, marry today divorce tomorrow. It is obvious that ur husband wants u only for sex, I think this is the only one thing that he does not need a feeling to do.

He says he does not love you nomore why he still wants to sleep with you? You got to keep ur head up and protect yourself, you can not prevent him from meeting up, hanging out with that girl u fear. He has plenty of ways to see her without ur knowing, he wants to divorce you and already talking about it with that girl. Probably, he will get into a new marriage with her and after a couple of month he will again realize that he wants to divorce her and get with another one. This is just childish acting and immaturity. This is a stupidity, filling for someone because you love him and after a few month telling that person you have no feelings for her. You were just attracted by her body, you wanted sex.

Saylin I strongly doubt that you could win your husband feelings again. If u keep insisting on fighting to win him or prevent him from getting to this girl, one day he could be the one telling you firmly that he wants to divorce. I know it is hard to admit that he no longer have love for you, you have no choice to accept it if you don t want to cry more tomorrow. Just let him go and God will have him paid what he did because marriage is not a game. He will pay for it somehow believe it or not. Don t make yourself suffer more, pray God, stay strong. Tell God to show you the way and he will but you got to be firm too. U need to stop having sex with him as it is the only thing he wants from you, prevent him from touching you and let him go.

Thanks rujby for your kind words I ended up talking with him later when I originally posted, and gave an update about it. We've decided on divorce.

I've read through the entire post and I am so sorry for your douche-band (douchebag husband). I know right now you feel like any decision you make will rip you apart, but if you had stayed in this relationship, that feeling would have swallowed you whole one day.

Regarding WoW, I stopped playing for awhile but I'm a 85 priest on a server. I'd love to get him booted and take his spot just so you can enjoy WoW without dealing with RL drama. Best of luck to you!

I'm an 85 priest too

And thanks for your words

[Miss Missy 0]

He sounds selfish and easily distracted. You all were not married long. If his feelings are no longer there, and he is actually telling you this. I personally would not stay around and deal with this type of husband and risk constant hurt to my heart.

[Rujby 23]

Thanks rujby for your kind words I ended up talking with him later when I originally posted, and gave an update about it. We've decided on divorce.

I'm an 85 priest too

And thanks for your words

Saylin do not give him anything ok? ( Sex), don t make him feel he tortured you, stay strong. Even if you are crying, don t in front of him. Start being distant to him as well. Be firm, reasonable and do not let him touch your body. Be strong and firm about thhis, you see how I'm insisting on that? Cause I know men even they divorce they still sleeping with their ex and they bragging about it with other men, you are not a toy but a nice woman, not a desperate.

[Saylin 1,605]

Saylin do not give him anything ok? ( Sex), don t make him feel he tortured you, stay strong. Even if you are crying, don t in front of him. Start being distant to him as well. Be firm, reasonable and do not let him touch your body. Be strong and firm about thhis, you see how I'm insisting on that? Cause I know men even they divorce they still sleeping with their ex and they bragging about it with other men, you are not a toy but a nice woman, not a desperate.

Thanks for your concern. No matter what, I'm gonna say no from now on. Especially after our decision and such. I don't want to be abused that way

[tabel 8]

Saylin, my dear I am so very sorry for your situation. I agree with the members when they stated you have to follow your heart. I would like to just add a few more points if I can & yes, this is based on my own personal experiece. You, my dear, are in LOVE but you are not in STUPID. Meaning, Do allow your self-respect, self-esteem, & self-love to diminished just because you do not wish to let someone go. As stated earlier, know your worth & remember you deserve better at all times.

I am not going to bash your husbad because of the simple fact that he was at least man enough to come to you & tell you how he was feeling & he has done this now on two seperate occasions. Once by freely coming to you & second when approached by you. I am not saying you are wrong either because when you are in love things are hard & you can get clouded.

I also notice you kept saying "this girl". Please don't make the mistake that so many of us women do by blaming the other women when its clear that it took them both to engage in this "affair" (& Yes it is an affair even if they have not have sex) & your husband is just as much to responsible as the woman. Like Sugarz stated a long distance relationship is exciting & the possibility of meeting, getting together periodically can build up excitement until the next meeting. He is back on facebook again seeking that same kind of excitement & who knows he may do to her what he is doing to you.

Although I am a big fighter (Cuz I fought 21yrs to save my marriage) sometimes its just best to look at the situation on a broader perspective & try hard, although i know its difficult, to remove emotions & think logically. I wish you the best of luck & may God direct your heart & mind to make the best decision. But please accept the fact that if its over then let it go because your "true" husbad is waiting on you. Oh, one more thing, Sweetest, if he was your "Soul Mate" in marriage then this would not be taking place. He mentioned you are like his friend so if he is a "Soul Mate" it would be in friendship only. God Bless & Good Luck!

Tabitha

[Saylin 1,605]

Saylin, my dear I am so very sorry for your situation. I agree with the members when they stated you have to follow your heart. I would like to just add a few more points if I can & yes, this is based on my own personal experiece. You, my dear, are in LOVE but you are not in STUPID. Meaning, Do allow your self-respect, self-esteem, & self-love to diminished just because you do not wish to let someone go. As stated earlier, know your worth & remember you deserve better at all times.

I am not going to bash your husbad because of the simple fact that he was at least man enough to come to you & tell you how he was feeling & he has done this now on two seperate occasions. Once by freely coming to you & second when approached by you. I am not saying you are wrong either because when you are in love things are hard & you can get clouded.

I also notice you kept saying "this girl". Please don't make the mistake that so many of us women do by blaming the other women when its clear that it took them both to engage in this "affair" (& Yes it is an affair even if they have not have sex) & your husband is just as much to responsible as the woman. Like Sugarz stated a long distance relationship is exciting & the possibility of meeting, getting together periodically can build up excitement until the next meeting. He is back on facebook again seeking that same kind of excitement & who knows he may do to her what he is doing to you.

Although I am a big fighter (Cuz I fought 21yrs to save my marriage) sometimes its just best to look at the situation on a broader perspective & try hard, although i know its difficult, to remove emotions & think logically. I wish you the best of luck & may God direct your heart & mind to make the best decision. But please accept the fact that if its over then let it go because your "true" husbad is waiting on you. Oh, one more thing, Sweetest, if he was your "Soul Mate" in marriage then this would not be taking place. He mentioned you are like his friend so if he is a "Soul Mate" it would be in friendship only. God Bless & Good Luck!

Tabitha

Thanks for your words

I definitely don't just blame this girl. Not sure if it came across like that. I definitely blame my husband in this regard as well.

[torontogal4388 20]

Hi Saylin;

We've been talking so you know my feelings on this.

Hugs Dear.

You have tremendous support in this group.

You have earned it.

Refiner's gold. Life tries you until you are pure gold. And I know you will make it through all of this... it just takes times, tears and eventually a lot of strength and self-respect.

As you know, I work in the legal field. Your husband has responsibilities and obligations that he took on both through your marriage vows and through the AOS.

Perhaps you can get some assistance drawing up a good separation agreement that will allow you to complete your schooling, finance a reasonable living until that is complete, allow you the privacy of your own home and not constant exposure to a heartbreaking situation. I can provide you with the foundations of an agreement that you can modify to your heart's content and to his as well. The car or a reliable car sounds like a good plan as well. DO finish your studies - you gave it up once - don't short-change yourself now. That gets tired very fast and you mentioned you have student loans - no sense wasting them or acruing more.

Once you have a separation agreement that meets both your approval. Get it signed and registered in a local Court. That would make it more enforceable if the terms were not met.

If he is requested to provide strong support until one year after your schooling is done - allowing you to establish yourself - then he might be more amendable to that strong support now as opposed to something long and drawn out.

Keep in touch and, if you want, I can give you a framework of separations clauses to begin the process.

Love you Hon. Will support you anyway I can. Pain and growth sadly do go together.

As someone on here has said tonight - watch your health and your food - they help to keep you strong and sure through these stormy seas.

Hugs,

G

[ghanalover 7]

Let him go he will surely miss whats good, its a tough decision but, make urself happy ive been through this in previous relationship, im tellin u u will end, up more hurt if u stayed let him miss, u for a while he will come back but by then u will be able to think clearly