Should I give up or fight for him?

[meno-is-mine 37]

Hello Saylin, I'm really sorry that you're going through this..

I only read the very 1st post and sometimes men do stupid stuff like this

without offending any1, its true that men act and DO NOT think of the

consequences of the circumstances.

So i'm guessing they haven't met yet? Let's say they met, it doesn't mean they will have sex. I'm sure he's day dreaming of her but once he gets to met her he will see what kind of person she is and he will see you like he did before

I know its not right but sometimes we as women have to give them that freedom so it can open their eyes.

Most men do cheat on their wives without them even knowing about it, this is just an adventure for them,

a phase. Then they do realize its wrong.

You should go on that trip to Canada, relax and have fun.

Be strong..

He admitted that they met up once or twice...

[Saylin 1,605]

Ha! 2 years. You win. I hope she leaves and I hope the officers/GM kick him out too. Sure he's an important raider but someone can be trained up and you really don't want that "poison" in the guild. Talk about walking on eggshells! Please let me know what they say, I hope they do "the right thing" (and well... for revenge it would be awesome too )

Finally. I've been trying to log on and catch an officer since I posted last, but no luck. Someone is finally on. And it's the GM, so even better. I'll explain what happened and let them deal with it (kicking) if they wish to.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

He told you that he is not in love with you anymore, what part of "No" didn't you understand?. I heard that from my psychologist a few years ago when I was doing therapy, and I realized I was trying to hold someone that didn't love me anymore. I know how you feel. I'm so sorry.

I have learned from personal experience that no matter what you say or do, there is nothing that will change the other person's love. Love doesn't hurt,It is the absence of mutual love that hurts. Today I am happily married, but looking back oh man it hurt badly.

I saw a quote that said, “The art of living is in the fine balance of letting go and holding on". My dear let it go,let it go!. Praying for you.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Finally. I've been trying to log on and catch an officer since I posted last, but no luck. Someone is finally on. And it's the GM, so even better. I'll explain what happened and let them deal with it (kicking) if they wish to.

Great! Even better dealing with the GM Good luck!!

[Trojans Fan 7]

I like how the WoWers come out of the woodwork when raiding is mentioned

I quit WoW a while ago but know for a fact, that your guild can be a very good support group while you go through these tough times. Although I do not play anymore, I will never forget the comradery I felt from my guild.

Edited May 9, 2012 by Trojans Fan

[tommyintoronto 2]

Holy Moly ....

Saylin, I don't even know what to say.

You're so generous with your knowledge and time on here. It's no surprise that so many people are coming out of the woodwork with messages of encouragement and support. Your goodwill has touched many !

Karma is a funny thing. I wouldn't be surprised if that girl stepped off a curb and got hit by a bus.

Hang in there. My only advice is don't make any fast emotional decisions. I know there are lots of emotions but it always makes sense to step back and make sure you're making a logical decision and not purely an emotional one. You may come to the same conclusion. You know this, you're a smart cookie !

Hang in there ... thinking about you.

T

[Kelly C 16]

My sympathy goes out to you. I read your articles every month and appreciate the insight. Good Luck to you Saylin

[dukeandduchess 141]

I'm really sorry to hear about this situation. It has always been a huge fear of mine that things won't work out. I guess that you need to remember you were brave and bold. You made every effort to make things work, but sometimes things just don't go the way that we want or expect them to.

I hope you finish school and stay strong. Maybe he is a decent guy, but don't trust that he will help you once you're gone. I think you can figure out things on your own. You're smart and seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You can (and will) make it on your own. We're all here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to.

Best of luck.

[Saylin 1,605]

One of THREE healers, it's okay. It's not like he's the main tank He can be replaced I'm a kitty druid. I've only started raiding recently (after a 2 year hiatus, a new toon 3 months ago and training I regularly pull 20K.. which isn't AWESOME but it's much better than when I started). Right now we're just working on getting me "best in slot" gear. I'm getting there!

By student loans I mean (and I don't know HOW she did this) but she was able to get more money from student loans and use it to pay her rent, car loan and other bills (not phone.. she was on our plan and never paid... that's a bit of a sore point with me.. so ungrateful).

Ohhh so his Aunt is borrowing his car? Or did he give it to her? If he loaned it to her and he's on the title he can just take it back. you'll want that title in your name ASAP. That would be a HUGE load off your mind. Especially as I wouldn't move anywhere (he can't kick you out until the divorce stuff is final) until you know how you're able to survive financially.

Eh, I'd personally rather not lose him in the guild just because he does his job well. When the three healers aren't on, we don't raid. So... I'd rather raid and put up with it.

Yeah, I was on the phone with my dad earlier and it got me thinking that once the divorce is final, I'll have to update my FAFSA application (to divorced) and I'm guessing I'll get more money as I don't make much. I currently have $3000 in my savings account from left over student loans that I was planning on using to pay back once I was out of school, but I might have to use this for rent instead.

I'm not sure if he lent it to her or gave it to her. I just know she's had it for 2 years now? No one's currently using it, so that's why he was trying to get it back so I can use. And it would definitely take a load off my mind so I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get from point A to point B.

[duriantaste 44]

Just hang in there a little bit more. Most relationship have problems every now and them. Not a big deal.

I bet both you will be happy soon!

[Saylin 1,605]

Hello Saylin, I'm really sorry that you're going through this..

I only read the very 1st post and sometimes men do stupid stuff like this

without offending any1, its true that men act and DO NOT think of the

consequences of the circumstances.

So i'm guessing they haven't met yet? Let's say they met, it doesn't mean they will have sex. I'm sure he's day dreaming of her but once he gets to met her he will see what kind of person she is and he will see you like he did before

I know its not right but sometimes we as women have to give them that freedom so it can open their eyes.

Most men do cheat on their wives without them even knowing about it, this is just an adventure for them,

a phase. Then they do realize its wrong.

You should go on that trip to Canada, relax and have fun.

Be strong..

They've been friends for years now. They didn't just meet recently. They've hung out in the past before he met me and such. I do know they've met recently (since our problems started), but I also know with fair certainty that they haven't had sex yet.

[amyandjorge 76]

My sympathies for you in this incredibly difficult situation.

From what I am reading here, his messages and this girl are not the problem. They are symptons of an issue within your husband. Try not to focus your negative feelings towards the internet, a stranger, and especially not yourself. Find someone close that cares about you and share your tears and sort through this.

And to reiterate other responses, do NOT engage in intimate relations with him starting now! At this point he is toxic and extremely unhealthy for you, buy yourself a toy if that's what it takes

edit: in regards to your title, maybe reword it to, give up on him and fight for me!

Edited May 9, 2012 by amyandjorge

[PMartin37 161]

I wish it were as simple as just changing realms. I personally have many RL friends on my server(realm) as well as in my guild. Changing servers will mean she not only separates from her husband, but also potentially friends which is what she will really need at this time. Which is why I vote for kicking him and the mistress out of the guild instead (unlikely to be her call but maybe the GM's like her more ) ... OR changing guilds and having her friends go with her

Saylin hon I'm really sorry this happened to you. I agree with another poster who said that he should help you get a car. He does owe you that.

Now ...for this loser guy- You can bet that the girl that "won" him hasn't won anything worth having. If he doesn't have the testicular fortitude to be honest with you- after you've called him out.. and on top of that having sex with someone he has no feelings for???? he's a poor excuse for a man.

You're a sweet girl and you're obviously intelligent. If he doesn't have the sense to realize that you are a catch...then HE'S the loser! You might want to work this into your brain. When you start feeling sad about the lost relationship- turn it around and see what a loser HE is for not realizing that YOU are a great catch. The fact that you left everything to be with him tells me you surely love him. If he's not man enough to deal with a real relationship then he and this new girl are the losers. I would bet dollars to donuts if this new girl some day hooks up with him...he will have the SAME problem with her.

I know you don't realize it, but you'll look back on this time and thank your lucky stars you are free from the pain and abuse he is putting you through.

Oh yeah and tough it out and finish school- and look into student loans to help with rent- dorms on campus might be a way to go also since they generally run a bit cheaper (you can also get a roomate to help with expenses AND you'll be close to campus).

Good luck to you girl, and believe me... you will be sitting by your new husband one day and chuckle thinking about who you ALMOST ended up with (F)

[Saylin 1,605]

Great! Even better dealing with the GM Good luck!!

I told him, very shortly, that we were getting a divorce. Said that he had lost feelings for me, and started to have some with [toon's name]. He couldn't believe it and told me some kind words. Don't think she's getting g-kicked though. Not yet anyways...

[Saylin 1,605]

I like how the WoWers come out of the woodwork when raiding is mentioned

I quit WoW a while ago but know for a fact, that your guild can be a very good support group while you go through these tough times. Although I do not play anymore, I will never forget the comradery I felt from my guild.

Oh yes, I definitely feel close to a lot of my guildies. The GM has already expressed how sorry he is and how he'd help out with anything if I need it. Except his gold. He told me I couldn't have that (and he's got like 400k + gold).

Holy Moly ....

Saylin, I don't even know what to say.

You're so generous with your knowledge and time on here. It's no surprise that so many people are coming out of the woodwork with messages of encouragement and support. Your goodwill has touched many !

Karma is a funny thing. I wouldn't be surprised if that girl stepped off a curb and got hit by a bus.

Hang in there. My only advice is don't make any fast emotional decisions. I know there are lots of emotions but it always makes sense to step back and make sure you're making a logical decision and not purely an emotional one. You may come to the same conclusion. You know this, you're a smart cookie !

Hang in there ... thinking about you.

T

Thanks

Your kind words mean a lot, as does everyone's. It's definitely helping me out.

I'm really sorry to hear about this situation. It has always been a huge fear of mine that things won't work out. I guess that you need to remember you were brave and bold. You made every effort to make things work, but sometimes things just don't go the way that we want or expect them to.

I hope you finish school and stay strong. Maybe he is a decent guy, but don't trust that he will help you once you're gone. I think you can figure out things on your own. You're smart and seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You can (and will) make it on your own. We're all here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to.

Best of luck.

Thanks for your words. They do mean a lot. Especially right now.